Friday, June 8, 2012

Life is slipping away

It looks like I am starting to realize that I am starting to get older - my friends and the people my age are moving on, and they are starting to act like ADULTS and I haven't really gotten to acting like adults.  It seems like they are at the level of having kids and it looks like I haven't really grown up.  I haven't really gotten a job and it looks like I haven't been involved with many relationships - it seems like I am this person who is stuck about 15-16 years old.

I am past high school but I still have a teenage mentality.  I am still taking college classes but I haven't really done anything to apply anything.  I haven't really gotten a job and it looks like nobody wants to hire me.  It looks like the source of my problem is that the people are seeing me as a person who don't know who to interact with adults and want to grow up.

It is hard to accept my age- there are many things that I wanted to do as a teenager that I haven't really gotten to do and it looks like there have been a lot of regrets.  Unless I look back, there are some things that I wish I would of done.  I think the big thing that is eating me is I was probably not involved with too close of friends in high school - it seems like I didn't really suck onto anyone until junior year and I had spells when I feel that nobody liked me.  People do like me but it looked like I didn't really spend a lot of time with anyone and I didn't really get that intimate with anyone.

The dating this was something else that is eating me and it looks like I see other people that are dating, and it looks like I wanted to date too but nobody seem to be interested with me.  I was one of these people that didn't hang out and do the stuff the normal teenagers did.  I was more interested  in other stuff - I wanted to be social but it looks like it was hard for me to get attached with anyone.

I seem to want relationships and I seem to want to be like the other students, but I seem to be a little shy.  I spend a lot of time of my teen life on the internet, and I was using social networking sites such as MySpace, but I didn't really hang out with anyone I knew.  I just went on there and added some random people.

It looks like this relationship stuff has been bothering me the whole course of high school and I didn't really have that much concept of who I was.  I was probably a nothing.  I was this shy kid that I seem to shun away, but I did open up when I was with the right people.

It looks like I am in a standstill these days and it seems like I am still this quiet person - I don't really know what the problem is or what is going on.  Don't I have a trust for other people or I am one of these people that are just hanging on my parents.

It looks like I am not the friendliest person either  -I seem to be aloof and it looks like I need to stop being aloof.  It looks like I am in my own world and I just gave up on other people - but it seems like I need the connection.


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