Monday, July 2, 2012

A romance that never happened

I was not that very lucky of a person with romantic relationships, and I never really gotten into any commited relationships.  In fact, relationships, even friendsships were very hard for me.  Of course, I had friends and there are many people that do care for me, but I never really went too far.

There has been this girl and this girl was someone that I never really thought about in high school, but after high school, this girl was starting to walk all over me.  I was minding my own business and I think she was a secret admirer of me that I never seem to know about at all.  She is a pretty girl and she was very similar to me in many ways - skinny, blondish brownish hair and a similar personality to me, but I never really gotten a chance to get to know her. But when I finally noticed her, I was really emotionally aroused and I was starting to feel something for her.  It did felt like a little bit of love coming here - I think she is in love with me and I think she was not in love with me.

For a while, she was involved with another date while I was finally noticing her and I made a big deal.  Once she did fine a date, I was having problems and I was going through a lot of emotional distress.  Seeing her was like a drug and it seems like when I didn't see her or I know I can't get her, it was the biggest withdrawal without her.  I was addicted to her - she was like crack looking at her.

Now my interests had faded for that girl, but every once in a while, she creeps back up to me and that great feeling starts coming.  I am not sure if I really want to get to know this girl or if she really loves her, or it is something that is all in my head.  I don't think I am good at romance, but I do have feelings for her.

Romance never been a thing that I was good at.  I seen other kids have romantic relationships and I never really have  a chance to have a romantic encounter too.  I see girls that I want to get but there is always some other guy that seem to grab on to her first.  I start thinking I am ugly, or I am not that good enough for girls, or nobody likes me, or I am not cool enough.

But I think I might of have a chance with this girl if I got to know her in high school, and I think this girl might be someone that I want to get to know.  I am not that good with other women, and I haven't really gotten involved that much with other women. Someday a romantic encounter is going to happen to me, and I have a feeling that this girl could be a potential mate for me.  But I am not sure if I am going to see this girl or if I want to get to know that girl, or if she truly likes me as much as she appears to like me.

Someday I'm going to find someone and I think this girl might be a preview of the girls that I might be getting in the future. I can see she's a pretty girl, a lovely girl, someone that I want to walk up and kiss. She is so special to me and I love it when I see her look at me.  I know this will make great song lyrics, but I think I should express that emotional arousal I keep getting when I see that girl.

I think she loves me, but she doesn't want to admit it.  I am pretty sure she is in love with me.  Whenever I see her, her face just lightens up when she sees me.  She's a wonderful girl.  It is very hard to find a girl like her but it makes me feel like I am in a totally different world.  A wonderful world where everything feel so great.  I think God does have decided a match for me and sometimes I am made for each other.

But you never know, I am not sure if she truly loves me but someday I am going to find someone that truly loves me.  I think someone like her, that same type.

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