I think I had accepted the college life but I haven't really accepted the college life. I am starting to realize that a lot of the people that I know are starting to go in their own directions and they will probably not even see me, or even care for me again. It looks like my old friends are starting to fade out of existance and I am starting a new path, but it is going to be harder to adjust.
I had been over to a different town for about 3 years and it was quite an adjustment, but I was starting to realize that I might of fit over there instead of over here. I do go back to my hometown to see my parents, but everyone has left on their own direction and it is starting to get rather boring out there. I can see some lonely times and it is hard to find anyone new to meet.
I do like the old and the familiar, and I feel comfortable with the old and the familiar, but I am looking at a lot of these people and I seem to don't fit anymore. I am starting to get different interests and I am starting to redefine myself. I still don't have a concept of who I am and I am starting to figure out who I am.
High school did have it's ups and down, just like anything else, and college is having it's ups and down. College might be the time of the true adolescene while high school was a time where I was playing around and I really didn't care. A lot of time in high school was rather boring and there was a lot of drama. It seems like there was only about one peaceful year of the whole period of high school, while the rest was full of conflict and drama. A lot of the drama was involved with relationships and girls - I was having crushes on girls but other guys were liking the same girl, and the other guy seem to get that girl and I felt left out. I usually went after a blonde - probably my fantasy blonde without figuring out the compatability with these girls.
I think I was told that I was more mature than some of the high school students, and I seem to not "get them." I think I might be a early bloomer or a very late bloomer. I think I had my high time during some years in elementary school and that seems to fade out, and I think it might be resulted because of physical apperance. I think the glasses had changed my self concept and a lot of other people's concept about me - they see me as smart but maybe not fitting in. I was trying to fit in and I don't know how, but it seems like about junior year, I fit in pretty well.
I had some people that like me and I had some people that don't like me, which is pretty much everyone but it was a long journey on finding out who I am.
It is still awkward even right now - I feel especially ackward when I am on the internet when I am seeing these other people moving on with my life. I find it hard to expand my horizons and make new friends - I don't really know where to start. It might or might not be hard to find something in common. I tend to be quiet in the college because I am trying to figure out who I am and where I fit. There is a lot of thinking and I tend to think more inward than to try new things. There are lots of things to explore, especially with genres of music and the like. I love music and there are people that like music just like me, but it may be hard to find. There is a lot of confusion, complication, and depression, and God please help me get through this so I can have it pretty peaceful.
I think I should go on a quest and learn about my social world and I can see what truly is going on. I am going to fit somewhere but I think I should go out and explore. There are many possibility but I am going to find out where I fit somewhere. Unless I like to be these people that tend to keep to myself and my family, instead of hanging out with too many peers.
No comments:
Post a Comment