Plans and predictions for next year - my 21st year

It looks like I am finally wrapping up on my 20th year and it is time for me to start my 21st year. It looks like tomorrow, for all practical purposes will be the beginning of my 21st year as it is setting the stage for what is going to happen during next year.  My mom will pay the bill for St. Scholastica tomorrow which will officially make me ready to attend classes along with buy some textbooks.  She is also planning on getting my Pro Tools ready and I'll probably get a good resume typed out.  It looks like the stage is set for my 21st year.

My 21st year will start with a nice friendly talk with the counselor to get some plans set up for the summer and some employment.

I am predicting my 21st year is going to be a very good year.  I am predicting that I will finally get my first job this year probably about the late summer or fall.  I  will at least be doing something and I'll be chugging along with the Scholastica program along with wrapping up with the CLC classes that I need to take.  I am also predicting that I will be involved with an relationship or at least some romance with someone this year as well, most likely during the winter or the spring.  It looks like I'll find someone either at work or in my Scholastica classes - or I might suck on to somebody that I always wanted to suck on to.

I don't think I was ready for romance - it is very hard to stick with anyone if you don't have a job and you don't have the best transportation, along with not seeing anyone too often to cause any intimacy. Of course, I have the internet but the relationships on the internet are not the same as real life relationships.

It looks like I do value relationships but I do need to get out a little bit more.  To get to know anyone from the area I am living in, I need to probably hang out all the time and to be known a little more.  It is really hard to get to know anyone by just attending classes and going home during the weekend, and going to Wal Mart once a week.  I could at least ask someone on a date to Wal Mart or something like that for a start.

The thing is that I need to be more active and outgoing.  I am a  20 something and I am starting to get good looking.  20 somethings value relationships as much as teenagers - even more.  But there are many things that are better with 20 somethings than teenagers.  Teenagers are not as respected as much and they are treated like little kids - they tend to have an attitude and are self-centered. 20 somethings are more down to earth than teenagers, but really they are not much different.  Teenagers - at least mature teenagers should be a lot similar to 20 somethings in many ways.

It's about time for me to value relationships a little more.  I tend to be quiet and lonerish since I get into a rut, but this needs to stop.  I have to make up my mind - should I be this quirky space cadet ADHD kid that sit in his room sitting on the internet watching random YouTube videos and fantasizing about the girls he is not getting with a messy bedroom not getting anywhere, thinking about the universe or whatever,  or want to be some guy that actually has a job or at least involved with the community, getting good grades, earning some money, and getting the ladies like a 21 year old should be.  The choice is mine.  I probably should not be the space cadet computer geek that loses everything that has it's head up his rectal area that whines about not going to his high school prom.

If I want to change - it is time for me to change and I can change tomorrow by doing the simpliest things.

My 20th year - a very growing up year

It seems like the last 3 years of young adulthood has been growing up and changing years.  It is a whole new life - it looks like that my 18th year was the hangover from the party of being 16 and 17, and it seems like it was an hangover.   It looks like I was realizing that I was in the independent world, and it is time for me to get my act together.  My 18th year was a very stressful year but it was very fun when I went back to the high school to hang out - it was really my last true high school year and things seem to hit rock bottom by the end of my 18th year.  It looks like I was going nowhere and it was time for me to get some help - so I asked God for some help and then he helped me.

By the end of my 18th year - my grandma died, my stuff was getting stolen..it was a mess and I realized it was time for me to change.  But I alsio had kids griping at me all the time about some of the quirks that I have such as pacing around, talking too much, creeping people out, being very opininated, talking to loud, losing things, not keeping track of assignments, having a hard time keeping up with schoolwork, barging into other people's conversations, and having an intense love for Ke$ha...lol.  Maybe not the Ke$ha year but that year was a year that I realized that I have an problem.

I got medicated on my 19th year and that was the year when I started from fresh.  I was a whole new person and I was trying to find out who I was.  I was also starting to realize that the students were more conformist and "square" and a new generation of students were starting to come in, and I was closer to that generation of students than the older generation of students.  I thought these students were nice and they looked like they were my "speed" than the other guys.

It was a very quiet and lonely year - I was trying to find myself and it looks like I was trying to fit in, and to find out who I was.  I was still in a mess.  That summer was a hard summer and there was a lot of confusion- it looks like I was exploring many things and trying to find out who I was.

Then that fall, I got a higher medication and I was starting to get a clearer picture of who I am and I am starting to get pretty focused, but I am still trying to figure out who I am.  It looks like I am trying to get a job and I might be doing many things to explore my idenity.  But it looks like I am starting to get a pretty good picture of who I am - it looks like I am a person who likes music, tends to be on the conservative side and really like family values - it look like I am a fairly conservative person that has standards.  I could be pretty smart too and I have some ideas about things.  There are many different views to choose from but the more conservative, middle class lifestyle is what I am most comfortable with.  It looks like I should start to develop some hobbies to see who I am truly am.

It looks like my 20th year is a pretty growing up year and it looks like my 21st year is going to be a lot more stable year.  It looks like things are starting to be put together and I am starting to get a better concept of myself.  It looks like I am gaining a lot of self-confidence as well.

It looks like I am ready for dating and romance when I am 21.  Not drinking, but it looks like I might be interested in romance in the future.  I'll probably find someone at work or during my St. Scholastica classes that are going in the same thing as me, and have the same personality.  I tend to be a pretty shy person, but can be pretty friendly if I want to.

The prom

It has been years since I had been to the prom, and I did went single to the prom (what a loser but I had a hard time finding a date) but I am looking at the prom at a different perspective.  I had grown up a lot in the last few years and I had found out what the prom really is and how I can get a date to the prom.

It looks like it is very easy to get a date to the prom these days.  I had watched the couples and kept track of who picks who for the couples.  It looks like the couples look very similar to them in many way.  It looks like tall goes with another tall person, short goes with another short person, blonde with another blonde, brunette with another brunette.  It looks like the dates you get to the prom are actually very similar to each other in many ways, even in socioeconomic status.  It looks like the more popular and more expensive students go together and the poorer students go together.  Similarity looks like it is key for the prom and is probably in real life.

It looks like need to not put on an act and be yourself in school.  Teenagers is a time where you are finding yourself and trying to experiment, but it looks like if you are happy with who you are, it is easier to find a date.  It looks like in high school that I was trying to find myself even senior year - it looks like I did not know who I was or I had an idea of who I was but I did not have a realistic idea of who I am.  Now I have a better idea of who I am and it might be a little bit better to find a date.

It looks like by the time I was a senior in high school, it looks like I was experimenting with many things, but it seems like I was trying to be like some of the rapper and stuff I see on TV.  It looks like that in my school there was not too many people who are of the urban/gangsta subculture because we are in a rural, small town.  It it looks like I didn't realize that some of the people in the urban/gangsta subculture are involved in things are illegal and not cool, such as stealing, gangs, murder, and rape, which is a lot of crimes.  A lot of rap music involves many things such as drugs and prostitution, which is something that I should not be involved in, and is highly illegal. 

I should understand who I was was - I was a middle class teenager.  It looks like I was trying to be in worse condition than I actuallly was - I was underrating myself and it might be selfesteem issues.  It looks like I am more emo than gangsta and it seems like I am not seeing things the way they are.  It seems like I was in a fantasy world and I was not seeing things the way they are, and not seeing things realistically.  I think other girls see me more realistically and probably are interested in me as a date as they find out what I am interested in realistically.

It looks like I am a middle class teenager that likes music and likes to fool around with music, is involved with band and choir, and is involved in church, probably of conservative values - that sounds pretty normal.  But it looks like I am overfocusing on something that I am truly not - I am being a poser or a wannabe.  They probably seen my parents and my parents interests, and it looks like I am putting on some act.

I think I should also work on some assertiveness or self-confidence.  It looks like I am going after girls that are not interested in me.

I also had to have some quirks ironed out as well, unless I had found a quirky date that are socially the not mature and trying to put on an act just like me.  There is probably somebody like that and I could of had a date.

But fast forward to now - it looks like I could very easily found a date.  I probably could of easily hitched on to some of the girls if I conform, follow the rules, and don't put on an act, and be mature.  The prom is to test how mature and how you act in social situations.

There are a lot of girls that are similar to me when I don't put on an act.  One thing is that when I don't put on an act, I could be pretty intelligent, etc.  I always thought that was not to be intelligent and that's nerdy.  But you can be intelligent and not nerdy.  Nerdy is when you are smart but don't get it socially - some people could be smart and get it socially as well.  It looks like I was pretty quirky and don't know who I was.

A major milesstone

It looks like that one of my goals is independence and it seems like I am getting closer and closer to independence, but it needs work.  It looks like the driving situation has been finally figured out and I can finally drive anywhere.  I had been driving since 2009, but it seems like there has been many delays, such as medications and the stress of the roommates.  A lot has changed of me in the last 3 years of my life as a major, but I have a lot of growing up to do as well.

Now it looks like I am back into a mode where I am going to be learning things for a practical job and this time around I might be ready for the real world.  I was originally planning on going into the computer careers in the first place, but I realized that I needed to take a break and have some time to grow up and find myself, which I haven't really had a chance to do in high school.

It looks like high school was not that bad either and there has been many good times.  It looks like the good times had outweighed the bad and there has been a lot of growing up experiences.  I was not involved with drugs, sex, or anything like that, but it looks like I was wanting to fit in like everyone else, and I did fit in like everyone else.


College was another time to find out who I am and I was getting a pretty defined view of the world, and of what I am good at, and what role I should play in this world.

Now I am going through the next stage - I am going to finally get some practical education for a job.  I am going into Organizational Behavior and I am finally going to learn some practical skills that are needed for employment.  No more fluffy or finding yourself work; now I am ready for adult education and the next thing - I need to find my first job.

I haven't really dated or had a job yet, which is the 2 things that are missing.  I think there might be a lot of people not having a job or not dating.  I talked to the counselor and it looks like I haven't really had a job because I had not have any work experience in the recent years - I was sort of a slacker.  My counselor had suggested that  I need to do volunteer work to show that I want to do a job and I understand what work is - to use my skills and abilities to help others.  I am going to have a function, I am going to have a role.  I am like a computer that needs to be programmed.

The adult world is based on two things - love and work and it looks like I am looking for love and work. It looks like I have a hard time finding relationships and finding a job because I need to be known.  People need to know me for who I am truly am and what I could do.  I don't think I shown the world what I like.  I think I need to open my mouth a little bit and show the world what I got; I think I need to be more assertive and start to express myself more as an individual.  I should prove the world that I am not going to be an scum that is living with my parents that don't know where he is going and whining about how his life sucks, and how high school sucks, and not looking forward for anything for the future.

Volunteering will get my used to the work world.  I will know what it feels like to work and it will show that I am willing to help other people who are in need.  It looks like I am a whiner that wants everything given to me - it's ain't going to happen.

What am I am paying for?

It looks like college has gotten to be extremely expensive these days; it seems like you are paying money to get some actual decent information where you can apply it to the real world instead of some BS.  It looks like this society is obsessed on making money and college is one of the things that are obsessed on making money.

We love money.  Money is the thing that causes a lot of problems - it starts wars, it starts arguments, it starts fights - it is basically the thing that we can obtain that sorts everything else.  Without money, we won't have anything to motivate us and we don't have anything to seperate things.  Money is a good thing and money is a evil thing.

It looks like there  is always people trying to take control of the money and usually it is some rich bastard who has an attitude.  It seems like our distrubition of the money is going to places such as the government or super rich corporations, along with churches and colleges and whatnot.  This money is something that is starting a lot of problems - money seems to be a root of all problems, but we do base our world on money.  But it has wonderful things as well - money is a self motivator and it figures out our idenity - it shapes the world.

But it looks like the biggest money sucking thing are colleges and educational instituition anyway.  It seems like your intelligence is controlled by the economy and it seems like there is a social class system or pecking order in intelligence.  It looks like that we want the poor people to be dumb and the rich people to be smart.  I don't see too many educated poor people, unless you are a college student.  But it looks like you are paying to be educated.

We had gotten so far that everyone can have accesss to the basic education needed for functional survival, but it seems like if you want to get anywhere in the world, you have to PAY your way just to learn.  This sounds like some old fashioned Medieval thing that needs to end - we are in the age of the internet for crying out loud.

Anyone who can halfway read or use a computer can actually go to the library and grab a book on any subject they please, and learn.  If you want to learn sociology, you can go to the library and read a book.  You can probably get the same textbooks from even BETTER universities at your library than your college to pay for some mediocre textbook. College do have a big library and if you want access to that library, you have to pay your tuition bill which is a lot of money.

Then we have the internet, which is supposed to be the information superhighway that was supposively supposed to END college education.  But it seems like when you go on the internet, you have a bunch of worthless crap and garbage, and it seems like it is full of porn, anime, and things that are extremely mindnumbing, along with other people's opinions such as mine.  I do have some good ideas but I am getting college educated, but there are some people on the street that are pure idiots and there are some that are like whoa, he is smarter than a professor and he lives in the hood. There is a lot of common sense.

You can go on YouTube and search for education, and basically you can get some lectures for the top universities for free.  What the heck - why am I paying for college.  I can go on YOUTUBE and learn from there - I can even use Wikipedia and have way more intelligent material than even the college textbooks.

You can go to the library and read as well - there are lots of good books at the library, but it seems like a lot of local libraries are starting to lack intelligence and start to have smutty porno books or something like this.  It looks like with this college education, we are starting to go back to the traditional you have to be educated to be rich and you have to be dumb to be poor.  It is a social classes system created with the college.  It seems like the social class system is something that is always bitched about in college, but really, it is being created by a social class system.

We have these Wall Street Protest - it is all about the 1% or so.  Actually, you should consider the 1% as not the corporations, it is the UNIVERSITIES and the GOVERNMENT is more richer.  That is the true 1% - they looks like they are loaded with money, making everyone poor and sucking everyone dry.  It seems like the university is destroying the middle class and making everyone poor so we can pay for tuition.  We have a government - why don't the government make COLLEGE freer for people can get educated instead of funding it more on WELFARE.  These college professors seems to have an attitude and they are probably want more money than the corporation.  There might be a possibility that corporations are probably funding college - we have sponsorships and corporations such as Prentice Hall, McGraw Hill, Houghtlin Mifflin, and all the textbook writers trying to control the information.

It looks like it is about time to start getting more freedom of education.  Don't need to have a tuition decided who is going to be smart or dumb in this world.

The high point is coming

I don't think the golden years of my life has come yet but it looks like I had went over the hump and I had went through the worst times so far.  It seems like the last few years had been a tumultous time and there seems to be a lot of pain and sorrow - at least it way a learning experience but eventually I will get through this.

This last year was a year of improvement - I had improved a lot this last year.  One year ago, I was unsure what I was going to do in the future, I was in a dysfunctional apartment, it looks like my old friends had left me - I was in a mess, not to mention that I was unemployed and probably not 100% focused.  But it seemed like things had changed in the last year - things had changed a lot.  The good thing is I got driving and my independence skills had improved significantly, along with my social skills and emotional well being.  But I still need to work on some of my social skills, but I had went over the hump.

The counselor had suggested that I need to spend some time in the community and volunteer.  I need to get some work experience along with develop my social skills and self confidence.  Usually with ADHD, social skills are usually learned at a slower pace and because of the inattentiveness, I was not picking up on social cues such as clothing choices (wearing colors that clash and not having everything buttoned right), personal space issues, and troubles with conversation (talking about things that are inappropriate for the situation and talking about what I want to talk about without considering what others want to talk about.)  It looks like I had troubles with the opposite sex and it seems like I have been staring at or following girls that are not interested in me or don't know me, or are taken by somebody else.  It seems like I am going after girls I don't know and some of the clothing choices, personal space, and hygiene issues might bother than, along with some of the hyperactive quirks.

But that was back then and it seems like I had improved a lot.  I had stopped pacing, my personal space issues are no longer a problem, and I am becoming a better listener, and not just talking about things I just want to talk about.  It seems like by high school, I seem to not talk and not iniate - what I should do is to start askiing other kids about their interests and be  interested in them instead of having them be interested in me.  That will help me make friends.  Not everyone is going to come up and be interested in me - but I had this thought that everyone is interested in me but really they are not.  But I need to work on iniation and start being a little bit friendlier.

But I can see things are going to improve - I can see some of the behavior problems had been ironed out and I should  remember some things.

1. Make sure your clothes match, are buttoned, tucked out, looking nice, hair nice, teeth brushed
2. Personal space is the key - try not to be too close or too far
3. Be interested in someone else besides myself - I am not that important. Ask them about their day, about their interests.
4. Listen - don't interrupt.
5. Try not to fidget - stand up  straight or sit up straight and put that smile on!
6. Don't stare at girls that don't stare at me first

It looks like the other things I have problems with such as losing things.  I am done with following people but I needto work on being more friendlier to people.  When someone says "hi", I should let them know I am here instead of a wussy "hi", it should be a HI!! or something like that.  There are many small things I should remember that may help me in a long way.

Organizational skills are a bigger thing - losing car keys, assignments, etc. seem  to be a major problem and I need to work on it.  I should also remember to do nice things such as open doors and push in chairs - that is going to go a long way.  These clumsy quirks are usually with inattentiveness - it is hard to think about personal space and whatnot when you are not attentive, but when your brain is focused, these things will come naturally.

College vs the real world

College and the real world are two distinctive places. I have been in a community college which is not as distinctive as a university which is a fantasy world.  The real world is actually a better and more agreeable place.  Here is what I see the difference:

Living

College:  You live in dorms and apartments with people your age, but you may not like who you are living with
Real World: You live anywhere  - with your parents, on your own, in a mantion, a castle...way better than a dorm and you usually chose who you live with - the most part.  But you have to deal with your neighbors.

Food

College: Given to you by the cafeteria.  Not that nutritious
Real World: Whatever you can afford to eat - anything!!

Hobbies

College: Basically listening to music, maybe playing a sport, and getting laid
Real World: Hunting, fishing, golfing, watching football, mowing the lawn, baking, sewing, anything

Culture

College: You live in a multicultural enviromment where blacks, gays, Asians, blah blah blah hang together and sing Kum-Bay- Yah
Real World:  Mostly your culture is homegeneous, racist, pluralist conformist...barely any diversity.  A lot of segregation.

Intellectual persuits

College: Studying postmodern Darwinism or something like that
Real world: Watching some documentary about clocks on the History Channel

Music

College: Whatever you find at the coffee shop or off of iTunes
Real World: The local country station

Friends

College:  roommates, teammmates, classmmates, hook up buddies
Real World: in laws, coworkers, pesky neighbors, the bar

Sex

College: like any animal in a pen - with multiple partners possibly
Real World:  With your wife or you are having an "affair" and a lawsuit

Jobs
 College: That crazy job at the bookstore
Real World:  Executive assistant

Money

College:  About $50 a week  for food
Real World: $50,000 a year... but spent on things such as mortages, kids, phone bill, light bill, internet bill, and worse of all...the IRS.

Popularity

College:  Football captain
Real world:  CEO of a major corporation

 Happiness

College:  priceless
Real World: priceless

My 21st year

2012 is when I am officially going to be completely into the adult world - I am now a young adult now and I can be respected.  I can almost do whatever I can damn please as long as it's following the law and common sense.  Now I have a whole life in front of me and my life has just begun, and it is about time for me to show the world what I got.

I am not a little punk anymore - people can start believing me and people don't have to boss me around anymore.  I got the first effect when I was 18, but now I am getting the full effect.  I can drink if I want to, I can screw if I want to, I can go party all night if I want to, I can jump in and get married if I want to; there is not too many things that I can't do.

But we have big brother - the government from keeping us from doing whatever we want to do.  The government still thinks we are children and we need to be bossed around, and we are dumb, and don't have feelings.

At age 21, you have a high amount of fluid intelligence - you are educated and you know a lot, but it looks like you haven't really have a lot of crystallized intelligence, which is the intelligence that you need to survive in the adult world.  True knowledge includes fluid and crystallized intelligence, which is the reason why older people are getting educated to keep them up to date with the modern knowledge.  We need to have true intelligence - a combination of wisdom and book smarts to actually know what you are talking about.

I notice I feel a little bit strange when I first entered the adult world when I was 18.  It was a shocker and I learned a lot.  I came outside of high school expecting that I will have more college classes with my peers but it turns out I had entered the "adult world" when I had entered the college.  I was the youngest one in the classroom and people were on a totally different level than me.  They had actually lived life.  I  was used to having a classroom of all teenagers, but when there were a lot of 35 year olds, I had realized that I am the bottom of the heap and I am not important.  I am a young punk.

Then I joined the community band - which featured people of all ages.  I am not in the high school band; I am competing against the band director in other schools and other professionals.  Some are even movers and shakers.  If I am competing against the adult, that means I'm pretty good.

College choir has adults in it as well and I am starting to have more and more classes with adults.  It seems like I am marked down and I am at the bottom of the totem pole.

I am going to try to enter the world and I am now competing against the big shots - there are lots of people that can cook and clean better than me, so it might be hard getting a job.  But I should find out what I have competitive and excellent skills - I should develop an expertise and see where I can get a job.  The pecking order is going to be stronger and I need to develop my skills to get into the real world - mediocrity is not going to work so I need to get my grades up.  I might be competing against some 50 year old that had been there forever and that will think I am some young punk.

But once I do something; I am going to know my place.  It looks like I know something and I can show other people what I know.

But there is going to be some better points about being 21 and older.  It will be easier to find love - any girl that basically half way friendly to me can be dating material; it is not like high school or college where you have a definitive social structure, but the age is going to change to social structure, making the older ones the true wheels.

I need to get that high school thing out of my system - girls are going to like me in the real world.  All college girls are looking for sex and how big my you know what is...lol.  I actually have a pretty good sized one anyway...lol.  It is not all about having the cars or anything like that, just like in high school.

I am going to be 21

I am going to be 21 in a few weeks which is a shocker.  I am not sure if I am ready for this but you never know.  I had grown and changed a lot in the last year and it'll seem to me that I haven't really done much in my first years of being legal.  All I had done is educate myself and maybe change myself, but it is time for me to something for other people.

I just entered the world in the adult standard (since I started 18) and I haven't really done too much.  It looks like I was just whining about my past, not going anywhere, but I need to go somewhere.  I have a whole life ahead of me and I got some potential and I'll like to do something in life, and show the world what I had got.

I am 21 and I still consider myself a teenager.  I am still in a "high school" environment and I am living with a dorm with my peers.  I don't have a job and I am not even dating.  I can drive by myself, which bumps me up to about a 16 year old.  It is about time I should do something.

It seems like I have been focused on myself all these years, and it is time for me to focus on others.  I know this may be hard but it is time for me to put myself for other people in one way or other.  I have been suggested that I should do some volunteer work because I need to show the world I am more like the parent, not the child.  I had chased around and "helped other" kids at a VBS last fall and I had did great.  Some of the kids had remembered me when I am helping out.  I should try to volunteer in something and show the world what I got, and what can people could come to me for.

I am getting educated and I am starting to know a lot - but I need to apply myself a little better and start doing things for others.  You never know what I am good at.

I do volunteer on the internet once in a while - I do help add my expertise on Wikipedia and help make the knowledge on Wikipedia a little better, but I don't think it is believable and not everything is factual.  Very biasesd. 

I need to be known for something - I should be known for someone that is willing to do something and can do something for other people.  Even if it's feeding the poverty at a soup kitchen  - I can get this feeling that I had fed a lot of hungry poor people.

This might help me in relationships - I should be someone that a girl should look up for, not have the girl better than me.

I know it is not part of my nature or maybe it is part of my nature.  It seems like I have been in a college world where I had learn to be isolate and start to "find myself" - maybe it is time for me to "find myself" by doing things for others.

Hooking up

There is a concept of "hooking up" that has been going on for the last, who knows when.  I think we always had hooking up, but it looks like "hooking up" has become more socially accepted and even more cool. We are starting to move away from God and become more secular, and it looks like we are starting to go against the values of the Bible and plain common sense. It looks like we are starting to act like a bunch of animals.

Animals will have sex with anyone they choose.  People are animals (some are literally) and they will have sex with whoever we choose.  But we seem to be a lot more intelligent than animals; we have the power of reason.  But it looks like people are starting to lose their minds and starting to have sex with anyone they choose.

I had never had sex, but some days I wish I would have sex.  But we have the consequences - STDs and unwanted babies.  That's a lot of problems.  I don't think it is good to have an abortion at all - it is killing off a chance for a person to live and that person was alive for a reason. But for a natural biological process, it feels pretty good.  Maybe it is supposed to feel good because everything supposed to feel good when you are fullfilling your need.  You need to eat and it feels good when you have a full stomach.  You need to sleep and it feels good when you have a good nights sleep.  It will probably feel especially good when you continue your species.  But we have the invention of condoms, which will make a good night a good night without consequences and the safe stimulation of masturbation...lol

But it looks like we are a lot more than food eating and sex addict animals, which it turns out that America has turned into.  We have a lot more - we are here to contribute and to help other people, and to show off our time and our talents.  We are not just here for the continuation of species - we are far more advanced to do that than just be an animal just hooking up and fighting, and eating everytime you turn around.  Even though our obsession is fighting, food, and sex, which is a mans dream and a womens dream is to nurture and get sex, we have better things to do.

I do have the urges but I am single and I control myself pretty good.  I do like to date but it looks like having a date might be just boring, unless I get married right away.  There are more things to do with your time than to you know what.

What did I value and what do I value now

It looks like my values had changed throughout the years and it will change in the future, so lets look a what do I value now and what did I value back then?

It seems like I am always looking back at being a teenager - it seems like there is something I regretted about being a teenager that I want to do over, but if I think back, did I do what did I wanted to do as a teenager.

My teenage life was pretty tough - everyones teenage life is tough but I don't think I had it as bad as the other kids.  It look like a lot of kids were in divorce families and in crisis situations, but I didn't really have to deal with that.  But it seems like I was your normal teenager - I was valuing fitting in and I was trying to find myself.

My parents had strict rules on what I should be as a teenager, but I was experimenting with certain roles and I can see  this with genres of music.  It looks like I wanted to fit in like everyone else and I think I was valuing popularity and friendship, but it looks like I was getting with the wrong crowd and they seemed to booted me out.  Then it seemed like I was starting to become depressed, so I was going to go with a different crowd, but it looks like I was realizing I did not fit in neither crowd.  It seems like I liked that crowd but I don't think I was interested in those values.  I was in a big mess and that summer, my parents had decided for me to have a clothes burning and make me pretty neutral without experimenting with certain outfits and I think I had the best respect.

One thing is I didn't really have that much money and another thing, my parents were very strict.  Of course it is the law that you can't be involved with drugs and alcohol, but teenagers do it anyway.  I didn't really have an idea of who I was and I still don't really have an idea of who I am either.

I am still figuring out my idenity and it looks like things are starting to get figured out.  It looks like I have pretty conservative beliefs so I might as well stick with the conservative beliefs.  It looks like believe in traditional family values, true friendships, getting a job, not being involved with drugs or anything like that.  To being a teenager, I sound kind of boring but in the adult world I sound like I am respected. I should be known for what I do than what I believe in.  Maybe trying to experiment around with beliefs are not worth the hassle and it will get you in trouble - it looks like I rather go down the right path instead of trying to go through the wrong path.

It seems like my beliefs are ironed out and eventually I will like to get married and have kids.  But I need to have a job first and that will be my major goal in the next few years - getting started in the career world and living independently.  But I need to work on relationships outside of my family - especially romantic relationships.  It looks like I was always looking for a girfriend but it seems like I was going after girls that could care less about me or don't even know me.  It seems like I need to find a girl that I can get along with pretty well and I can talk to pretty well, along with have the same values, interests, and background.  It it looks like I am exploring my sexuality as well and to find out what I am attracted to, and what feels good and not feels good.

The world has a lot of choices and there is a lot too learn about the world around me.  It looks like I am worried about finding love and finding someone that will appreciate me, but I won't find love unless I am screwed on.

There are a lot of girls to choose from and there are a lot of choices to make, but I hope I will find one.  The same thing is going to be with career. I need to get some work experience and then I think I should try to find my niche.  A job will be good and it will open up my doors  to me, and I will become a more well developed individual.

Some day I am going to get things  figued out and Lord I hope I do.

How to find out where you fit in high school

High school is a time of experimentation and finding yourself.  I don't think I really have that time to experiment, but maybe it is not a good idea anyway.  I am not going out to blow money on some type of piercing or tattoo just to fit in with a certain group - I really think these teenagers look like idiots.  But there are many teenagers that do that - they blow money on stupid stuff.

But that is part of being a teenager is to find out where you fit in society and what you believe in.

Back then, teenagers did not exist because you were basically all in the same boat.  Pretty much if you are a guy, you are to work on some farm or some factory, or maybe become a merchant or something like that, and if you are a girl, you are to be a housewife.  Things seem to work out back then.  But the first true teenagers took place when we have more options, more subcultures and you have the ability to chose what subculture you are in.

How do you know where you fit emo? Or prep?  Or punk? or nerd?  I think it has to do with personality and interests.

Preppy people are the ones that usually are in family that have a lot of money and they tend to be conservative and comforming.  This is the easiest teenager stereotype to fit into because all you have to do is comform to the fads and go along with the  teachers, etc.

The emo teenagers are usually the ones that are depressed and they have some issues at home.  Goth teenagers are ones that are interested in witchcraft and all that creepy stuff.  Gangsta kids are usually the ones that have anger issues or bipolar and are involved with dope, drugs, and the street life.  The nerd is usually the one who studies hard and is very intelligent but socially ackward.  They are usually the ones that are going to get somewhere in life in the adult world.

It looks like I fit into many categories, but I tend to be creative, especially with the music.  I could be like these teenagers that like to make their own music and have fun.  But I tend to be pretty conservative so I am not a big gid up fan.  I am probably going to be attracted the best to scene kids or emo (I have a tendency to whine a lot) or maybe a preppy, normal conforming teenager.  I am not really a gangsta kid because I don't have the aggression but I seem to be pretty passive.  I can be pretty nerdy as well if I want to be as well.

But it looks like that teenagers are turning out to be the same.  This recession or this economy is making these teenagers be a little bit more conforming and conservative these days.  I tend to lean on the conservative side so I would probably stick to your basic comforming teenager, but I tend to have some artsy and musical tendencies as well so I can fit in with ones that know music as well.

I am not a one to take drugs or do alcohol or anything like that which basically weeds me out of a lot of stereotypes but it looks like romantic relationships are important to me. It seems like I haven't really  gotten far in relationships because I am the one that likes to keep to my self, but I can find someone.  I probably like sex if I get exposed to it...lol

Now I am almost 21 but I am still like a teenager at heart - trying to find out who I am.  But maybe I do know who I am better than I think.  I think I had a pretty good idea for who I am for a long time and I might as well stick to it.

It looks like I should try many things and see which fits me  the best, and I should fire up Slacker or some music thing, and find out where I fit.

In one month...

In one month, a whole new life is going to begin.  Of course, I'll be going to the same school and I will be going to the same apartment, but it looks like there is going to be a lot of preparation in the next months for a whole new beginning.  It looks like I went across a long journey, but it seems like I am going to reach the destination and I am going to move forward.

I got the college acceptance letter in the e-mail process, and than eventually I am going to start the registering for classes and my parents are going to pay the bill.  Then the books are to be bought and I am going to be ready to roll.

This is going to be a lot more defined than my liberal arts degree - I am actually going to be studying something for a job and I am going to be going into a whole new path.  I am no longer going to be a teenager, but I am going to be a young adult.  Actually, I was far past being a teenager even past about the year 18, but I still am a teenager at heart at sometimes and sometimes I am going to be a child at heart.  There are a lot more responsibilities of being a young adult, but eventually I am going to find out these responsibilities are going to have many rewards.

I can see high and happy times once I am in my 20s and my 30s.  By about the time I am 30 or so, I should be in a house, married, and having kids, along with having a pretty good career living the American dream.  Life is going to be good but I got a lot to go to get to that point.

It looks like I haven't really focused on the romantic relationships and I haven't really gotten a job, which makes me sound like I am a loser in life.  But at least I am getting a college education and I am starting to get a path in life, and at least I am living independently (partially) and having the ability to drive.  But there is a lot of growing up to do and a lot of experiences to encounter, so it is time for me to get cracking.

I can see romantic relationships are easily going to be a possibility - I just need to start to get to know some girls and I might need to get out of my comfort zone.  I think the idea I am getting a very good education through a very high quality college might gain some self confidence and improve my lease in life.  It looks like it is time to bury the past and look into the future.  The past is the past and what happens, happens.  I don't think romantic relationships or anything like that crossed my mind when I am in high school.  I wanted to get a girlfriend but I don't think I was thinking outside of the box and was only interested in certain blonde girls.  I was probably idolizing more over some blonde on TV like Hilary Duff than an actual teenage relationship.

I don't remember what was on my mind in the high school years, but I was pretty normal, trying to find myself. But it looked like my parents had pretty strict standards on what I wear and what I do, and I did not have access to a drivers license and whatnot, so it was very hard to find myself.  I didn't have fast enough internet so I didn't really have time to find myself.

It looked like that all through high school I was in a fantasy world.  At least I had a desire to join a sport to fit in, but it looked like I did not have any interest in fitting in or finding myself at the beginning of high school. It looked like I was one of these kids that kept to myself, playing the Sims, etc.  But I did join the track team, which increased my desire to fit in and it did get me out in the community.

But that was the old days and the old days are done.  I basically think my college years are my adolescene and I am finally going to get things squared away when I get out  the door when I am 22 or 23, when I am a true adult.  Then I am for sure going to start working on romantic relationships.  I should start working on romantic relationships right now; but relationships  in general.  I should try not to be that antisocial and it time for me to get out in the world.  I have been suggested to do some volunteer work, which will give me some experience with the public and I won't be as shy around people.  I have a whole life ahead of me if I put my mind to it.

The  next month I am going to get the summer established.  I am getting talks with the counselors and I am going to set up some volunteering.  I need some job experience and  I need to get out with the public, and try to make me more social in a world of a twenty something.

My college survival tip

I have been college for about 3 years and I had learned a lot, especially with the apartment and the college.  Even though I have been trying things through trial and error, I have learned some college survival tips.

1. Take a fun class that is not related to your major - that really relieved the stress from college.  The thing that got me adjusted to college was the audio recording class - I was sold.  College has a lot of interesting classes for you to take and you should take a few extra electives to have something to look forward too.

2. Take classes that you enjoy - this is common sense but you should take the classes that you are the most interested in or might have a natural talent in.  It is not a time to explore random classes; it is a time to expand on your given talents so you can get a job.

3. Look for jobs - working in college will actually give you some real world experience.  College is all about the real worl - not the surreal world of high school.

4. Learn to like Wal Mart - it seems like all the things that you learned in college is somehow tied to Wal Mart.  Wal Mart is the real world.

5. Have a pet - having pets are a great way to relieve stress.  I notice that petting my kitty during the weekend really helps me go through the week in college.

6.Don't bring too much stuff - the dorms and the apartments are usually small and they will get messy if you bring too much stuff.  Bring the most basic things - that will motivate you to work.

7. Learn to like online TV and radio - that is the savior to arguing over the roommates music and TV choices.  TV arguments are going to be a thing of the past with the Hulu box and headphones.

8. Go to church or at least the virtual church - going to church or at least the virtual church online will give you a different twist on things because most college professors are secular (unless you are in a private or parochial school which are really EXPENSIVE) and it will help you stick to your guns during the college years.

9. Childhood nostalgia is cool - college is one of the last times you can live your childhood before working your butt off.  Every once in a while you can look back at your old cartoons you watched on TV from the 1990s and early 2000s and pop in that Britney Spears music on YouTube.

10. YouTube is your friend - YouTube is the best source of entertainment and education.  It is great for music and getting entertained, informed, and inspired on almost anything from cat videos to full length epic movies.  I love YouTube for the music.

11. At least participate to clean up - cleaning is good for you and will save a lot of divorces.

12. Try to get your own seperate bedroom if you have to - that will gaurentee some peace and quiet.  The bunking in deal is annoying and you are better off to have your own room.

13.  Get rid of your high school past - high school is so last year and it is a clean slate, so you can reform yourself.  College is a great time to grow - better than high school. I have grown a lot in the last few years and I will probably continue to grow some more.

Technology that is already starting to get old

There is already a significant difference from 2002 technology and 2012 technology and really the year 1982 looks like we are in another planet.  Not much changed in the world of technology throughout most of the latter end of the 20th century but it looks like we are seeing an explosion of technology in the last 10 years.  Technology is going to continue to evolve and the technology of 2002 is probablty going to be retro in the year 2022 and the technology now might be retro and vintage in the year 2032.

It looks like we are moving forward in technology and it looks like we are going back in technology as well. You don't see people confined to TV screens as much as it was in the later part of the 20th century - it seems like people are returning to books and playing games, along with going uptown to hang out than to isolate yourself with the family as it was during the 1970s and 1980s.

Lets look to see how technology changed in the last 10 years.  About 10 years ago, the home computer was becoming the standard and a lot of people were still using dial-up internet. The internet was pretty simplistic and you didn't have Facebook or YouTube.  You had Amazon and eBay, and Yahoo was a bigger search engine than Google.  Desktop computers were the standard and many of them were using the Windows 98 or 2000 operating system, while Windows XP was a luxery.  The internet was mostly wired and laptops were for the real rich.  Smartphones and tablets did  exist but it was not a teenage toy but it was more a toy for business.

The 1990s was the era when the computer and the internet has revolutionized the workplace and the school enviroment while the 2000s is when the internet has crept into the home and it came into the hands of teenagers.  The internet was in a dark age in the 2000s where most of the internet was made of opinions and blogs just like mine.  But in the 2010s is when there is another revolution in computers.

In 2012, it looks like the desktop is becoming obsolete and even the iPod is becoming more and more obsolete.  Who listens to an iPod anymore?  Now the internet has turned into a downloading machine to a streaming machine and it is starting to take over other things beside the computer.  For a while, the computer was the only place where you can access the internet but the internet is starting to integrate into the TV, the phone, the car, the radio, and eventually the internet is going to integrate into the bathtub or something weird like that.  It will be cool when you can set the scenery with some background and have some music playing while you are taking a bath, along with having  an accurate temperature and pressure adjustment, along with showing how much water you are wasting and when you should shut it off.  That might be the technology of the future.

The internet could be in something crazy like the refrigerator - it will show your nutrition and it will even make it able to shop for your food on the internet on your fridge.  But people do need to go to the grocery store just to have a social life!  You can probably set parental controls on the fridge so you can keep the kids from being obese.  But the SmartFridge might be a little bit too whacked out because I like my good old fashioned refrigerator.

But I can see some practical use of technology in something like a car - check your Facebook and Tweet where you are driving while getting into an accident.  Unless we make cars self driving.  You have to concentrate on the road - not Facebook.

But I can see some people are not going to adapt to the modern technology and we might like the simpler things in life such as playing with a real live animal cat and actually screwing the girls is better than the virtual sex.  That is going to be one bad thing about the internet expanding to other things - you'll be seeing pornographic images on the ceilings of teenagers bedrooms, but at least your parents can check what your teen is viewing on the web.

Too much routine

It looks like I have a tendency to whine and bellyache, but I should try to find out what makes me special.  It looks like I am a person without much personality but when I do come out I sound like a pretty special guy.  Some days I feel like I am down in the dumps and no one likes me, but it is not the case - there are a lot of people that like me very much and would like to get to know me.

It looks like I am a pretty independent individual - I am not much of a partier and I seem to keep to myself.  I have a lot of things on my mind such as going to college and trying to get a job, and move on with life.  After that I am going to focus more on relationships.  I am sort of a quiet person but I need to open up a bit - it looks like I like to get into a routine and I don't want to bend the routine.  It seems like I like the familar more often than the unfamilar and then I stick to it.  It helps me stay organized and on track of things.  I also live in a place where you can't really do much to bend the routine.

But I do need to open up as well - it looks like when I get into a rut, it seems like life seems to slip away.  I think it is time for me to be a little more adventerous and explore the world a little bit more often than to be in a routine.

But it seems like I get into a routine because of the college schedule - I have a certain times of the week that I have class and I have the rest of the time to study for my classes.  It looks like it is going to be pretty simple once I get into classes that I like.  College is a great place for me to explore and learn about the world around me, and I have learned a lot.  I think I should learn a little more than the curriculum and start reading about things for pleasure - I am starting to read in the library and it looks like there are many interesting books on many topics that will make me a smarter and more well rounded individual.

The routine is good but it is time for me to get out of my rut.  I know it is easy to keep a consistent schedule and it does get things done, but I need to be a lot more adventerous.  But I should not go to the other extreme where I get under the influence of drugs and illegal activity.

I am busting out a little bit and by this summer I should start to establish a new routine. Getting a job will break my apple cart a bit but it is good things to change things up a little bit. Routine does keep me organized and on my toes, and I do have a hard time getting organized, but I need to bust out of my comfort zone and start to do things a little bit different.  I can start by getting to know somebody that I don't usually get to know - I should get out of my self centered little world and be a little more interested in other people.  They have fascinating stories to tell and they have many things I can learn from them, and they can be pretty interesting if I get to know them.  If you think about, I can be a pretty boring guy if I do the same old same old.

Life has many changes and I am going to go through many changes in the future.  I am changing even tomorrow - everyday involves a same and it looks like it is going to be the doldrums if I do the same old same old.

The main problem is financial issues - it looks like I have a limited supply of money to do things so all I can afford to do the same old same old.  The same thing with gas prices - we are getting up there on the gas and  it might be about $5 before we are done, which is not good.  This might make everyone in the routine.  I think it might be time for me to get a job so I can do more things.

Then the next things is the relationships - getting to know people can be fun.  It can make life exciting.  Even though some people are different from me it looks like I need to get to know people that are a little bit different from me.  I don't think there are too many people that are different from me.  I need some time to develop as an individual and you don't see me developing myself as an individual if I am obsessed with the same routine all the time.  I like the familiar because it is good but I seem to be in a rut.  Maybe I should go to another restaurant besides McDonalds all the time - McDonalds is good but it is not good for you as well.

I got a long life to live and I have a long time to get a job, but once I get some money I should open up my mind and try new things.  I should also try to expand my network and expand my skills to get a job as well.  Routine may keep me organized but I need to stop being so robotic and become a more free thinking person and free spirited person.  

Look how I have changed in the last 6 months

It looks like I have changed a lot in the last 6 months and there has been a lot of self improvement.  About 6 months ago, I was still not having a good idea what I want to do for college and there has seem to be seem kinks to be ironed out.  I was still living on TV dinners and homemade packages through the microwave, and I was still "carted" back and fortth through college.  But after about 6 months, I am cooking my own meals, driving on my own, and going shopping for my own food.  I think there has been a great awakening in the last 6 months or it might be something like this.

For most of my life, I have been in a fog, which had diminished my ability to do a lot of things.  It seems like it was hard for me to function because of this fog.  But it looks like the fog is gone and I am starting to learn things at a very rapid rate.  Or it might be the myleanation process that is happening with the brain; I have been learning stuff but now I am starting to recall things.

I am learning about ADHD in school and in my pleasurely reading.  It looks like with ADHD, your neurons cannot connect and things are just tangling up, creating a fog.  It looks like things are also in a lower power state, and I need to do things to stimulate the part of the brain in that low power state.  But now the brain has turned on and it is just like everyone else, and it seems like someone just turned on a light or put glasses on me.  I have been doing many things to stimulate and that might explain some of the jitteriness and the twitching, along with the chatter and looking up random things on the internet.

I also did not have the best control of my emotions but now I got the higher function of the brain working to help me control my emotion.  I seem to go gaga over a girl but now I am a little more calmer, more realistic, and more selective with women.

That might explain why I couldn't drive for long distances because driving requires sustained focus and I did not have the sustained focus.  Now I did have the sustained focus.

It might be the more natural part of growing up and I have been learning about the world around me.  It seems like the driving situation and getting jobs situation has taught me about the world around me.  The next step is finding employment and that might complete my transition of almost living independently.  There is going to be a lot to learn when I get a job, and I am going to start getting a whole lease on life. It is just like a preschooler finding out he can do it myself and I am going to show the world that I can do things myself.

Romantic relationships are going to come as well, but I think I need money and proximity.  I seem to be someone to keep to myself and I value family more than friendship, but it seems like I need to get out of my nest and start finding my own friends which I am doing a very good job with.  It is hard to really get to know anyone in college and everyone has their own goals and aspirations, but it seems like I am starting to get people that support me and respect me.

 I tend to keep to myself because I have a lot to think about but I am not a recluse or a loner.  I tend to be more independent and sometimes I need more time to think.  I am your more family orientated person but I think there should be a balance between family and friends.  It seems like that family has been a lot more important to me in high school, and there has been a lot more family issues with me than the peer group, which did not give me enough time to get to know people outside of the classroom.

But I can't suck on to mom or dad too much - I need  to start developing myself as an individual and it is a hard time getting out of my parents nest.

Dating and relationships are going to be a snap for me if I cut down being in my own world and try to think about someone else.  A job will definitively help me with that.  It seems like I am in my own world, and that is fine, but I have been so used to it because of the ADHD fog that I need to start being like a more focused person and become more interested in other people besides myself and my immediate family.  That may gaurentee more better dating and relationships, etc.

The death of Facebook

Facebook is now of a monster of a "social networking" site.  It is not even a "social networking" site anymore because it has turned into more of an advertising and propaganda site.  It looks like it seems like it is used more for marketing of major businesses to sell their products and for politicians to shove their propaganda than for the purpose for the social networking site.  This might represent the change of the internet - we are starting to enter the old internet of the 1990s where it was based on E biz and information than socialization.  I think people are going back to actual face to face socialization.

Facebook is a great site for business, but I had a big fan of it for the social networking purposes.  Now it is like MTV or the weather channel - it barely shows music videos or weather, it is just propaganda and advertising.

Facebook is starting to revert to the MySpace for the 1990s - a place for business than a place for friend.  Facebook is eventually going to turn into a site where you can advertise your business and use it for employment references; the social portion of the site is starting to dwindle.

The social networking experiment is starting to become so 2000s.  The experiment has failed and I have a feeling people are going back to their roots of talking face to face.  The 1990s purpose of the internet and computers are starting to come back.

YouTube is changing as well - it is starting to age and become more for older people to listen to music than for these "teen angst" bloggers like me.  It looks like the structure of the internet is changing; computers in general and we are starting to go back to their original purpose of the internet.

I haven't really been exposed to the old internet but I think it might be time for me to grow up.  Computer users are starting to age and we might be going back to the old internet, especially during recessionary times.

A lot of businesses are hard up and they are starting to use the internet to sell.  I don't see any more social networking on Facebook.  I think the users of Facebook are aging and they want more business networking than social networking.

Everything that happened to you is planned

I am not trying to be a preacher, but I have this belief that everything that happened to you - good or bad, is planned in the eyes of God.  I have been put on this planet for a reason and I have been chosen the right location,
along with the right  genetic code and everything for a reason.  But I am not told that reason but all the good things and the bad things that happen to me happen for a reason.  It looks like everything is planned and only God will know.

Think about some random day - God has planned me to have that happened to me.  I am struggling to get a job but there is going to be a time and a place where I should get a job, and it looks like I can't really predict it until it happens.  But there is problem some master plan.  It looks like I am going to keep trying places but there is going to be somewhat of a master plan in the background.

The job that I get first is probably a prediction of what career I should be going into and probably the things that I have been through is probably a prediction of what career I should go into.  They are always asking you what experience and what skills you have - it seems like there is a mismatch of what you should be going into.

It looks like I had experience with decling old people and it looks like I have some knowledge and some experience of the special ed department.  It looks like I have experience with children as well too. But it seems like in the summer, I have experience with the role of a caretaker for my grandparents and during the school years, it seems like things have been laid out.  It seems like the good times in high school has taken place about junior year when things seem to be put together.

But there are some things that make the good times in high school.  It looks like if I follow the rules and wear nice, conforming clothing with everyone else, I am going to be fine.  School is like a job.  If it looks like I am experimenting and clashing, I am going to have a problem, wearing some gid up or some mismatch clothing.

Students don't want to see someone is losing something all the time - klutz.  They don't want to see a pacer or a stalker.

You can see what a lot of my problems are.  Wearing some bright colors together that clash such as green and blue - really not cool.  Most guys are wearing something more conservative such as a brown or a black or a gray.  It seems like really bright colors on guys are not very cool.  That was back then.  Wearing bright colors together as a guy probably shows a lack of confidence and authority, and it does look gay.  Acne is a problem - it looks like you are some zit faced awkward person that doesn't wash.  So imagine a person who does not have his collar tucked in, clashing colors, acne, etc. It looks like the person doesn't know what he is doing and probably not the brighest bulb.  But look at a person who wears more darker, authoritave clothing like a suit with less clashing colors, clean face, clean hair, etc. very respectable.

I probably had that attitude dark colors are gloomy - they are not glommy, they are more authoritative.  Guys traditionally did wear dark colors - it is a suit.  There is also something weird when you are switching idenities as well.

The magic of the self-fullfiling prophecy

I had learned about the self fullfing prophecy in school and what the self fullfilling prophecy means that whatever you believe it is or say it is, it is!  And I can see some fact to it.  I noticed when I say something is easy, it is easy but when I say something is hard, it is the  most difficult thing you can possibly do.   Lets think about taking a drive through a rainstorm.  My mom said it is going to be a problem, but I said it was going to be no problem.  I went through a rainstorm without any problem, but my mom was right...I had made a few mistakes but it looks like I went through it just fine.

The same thing it is going to be with everything else - things are going to happen the way I am believe it is going to happen.  When I say I am going to do good on a test, I usually do well in a test because I am setting the stage. But you also have the belief that you are going to be too cocky, which gives you a more pessimistic attitute about me.

I had done this exercise in school and I might as well do this at home in this blog.  I am going to put a few wishes on this blog and I am going to give out a positive self fullfilling prophecy.

I wish I could find a job in this ecomomy.

I am able to find a job in this economy.

I wish I could start dating and be in a relationship with someone.

I am able to start dating and to be in a relationship with someone.

I wish I am more organized.

I am a more organized person.


It seems like what I say I am is  the truth.  For example, organization.  It looks like  I am very good at sorting and categorizing and it seems like I could be using these skills to get myself to be more organized in more practical situations.  I can put similar things together and I might as well stick the more similar things together which will make me a more organized person.  It looks like I am saying getting organized is a boring, mundane task you have to do.  It is fun!  If I like to sort things, it looks like I am very good at sorting  things and making lists.

Finding a job in this economy is tough, but it is not impossible.  There are obviously people working in this economy and it seems like the economy is low, but maybe it is time for it to be a little lower.  The economy is your perception as well.  It was low compared to about 2007 but I don't think it is much different than it was about 2006 - it is a very high inflation and the unemployment is high, but it looks like people are not starving to death.  I can find a job in this economy.  I will find a job in this economy.

I wish I can be dating and start a relationship with someone.  I can start a relationship - I am no ugly duck and there are people worse than me finding dates.  I am perfectly able of dating and relationship as long as my hormones are working and I am able to talk!   I have a voice and I have hormones.  Even the dumbest people can get dates - I am looking at Wal Mart and I seen way worse than me getting a date.  It looks like it is very far from impossible - shy guys and shy girls can get a date.  The only thing that is preventing you from romantic relationships is the person's attitude.  I have the biological features to be a man and a lot of women are looking for one.  I am  exposed to girls all day and I am  able of dating one of them.

My whole attitude could change about this.  If you see yourself as emo, you are emo.  You see yourself as anything, you are.

The self fullfilling prophecy could be even at the spiritual level and it has been even been seen as Near Death Experiences.  You have strong beliefs about hell or heaven, you see hell or heaven.  If you believe you are earthworm food, you do have an afterlife of dirt and earthworms.  But it makes sense - there is something after death.  It needs to have something to happen next.  You are not put on this planet for nothing, you are put on this planet for a purpose and God only knows what you are supposed to do.  It looks like the things that happen to you, good or bad, are actually a good thing in the eyes of God.

The liberal arts degree and how it changed me

This 2 year period where I took the liberal arts degree, I have changed a lot.  The first thing is to get me readjusted with the medication and to find out that I have ADHD and that was the core to my problem, while the next thing is to have a very wide and broad view of the world around me so I can make choices in the adult world.  I changed a lot in the last few years and it seems like what I was like when I come into college was a lot different than I came out of college.

In high school, I remained the same.  It looks like I haven't really had a chance to explore and find myself, unless I had a pretty good definition of who I am anyway.  But it seems like I when I got into college, things seemed to changed.  My college life might be my true adolescene - high school might as well be a continuation of elementary and middle school.  It looked like I was not as interested in driving, getting a job, and partaking a lot of responsibilities as I am in college.

But this apartment life seemed to changed me and it seems like I learned a lot about the world around me in the last 3 years and I am starting to come out as a full blown individual.  The liberal arts degree I was taking was not a waste and it started to make me a better person.  Actually, it did not make me more liberal; actually it made me more conservative.  I was starting to find out who I am and I was starting to get a better view of society, which seems to be on the more conservative platform.

But now when I start getting things figured out, I should go on the next step and try to get that job that I never had got in high school.

The liberal arts degree goes through many disclipines of study and I have went through almost all the disclipines of study.  The first semester I went through the sociology and psychology - I was starting to have a better understanding of people and the world around me.  I was starting to realize what is truly going on in this world and starting to get my beliefs straight.  By the end of this semester, my social skills and moral has improved widely.  The second semester was not a growth semester as much of the first semester, but I did take a history class to learn about the world in the past and more psychology to improve myself.  It seems like I was a better individual by the end of the semester but I still needed work. I started to get more open minded about music and my music choices started to get more broad and mature.

The third semester was a tough one and there was a lot of crunch in that semester - but I was starting to narrow things down into a more defined package.  Human biology gave me a better understanding on how my body works and the logic degree just made me more logical, while sociology of the family expanded on my knowledge and curiosity on my goals of having a family.  It looks like a more well defined individual - the moral semester was the third semester.

The fourth semester is my exposure to the more diverse world and I am taking classes such as abnormal psychology and natural diasters, along with intro to massage.  The human development course is starting to find out what people should be doing at each age.

It seems like that throughout this last  2 years, I was starting to have many things more defined.  It looks like family values and a love for children is a trait that I am discovering, along with more compassion and better understanding of people than I ever had before.  I also developed a more open mind about music and my other things.

But I still have a lot too learn - it looked like the last few years I have scrubbed and polished my social skills and my awareness of others, and it seems like it applies when I go to the apartment.  Now it looks like I am ready to date and do many other things that requires higher social awareness than I used to be. Summer 2011 was a very tough summer for me and I went through this summer - it was a summer of confusion, but it seems like things are starting to get put together.

But after this liberal arts journey - I should go into the next step.  Now it is time for me to show the world what I got and to find out my role in society.  In other words, a job will be a good idea for me to have. 

My favorite semester will be the first semester and the current semester.  The first semester is where I was starting to blossom and to find out who I am, what I am, and where do I stand.  It was time for me to develop some social skills and some beliefs.  This semester it looks like everything is starting to be put together and I am just tying up the lose ends.  It looks like things are going to be good when I start going to more college and start preparing for my future.  I did not have the frat life - sort of, but it was a good time of growing up.

Wal Mart - the real world

It looks like the closest I get to the real world during my week of college is a trip to Wal Mart.  It looks like Wal Mart has been a weekly routine for me and it seems like I have some excuse to get something at Wal Mart.  Wal Mart is a fun store to browse through - you can find anything in there from music to coffee pots to clothes to technology - everything is at Wal Mart.  It looks like it is the big store where you find everything - it is, indeed the real world.

I applied for a job at Wal Mart and I might be contributing to this multi billion dollar corporation. I always heard that Wal Mart workers are treated unfairly - but what do you expect; Wal Mart is a store and they want you to work and they wanr you to work hard.  They don't want you slacking off with good pay.  It seems like there are many benefits of working at Wal Mart and it is to look at the typical customers that go to Wal Mart.

Wal Mart does have it's share of diversity - you have everyone who needs to eat and up on some pants, and some are not even wearing any pants are shopping at Wal Mart.  I heard stories of people who sleep at Wal Mart which is a 24 hour business. I can go to Wal Mart at 3:00 in the morning when I can't sleep and this is where you find all the real creatures of Wal Mart.  A lot of them are in their pajamas and then some.

It seems like I seem to get educated when I get to that store - I think a lot of my problems are solved in this store.  I think it might be something about seeing people other than myself going through their everyday business - it seems like when I get through that store, everything seems to fall into it's place. I am starting to see that I am not alone and there are some people that are in worse condition than me.  With having a girlfriend; I realizer that I don't want to wind up like some of the people in Wal Mart.

I think it will be a fun place to work.  It is close and convienent and I will always have something to talk about. I'll start having an assessment of what is truly happening in the world.  A lot of the subjects in the college curriculum works great with Wal Mart, especially in the field of the sociology and psychology, economics, and human diversity.  Human Diversity and Wal Mart fit together.

There are things in the college that doesn't fit the real world and the real world is Wal Mart.

The fashion style of the future

I tend to like to predict the future trends and fads in the future, and I can see what is emerging.  I don't seem to pay attention to well of what is emerging, but I can see some things are going to come back some how by usual some pure logic or common sense.

I don't pay attention to the alternative and underground scene but what is in the alternative or underground scene might seem to attract the fashion of the future. Rock and Roll is one example of the 1950s.  The first elements of rock and roll took place after the war during the 1940s, which is in a form of music called rockabilly. That is associated with the greaser subculture. Then someone glamorized the rock and roll scene in the 1950s, which is Elvis, which then eventually led to Buddy Holly and Jerry Lee Lewis.

Then the Beatles came out, which started the "rocker subculture."  The rocker subculture seem to be associated with short hair and rebellion with more of a greased up look.  The Beatles had created the rocker look to be long hair.  Then you had more Beatles like groups such as The Rolling Stones, The Who, The Animals, The Doors, and anyone on your classic rock station.

Rock music was started to become dated, then in the 1980s, it seems like a new form of rock music was new wave which is reviving the 1950s style rocker look with short hair, but with the use of synthesizers instead of guitars.  That made electronic music/dance music and the dance subculture come into mainstream.  Guitars are outdated and long hair is outdated, so the synthesizer and short hair is the future.

Eventually the synthesizer became outdated and we went back to guitar.  It looks like there is a war between guitar and synth, unless we merge the guitar and synth together to make everyone happy.

I can see that the guitar always want to make a comeback and nothing against the guitar, and the synth hasn't really come back until the new millennium.  I can see the synth dominance again in the 2010s and 2020s, then a guitar revival about maybe the 2020s or 2030s.  Or it seems like we were are going to scrap the battle between synth and guitar, and start bringing back full orchestras, or jazz instruments such as the saxophone or the clarinet or start becoming whacked out with our instruments and start playing with anything to make music.

It looks like in the 2010s and 2020s, you need to think of something that hasn't been thought of before or hasn't been thought of in a long time.  I haven't heard full orchestras in music in a long time and I haven't heard a jazz band or a big band in music for a long time.  Or we can go into the future and start figuring out what to do next in music - we pretty much done everything.

The same thing with fashion - I have a feeling that we had tried the slob look for a while and the slut look for a while.  Lets see a girl wear a dress or a guy wear a suit.  I don't remember men wearing suits or girls  wearing dresses as casual wear.  It might look very sophisticated.  Or we can think of some progressive style that you haven't seen before.

The fun times in high school

I should just look back to the fun times of high school that I will remember when I get older.  It looks like I do have lots of good memories and even though the teenager years are ackward, I have slid through these years pretty smoothly as compared to other kids.  Other kids have to deal with divorce and drama at home, along with peer pressure.  I went through the high school years smoothly.

It looked like my favorite times had been the fun times where I just play the Sims on the computer, or listen to music with mom, or have my favorite McDonalds dinner.  High school was not that bad - there were some fun times and I should look back to the fun times of high school.  There are some fun times now - I might look back in the future about the fun things about college.  Going to Wal Mart might be one of my fun memories, along with community band, the massage class, and audio recording.  Even just sitting in the library listening to music and the nice solitude in the dorm where I have the freedom are some of the fun times in college. It looks like there are going to be many more fun times and serious times as well.

Comparing myself to other people

I have been looking on the internet about what my classmates are doing and it looks like I am going somewhere more than the other students.  A lot of them are working entry level jobs but it looks like they are not going any where or have many significant plans. I also see a lot indecisiveness and it is even me I have indecisiveness, but it looks like I am going through a wise path.

A lot of them have decided to go whoopsie and have children, but they do not have enough money to feed or support them, and it looks like they are in a mess.  A lot of them are not married when they have children and having that first child might be an awakening in which I think these students are not ready for me to encounter.

There is a lot of chaos and confusion with my classmates, but it looks like things are going to be pretty stable with me.  It seems like things are starting to get put together and things are going to be pretty stable in the future.  It looks like I am ready to look for a job, but God knows what job I am going to have, but Lord pleas help me find a job.

But maybe I am lucky that I am not in the situation that these other children are going through - it looks like my mess is mild compared to mine.  I have to experience a half way messy apartment which is part of being part of dorm life.

That last few years of college have been years for growth for me that I haven't really truly had in high school.  I known I went through a few moments in high school, but it looked like I had growing up to do.  It seemed like I ended high school in a bittersweet feeling, but I was ready to move on with life, and it looked like I was ready to get started on the next stage.  But when I got in the I.T program, I was going through second thoughts about the decision I made and I wanted to start over fresh.

But the last few years have been good years - they have not been the best years in my life but they were years where there were a lot of growing up and change.  It looked like high school for the most part was not the bad and it was a pretty fun time - I had a few incidences of drama here and there but it looked like things wen pretty smoothly.  High school was really not as social of a time because there was a lot of responsibility with me which did not gave me the social life but I did have a social life and I was doing just fine.  People did like me and  I have a lot of fun memories, and it looks like the fun memories are going to replace the bad memories of high school.  But high school was a lot of responsibility especially with my aging and dying grandparents.  It look like it changed me view of high school and high school is not all about the cliques and the popularity, but it is a time to serve one another.

I should look back to the fun times of high school - teenage life did have it's good points and it looks like most of my high school career has been pretty fun and partially into my college career.  The first year of college was tough but it was fun and I will always remember the first year of college, good or bad.  One of the buddies I made in college said that the year 2009-2010 was the best year in my life.  I don't think I have hit my best years of my life but there was a lot of experience that I never had before.  I consider 2009-2010 my golden high school year - it was a peaceful and fun wrap up to high school before I move off into college.  When 2010 started to move along, I decided it was time to start a new beginning and to start fresh.

The last few years were a time to start finding out who I was and where I stand - I was starting  to get a philosophy on things which I haven't clearly had defined when I was in the high school.  I was starting to get a worldview about things and it is starting to put together now.

Compared to others, my life in college has been going smoothly - I did have it tough but I also had it good in the first few years of college.  Maybe I needed to change and to find out who I am, and where I stand.  Eventually, after college, I am going to figure out what I am going to do.  I am thinking about settling into my first real apartment and eventually working on finding romance.

It is my choice

It looks like it is going to be my choice.  For all these years, it looks like I have been padding around a routine - go to school in the fall and have the summers off.  Go to school for five days a week and have the weekends off, then repeat.  But this  era is going to end and it is going to be time for me to choose my own schedule - actually my life is going to be in my hands and the decisions I make are going to be through my own and Gods destiny.  Starting about this summer, I am going to be transferring into a new routine.  I am going to school on the evening and the rest - I need to think of what I am going to be doing for the rest.

Society is expecting me to get a job because that is the only way I am going to survive independently and my parents are getting sick and tired of padding me.  I am going to be 21 for crying out loud - old enough to drink and to get married/have a family for crying out loud.  I haven't really have any true relationships in my life and I haven't really had a job in my life, but God please help me find both.

It looks like I am going down a family path - I am the traditional, old school have kids and get married, and it might be a good idea for me to jump into the workforce if I want to start that goal.  I am very picky about where I work because I have that belief that I might stay there for a long time, but in this economic times, finding my first job without any experience is going to be a problem.

But this is going to give me a reality check about the world around me - I need to stop acting like a kid and to make my own decisions myself along with sharpen my claws just like the cat.  It looks like there might be many flaws that I need to work on to get employed and to be respectable in society, along with have romantic relationships.  The first thing is I got the ADHD ironed out and I got the driving situation ironed out, along with education, so there is no excuse.  Now it is time for me to figure out the more softer skills in life such as improve my handwriting, my presentation, typing skills, and not be as self centered and self -conscious, along with be more assertive. Each time I get slammmed for a job or date opportunity, it is a time to improve myself. I need to be less picky about a job and to not have McDonalds on the brain.  I need to be more scientific about what I can do and what I can't do, and really evaluate what I want to do.  I seem to be self centered and it looks like I want the suit and the paycheck without the desire to contribute and help out.  I am probably self centered and would like to gloat on Facebook as "see see I got a job too" and a "cool job" even with the tough economy without giving a thought about doing a good job.  I would like a job on paper but not actually do the work.

I am probably not going to like my first job - who does like their first job and there is going to be a lot of problems but it is WORK what do you expect.  But eventually I am going to work my way out of the bottom of the barrell and do the more prestigous job that gets more money - it seems like I am a little bit impatient but I am pulling the popularity thing too much - in the real world, popularity doesn't matter as much - it is  money and success that truly matter - that is what popularity is.  And usually the popular people in society are gossiped about and made fun of.

So it is my choice - if I want to sail away through the doldrums or I should get off my butt and move on with life - it looks like I have hit a reality check.  I am now in the world and the world is not fair - it is time for me to get off my butt even though I have a tendency to be lazy.

Why do I need to work

It seems like I am battling the recession and the low economic times like millions of other people in the country but I am starting to think: Why do I need to work?

There are many  reasons on why I have to work and I will list them off there:

1. To earn money - our society is run in money and it seems like I need money to survive.  Money does cause a lot of problems but it seems like it motivates people and makes people want to work.  If we don't have any money, we won't be working because we have no incentive to work.

2. To be more independent - it seems like a lot of things are learned through work and when I finally get my first paycheck.  I get to do more things such as open up my first bank account, my first checking account, and credit card.  It seems like there are a lot of fascinating things when this money rolls around and it enables me to buy houses, cars, go on trips, you name it, do anything!

3. To get a better view of the world - I am going to finally get pissed off about something such as the government.  I am going to find out that the government is going to suck money out of things that are unnecessary.  There are many things that we don't need but the goverrnment is blowing it on things.  I am going to find out what the government needs and the government don't need, and which society fits the best.  Think about the education system - there are many things in the education system that is needed such as learning how to read and write, but you don't need to spend it on wasted programs such as multiculturalism and environmentalism.  I will starting have a better view of society when I actually start working - my political views might be based on where I work.  Better education if I was a teacher, better health care if I was in the medical field, less government when I am in business, etc.

4. To finally date - it seems like that girls are not a free ride.  Nothing is a free ride.  You need to pay $4.00 gas to chase a girl, you need to pay about $50.00 for the internet to chase the girl along with the amount for dating services along with the electricity that is needed to supply the internet along with the house/apartment that I am living in.  It is a not free word - nothing is free and it seems like a class system is established which I think is based on choice.  It seems like I need all this expenses to date a girl along with to supply the food to keep you alive and to pay for the transporation and the entertainment for the date.  How pathethic - girlfriends cost money.

I think it is basically - money is the key to living on your own.  Money is magic but I need to work to earn that money and the work I'll do to contribute to society.  I should think about how I am going to contribute to this big project called life - I can serve the community with a fast food place and think about all the happy people that I have made by making them very good food.  I know I am happy and I think other people will just be happy.  The same thing happens working at a sit down restaurant or store - I am doing something to put smiles on people's faces and I should think about what should I do to make people happy.  I see this special girl working at the store in the cash register - it will gaurentee a good friend and  a great way to advertise your store and I'll come back for more.

There is a lot of things I need to think about and I should think about - what should I put myself to some other people.  There is something special about me that will make other people happy.  I made a very beautiful looking lawn when I was mowing for my grandpas and the people were impressed by my lawn mowing skills.  I do like beautiful lawns and I can make them just like carpet.  The same thing with helping my dad with the wood - it saves a lot of work and gives me heat, and makes me appreciate the heat that I am using to warm myself, along with save money and the environment.  I can do the thing as a teacher - I can educate and inspire a generation of young minds and I would like to see them in the real world.

Every job has a purpose and I should think about, what can I do to make a difference in this world.  What had God put me on this Earth for?