It looks like things are going to be in a standstill, but actually things are starting to progress with me. I hope things are going to get better and I think things are. I have been battling this standstill for many years, but eventually I am going to snap out of it.
About 2006-2007, I did not have much idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to become a teacher and I had a love for children, but I was enjoying high school and college was a long way for me. The idea that I have to leave home and start a life did not faze me, but it seems like it was starting with romance, but I never really had a true chance with a long term romance. A lot of time about 2006-2007 was spending on the internet, probably adding random people on MySpace and passing the time. It was very fun to see what blonde girls I can collect that I know I could never had, and I have been having crushes on girls that have blonde hair. I underappreciated the beauty of brunettes and redheads, but really, maybe a brunette is really not for me.
I really wasn't living the true life and I was living the fantasy world. Of course, I was interested in the idea of being a rapper/pop singer/producer, something that was involved in the music world but with the true, these fantasies might be coming a reality. It might be something fun that I'll like to do but I'll doubt that I'll become famous, and I'll probably not want to become famous in the first place.
I can see snippits of what I should be doing during my times in high school but it seems to get fined tuned by the time I am in college. Reality is going to set in and the true me is going to come out.
I have been valuing relationships throughout my life and I am like a lot of people, worried about finding the right one. I think I do have a close call and this girl I am talking about might be "the right one." She's seems so perfect to me because she is just like...ME! Someone that will understand me, that thinks like me, and even goes down to the same quirks as me. I seen her do a very similar quirk to me...yeah sounds like a match, probably a perfect match. But maybe there is too much me...maybe I need a little bit difference. She's such a lovely girl, but it seems like I never had a chance with her.
I think this might be God's calling to find out what girl is probably going to be the one for me and she does have some dimensions. I think this girl is what I want and I think this girl might be replaceable.
But she is so close to being like me; the same personality and even talks like me. I think it must be God just creating an Eve from my ribs or something like that. Eventually there is going to be someone just like me.
I don't see her that often and I wish to get to know her, and I hope she is not snapped up with some other guy. I really don't like it when girls are snapped up with other guys.
I know it has been a frustration all these years and I seem to like girls too. I am normal but I never seem to get anywhere with the women. Someday somebody is going to find me and I want someone halfway cool too...not some ugly or deformed or some special ed type person; a normal person.
Eventually I am going to snap out of my problems and I am going to prove people wrong. Someone is going to love me and there is probably someone of this Earth that is going to love me.
I hope I have a chance with this girl - she is very special to me but there are a lot of girls that are special too me.
I am eventually going to enter the world and maybe at least Wal Mart is interested in me; which is the bottom of the barrel of society but in my mind, I have gotten somewhere. I have been searching for jobs all over the place and Wal Mart at least might be nice enough to let me in. But that is probably going to be my first job and it is probably going to stick in my head.
It seems like that the Lord does have a timing for things and I think the job situation might be a good timing. I think I need to get medicated and that timing has been working out very good. The timing of the situation might be part of a larger plans and I am starting to get previews of the larger plan that the might come across. This girl is a preview of probably what my love is going to be like, but he has planned something different. Maybe not now.
I can analyze all day the plans but really God does know.
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