I haven't really experienced true adult life yet but I had seen other people live adult life. It looks like adult life is all about getting a job, working, and then trying to take care of children and family. It looks like adult life is not all about self-fullfillment, it is all about helping someone else. But everyone once in a while, you get to do what you like to do for fun.
At this current state, I haven't really experienced the true adult living, but eventually one day I will. I would like to live my youthful life where I don't have to much responsibility. It is probably going to bother me when I am going to start looking old and people are not going to care what you look like. At the teen years and in the 20s-30s, that is the age where you look pretty good. I don't think I worked too well on physical appearance as a teenager and it seems like I had pretty bad acne, along with being rather skinny. It looked like my clothes were mismatched and not too many can figure me out. It seems like I liked to wear pinstripes, even though pinstripes were the style and they seem to be of bright colors. I was trying to dress cool but really didn't get the concept of what was really cool. I did wear glasses because I had too but now I wear contacts.
It seems like my self-concept was very flawed when I was young. I thought I was some guy that was cool or trying to be a legend or something like that, but really, what other people as seen me as some pimpled face, skinny, quirky kid that seems to be unsually tense trying to be cool. I was trying to blend in by listening to rap music, but it looks like I didn't get the rap culture. My parents had standards on how I should dress and I had a different idea - I probably didn't agree with what my parents see me as.
I was some of these people that were hard to figure out and it seems like there has been a lot of quirks with me. I seem to be this guy that is living in a fantasy world, and really didn't know what was going on.
I didn't really know who I was, or I didn't want to admit who I was. I was exploring many things and some of the things I really liked, or my parents really didn't see me as NOT COOL.
Now I am a lot more squared away and it seems like I am starting to have a different view on life. It seems like I need to dress a little more predictable - that is why one year mom restricted me to one type of clothing, almost like a school uniform and it seems like people were starting to figure me out. But it looks like the clothes starting to fall apart and I was starting to dress in a mess. It looks like there was a mesh of styles and it seems like I haven't really figured out who I am or who I really am. But it looks like the people that were sucking on to me were actually "parent approved cool people" but it seems like I probably don't want to go along with their attitudes. It seems like it might be a rebellion thing or it might be self esteem.
It looks like I was wearing the clothes, but I was not exposing myself to the right culture and having the right attitude. Maybe my parents wanted me to change but it looks like I want to change to a different thing - it looks like a battle, a conflict. It seems like I probably didn't really think I was that great or I was fantasizing. What I see of myself as the real world as probably a "boring person." or "not cool", "dork", "nerd", etc. But the thing is, I was probably exposing myself to a culture but I was not doing everything - it looks like I was in a mess.
It looks like hip-hop and R&B was not really cool around my hometown, it was basically country music. In my mind, country music was not cool and it was for "hicks". For the most part, I think I was probably not the smartest kid at that time.
It seems like in school my grades were pretty good with things that were based on the music classes, but it seems like any abstract classes I probably have been having Ds. I was probably not the brighest bulb and I had a hard time getting the honor roll or I probably didn't care for school - a lot of the stuff in school was boring.
Now I am starting to change - it seems like my clothing seems to be very predictable and the acne has been gone, but it looks like I probably have shyness and self -confidence issues, or I probably don't trust anyone. It looks like I am in my own world and seem to like to be in my own world; I have a lot of thoughts to think about. It looks like I am listening to music a lot; analyzing music. In some of my blogs, the generational thing seems to interests me along with predicting what is going to happen in the future
It looks like I need to get out in the world and I am getting out in the world. It seems like I need to start being interested in what is going around me instead of my little world. It seem to be in my world, but it looks like I need to open my eyes and see what is going on.
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