The lonely years are going to end?

The last few years have been pretty dark and lonely.  It wasn't bad during the first year of college, but it started to become lonely about the 2nd and 3rd year of college.  I think it was something to do with growing up - the first year I had a lot of people from high school that I known and I went back to high school, but the 2nd year a lot of the people I known had went into their own direction and I was going into my own direction as well.

I can see a change when I got the medication - it was a new "me" I was trying to establish; a more grown-up me  or a more "focused me" and I was not sure what I am going to be like.  Even now I am not sure what I am going to be like, but I am getting there.  I was different before I had the medication, but it is a change in the brain that is going to make me "focused" and that will create a different me.  But I can see some of the same me as before, but as a lot more grown up and mature.

A lot of people can't figure out me, but I am starting to figure it out.  These last few years were not that bad trying to get things sorted out.  I did make new friends, but they did not last long or didn't have too many hang on to me.  A lot of times I rather be left to myself because there was a lot of "figuring out" to do.  There are many things about this world that I neve seen and I was starting to develop a view of this world, and what role should I play in this world.

Growing up is tough and I can see there is going to be a long way to go.  I still really don't know who I am but I am getting a better self-concept of who I am.  The college years are going to be lonely but I can see a less lonely college years are going to come out.

You have to understand that it is not my nature to "frat" because I am very busy, but I am open to being social.  I tend to be shy and want to stick to my family, and I have become closer to my family than I am used to. I am starting to find out who I am but I have a long way to go.

I am starting to figure out what I believe and what I don't believe, but I still have lots of exploration of what I like to do and what I don't like to do.  The music thing has been a passion, but I should be exposed to other interests as well.

Romantic relationships have been a interest for a long time, just to have a companion.  I would like to have romantic relationships but I tend to shy away and I am not ready.  There are a lot of figuring out to do and I am not sure if I am going to be out in the open or in my own little world.

The apartments were a lonely time but I think I needed that lonely time as well - I think I needed that lonely time to think about what is important in life and what should I be doing in life.  It has been a depressing time but I need that time.  I have been shoved in with roommates that were "not cool" and don't have anything in common with me.  Now I am shoved in with "cooler" roommates and I realized I don't have much in common.  There are nice kids to get to know but I seen to be shoved in with these roommates that are "not cool" or "misfitty".

Eventually I am going to snap out of the "lonely years" and start to find new friends.  During these lonely years, I was wishing that I would be dating this girl, but actually that girl is taken, which made the depression once worse. There were not that many girls in the apartment or in the school that are desirable, and that could be a great replacement for this girl.  This girl has always been on my mind recently and I am trying to break the ice, but really I am not sure if she likes me back.  I had class with this girl but she was taken and I decided to ignore her.  But now I have a feeling that she is not taken and she is available, and I might have a chance with her again, or she truly don't like me.

I am hoping that I am going to have a roommate in common but there might not be as many people as common as me.  I had been told that I think different; I have a different mindset than the typical person which probably makes me more lonely.  I might be one of these people that seem to be more abstract and philosophical than the typical person, and interested in the more abstract and philosophical things.  I can take music a little bit more different but life in general a little bit more different, but eventually someone is going to find me and think like me.  A lot of people might be a little bit more concrete and down the Earth, which is more fine, but eventually someone is going to find me that seem to be the more abstract and philosophical.  I am not some "hippie", I seem to be pretty conservative but I think it might be the roots from my family members, that seem to think more that way.

The internet is a great place for me to find that but I think I need to get more down to Earth and out of my own world.  Someone is going to find me, probably romantically, a Lord please help me find some friends.

I can see this move might be a different perspective on thing.  I do like sports but I am not nuts about sports. But I should be a little more open minded.  I tend to be more of the right brain, which is not typical of a guy, and the left brain seems to bore me, but eventually I am going to think different.