First year nostalgia

The first year of college was a pretty memorable experience.  I was underrating that first year of college, but I had learned a lot and it was sort of an education of itself.  Since I was in a different degree, and  I didn't really care much for it, the college part was not that educational but the apartment was a very, educational experience.  I had learned a lot about life and what people are pulling.

The roommates I had were the craziest, kookiest people that I have ever met, and they had done lots of crazy stuff.  But that year was a year of finding out who I truly was.  It was a very social year and it may be one of the most social years of my life.  There were people popping in and out all the time, and they were getting involved with lots of stuff such as drinking and drugs.

One time, one of my roommate buddies were giving someone some homemade beer and the person didn't got drunk, but pure LOADED and did some of the stupidest, craziest, wackiest stuff out there.

I did got to bed because I was a "square" and I was smart. All of the stupid stuff happens after 10:00 but I did stay up til 12:00 a couple of times.  I was having so good of a time that 12:00 just snuck up on me.

That year really shaped who I was, and it was one of the more peaceful times when I got back to the high school.  Even a possible "romance" was blooming.

The first year was quite an adjustment and it seems like I needed a year to be alone and find myself.  That was the second year and it was all about the medication, along with developing my philosophy on the world.  I had decided that I am going to be a "new me" after this mess and that proves that the "old me" was a failure from high school.  Nobody was telling me, but I think this year was actually a gift from God.  I think I needed a crazy year to find myself and then I needed sort of a few years to "reform" and become the "new me."

The first year was about 2-3 years ago, but I still remember it and it has shaped me a lot. It was a transition year from high school and college; it was the best of both world.  It is my first college year and it was my last high school year - it was a transitional state from the high school and college.

The high school to college transition is a lot of stress, and your first year of college is usefully stressful.  I don't think I was deep down ready for college that year and I was still homebound, but it was good for me to get out a little and I needed the experience.  I think I have gotten pretty well adjusted to the college life and now I am going through another transitional period.

I think the first year of college was my "true senior year" - I don't think I was ready to graduate in 2009 but I think it finally hit me about 2010.  After my grandma died, I think it was a dawn of a new era and it was time for me to change.

The next 2 years was getting the ADHD medications adjusting and it was a quiet 2 years, and it was more based on me thinking and finding myself, especially with the new medications.  The last 2 years were not the most social unless I am growing up, and they were somewhat depressing. I think the depression was a hangover from the first year of college, and it seems like I want to regress back to high school but "what if I was normal."

But really I was too old for high school and I was what I should be - in college.  College is a time of maturity and I think I needed it.  I think I needed an extra time to grow up before I got dumped into the "real world."  I am gradually getting dumped into the real world and eventually, I am going to fullfill my goal of getting my first job and that is going to be a period of change and adjustment.  But it seems like I am starting to get slow transitions, such as the increased reponsibility of buying my own food, more driving around, and probably staying longer in the apartment, along with more "real world" time and less college time.

I think I am about due for another social year, but a more mature social year.  Hopefully it is not going to impact my schoolwork.  I think friendship and relationships are going to be very important to me when things get adjusted.

Things are probably going to fall into their place someday and a peaceful pattern is going to follow.  I had been going through a lot of stress and crisis, but I can see I am going to bust out of the crisis and it is going to be a period of peace. I can see things are going to be peaceful when I start having a job and having the right roommates, along with the right classes.  The job is going to fix a lot and my landlord is right - have the right roommates that I will be very compatible with and things are going to be peaceful.

Life in 2002

I was looking back about 10 years ago to see what the world was like.  In 2002, things were not much different than 2012 in many ways, but I do see a few differences.  Back in 2002, laptops and cell phones were not that common, and not everyone text messaged.  The internet was confined only to a computer and it seems like the internet at home was just starting to become a common place.  It seems like everyone had dial-up if you were in the country, while the people in town and in business had high speed.  High speed internet was getting more common about 2005 or 2006 where it was assumed you had it and you were very "hick" when you had dial-up internet.  Now I don't hear of dial-up internet and desktop computers are starting to get replaced by laptops and these iPad things.  I have a feeling that the corporate office is going to be a thing of the past  as telecommunting is going to be a norm in the next 5-10 years.  I can see in 2020, we are going to see telecommunting and 2002 will appear so "old school."

2002 people were a lot weirder - teenagers and college students seem to be a lot more cleaner now than they were in 2002. I don't remember the pop culture in 2002, but I remember there was a lot of creepy kids wearing all black and a bunch of teenage sluts with their belly button showing off and buttcrack showing.  I was only in the 6th grade and I seemed to be pretty clean for a 6th grader. I was interested in the computer, and I seem to like to do music at that age.  I was starting to become a member of the band and the choir and I was involved in church activities.

I remember kids in 6th grade were starting to go along with the slutty fads that were popular - I was starting to see hair dye and I was starting to see even little wannabe goth/emo kids when I was younger.  The wannabes were starting to come out when I was even in the first, second grade.

I was having a huge crush on a girl in the 6th grade and that was all that I was talking about.  Her name was Sara and she had red hair, and she was sort of tomboyish.  There were a lot of girls that were having crushes on me even though I was all "Sara" minded. I think it was an Ashley that was having a crush on me, who was a dark brunette with brown eyes and there was a Megan that had a crush on me  She was chasing me around and hanging me around at grandmas house.  There was a Brittany that did have a crush on me in the 5th grade.

I was different back then and it seems like the girls liked me back then.  But that was the old days and now 10 years had passed.  Now we are in a different era, and it seems like things had fallen apart back then.  Or maybe?

Every time in your life has it's good times and every time has it's bad times.  There is probably something about my college years I am going to look back at - I think it was a quiet time, but it was a time I spent a lot of time with family, especially mom.  I was starting to get closer to my mom and dad, more than I used to be.  I am also learning a lot of interesting things and I was experiencing many more things than I had in high school.

High school for me was a head up your butt joyride - I was unsure of what I was going to do and I had my head up my butt.  Then college was a time for me to get my head screwed on and catch up some of the things that I missed from high school since I was so head up my butt.

Eventually, I am going to get into my first job status and I am going to finally start growing up.  I am going to be in a different world.  This summer might be a climax but it seems like things are going up.  It looks like there might be some good times for me again after this fall and it is going to be a lot like 6th grade again

The stressful world out there

There has been a lot of stress in my life in general.  Although, things have been going smoothly, now I am going to have some real stress.  I think things have been going so smoothly that I need stress.  I need responsibility and I need some times for me to grow up.  There has been times when I have nothing to do, so I whine about how bored I am, or try to rehash some thing that was going about 5 or 6 years ago that was so "threatening".  A lot of it is just social things that I need to learn and a lot of it is the typical things that you learn about in high school.

A lot of stuff that is happening in high school is that I am fooling around with relationships.  I am liking some girl but some girl is taken by a guy that seems to be more popular and "cooler" than me.  I seem to want to go after girls that seem to be more "hotter" and "popular" than me than to make myself look a little bit more hotter and popular, but it seems like it is not working out.  It looks like I am going after girls that seem to be simply a blonde or something, without knowing the true personality or the interests of the person.  She might be more interested in sports while I am not an athlete and it seems like she'll be going after other athletes just to have something in common.

I am going to learn about the true nature of my social world and I am starting to learn about how the business world is working as well.  There is a lot of change going on.

I am spending some time in the apartment alone and I am doing very well over the weekend.  I was afraid I am going to be bored but it seems to be better than I think. It is very quiet and I don't have to worry about a flood, and my parents had given me a lot of emergency money just in case I am not coming back.

The biggest stress is the idea who I am going to room with and what is it going to be like.  I am thinking about what is going to happen next year.  My landlord had decided that I should share a room with someone, which I think it is going to be a lot harder to handle.  I am used to sleeping alone and I tend to be messy, and I tend to be quirky as well at night when I am not medicated, so I am thinking about being in a one bedroom.  But moving is a lot of stress but I think it might be less stressful if I have a roommate that has something in common with me.  I have been roomming with people that I don't have much in common with and I tend to have a personality that seems to don't clash with a lot of people.  I think the personality might be something about not having the best social skills and I am learning some social psychology right now to understand what people are pulling, and I might be a lot better in my social world.

I think I will be a little bit easier to room with when I tend to conform and be interested in other people; I know some of the stuff might be boring but I need to be having a more open mind and be interested, along with go along with people to show that I want to be their friend.  I think the conformity might help me find it easier to room with people and trying to obey a little bit better to what they want.  I tend to be quirky but I think it might be good for me to shape up and stop my quirks.  But I do need to have an independent bedroom but conformity might be something that might help me fit in.  It depends if I agree with the people or not - a lot of people might not be similar to me and I might not be interested in the other people.

I am sort of shy and I tend to be in my own world.  I am probably not interested in a lot of other kids and I tend to be old fashioned - but I think I need to get with other kids and start being more "with it" and not as "out of touch".  A lot of them these days tend to play video games and I don't play video games too often, but there are a lot of kids that use the internet these days such as YouTube.  My family does not hunt and fish, or hang out by the lake as the other people - we are a different culture and tend to be more interested in other things.

This culture shock might be harder to find people that are like me and seem to agree with me.  A lot of the people that are interested in me might be a little bit older, but I have been exposed to classes with older people.

The roommate situation might be complicated but when  I seem to clean up, keep the quirks down, and try to blend in, I might be fine.  I do like the individualism but really I need to do some comformity as well to try to be part of the group, even when I am just a wannabe.

I am also going to be learning about other people and what makes them tick, and I am going to be learning a lot about business related classes.   The better educated ; the better I am going to be.

I have been milking something

After my grandma has died, I had been milking something. I know it has been a tough experience for me and a major life changer, but it should not be a major influence in my life.  I think it had been.  After my grandma died, I think I had fallen apart from people of my own age and friends,  and I have been closer to family.  I think grandma has been motivating me, but it seems like I have been sucking on to my parents way too much.

I can see something psychological about this - I was actually getting some rewards from being lazy and being sorry for me.  Since grandma died, people had been feeling sorry for me but I think I had been expecting peope to feel sorry for me and to wipe my butt, instead of actually doing things on my own.

My grandma dying was a major, emotional experience but I think I should accept that she is gone and start to grow up.  I think I had been used to being babied after grandma died and it looks like I am starting to care less about other people and more about me.

This is a normal teenage thing, but I think teenagers and young adults start to outgrow this.

I might be getting a job at Wal Mart and I might be pushing carts.  But pushing carts is going to be a great help to the store - they need people to go around and put the carts in, and that is a lot of hard labor to retrieve carts.  Carts are needed to carry the multiple materials that people are to buy at Wal Mart along with bags.  They are needed for carrying things.  Pushing carts are going to be a great social thing and you are going to be a help.  I am going to be a help as well as being a bus boy at a restuarant, or anything.

Really, I can help out in the apartment by cleaning.  I know it is going to save my roommate a job and it is going to be a great help to the environment, along with the aesthetic part of the apartment, and the health.  I can give a great help to my parents  by making sure I can live independently.

We are made to help other people and I have been not helping.  I had been recieving a lot of help but I am not going to help back too often.  I have been whining and I can get some more help.  I seem to be whining instead of doing and let other people do this.

I think I have been taught to whine and I think there has been a good thing coming with whining.  But when I get some punishment, I won't whine.  I need to get some reward by doing instead of whining.  Lets see how that works and I think it is going to work - I am going to do instead of whine. Whining is a negative, expression of emotion to get sympathy and support.  My grandma has died but I had been miliking it all it's worth.  I had been going backwards since I was whining, instead of going forward.

I had been shooting this immaturity and whining out on the internet - I have been expressing myself but I am not getting anywhere.

I think this milking has been going longer since my grandma died - I think I have been doing this since elementary school or preschool.  I had mommy clean up for me and I am not in the apartment.  The mess starts piling up and it becomes hard to eat and clean.  I come to mommy and she supplies me with food so I can survive.  But what if mommy is not here.  I should start to fend for myself and I think it something that I don't want to do, but I am going to see how it is feels like when I fend for myself.

We do have government and food stamps, but I can't get access to food stamps unless I am starving to death.  My mom is helping me so I don't have to get food stamps.

I have been whining about things but I can get attention by whining.  If I am whining, someone is going to feed into me.

Growing up is tough

Growing up is something that I have to deal with.  I do want to continue with my childhood but my childhood is somehow is going to come to an end, but there are going to be many things that I get to do when I am older than when I am younger.

Being a child may seem like it is easier, but really you don't get to do much.  You are not really exposed to the real world as much as adults.  Children just see the world in a wide eyed view, and in a fantasy view.  Adults see the world in a different life. 

As children, your obligation is going to school and maybe playing.  Playing could be fun, but really, do you get anywhere.  You just fool around too pass the time.

There are many responsibilities that come to being older, but you have a lot more freedom when you are older.  You have freedom of choice and you can do whatever God gives you.  Sometimes this freedom is a little  tough.

I am so used to this structured lifestyle of childhood that it is hard to get used to the more unstructured, unpredictabe lifestyle of adult.  But once I get into this lifestyle, things are going to be different.

Look at all the things I can do, the places I can go, the things that I learn - there is a lot to experience.  It looks like I have desires to grow up but I also have many fears to grow up as well.  It is very hard when making decisions that seem to have major importance, but when you are older, people are going to actually believe what you are saying and you are just "not a little punk" anymore trying to rebel.

The power of persuasion is also a part of growing up and maturity means you can convince and persuade people to do something without thinking you are another one of these teen rebels.  It might be nice to be this person to tell your parents what you truly believe without having a mouth or a bickering back at.

I tend to be these people that seem to keep to myself and I think it is time to get out of my nest.  I do love my parents and my grandparents, but I think I should start to love someone else as well.  Dating and relationships are going to be something that I am going to look forward to, and that is something that requires a lot of commitment and growing up.

I am thinking about the idea of going back to a simpler time where you don't have to do things, but maybe this is not a healthy behavior.  I know it is going to be easier and it is going to relieve stress, but it is not going to get me anywhere and it is going to lower my self esteem.

I am still deep down going to be my moms little fluff ball or whatever, but maybe it is the time for me to grow up and make my own choices.  I stil want to be the little kitten but really I am turning into the cat anyday.  I am starting to become fully grown and I am ready to reproduce, and make more me.  Maybe I am going  to find one that will go along with that.

But I am starting to grow up and God please help me.

Intense situation is happening

Right now, the mighty Mississippi river is flooding and we are going to have a near record level of flood; which could be a dangerous situation.  This could be a massive change in lifestyle, but I have a feeling that this lifestyle change is going to be a kick in the butt by God.  God has probably planned this flood for a reason - I see a lot of helping and doing for other people.

This might be a different weekend and it might be a weekend that I need.  My parents are telling me to grow up some how and this might be a weekend for me to grow up.  This flood might be a test for my sanity and my maturity, and this might show me how much of a failure my habits have.

The flood is either going to force me to go into the apartment or is going to force me to stay at home.  When I am at the apartment, there are going to be a lot more additional responsibility.  I am not going to be tied for school, so this might  be a time for me to get my homework done, along with to do some cleaning and shaping up.  This might be a time for me to be a little more open and social.  I have been dependant on my parents and it seems like I rather suck onto mommy or daddy instead of making the effort to have some new friends or a girlfriend.  I'll have to learn how to entertain myself because this might be the single life I am going to have in the adult world.

I also have the choice to sit and suffer the flood.  My parents says that I am going to eat a little more different, not go up town a little bit different, and possibly experience living on less.  It is going to be a wonderful, coming of age experience for me and for everyone.  I think I have been taking things for granted and it is time to start working together and helping each other, and this might be a lesson for me to learn to put yourself to other people, as well as think about the simpler things in life.

I had probably taken things for granted and I have been coddled, as well as pretty self-centered and this might be a growing up experience for me.

This might nip me in the butt as a "flood" as in Noahs ark - I need to "cleanse" a lot of my bad behaviors and the waters my symbolize the bad things that had happened to me and I am being punished.  I can ditch this experience but either way, I am going to be learning a valuable lesson about things.

I am starting to realize that I need to stop sucking onto mom, be more responsible, help other people, do things on my own and make my own decisions, etc.  These are things that I need to have and it is probably going to fullfill my wishes.  This flood might be an excellent project and real life experience for my social psychology, along with an experience in general.  I was spending too much time with my head up my butt and not doing for someone else.

The weekend was a coddle, whine, and kiss my butt weekend.  This weekend and this time period might be a different time period, and is going to be a different experience for me.  I think it is going to be an memorable event that is going to help me grow up.

This event has job skills and many life skills, and it is going to help me in many ways. This flood might not be a curse but it might be a blessing.

New experiences are coming

I am going to be meeting new people and new experiences are coming with the new roommates I am probably going to have next fall.  The last few years were rather dry and it seems like it was not the best social years - they were years of  finding myself and starting to see the world inward, but I need to starting seeing the world outward again.

I am probably going to have an experience like the first year and it is about due for another year like the first year in college, but I have a feeling that it might be the best year in college or the worse year in college.

I haven't really had a good year of frat - that will get me out of high school and ready for the real world.  I am also probably going to enter the workplace.  This might be a pleasant surprise.

I can see whoever I get I am going to pick up some bad habits but I might pick up some bad habits.  I don't think I really picked up many good habits from college.  I have a feeling that I need to be more socialable - I tend to be more shy of a person and I tend to be lost in my inner thoughts, but it is about time for me to reform myself and start to have my thoughts to some other person.  Forcing you to be with sociable roommates might do this.

I am in an apartment with many people and why am I sitting in my room?  Maybe my values don't fit or I might be one of these out of touch stick in the muds.  I need to be with other people.

Of course, I do like to think and I do like to listen to my music, but when I get too self contained, I become this weird individual.  I don't think I was interested in the other people more than myself - I seem to worship myself, probably because I was trying to find myself.

It is time for me to give up my self to others and eventually I am going to learn that lifestyle.  This might be a good experience - I should be a little more conformist and I should be a little more outgoing and friendly.  This "thinking too much" person is not going to get me too far and I might turn into these out of touch people.  When I think too much and spend too much alone, I start to be myself too much that I am going to lack  touch in reality.  People are designed to connect with other people.

Romantic relationships might be sprung when I make connections with other people - I should not be one of these thinkings and still try to get the ladies with some of my thoughts.  This spending time alone is starting to turn me into a emo kid.

It is  time for me to get some social experiences and probably some time to get a good social experience.  The time I had spent on the internet has been too much and I was starting to get weird, and start to look up stupid stuff along with contemplate about my past. I might find some girls to meet in the present - they are there; I am living in the past and I am probably living in one of my self centered little worlds.

A spiritual era for me

When  I first started college, there was a lot of stress for me, but it was a period of find out meaning in my life.  I was going through a period of depression and I thought my life was worthless; but it was a period to find out what is really mattering - God.  I was trying to prove God and during that era, life was pretty secular.  We were going away from religion and the internet was going away from religion; secularism and agnosticism/atheism along with alternative spiritality was starting to become the mainstream.

Harry Potter and Twilight was doing something awful - glamorizing vampires and anything that was related to the denomic such as witchcraft.  Even though some teenagers like these films, it looks like it has created a rash of people are glamorizing the occult and making it as innocent as a children's fairytale.  I was not a fan of this stuff; it has shown I was having faith but I was starting to become a fan of other things such as numerology, astrology, and the like.  I wasn't into tarot cards but I didn't realize these were things of alternative spirituality.

The college was starting to thump many things such as being green and being diverse - multilculturism does not phaze me but I should of have an understanding of what was going on in other culture.  The college was a place where there were "diverse" people, which means every kook is out there.

With all these philosophical symbols being shoved at me, along with the life experiences, I was starting to realize what is going on and I was starting to go into a spiritual era.  I was starting to go into a trance; a fog but this trance was not bad.  It was a period of finding out who I am.

I had been growing up during the first 3-4 months of my college career - I was starting to realize what truly matters and what truly doesn't matter.  I was a different person than my high school.

I think  I had grown up a lot more than I did in high school.  I was for the most part this same person throughout the course of high school.  I might of gotten a little more self confidence when I got older, but I was pretty this same person.

But I had realized who I was starting to become in college and I am still trying to figure things out, and things are going to be okay.  There is a lot of work to do but I am getting there.  I am finally starting to figure it out; it was a long struggle but I am getting there.  I think it is different values being shoved on me that is helpful; things that I haven't heard all the time.  In high school, it was something more like it's all about you but in this new education; it is not all about you.

But this spiritual era for me was good for me and I have to thank God for giving that spiritual era for me.  There has been a lot of depression and whatnot, but I am finally getting through this and things are going to be great once again.  This social psychology has been very helpful for me and it was something that was starting to find out the solutions of all of my problems.  And another thing is Wal Mart - that seems to solve everything too.

Life is going to be different

I can see a different period of adjustment is going to come when I merge the work world with the school world.  A similar world was when I was entering the apartment for the first time.  It was a very lonely and stressful time, but I have gotten used to it.  It was a lot of fun as well.  I got to meet  many people that I never seen before and encounter a  lifestyle that I never experienced before. After a few weeks, I was starting to find out who I was and what my values were, and it shown I was not that type of person, but another type of person.  A lot of things did not matter as much when I entered the apartment and I matured a lot.  I was starting to get a deep reality check on things, and that was one of the best things that happened to me.

The adjustment period was better than I think. It was a period of maturity and growing up, and I can see another adjustment period is going to happen when I get my first job.

There are going to be many things that are going to open up and this is going to happen to me when I get my first paycheck.  I am going to get an understanding of the bank. With the continous money coming at me, I am going to be unsure what I am going to be doing with this money.  I am going to be buying things that I never bought before - I probably will buy stupid things or I might be practical by saving my money in the bank. There is going to be a major change and I am going to be interested in different things.

The money situation is going to define me and God knows what I am going to be like.  I am unsure of what I like and there are a whole world of things that I can try out.  Lets say I am getting a part time job, I am going to get about $116 a week.  Some of that money is going to be sucked by the government and some of that money is going for food.  I'll probably use that money to buy clothes or maybe watch a movie or eat at a restaurant, or some cheap entertainment, or I might just save my money for some different things such as musical instruments and Pro Tools equipment, or a new TV.  A SmartTV will be nice to have - I'll probably save my money for Hulu subscriptions.  But I also got that money for things such as cell phone , rent, etc that are basic neccessities.  There is going to be a lot of decision making with that money but I am going to feel the power and the appreciation of things.

I might be motivated to work more and minimum wage is not very much money - that is a very poor amount and it is used primarily for high school students and maybe college students - a lot of that money is going to be used for the obnoxiously high gas prices these days, which I learned to disclipine myself to $10-$20 for gas each week.

There is going to be a lot of financial responsibility that is going to be coming and this might be a great change in my maturity.  I am going to change and I am not going to be the same person as I used to be.

The work deal is also going to change my routine - I am going to be comitting my life to work and doing studying that I won't have much time for play.  I am going to be going under a lot of stress.

But I have a feeling that I might be ready for this - I had grown up a lot in the last 6 months and I might be in a new environment than I used to be.

Lets say I got out of the rat hole and I $14 per hour and I worked for 8 hours a week, 5 days a week.  That will bring me up to $500 a week - $26,000 a year which is pretty low compared to the standard 50,000 a year middle class.  I am probably going to have cheap interests but my interests are going to be a lot more expensive than they used to be, but I probably going to have a lot more expenditures.  But we have the thing called interest and that is the reward for saving.  We do have very low interest rates right now, which is about 1%, so if I stick about $200 in the bank each week or even more for a year, I am going to have a wussy interest rate of $104. Lets say I kept saving this same rate of $200 a week for 10 years, I am going to have about $104,000 and about $1,040 interest.  I could buy a house in 10 years with my own cash!

Lets say I get  $52/hour and decide to save about 1500 a week. I will be getting about 108,000 a year and adding about $78,000 a year in the bank. At this rate, I am going to have about $780,000 in 10 years and I am going to be a millionaire in 13 years for my tightwaddery. Keep saving at the same rate and I am going to get over $3 million but that is going to be rare.  There is going to be about $7,800 on interest as well and if the rates are right, I could buy a car on interest. There is going to be a lot of money and that is going to be involved by saving.

A transition

It looks like I a experiencing a major transition and everything seems to be brand new to me.  The transition is going to be somewhat lonely and somewhat of a shock for me.  I had been used to all my life of being with my peers, or of people of the same age group.  Now it is hard to find people of the same age group, and when they are of the same age group, they seem to not have that much in common with me, or are going into totally different paths.

I am right now in this in-between state and it is startying to affect me socially. I was expecting college to be a lot similar to high school; you are going to see people roughly the same age and it is going to be a lot like high school.  But when I got to college, it seems like it's a totally different story. I was placed in a classroom with a lot of older adults and they seem to talk about and be interesting in totally different things.  Instead of the music and movies that most teens talk about, it seems like they are talking about many different things such as kids and family.  Of course, teenagers can talk about these subjects and many teenagers do talk about more mature subjects, but it seems like things are in a more different light.  The adults are a lot more "stuffy" and they seem to be in their different world, and they all seem to be in their different paths.

I felt like I was not ready for these older adults; it was too much of a shock for me.  I felt like I was the youngest one in the class and I had felt very lonely.  There was a period of lonliness and depression for me throughout the first few months of college, and I felt like I want to be with my peers a little more often.

The college years was a period where I was not close to friends, but I was starting to get a lot closer to family.  I got to know my parents a lot better than I used to be and I was starting to side with my parents, and realize that they are not bad.  The fall of 2010 was a time of a lot of growing up.  At first, I wanted more high school but deep down I was realizing this frat boy stuff was not cool anymore.  I was starting to find out my moral idenity during my college years and I was starting to realize that "square" is cool and hippie is not cool.  This was probably a result of having people that are more mature and older than my in classes, and I was starting to pick up their maturity, and I was starting to have more adult interests.  The adult interests are first starting with music; I was realizing some of this old music was not that bad and starting to think that the new music is a bunch of garbage.  I was starting to realize this music is a lot of garbage.

This might be the more mature version of me if I was in high school and I am still finding out who I am.  I am starting to find out that I am pretty clean cut and have family values.  Relationships are a major value for me and I am not obsessing on sex and partying as the other teenagers.  I tend to be a lot more conventional and conservative; possibly a lot more down to earth than I used to be.

It is starting to get harder to make friends at that age, but I might as well wait until the younger ones start coming in.  I tend to be shy and tend to be distant from people, and I don't know what to do with other people.  A lot of my time is spent in my room; I don't consider myself to be one of these overly social people.  I am the type that want a very good friend or a girlfriend; I am probably very family orientated and I just want someone to talk to.  I am not the type to gad around with the gang - I used to gad around with the gang and I find this boring.

I probably want someone to talk about life and to have some good times with - maybe just hang out.  I am not really a group person, but I do have a lot of time thinking about my world around me.  There is a lot to learn and I am learning a lot. I tend to be philosophical and I have my views on things, and there are not that many people that are philosophical.  I make a great artist or a writer - this music thing is great for expressing myself and getting things off my chest. Writing lyrics is something I haven't learned but I am going to learn about it, and maybe I can release some of my views on the world based on paper.

The working human that I am going to be

Eventually I am going to enter the workplace and it is going to be a struggle for me. But I can see it is going to be a major change from me to transition to the school life to the work life.  The work life is the adult life - the school life is where you can acquire knowledge so you can understand the world around you and you can use it in the work life.  The work life is going to open a whole new world - I don't have much concept of the work life.  The work life is going to be involved with money and financial obligations - it is going to be involved with working in teams and groups - it is not going to be much different than the school life, but there is going to be a lot different in work.

In the new millennium, we might change the way we work.  Work has been very structural, but I can see work is going to be different in this century if we motivate ourself to work.  We need to work in order to survive - when you work; you don't eat.  A lot of people involve their life with the collection of food, but in many societies these days, we are not worried as much about the production and distribution of food.  Now we are worried more about having services such as health care and education, but really, are you working.  But I can see we are going to start making things and doing things for other people; such as washing windows, etc.

I am not sure what work style will be fit for me, but I think I might be  a very structured person.  The office would bore me and the factory will bore me - maybe I have something with the leadership or management position.  I probably want to take charge and tell people what to do instead of just sitting around and being pushed around.

There are many types of people around here - we have leaders and we have followers.  But each of these leaders are going to contribute.  It looks like I am going nowhere, acquiring knowlege but I should start doing stuff for other people.  I am at an era where I am done trying to find myself and fullfill myself; now I need to put myself to another human being.

That what seems like to one of the main things that are creating happiness in this world - the concept of love and the concept of work.  It looks like I am sitting around here, expecting other people do things for me but I need to do things in return.  Someone at a restaurant does not have to give their time and energy to give me food and hospitality.  Someone don't have to let me buy something but all these jobs of people doing things are functions that contribute to society.

There is something that I am made for and I am eventually starting to find out what my function is.  I am put on this Earth for a reason.  I am here to reproduce and to get food, but I need to do other things to contribute to the culture.

It is time for me to learn my function and to do my function.  Humans are made to work and it probably make them happy when they make another human happy.  The waitress that is flirting - the merge of love and work, along with bartender or some other job is a creation of happiness.  When I do a function, I do a pretty good job and I get rewards for that function.

This is something that is going to control my time and my life - other things are not going to matter. Relationships, popularity, and drama are not going to be the main focus as I get focused more on other things and instiutions such as taxes and the government, which are part of the real world.

It is going to change.

The future is here and the future is now!

The new millennium has just begun and we have just only been about 12 years in the new millennium. Nothing really has changed much since the dawn of the millennium and it seems like it is still a continuation of the 20th century.  The first traces of the millennium took place about the 1980s with the rise of computer technology and in the office; we were having a different view of the millennium.  By the 1990s, the world was connected and in all practical purpose, it is the 21st century.

The 21st centurty is going to be based on the individual and our individual goals - enough with our group stuff and we are starting to become every man for themselves.  The Top 40 and corporate media is something that is going to be so 20th century, but we are still hanging on to it.  Now we are in the era of YouTube and more independent thinking.  The new millennium is not going to be an era with a bunch of hipsters - I can see some conformity in the new millennium and comformity is good.  We do need to have some standards, but you can't be an extreme conformist. It is best to be in a in between state.

I am starting to have visions of the new millennium and the 21st century.  I had always heard of this dystopia world where it is going to be rising war, global warming, economic crisis, pollution, and the decline of morality.  I doubt that is going to happen.  I have a feeling that we are at the end of the storm and things are going to turn around.   The environment is not much of a problem - the world does look pretty clean; it is actually a lot cleaner that it was during the time of the Revolutionary war.  I don't think industrialism is going to cause a problem either - we do need industralism and we need to have agriculture.  China does not have to do all the work that we don't want to do.

I can see a pretty peaceful and connected world emerging when everyone is let to set free and to do whatever the please under certain standards.  The internet is the best connector of the world - it lets the individual shine and I can see this under YouTube, Blogger, and eBay, along with the numerous other sites on the internet.  The internet has been a savior for lots of us - we are all connected and we are exposed to many culture and lifestyle, and we are starting to under our differences, as well as our similarity.  Google Earth is a great place to travel the world and some of the pictures and videos are amazing.

When you use the internet right, our world seems to be getting better.   A lot of people are finally getting out of their nest and learning many new things.  The internet could be a great place for religion to be spread and the message of Jesus, Buddha, or whatever their beliefs could be spread around the world. It is a great place to interact with other people just like you to show that you are not alone.  Looking at college dorm videos on YouTube and some of the vlogs on YouTube shows me that I am not alone, and there are people just like me; even I am better off than some people.  Another thing that I increase my happiness is to look at people from around the world that don't even have access to a computer or even books, and I am amazed and how lucky that we have it around here.  I notice that the people are pretty happy in their ways, walking around in their primitive ways.

I am feeling optimistic about what is going on about the world - I can see something is going to turn for the better.  We had been at the bottom of the heap and the only way you can go up.  It is a change in society - we are transitioning from the old 20th century society into the more modern 21st century society.

I can see something that is going to be based on the 1950s going to be something of the 21st century.  The '50s are very 20th century but really it is the first traces of the 21st century.  Everyone says that the world started to modernize about the 1960s or the 1970s.  That is a continuation of the progressive era of the 1900s, but it seems to be more focus on feminist freedom.  Women wore shorter skirts in the 1920s and then they had to work out in the 1940s during the time of the war.  The two income thing was going on at the turn of the century.  This stuff is actually a thing of the past.  We are entering the new millennium.

The new millennium again is probably going to be a homebound, down to earth era where people are connected to each other.  The internet has revolutionized everything and it is probably going to continue revolutionizing the work world, the education world, the entertainment, and even social world.  You are starting to be able to go to school in your pajamas or go to work naked.  You can telecommute and you can talk to people across the world at your fingertips.  It is that awesome.

I can see the world is changing and the world is changing for the better. 

How the internet has changed us

I am using the internet to type this.  This is amazing and that is something that I probably couldn't done about 25 years ago; express your opinion to the whole world; your insights to the whole world. I am just a person expressing myself  out  into nowhere and it looks like once in a while, you may have actually someone around the world that is going to listen to me.  It is great therapy.  The stuff that you used to write in your teen diary could be spread around the world on the internet, and this could be great therapy for teenagers and just about anyone that will find people just like them - you are not alone.

The internet is probably one of the biggest revolutions and transformations known to man - the internet has created a new era in time where people are connected and sharing information, along with everything else. The internet is all about sharing and that is a basic function of humanity ever since their dawn back in the days when we were the cave people and Adam and Eve.  Adam and Eve were the first people, according to the Scripture, that had the concept of sharing.  God had created Eve out of Adam just to have someone to help.

The internet  has the concept of sharing down pack and all it is sharing everything.  This is also a big change in business and everything.  The internet is truly the American Dream spread around the world.  The internet has the views of the Constituition and the Bill of Rights down pat around the world; the internet is freedom and it is a savior, even in this recession.

I can see the internet is going through phases and I think we are done with the first phase of the internet and now we are going to move onto the next phase of the internet.  I don't know exactly what the internet is doing but it seems like it is still young and eventually it is going to mature in the next few decades in the future.

The Web started when I was born in 1991 and throughout the 1990s, the main goal is to get people on the internet.  This continued into the 2000s.  The 1990s internet was the Information Superhighway but the 2000s internet was starting to change into something more than the information superhighway - it has turned into the biggest collection of porn, anime, and emo kid shots, along with Lol Cats that you had ever seen. The internet was starting to have a culture in the 2000s.

The last 20 years of the Web was getting people on the internet.  Now we had gotten people used to the internet, the next phase is to try to mature it a bit.  I can see it with the SmartTV - the internet is not going to be just confined to a computer or a cell phone; it is going to be attached to other things and the internet is going to have a function on a lot of things.  The internet could be used to watch a lot of TV and the internet could be used to look up recipies while you are cooking.  The internet is probably going to transform the world into the Jetson world.

Computers and cell phones are still going to exist, but in the future, you might have more things computerized and internetized.   This might be annoying and this could have a possibility to dumbing people down even more.

The internet has done it's good things but it has done it's bad things - it has created new crimes, it  has dumbed people down especially.  Relevant information on the internet doesn't exist and now you are starting to get things that are not too intelligent.  There are a lot of video games, anime, internet memes, and porn on the web that really dumbed the internet down.  But I can see the pop culture on the internet is better than the TV and it looks like in the future you are going to have internet original TV shows, which you are having already.  The web creates great pop culture for the next generation and you are starting to get TV stars on the internet such as Shane Dawson, iJustine, etc.  Eventually, you are going to get some fullly produced TV shows that are made exclusively for the internet that are probably better on the TV.  I find these shows more entertaining than the stuff that is on the TV - I like the choice of entertainment of YouTube, which you can look up whatever you can damn please instead of fooling around with the bland, dried out entertainment that is shoved by Hollywood and the major TV networks just for these people to make money.

I had grown up in the internet world and I can see the internet was a contribution, but a revolution to society. This internet has been almost as important as the invention of the wheel and the invention of the cities during the rise of the Age of Agriculture, which is still here. 

What's college is truly going to be like

For all you high school students out there, college is not what is seen in the movies.  The movies are the same effect as High School Musical for high school students;  it is a very sugar coated, fantasy world of high school.  High School Musical is relatively clean for high school standards maybe when it came out, but it looks like high school is starting to become a cleaner place.  The High School Musical high school is really a mature high school - it is a moral high school life where nobody does any harm.  I always heard that teenagers are always involved with immoral activities such as drinking and sex in high school; we are not going to be standing around dancing on cafeteria tables singing gay songs.  But it looks High School Musical is a more mature, conformist view of high school which college might be close like.

It is probably in the future you are going to be listening to Aly & AJ at a punch tailgare party after a football team - this is probably the legal alternative at a moral fundamentalist Christian boarding school but probably is not going to happen in a normal high school or even a college - there is more likely a senior kegger than listening to Aly & AJ and drinking punch - what is wrong with listening to Aly & AJ and drinking punch - it is legal, but it is BORING for a lot of teenagers, unless you are one of these gooey, clean cut Christian sugar coated Pat Robertson type teenagers.

But you'll notice that high school and college are going to be significantly different.  It depends if you are going to a state college or a private, Christian college; the same way if you are going to a general high school vs. a Christian high school.

1. You'll see ADULTS in the classroom - I mean people that can be your PARENTS.  Adults think different in the classroom - they can legally drink so keggers don't really have much novelty.  A lot of them are more interested in more boring subjects such as kids and your job - they are done with this high school baloney.  Adults dress different as well - it depends on your age, but many adults come to school with a nice polo shirt or plaid shirt for guys and for women, it is some womenly type clothes - no more Hollister or Abercrombie type slut clothes anymore. You may think the adults in there are stuffy and boring, but eventually you will learn to act like adults because you are actually a young adult.  Some high school students act more like adults and it seems like by the time you are a junior or senior in high school once you are out in the job, you start acting adultish.  Aly & AJ is more appropriate for adults than teens.

2.  You are not going to like you roommate - your roommate is probably going to be different than you, and it is part of  your education.  Your college education is all about learning about different cultures and lifestyles - you'll see someone in a city lifestyle when you are in a redneck town or something like that.  You'll learn to appreciate who you truly are and not put on act like when you are in high school. You might have a roommate that likes totally different things to you.  But you never know, opposites do attract sometimes.

3. You will love your parents - your parents will give you food and wash your clothes.  You'll actually miss your kitty when you come home from college.

4. You are actually here to study - it is for a JOB.  It is not for the honor roll anymore and nobody cares if you are a nerd.  You are a nerd when you sit and play World of Warcraft all night and not study; cool people study and they are actually going somewhere.  But actually when you meet a nerd, don't bully them because they might be your boss.  Nerds usually become your actual preppies in real life society - they become doctors, lawyers, software engineers, snorts, owners of huge .com corporations.

My relations with girls

Girls are a favorite topic of guys and it looks like when a guy and a girl come together, it is the greatest thing know to man.  We are made to connect - a guy needs to support a girl and a girl needs to support a guy.  A guy seems to value fertility - the girl has to look beautiful so he can go hanky panky with them which creates more humans.  But you have the girl has a different value - she could care less about beautiful but she wants someone to support her.  The guy basically wants the nurturing thing with girls - a guy just want to lay around and watch football, while the girl will take care of him.  But the girl wants some support as well - she wants to be protected and guarded, and want some guy to support her.  This goes back to the hunter gathering days - the guy is the great hunter that brings the food to the family while the women in the gatherer and the bearer of children.  It seems like the same pattern today as in shopping - men research everything before they buy something, and they check consumer reports, while the women is the one to pick up a pair of shoes when she don't need anything. That's why groceries stores and clothing stores are made for women - they are in a gathering format while the men want a hunt format.

I was actually pretty good with girls when I was in elementary school.  That is when everyone was equal and a girl was a girl.  If I like the cute girl with the dress and the pigtails, she will make a good friend, and it seems like I had lots of good friends with girls.  My teacher did not promote the gender segregation thing and made sure girl-guy sat together in school.  In elementary school, you sat in classes where you had partners and a lot of the partners were of the opposite sex.  The girls yuck, boys yuck thing is something that was bumped out.  I was pretty good with girls because of that.  But about fourth grade, the guys had their huge kickball football team and the girls had their small cackle group.  It is very hard to talk to girls because girls tend to want to be intimate and guys just want to be part of the pack.  Merging girls and guys into the pack is hard - girls want the intimacy.

I was actually pretty good with the intimacy and I had made pretty good friends with girls.  I don't think I was involved in a sport and I was raised at home which did  not promote as much aggression.  But guys tend to hang together in a pack and that goes in college as well.  I see the guys want to pack together and frat, while the girls want to sit around and giggle.  This might go back to your animal instincts where all the wolves and other animals have to go in packs.

I had actually had been raised well with intimate relationships and I wasn't really bad with the girls in elementary school.  I actually even went on dates in elementary school and I had crushes on girls.  But that all had changed about high school.  I think it might have to do with puberty.

Okay, you have the cute girl with the pigtails when you are in elementary school.  When you were young, you just talked with the cute girls with the pigtails then you have the hormones come in and every guys hormones come in at a different rate.  There are a lot of guys that want the cute girls with the pigtails and it is competition - so guys have to be competitive and fight it out, and try to make themselves the best so they can get the desired cute girl with the pigtails.

It looks like I was probably, like every other guy, was looking for the obvious, hot girl.  Every guy wants the obvious hot girl, but it seems like a certain girl only gets the hot guy.  It is probably the more popular guys - the jock always get the cheerleader.  But some day, you have this fantasy of the nerd getting the cheerleader and it happens in real life.

In real life, the nerd does get the hot girl.  Nerds get money - they create software companies such as Facebook that makes billions and things such as Microsoft that change the world.  In the real world, the nerds are the cool people.  They create cool things such as the internet and the ability to travel in space and do all this cool stuff.  It is very privelege and cool to be in space.  But you have the guy with the NFL too, who is considered cool but the people promoting the NFL is even cooler.

I was not looking for the right girl at the right level - it seems like I want blonde cheerleader on my butt, which every other guy wants. I was not considering other things such as common interests and even similar looks - I was probably not even looking a brunettes or redheads.  Basically I should I have the elementary school mentality - go after the pigtails and I probably have the date.  I probably could care less if she was rich or poor or whatever, it is just the cute girl with the dress and the pigtails.

What I had grown up with

Every once in a while, I am trying to figure out what my generational idenity is and it is debatable.  Some say it is the Milenninal generation and some say it is this Generation Z.  I don't think I see much difference between the both of them; just the older ones are more likely to walk around like tramps and sluts, and they tend to be less moral than the Generation Z, which tends to be pretty conservative and comformist.  It looks like in the college I had been, there has been a shift and I had been in the transition.  When I first went in the college, it seems to be a lot of sluttiness and everyone was really getting into college.  It was a frat boy day care.  Then there seems to be a shift and now the college students are the quiet, meek, conformist, afraid to do anything wrong Generation Z. It looks like it is a totally different decade.  I seen the demographic has gotten older in the college and you seem to have a lot more "adult students."

I had experienced the frat boy day care and it seems to be not the exciting.  I don't find the thrill of staying up all night playing video games and watching Adult Swim - tends to be very immature.  I like to go to bed.  Now I see college roommates as a little more mature, and they tend to want to go out to the lake and fry a fish, and listen to country - remember I am in a more rural college.

But I am going to what I had grown up with, with my own personal experience.

1. I remember computers since I was in preschool - I do remember using computer ever since I was about 4 years old and it seems like they were shoved at.  I had seen the internet when I was about 6 or 7 years old, and I didn't have much concept of it.  Digital cameras and all these things were starting to become part of my childhood and I remember playing around with digital art, and reading digital books on the computer - this considers me as a "digital native."  The internet was born in 1991 and it is as old as me, and psychologists say that the first memories start about the age of 3, which makes it about the year 1994, which is actually the beginning of the mainstream takeoff of the internet, which probably makes me one of the first digital natives.  At least there were computers around when I was born.

2. I rememberr hip-hop culture - yes, I had remember rap music ever since I was about 3 or 4 years old; there was rap music being even on Sesame Street and kids shows, so there was nothing new.  I was exposed to diversity when I was even a young child and saw black people on TV, and though they were like aliens, but eventually I found out there were human just like me.  I thought that when you drank a lot of hot chocolate, you turn brown or black.  Sesame Street was loaded with diversity and even "rock and roll" so I had been exposed to the diverse world of the 1990s.

3. I don't remember people dressing up to go to town - I remembered sloppy clothing ever since I was a young child, and did not faze me.  I actually thought the little girl wearing the dress was pretty, but then when I got older, I seen the sloppy clothing come in. I was trying to comform to the sloppy  dress because that's what you do, but my parents wanted me to dress a little more conservatively and thought - did "teenagers wear that."  I heard stories about dressing up to go up town with hats, gloves, and suits, but I had never seen that in real life; just in the movies.  I was exposed to the TV and I seen people on TV -why is this girl having her belly button showing off and why is this guy wearing a stocking cap during the summer, and guys don't wear earrings, girls do.  But I was born in a era where you seen guys with ponytails and I was - okaay.

In school, I was probably bored with learning about the revolutionary war - which kids like the revolutionary war it  is boring, but I thought the colonial lifestyle was interesting.  I heard stories from grandma when kids did not talk at the table and the adults only talked - but that was a little old and I heard stories that the kids had the last share of the food.  That was going on until my mom was little. I thought it was pretty strict back then but what do kids have to talk about at the table anyway.  The old schoolhouse stories had interested me when I was younger.

That was my childhood and this what I remembered.  I don't think the childhood today has changed much - I remember the live action Disney was starting to kick in when I was young and the more conformist media.  It was all about being cool as a little kid. We did not have Hannah Montana but the Disney Channel is the same layout as it was 10 years ago - just less Mickey Mouse tha it used to be ; I did remember the Mickey Mouse Disney but even that started to turn into a MTV orientated Disney.   I have to admit it now; Disney seems to have way better programming than 90% of the other channels - I rather watch the internet and I will still sneak on Disney, probably a movie, when "nobody is looking".  I even  watch Fathers Knows Best reruns when nobody is looking -that is a good era of TV that I miss.

The last visit

It has finally hit met:  The last time I had visted someone of your family before the person dies and the importance of this visit.  I was starting to think about the importance of the last time that I had visited my grandma, a few years ago, before I died.

My grandma died in 2010 and the last time I seen my grandma, I told my grandma that I was changing my major and starting fresh.  My grandma probably seen me that I was going nowhere and I was unsatisfied, and my life was falling apart.  Changing my major was the final hope for my grandma and that was probably the wish.

My grandma always seen me as a person that did not have any goals or paths, and just went with the flow.  This mentality has started to bite me in the back.  Now my grandma has seen me actually having a path of starting fresh.

The diagnosis of ADHD and the treatment is probably a gift for my grandma, along with getting a decent education where I was succesful.  But it looks like I am also valuing the job and the relationships, the love and the work, that I need to have to become happy.

It seems like Love and Work are the two main values of people - it looks like the contrbutions people make to society to improve it as well as establishing connections and creating and raising offspring looks like the main things that  make people happy.  This could be also the main functions of being human.

It looks like Love is needed - we need to have a connection and we need to have some type of attachment to someone.  Not just a girlfriend or boyfriend, but a friendship.  Even a love to your cat or dog counts as a form of love and that sounds like the only extra love I am giving is to my cat, and that seems to make me happy.  Then you have the function of work and it looks like I need to do something to contribute - I need to do a function.

It looks like my lack of happiness is probably the lack of love and the lack of work, and it seems like I need that.  I probably need to have someone else to care about and it looks like I need to actually show what I am made to do to improve the world.

It looks like when I am going to school, I am fixing the love and the work function, but maybe I should actually merge the love and the work function together:  Showing love and affection for someone by doing a function for someone.  Do something for someone else.

That sounds like the thing that my grandpa is telling me to do.  Do something for someone else each day and it will become a happy, meaningful day.  Even at the smallest bit.

I notice that every once in a while, someone helps me pick up something or even yesterday, someone said
hi to me.  I was a stick in the mud and haven't said "hi" back.  It looks like I haven't really done too many small things for someone else.  I probably have a sense of egotism that I don't have to do anything for anyone else because people just loves me - everyone loves me so why do anything.  But I think it might be a different story.

The do something for someone else deal sounds stupid but that might be the thing that might be making me happy.

I probably should start thinking about a few things I can do something for someone else; I feel flustered when someone that I percieve I love says "hi" to me.  Maybe I should do something in return to show that I love her back.  I know she loves me and  really cares for me, but I should something in return, but it seems like there is a lot of unstability.

It seems like people had cared for me and it looks like I had been cared for a lot, but I haven't really cared much for anyone. I  did care for someone when I was helping out with the children at the church, helping the little girls and boys learn to do something.   It was something that made me happy.

I probably need to have something that is going to do something for someone else, and I think I am actually starting to see the light.

Facebook is starting to turn into Lamebook!

I had noticed that Facebook has started to have it's downfall in the last year or so.  The first signs of Facebook having it's downfall is TOO MANY ADULTS.  Adults can go on Facebook and they can use the internet,and the internet was designed for adults in the first place, but it looks like that the pre-technology era adults are taking over Facebook and other sites, and making them crusty.  I don't mind grandma on Facebook but it might be an interference with what you are mainly on the site for - to see what your friends are up to.  Relatives on Facebook and adults on Facebook in general basically makes the site no fun.  It looks like Facebook has turned into a teen-youth orientated site to a combination of LinkedIn and  Classmates.com.  LinkedIn is basically serious, adult based work networking material while Classmates.com is a classs reunion.  I  think there is probably a revolution in the internet and I don't see Facebook revolutionizing the internet any longer.

The next thing is the increase of advertisements - whenever you like a page on Facebook, that means you are going to get shot with advertisements and propaganda.  Politicians and businesses love this status update thing so they can SPAM SPAM SPAM.  The interests deal has runied Facebook as well, making more garbage you don't want to read.

It looks like Facebook has turned into an empire and I have a feeling that people are going to leave the site.  The internet is turning into a place for crusty adults - eventually I am going to be a crusty adult as well.  Maybe that is the point, I am going to turn into these crusty adults that all they care about their offspring and taxes.  Adults tend to be pains in the butt as all ages - adults tend to think they know everything and they also try to mark you down.  But eventually one day I am going to be griping about KIDS KIDS and more KIDS, and I will be these crusty adults on the internet that don't like children.

I notice I am starting to get in the world where even in the classroom there are older adults and all they care about is - KIDS, TAXES, and IN LAWS.  I might be in this age where I am saying "My child is so perfect and he is in volleyball" and "Oh I hate my in-laws she is a pain in the butt", and probably be bored with all the teen and college angst I am starting to put on here.

Maybe there might be an age where I am going to grow up.  I thought college was all about party when I first got in there but after a few months, I had realized how boring my roommates are and I started to gripe about them.  This was a time to see what my true values were - I was pretty stodgy and want to go to bed at 10:00, fit in with the crowd (I seen a definitive generation gap even at 2 years), not play any video games because I am grown up and not raised by a Playstation, and tend to be a bore to these people.  But I don't care!

What is adult life all about

I haven't really experienced true adult life yet but I had seen other people live adult life.  It looks like adult life is all about getting a job, working, and then trying to take care of children and family.  It looks like adult life is not all about self-fullfillment, it is all about helping someone else.  But everyone once in a while, you get to do what you like to do for fun.

At this current state, I haven't really experienced the true adult living, but eventually one day I will.  I would like to live my youthful life where I don't have to much responsibility.  It is probably going to bother me when I am going to start looking old and people are not going to care what you look like.  At the teen years and in the 20s-30s, that is the age where you look pretty good.  I don't think I worked too well on physical appearance as a teenager and it seems like I had pretty bad acne, along with being rather skinny.  It  looked like my clothes were mismatched and not too many can figure me out.  It seems like I liked to wear pinstripes, even though pinstripes were the style and they seem to be of bright colors.  I was trying to dress cool but really didn't get the concept of what was really cool.  I did wear glasses because I had too but now I wear contacts.

It seems like my self-concept was very flawed when I was young.  I thought I was some guy that was cool or trying to be a legend or something like that, but really, what other people as seen me as some pimpled face, skinny, quirky kid that seems to be unsually tense trying to be cool. I was trying to blend in by listening to rap music, but it looks like I didn't get the rap culture.  My parents had standards on how I should dress and I had a different idea - I probably didn't agree with what my parents see me as.

I was some of these people that were hard to figure out and it seems like there has been a lot of quirks with me.  I seem to be this guy that is living in a fantasy world, and really didn't know what was going on.

I didn't really know who I was, or I didn't want to admit who I was.  I was exploring many things and some of the things I really liked, or my parents really didn't see me as NOT COOL.

Now I am a lot more squared away and it seems like I am starting to have a different view on life. It seems like I need to dress a little more predictable - that is why one year mom restricted me to one type of clothing, almost like a school uniform and it seems like people were starting to figure me out.  But it looks like the clothes starting to fall apart and I was starting to dress in a mess.  It looks like there was a mesh of styles and it seems like I haven't really figured out who I am or who I really am.  But it looks like the people that were sucking on to me were actually "parent approved cool people" but it seems like I probably don't want to go along with their attitudes. It seems like it might be a rebellion thing or it might be self esteem.

It looks like I was wearing the clothes, but I was not exposing myself to the right culture and having the right attitude. Maybe my parents wanted me to change but it looks like I want to change to a different thing - it looks like a battle, a conflict.  It seems like I probably didn't really think I was that great or I was fantasizing.  What  I see of myself as the real world as probably a "boring person." or "not cool", "dork", "nerd", etc.  But  the thing is, I was probably exposing myself to a culture but I was not doing everything  - it looks like I was in a mess.

It looks like hip-hop and R&B was not really cool around my hometown, it was basically country music.  In my mind, country music was not cool and it was for "hicks".  For the most part, I think I was probably not the smartest kid at that time.

It seems like in school my grades were pretty good with things that were based on the music classes, but it seems like any abstract classes I probably have been having Ds.  I was probably not the brighest bulb and I had a hard time getting the honor roll or I probably didn't care for school - a lot of the stuff in school was boring.

Now I am starting to change - it seems like my clothing seems to be very predictable and the acne has been gone, but it looks like I probably have shyness and self -confidence issues, or I probably don't trust anyone. It looks like I am in my own world and seem to like to be in my own world; I have a lot of thoughts to think about.  It looks like I am listening to music a lot; analyzing music.  In some of my blogs, the generational thing seems to interests me along with predicting what is going to happen in the future

It looks like I need to get out in the world and I am getting out in the world.  It seems like I need to start being interested in what is going around me instead of my little world.  It seem to be in my world, but it looks like I need to open my eyes and see what is going on.

Things are to be mapped out

It looks like I have been impatient and I want certain things to happen, but I have a feeling that certain things are to be mapped out in my life.  It seems like these certain events in my life are in a order; even though it may appear to be some delays, there might be some purpose to some delay.  It looks like certain things are bad, but really everything is good in the eyes of God.  It looks like God has planned everything in my life and there are these certain event and people you meet are for a purpose.  Everything seems to connect and maybe it may appear random, everything is planned out in the right place at the right time.

I am always trying to predict the future and to set goals - that is the human iniative and that is good.  But it seems like when I get my door slammed on me, there might be the reason why the door has to be slammed on me for a purpose.

I was born to have certain problems, but these certain problems might be a good thing in life.  These problems might be made to show off the talents you have.  Lets say you have ADHD or something; ADHD people are annoying but their problems are made for great creativity and sense of humor, along with original, out of the box thinking that most focused people have.  I had probably have the quirks for a purpose - I might be inattentive and it might be a blessing to be inattentive, and the good Lord has decided for me to fix the problem at the right time.  Maybe he might know something if I got the problem fixed in high school, it might be more of a hinderance than a help, but maybe the ADHD stuff could be made to make a sensation in high school that students love and even some original, creative ideas that teachers love.

The good Lord probably knows when I should be dating and when should I be getting a job.  Maybe I need to suffer through this tough economic times to learn about myself and the world around me, along with improve myself.   These tough economic times had shaped me up and I am at the right time, getting educated about the world and preparing myself for the adult world.  Even though I have not been working, I have been learning a lot about myself and society in general, and how I can improve myself.  These tough economic times might also be giving a purpose for me as well and it will help me realize how I can help these people succeed.   Dating will not have prepared me for the adult world -  I would of been these head up my butt people walking around and hooking up - the good lord will probably want me to get my head screwed on before I start dating and maybe wait for the other girls to get their head screwed on.

The good Lord probably think it was a good time to learn how to drive in 2011 along with try to clean things up with the apartment.  The next thing I probably have to do is to start cleaning up some other quirks and it seems like I have improved a lot even in the last month.  I am probably more polite and considerate to other people, as well as more helpful, but I need to get off my butt a little more.  It might be time for me to open some doors and to push some chairs, work on my self presentation and my attitude, and  I probably will be a better person.  I should actually try to help other people or do other people a favor - I had recieved help all the time but I have not give too many people much help.   I might as well start doing a few things and the biggest thing might be helping to pitch in with the garbage, open doors, etc.  I feed the cat and he does his part by catching mice.

I might have to be a little more conformist as well, and try to be interested in the other people, and blend in, but not too much.  If I  suck up to someone else, I'll suck up to you.  There are a lot of things I need to work on and it looks like the Good Lord has it planned about now.

The right date for me

It looks like dating seems to be my main focus but I haven't really found out which might be the right date for me.  There are many options for girls out there; actually there has been too many options.  It seems like there is a girl for every type of guy out there and there is probably someone that is made for me.  It seems like I need to be under a rock to find girls - there are girls everywhere and they are all beautiful in their own ways. I have been pretty good at talking to girls but I never had the commitment to dating anyone - I seem like I have been pretty good friends with certain girls in school but I never really wanted to date.  Maybe I thought about that, I think I would of been cute couples with the girls I have been friends with.  I have been involved with a lot of platonic relationships and that is fine - platonic relationships are accepted today and I think it is best to be involved with platonic relationships.  We are in a gender less society and it looks like there are many things that are to be liked by both genders - even stuff such as cars and computers are being discussed by both genders.  Gender segregation is something that is dying out.

I haven't really been involved with many romantic relationships and it looks like I didn't really truly want to; or I have certain girls on the mind. There are many girls that are potential dates that I would of look very cute together with but it seems like I got a certain blonde girl on my mind.  I don't think I had brunettes or redheads on my mind and I wanted hot.  I didn't realize that there are girls that are made for everyone.  I also had a look in which I don't want to truly attract anyone - it seems like I had bad acne and dental problems, which keep me from having a date, along with some nervous quirks.

Now I have a change in attitude and I think dating will be no problem for me.  I am a lot more realistic about things and I seem like I am going to choose anything.  I will probably find someone that is very similar to me in some ways and there are people that are similar to me.  I think the platonic relationships are a very good start and that is going to help me find dates.

I seem to be one of these shy, introspective type people.  I have more thoughts and I tend to be very analytical and I see lots of patterns in things.  I like to see trends.  I also have a deciphering personality and I try to see connections between things and try to find out the cause and effect of things.  I could be pretty smart.  I have a pretty good view on the world.  I think this might be hindering me from finding dates - I tend to over analyze and overthink - this is find but I need to find emotion in other ways instead of trying to analyze everything.  I also tend to be one of these philosophical, thinking type guys which is not bad  - we need to have these type of people as well.

There had been a lot of improvement and that is going to help me date - girls will be awesome but I seem to be the analyzing  type and  I need to bite the bullet and do something.

Who am I?

It looks like somedays I feel like I am nothing and it looks like I am going nowhere.  But some days I seem to don't care.  It looks like there is a lot of choices to make but it looks like there is something that is not me.  Some days I don't feel like I want to grow up; there is a childhood I want to hang on to.  Somedays it is easier for me to sit around and whine, and not do anything.  There are too many choices to make and someday I really don't know who I am.

I am going to school right now and I am in confusion.  It looks like I don't really have many goals and it looks like I don't really have a good concept of what I am good at.  I am starting to get a pretty good view of the world and I am starting to get a pretty good view of people, but I haven't really had that much experience in anything.  It looks like I spend a lot of time thinking instead of doing things, and I really don't know what I want to do.

Really this growing up thing is scary and really I still want to hang on to childhood a little bit longer.  It looks like there is a lot of responsibility out there and a lot of stress out there, and I don't want to accept getting older.  I still want to be this little boy out there but eventually the little boy is not going to stay for long.  There is a lot of things about my youth that I want to relive or make up; it looks like things had not been that great.  It seems like I didn't really had the best friends or did the best things; it seems like I want to spend a lot of my time alone.  Even now it seems like I want to spend my time alone and it looks like some days I don't have a trust for people.

It seems like I want to be dating and stuff like that too - but it looks like I don't really have that much initatiate.  It looks like there are a lot of things to go through and it looks like a lot of things had been very tough for me.  It seems like a lot of things are going wrong with me and it looks like I had a very tough time at school. It seems like I have a very tough time in school now but it looks like I don't want to get to know anyone - I get to know people but I don't have anything in common.  I am always whining about high school and my childhood, and it looks like I have no real goals.  It looks like I have the logical thing of getting married and having kids, but it looks like I don't really have many goals to help anyone.  I have never had a job and God please help me get a job.  I really don't know what I can do and what I am made for  - I really don't know what I am good at for helping other people.  I really don't know and it seems like I don't seem to care anyway.

Somedays I really don't like my life - it looks like nothing seems to go right.  I have been feeling doom and gloom. I really don't know what I can do for someone else, for a job.  I don't really know what I am skilled at.  I can play music and stuff but I don't really have that many professsional things I can do.  I am not the most grown up person and I feel like I am not ready to do certain things. I am ready but I am not ready.

There is a lot of things I regret - it seems like I am in a mess and it seems like I have been cursed.  I don't think I really did much of anything for anyone else.

THAT MIGHT BE THE PROBLEM

It seems like  I need a function, a goal!  Not everyone is going to give something to me - I think I might need to do something for someone else and I don't know what!

The dream world

Every night, or almost every night, I espace the real world and I enter the dream world.  It seems like I had entered the dream world without a conscious knowing of what is going on and how I got in there, and it seems like things are in a different dimension.  Time is different in the dream world - time is not the standard, linear minute second hour format.  It seems like 10 minutes in the dream world is like 10 hours.   It looks like I am doing anything in the dream world.

In the dream world, I get to go into many adventures and many of these adventures are real.  It seems like I am a sleep in my cozy bed and then eventually I am consciously walking around and doing things, just like I am awake. But I understand I am in the dream world because there are some things in the real world that are not related to the dream world.

It looks like there a lot more things that seem to be odd or abnormal in the dream world than in the real world.  In the real world, there seems to be a lot of logic and reason, but in the dream world, anything goes. There seems to be patterns and storyline in the dream world, just like in a movie.  I do see some real life things in dreams but I also see some abstractions in dreams that are nearly impossible in real life.

I do enjoy entering the different world - it seems like  I am conscious and it is not like a TV.  It looks like I am actually eating, walking, touching things, even driving cars and talking, meeting new people, and seeing people that I encounter in real life.  It looks like I am like Christ in the dream world  where you can walk through walls.  This is the abstract world that goes against any logic, but it seems like when you are in a different dimension, anything is possible in the dream world.

There are many real life themes in dreams as well - it looks like I am doing stuff I had done  in real life, and there is even Facebook in my dreams and the college apartment.  The internet does look a lot different "dreamed up" - even better than real life.

Sometimes dreams can be good and sometimes dreams can be horrid.  I had dream about my serious topics such as death and many fantasy things, and some things that are just stupid.  Only God knows what I am going to dream about.  Sleeping will have no purpose without dreams - it will be a period of nothingness until wake up time.  Dreams are a time of restoration and a time for me to find out about my inner world.  It looks like everyone is in their "own world" when they dream, literally.

My insights on girls

Girls are one of these amazing things - God has created girls for a reason and the reason is to create someone to create more humans.  Girls are the giver of life and they are the nurturers - they are created to become mothers and grandmothers; they are excellent create.  It will be hard to image a world without girls or femininity - we won' exist and everything is going to be very bland, without color and beauty, and everything will be black or white.  We are all going to be robotic and nothing will be exciting - girls create culture and they create anything in the world to be beautiful.  We have mother nature and that creates everything in the natural world.

I am your typical guy and I do like girls - I have never "dated" any girl officially, unless I count a few flavas of the week.  It what I consider a date these days, but I have a lot of platonic relationships with girls.  It looks like in elementary school I got along very well with girls - even though I might not be attracted to many girls, I had made many friends with girls.  You really can have friends with both girls or guys; you don't have to have complete segregation between girls and guys.  They are human beings like anyone else and if you know the right thing to talk about, they can be great friends.

I think the best way to get friends is to start with platonic relationships - they get rid of the stress and it seems like I am having platonic relationships a lot of time.  This is very common when you have other girls that are single or in relationships.  It seems like when I start talking to girls, they might have a sexual, emotional, or romantic attraction.  Some girls I don't have an attraction too but they make great friends.

Girls do make great friends - they are not like "you don't date or else".  They are human beings like anyone else and actually girls have about 99% of the same genetic code as guys.  Technically, guys can grow their hair out and if you get fat, you can get breasts.  The only thing that guys and girls are different that guys have the guy parts and the girls have the girl parts, and we all love and honor our parts, which is making the idenity.  Girls can actually even chop their hair off like guys and girls can even have low voices like guys - they can have athletic ability, intellectual, and musical ability just like anyone else  - there is no divide between certain abilities in girls and guys.

I have been havinf friends with girls and I probably have some romance as well.  But it looks like romance gives me an emotion so strong that basically makes me shy away from girls - that emotion and the shyness might be hear to protect myself, and God might not be letting me talk to that girl with the shyness.  If it looks like I can confortably talk to that girl like nothing, this might be the girl for me.  Girls start getting weird ideas and they are all looking for boys.

I am probably going to get a chance of romance and sex - romance and sex will be cool and it will be the greatest thing out there.  It seems like I have fantasies about the opposite sex and I should be.  There is one for me.  Probably a one that looks like me and acts like me - is me.

Life is slipping away

It looks like I am starting to realize that I am starting to get older - my friends and the people my age are moving on, and they are starting to act like ADULTS and I haven't really gotten to acting like adults.  It seems like they are at the level of having kids and it looks like I haven't really grown up.  I haven't really gotten a job and it looks like I haven't been involved with many relationships - it seems like I am this person who is stuck about 15-16 years old.

I am past high school but I still have a teenage mentality.  I am still taking college classes but I haven't really done anything to apply anything.  I haven't really gotten a job and it looks like nobody wants to hire me.  It looks like the source of my problem is that the people are seeing me as a person who don't know who to interact with adults and want to grow up.

It is hard to accept my age- there are many things that I wanted to do as a teenager that I haven't really gotten to do and it looks like there have been a lot of regrets.  Unless I look back, there are some things that I wish I would of done.  I think the big thing that is eating me is I was probably not involved with too close of friends in high school - it seems like I didn't really suck onto anyone until junior year and I had spells when I feel that nobody liked me.  People do like me but it looked like I didn't really spend a lot of time with anyone and I didn't really get that intimate with anyone.

The dating this was something else that is eating me and it looks like I see other people that are dating, and it looks like I wanted to date too but nobody seem to be interested with me.  I was one of these people that didn't hang out and do the stuff the normal teenagers did.  I was more interested  in other stuff - I wanted to be social but it looks like it was hard for me to get attached with anyone.

I seem to want relationships and I seem to want to be like the other students, but I seem to be a little shy.  I spend a lot of time of my teen life on the internet, and I was using social networking sites such as MySpace, but I didn't really hang out with anyone I knew.  I just went on there and added some random people.

It looks like this relationship stuff has been bothering me the whole course of high school and I didn't really have that much concept of who I was.  I was probably a nothing.  I was this shy kid that I seem to shun away, but I did open up when I was with the right people.

It looks like I am in a standstill these days and it seems like I am still this quiet person - I don't really know what the problem is or what is going on.  Don't I have a trust for other people or I am one of these people that are just hanging on my parents.

It looks like I am not the friendliest person either  -I seem to be aloof and it looks like I need to stop being aloof.  It looks like I am in my own world and I just gave up on other people - but it seems like I need the connection.