It looks like I had started a new beginning and it seems like things are starting to get better, and I have to thank God and my parents for my education. I know I have been through a tough ride, but there has been some very good times as well. My high school and elementary school years were not complete total crap, there were some great, fun memories that will last a lifetime. I know I have my regrets but almost everyone has their regrets as well.
I have to admit it, I had went through my high school life pretty clean. I have not been involved with many drugs and alcohol, and I haven't have been involved with any dangerous sex. Of course, I was sexually aroused but it looks like I had controlled my behavior very well because I was not in any romantic relationships. It looks like I haven't done many things to rebel, as most teenagers seem to rebel.
I had did my rebellion, but most of my rebellion has involved the internet, but for the most part, I had been a pretty good kid. Actually, I had been kind of boring but my clean high school life has been quite worth it. It seems like my high school life was a simple continuation of elementary school - I was interested in sports and I did get involved with the track team, and I had did very well in the track team - by the end of my senior year I was starting to get a few placing. I had been involved with yearbook and the school newspaper, and I have contributed greatly. I had a lot of school spirit and I had supported my team.
I haven't really done that much rebellion and I was kind of this goody goody type of guy - I think it is my nature, but I do have a bad side with me once in a while. Almost everyone has a bad side of me.
It looks like it seems like I have been held back compared to the other kids and I don't think I seem to care. I think was enjoying myself and it seems like I didn't want to face responsibility. I was wishing I was having a girlfriend, but I really didn't really know many girls or weren't around many girls to have many intimate relationships with anyone. I seem to be these person that was drifting around, going with the flow, trying to have people notice me but really I was this type of person who was off in his own world.
But someday a person was going to flourish, it was going to blossom and there was a lot of growing up to do.
Right now I am learning some important lessons - I need to grow up and I think there are many things that might be symbolized by the death and decline of my grandparents. After each death of my grandparents, there has been a major change and I can see some major changes are going to take place when the other two are going to die.
My grandpa in my dad's side has died in 2007 and there seems to be a change. That was when I was starting to get my drivers license after that and it seems like I was starting to change my clothes, and my attitude. My grandpa wanted me to become more responsibile and to quit slacking off - I am not the little boy anymore. Before he died, he was looking at how I was mowing his lawn - that was a sign of responsibility. After mowing lawns, I had bought myself an iPod and that made him feel very special - the iPod deal is probably the start of the responsibility that I had wished for.
I started to dress a little more responsibile and mature as well - I should not be wearing these mismatched slacker clothes and I should start looking like everyone else, and following the rules.
My grandma has died in 2010 and it looks like I was going nowhere, and I was not having a direction in my life. My grandma wanted me to get off my butt and actually go somewhere instead of going nowhere - things were starting to fall apart and it seems like I needed to get some things fixed, especially with my behavior. This proccess is probably the gift from grandma that I needed to get a direction in my life.
My other grandma is suffering from Alzheimers but she probably had a message for me as well. I think she wanted me to be successful and wanted me to start doing things - she wanted for me to work up for my potential along with follow the rules. She also wanted to me to have self confidence and probably have successful relationships, along with fit in.
My grandpa wants me to get off my butt and do something for someone else. He wants me to contribute and to put myself in other's people's shoes and actually put myself for someone else. He doesn't want too many to suck up to me and kiss my butt, he wants me to do my part and think about someone else.
It looks like I need to be a lot more self confident, have a direction in life, take some responsibility, and do something for someone else. It looks like I need to be a selfless individual.
There is probably a difference between a child and a man. A child is someone who is dependable and does not want to do anything for anyone else. A man will take himself to another person. That is the core of most relationship is to do for others - I need to start doing something for some other person. I need to have a function, I need to do something and people need to see me contribute somehow and become a more decent, hospitable human being.
No comments:
Post a Comment