I have been milking something

After my grandma has died, I had been milking something. I know it has been a tough experience for me and a major life changer, but it should not be a major influence in my life.  I think it had been.  After my grandma died, I think I had fallen apart from people of my own age and friends,  and I have been closer to family.  I think grandma has been motivating me, but it seems like I have been sucking on to my parents way too much.

I can see something psychological about this - I was actually getting some rewards from being lazy and being sorry for me.  Since grandma died, people had been feeling sorry for me but I think I had been expecting peope to feel sorry for me and to wipe my butt, instead of actually doing things on my own.

My grandma dying was a major, emotional experience but I think I should accept that she is gone and start to grow up.  I think I had been used to being babied after grandma died and it looks like I am starting to care less about other people and more about me.

This is a normal teenage thing, but I think teenagers and young adults start to outgrow this.

I might be getting a job at Wal Mart and I might be pushing carts.  But pushing carts is going to be a great help to the store - they need people to go around and put the carts in, and that is a lot of hard labor to retrieve carts.  Carts are needed to carry the multiple materials that people are to buy at Wal Mart along with bags.  They are needed for carrying things.  Pushing carts are going to be a great social thing and you are going to be a help.  I am going to be a help as well as being a bus boy at a restuarant, or anything.

Really, I can help out in the apartment by cleaning.  I know it is going to save my roommate a job and it is going to be a great help to the environment, along with the aesthetic part of the apartment, and the health.  I can give a great help to my parents  by making sure I can live independently.

We are made to help other people and I have been not helping.  I had been recieving a lot of help but I am not going to help back too often.  I have been whining and I can get some more help.  I seem to be whining instead of doing and let other people do this.

I think I have been taught to whine and I think there has been a good thing coming with whining.  But when I get some punishment, I won't whine.  I need to get some reward by doing instead of whining.  Lets see how that works and I think it is going to work - I am going to do instead of whine. Whining is a negative, expression of emotion to get sympathy and support.  My grandma has died but I had been miliking it all it's worth.  I had been going backwards since I was whining, instead of going forward.

I had been shooting this immaturity and whining out on the internet - I have been expressing myself but I am not getting anywhere.

I think this milking has been going longer since my grandma died - I think I have been doing this since elementary school or preschool.  I had mommy clean up for me and I am not in the apartment.  The mess starts piling up and it becomes hard to eat and clean.  I come to mommy and she supplies me with food so I can survive.  But what if mommy is not here.  I should start to fend for myself and I think it something that I don't want to do, but I am going to see how it is feels like when I fend for myself.

We do have government and food stamps, but I can't get access to food stamps unless I am starving to death.  My mom is helping me so I don't have to get food stamps.

I have been whining about things but I can get attention by whining.  If I am whining, someone is going to feed into me.