The last visit

It has finally hit met:  The last time I had visted someone of your family before the person dies and the importance of this visit.  I was starting to think about the importance of the last time that I had visited my grandma, a few years ago, before I died.

My grandma died in 2010 and the last time I seen my grandma, I told my grandma that I was changing my major and starting fresh.  My grandma probably seen me that I was going nowhere and I was unsatisfied, and my life was falling apart.  Changing my major was the final hope for my grandma and that was probably the wish.

My grandma always seen me as a person that did not have any goals or paths, and just went with the flow.  This mentality has started to bite me in the back.  Now my grandma has seen me actually having a path of starting fresh.

The diagnosis of ADHD and the treatment is probably a gift for my grandma, along with getting a decent education where I was succesful.  But it looks like I am also valuing the job and the relationships, the love and the work, that I need to have to become happy.

It seems like Love and Work are the two main values of people - it looks like the contrbutions people make to society to improve it as well as establishing connections and creating and raising offspring looks like the main things that  make people happy.  This could be also the main functions of being human.

It looks like Love is needed - we need to have a connection and we need to have some type of attachment to someone.  Not just a girlfriend or boyfriend, but a friendship.  Even a love to your cat or dog counts as a form of love and that sounds like the only extra love I am giving is to my cat, and that seems to make me happy.  Then you have the function of work and it looks like I need to do something to contribute - I need to do a function.

It looks like my lack of happiness is probably the lack of love and the lack of work, and it seems like I need that.  I probably need to have someone else to care about and it looks like I need to actually show what I am made to do to improve the world.

It looks like when I am going to school, I am fixing the love and the work function, but maybe I should actually merge the love and the work function together:  Showing love and affection for someone by doing a function for someone.  Do something for someone else.

That sounds like the thing that my grandpa is telling me to do.  Do something for someone else each day and it will become a happy, meaningful day.  Even at the smallest bit.

I notice that every once in a while, someone helps me pick up something or even yesterday, someone said
hi to me.  I was a stick in the mud and haven't said "hi" back.  It looks like I haven't really done too many small things for someone else.  I probably have a sense of egotism that I don't have to do anything for anyone else because people just loves me - everyone loves me so why do anything.  But I think it might be a different story.

The do something for someone else deal sounds stupid but that might be the thing that might be making me happy.

I probably should start thinking about a few things I can do something for someone else; I feel flustered when someone that I percieve I love says "hi" to me.  Maybe I should do something in return to show that I love her back.  I know she loves me and  really cares for me, but I should something in return, but it seems like there is a lot of unstability.

It seems like people had cared for me and it looks like I had been cared for a lot, but I haven't really cared much for anyone. I  did care for someone when I was helping out with the children at the church, helping the little girls and boys learn to do something.   It was something that made me happy.

I probably need to have something that is going to do something for someone else, and I think I am actually starting to see the light.