As I am writing this,we are approaching the last few hours of 2011 and then we will be entered 2012. 2012 I can see is going to be a big year - it is going to be an election year, Olympics, and the supposed end of the Mayan Calendar, which is supposed to end on December 21, 2012. I doubt the world is going to end - the Mayans did not believe it will end on that date but who knows - only God knows. It is going to be a big year for me personally - I am going to be turning 21 and I am planning on continuing my education into St. Scholastica, which is the next big step. There is a lot in store coming into 2012 and there is a lot to look forward too. I don't really know exactly what is going to happen next year, but I have a feeling things are going to turn out pretty good.
2011 was a major year of change for me. It is a year that had a lot of growing up, and it was a roller coaster ride. At the beginning of the year, I was pretty much confused with what I am doing, but at the end of the year, I was pretty screwed on. 2011 was the year that I had a few small relationships - a flava in the week in August and I also had a tragic friend deletion which was for a reason. But by the end of 2011 I am getting help and it seems like I am going somewhere.
In 2012, I am going to continue to get some help and hopefully I am going to keep my apartment. I also would like to make some new friends and have some fun as well. I am probably going to establish some hobbies and go back to the way I used to be. I have a feeling I am going to be more relaxed in 2012 and things are going to be stable after things are screwed on. I am predicted by this summer of 2012, everything is going to be figured out and I am going to enter the next step in my life.
It looks like I needed to have some things completed to have a job, girlfriend, etc. I think I need to have all the quirks and kinks ironed out, and started establishing an identity and a new personality that is pretty stable, not confusion. I seem to be switching personalities but it looks like my personality is going to be more well developed that ever before. I will seem more relaxed and screwed on. I have a feeling by Summer 2012, things are going to be good for me and the good times will be in 2013 and beyond. I am working on getting my first job and I have a feeling I am going to be pretty close to it in 2012. I have a feeling I might have a girlfriend by the end of 2012 or sometime in 2013. I think it is about time and I am getting pretty close. There were some flavas of the week in 2011, but I haven't really have anything too serious because of the social cues and the unpredictable personality.
It is new years eve and it is time to get my shit together, and pretty much as a treat, I am going to release old photographs on new year day 2012. I have scanned some in and pretty much have to do some cutting with paint the like and I think that will be a kick start.
My belief is whatever I do on New Years Day is going to set the stage for the year; so whatever happens tomorrow I should take this as a prediction of what happens on New Years. Last New Years was a lot of cleaning and this year was a lot of cleaning. Lets see what tomorrow has to bring.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
An honest look back of high school
High school has been something that is about 3-4 years ago, which is starting to become a dim memory and I should be really be enjoying my college life, but now I am going to have a more honest look of high school life. High school, with an exception for the typical drama you usually have, was pretty peaceful. A lot of my time in high school was spent on the internet, looking up sites such as MySpace and Facebook. I was on MySpace but I didn't really cause much problems on MySpace. I had a few more problems on Facebook, because the people on Facebook were more "preppy" and "goody goody teacher sucks" and "high school jocks" and it seems like I was desperate for popularity. On MySpace, I was busy doing other things than being involved with high school drama, such as meeting other people from other schools and the like.
Really there was not much drama. I think people pretty much accepted me for who I am and didn't really make a fuss. The only time I had a lot of drama when I was starting to become more or less a "poser" and trying to be popular, but I did not have the social cues to be like the popular kids. I was fine in different classes though, who known me for who I am. A lot of the "drama" was usually involved going after girls just to "make me look good" but really they are meant for the jocks. There were really not as much girls in the school because it was a small school and it seems like I most likely could give a shit less.
Most of high school I pretty much slided through without too much fuss and I did have my friends. I didn't really hang out outside of school too much since I did not have access to a car, but who hangs out anyway because you have sites like MySpace and Facebook. I did join the track team and went to sporting events, which were some pretty good times. High school was not that bad of a time if you think of it - I basically just slid right through. I did have my fun and did learn some lessons, and they day to day things of high school were not a big deal.
High school would of been different with faster internet connection - I would of been in sync with more of the pop culture off of YouTube and stuff like that.
Now I am in college and I should have a more honest look of college. Actually, high school is a little bit better but in the future I am going to scrub college and going to look at it in a more different light. It looked like I partied my way through high school without much growing up; but college was the time when I am finally doing the growing up stuff that are done by many people that are in high school. In high school, I did not have a chance to grow up; I was still basically a child but eventually when I got kicked out the door, I realized I should of grown up. College is probably the more accurate time than high school for the more "growing up" stuff off teenage life. There was a lot more high school drama in college but this stuff pretty much is going to shape me and help find out my idenity.
In college, that was the time I was starting to finally figure out I have some type of disability and I need some treatment. I have been medicated with ADHD and pretty much that might be the root of all the problems in high school; not picking up on social cues. Pretty much with no pill whatsoever, I tend to be these "loner emo" type kids that basically keep to themselves and play video games all the time. That was the first year of college -kind of some messed up kid that really didn't care to be in school and in life in general, and seemed to not like people, and seemed to be depressed. But when I jacked the medicine up to about 60%, my self confidence was rising but there were some kinks to iron out. I was not the emo type kid, but I seem to be more mature, but just a little out of touch. But now with 100% pill my awareness is high and I am just like everyone else in the college.
Right now I am realizing what I am truly going to college for and I am getting treatment. I am getting corrections and things might be very good when I am done with the corrections. It seems like I was in a limbo, but now I am starting to get more screwed on and know what I am doing. I am probably going to have a good path and whatnot too.
My concept of time gets screwed up without the medications and I seem like I want to look back to high school, and I am typing this at the middle of the night. But I am using self expression which will help me go to sleep and get things off my chest. This is called releasing of energy and that might help me fall asleep. Stream of consciousness to get everything off my chest is what I am doing. This is a healthy thing to do and I am getting sleepy. But once a new day comes, I am going to be screwed on and a totally different person will be coming. I think it is time to let go of the past and realize - it was not that bad in high school. Maybe I was not involved with the car or the girlfriend but think about that: These mature responsibilities will make high school rather boring. I heard a lot of kids bitch about work and their relationships on the job and with the economy. You had to worry about inflated gas prices and food prices at the teenage age, which I was lucky I was not dealing with. I was lucky I was not involved with the hassle of keeping grades up for car insurance and the problems with teenage pregnancy, drugs, and the like. There were a lot of things that I was lucky I was not involved with until I got some values and some sense. This is where my ideology is being established and I need my view of the world - pretty conservative - established before I consider jumping in the mature responsibilities of being a teenager.
Really there was not much drama. I think people pretty much accepted me for who I am and didn't really make a fuss. The only time I had a lot of drama when I was starting to become more or less a "poser" and trying to be popular, but I did not have the social cues to be like the popular kids. I was fine in different classes though, who known me for who I am. A lot of the "drama" was usually involved going after girls just to "make me look good" but really they are meant for the jocks. There were really not as much girls in the school because it was a small school and it seems like I most likely could give a shit less.
Most of high school I pretty much slided through without too much fuss and I did have my friends. I didn't really hang out outside of school too much since I did not have access to a car, but who hangs out anyway because you have sites like MySpace and Facebook. I did join the track team and went to sporting events, which were some pretty good times. High school was not that bad of a time if you think of it - I basically just slid right through. I did have my fun and did learn some lessons, and they day to day things of high school were not a big deal.
High school would of been different with faster internet connection - I would of been in sync with more of the pop culture off of YouTube and stuff like that.
Now I am in college and I should have a more honest look of college. Actually, high school is a little bit better but in the future I am going to scrub college and going to look at it in a more different light. It looked like I partied my way through high school without much growing up; but college was the time when I am finally doing the growing up stuff that are done by many people that are in high school. In high school, I did not have a chance to grow up; I was still basically a child but eventually when I got kicked out the door, I realized I should of grown up. College is probably the more accurate time than high school for the more "growing up" stuff off teenage life. There was a lot more high school drama in college but this stuff pretty much is going to shape me and help find out my idenity.
In college, that was the time I was starting to finally figure out I have some type of disability and I need some treatment. I have been medicated with ADHD and pretty much that might be the root of all the problems in high school; not picking up on social cues. Pretty much with no pill whatsoever, I tend to be these "loner emo" type kids that basically keep to themselves and play video games all the time. That was the first year of college -kind of some messed up kid that really didn't care to be in school and in life in general, and seemed to not like people, and seemed to be depressed. But when I jacked the medicine up to about 60%, my self confidence was rising but there were some kinks to iron out. I was not the emo type kid, but I seem to be more mature, but just a little out of touch. But now with 100% pill my awareness is high and I am just like everyone else in the college.
Right now I am realizing what I am truly going to college for and I am getting treatment. I am getting corrections and things might be very good when I am done with the corrections. It seems like I was in a limbo, but now I am starting to get more screwed on and know what I am doing. I am probably going to have a good path and whatnot too.
My concept of time gets screwed up without the medications and I seem like I want to look back to high school, and I am typing this at the middle of the night. But I am using self expression which will help me go to sleep and get things off my chest. This is called releasing of energy and that might help me fall asleep. Stream of consciousness to get everything off my chest is what I am doing. This is a healthy thing to do and I am getting sleepy. But once a new day comes, I am going to be screwed on and a totally different person will be coming. I think it is time to let go of the past and realize - it was not that bad in high school. Maybe I was not involved with the car or the girlfriend but think about that: These mature responsibilities will make high school rather boring. I heard a lot of kids bitch about work and their relationships on the job and with the economy. You had to worry about inflated gas prices and food prices at the teenage age, which I was lucky I was not dealing with. I was lucky I was not involved with the hassle of keeping grades up for car insurance and the problems with teenage pregnancy, drugs, and the like. There were a lot of things that I was lucky I was not involved with until I got some values and some sense. This is where my ideology is being established and I need my view of the world - pretty conservative - established before I consider jumping in the mature responsibilities of being a teenager.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Accomplishments of 2011
Before 2012 starts rolling in, I am going to review what are the things that I had done in 2011. 2011 was a year of progress and it seemed like I was a totally different person at the beginning of the year than at the end of the year. At the beginning of the year, I was unsure of what I was going to do and what my direction in life, but by the end of the year everything seems to be fined tuned and ready to roll. I don't know what 2012 has in store but I have a feeling it is going to start out as a continuation of the way I am in late 2011.
I am feeling optimistic about 2012. Many good things are going to happen, but before I look at 2012, I should recap of what 2011 has to have in store.
2011
Got out of the crappy apartment and went into a "mainstream apartment"
100% medicated
Finally fined tuned the driving
Got a cat
Had a good idea of what direction I am going into
There was a lot of accomplishments. Better than 2010 by far. 2010 was simply a realization I had a problem while 2011 looks like I am trying to fix the problem. 2012 is going to be a year of adaptation. It will be a year of self discovery and learning about the new me. I am going to be 21 next year and I should be getting ready to take on the world.
I have been worrying about getting a girlfriend or be in some type of relationship. First, I think I need to know the social cues that I have not been picking up - I can't tell if a girl truly likes me or not and next, I need to develop some focused interests and have a stable personality. I probably need to have some transportation and some money as well. There are probably girls that like me, but I am not focused enough to have a sustained relationship. Relationships take time and it looks like I am not "screwed on" enough to be in a screwed on relationship, not these "flava of the week" types.
I don't know what is going to happen next year but I have a feeling that things are going to be good.
I am feeling optimistic about 2012. Many good things are going to happen, but before I look at 2012, I should recap of what 2011 has to have in store.
2011
Got out of the crappy apartment and went into a "mainstream apartment"
100% medicated
Finally fined tuned the driving
Got a cat
Had a good idea of what direction I am going into
There was a lot of accomplishments. Better than 2010 by far. 2010 was simply a realization I had a problem while 2011 looks like I am trying to fix the problem. 2012 is going to be a year of adaptation. It will be a year of self discovery and learning about the new me. I am going to be 21 next year and I should be getting ready to take on the world.
I have been worrying about getting a girlfriend or be in some type of relationship. First, I think I need to know the social cues that I have not been picking up - I can't tell if a girl truly likes me or not and next, I need to develop some focused interests and have a stable personality. I probably need to have some transportation and some money as well. There are probably girls that like me, but I am not focused enough to have a sustained relationship. Relationships take time and it looks like I am not "screwed on" enough to be in a screwed on relationship, not these "flava of the week" types.
I don't know what is going to happen next year but I have a feeling that things are going to be good.
What will replace Facebook?
I just woke up in the morning thinking about the days when people went on MySpace. I was on MySpace too. Everyone was on MySpace but eventually the site died out and it was replaced by Facebook and Twitter. About 5 years ago or so, people actually thought MySpace was going to stay forever, but it died. I have a feeling it might have to do something with the 2008 election - it seems like when Obama got elected, MySpace started to lose popularity. I think MySpace was sort of a rebellion site when we had George W Bush in office, but when Obama was in there, people could care less about "rebelling" against "the man" and social media has grown up. But I don't think politics was even related to that.
Now, I have a feeling that Facebook and Twitter are going to die out as well. Facebook is a lot of drama and Twitter is a lot of...I don't know, it is boring. But I don't know what is going to happen next in the world of social media?
I don't see any emerging sites coming up...Google+ is trying to get on the scene of the social media and probably Microsoft will do something with social media as well, unless you count MSN as something that is related to social media, but I have a feeling that social media is starting to become a dying fad. I am out of touch and I don't know what the rising trend on the internet - maybe actually interacting with people in person. People are actually getting bored with social media and it is turning into something for old people like e-mail.
YouTube is always a standard and I have a feeling that YouTube is not going to die. It has become "the video site" of the internet and I have a feeling Hulu is going to pick up. Ebay and Amazon are the standards of the web as well, and I don't think they are ever going to lose their popularity. Then you have Google and Bing, which are the search engines and don't forget "good ol' porn." That might be a sign of the death of the internet, it will be just filled with porn..lol, which is probably the thing that made the internet popular in the first place. I am not a techie and I am not up to the latest trends in technology. I think some of this stuff is cool, but I don't know what is going to be popular in the next few years.
I have a feeling you are going to have your standards, but social media might be just a fad just like pet rocks and leisure suits. I think people are starting to realize it's flaws and it is starting to be a feeding ground for a lot of drama. I don't know what is going to be next in the world of the internet.
Here is my predictions. Online entertainment is going to rise, along with eBiz and online education. I have a feeling that we might see a revolution in entertainment, such as Netflix. I see a lot of people watching TV and listening to music online, which will probably replaced the traditional cable. Video gaming, movie, and TV show watching, along with porn is probably going to replace social media. Or you might see something for a more futuristic alternative to education and business. Facebook is starting to become more business friendly and is used more for promotions. I have a feeling that YouTube is going to kick up. You never know.
Now, I have a feeling that Facebook and Twitter are going to die out as well. Facebook is a lot of drama and Twitter is a lot of...I don't know, it is boring. But I don't know what is going to happen next in the world of social media?
I don't see any emerging sites coming up...Google+ is trying to get on the scene of the social media and probably Microsoft will do something with social media as well, unless you count MSN as something that is related to social media, but I have a feeling that social media is starting to become a dying fad. I am out of touch and I don't know what the rising trend on the internet - maybe actually interacting with people in person. People are actually getting bored with social media and it is turning into something for old people like e-mail.
YouTube is always a standard and I have a feeling that YouTube is not going to die. It has become "the video site" of the internet and I have a feeling Hulu is going to pick up. Ebay and Amazon are the standards of the web as well, and I don't think they are ever going to lose their popularity. Then you have Google and Bing, which are the search engines and don't forget "good ol' porn." That might be a sign of the death of the internet, it will be just filled with porn..lol, which is probably the thing that made the internet popular in the first place. I am not a techie and I am not up to the latest trends in technology. I think some of this stuff is cool, but I don't know what is going to be popular in the next few years.
I have a feeling you are going to have your standards, but social media might be just a fad just like pet rocks and leisure suits. I think people are starting to realize it's flaws and it is starting to be a feeding ground for a lot of drama. I don't know what is going to be next in the world of the internet.
Here is my predictions. Online entertainment is going to rise, along with eBiz and online education. I have a feeling that we might see a revolution in entertainment, such as Netflix. I see a lot of people watching TV and listening to music online, which will probably replaced the traditional cable. Video gaming, movie, and TV show watching, along with porn is probably going to replace social media. Or you might see something for a more futuristic alternative to education and business. Facebook is starting to become more business friendly and is used more for promotions. I have a feeling that YouTube is going to kick up. You never know.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Lack of "family entertainment"
There has been a lack of family entertainment on the TV lately. Maybe it is a sign of the destruction of the family or it might be a sign that everyone is starting to use their own personal TV set, but there is not anything for the entire family to congregate in from of the TV for some quality entertainment. I have been flipping through the channels and there are not many "family friendly" shows. Game shows like Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader are a good start and maybe something on Disney or ABC Family, but there is not anything in general for the entire family to flop in front of. It seems like The Simpsons and NFL Football is on the only thing that is good, but NFL Football is only orientated for mostly men, like all other sporting events, with an exception of figure skating.
The network TV might have more "family friendly" shows than the cable, but it seems like they are raunchy. I heard a lot of people like American Idol and the X Factor, and you are seeing more family sitcom coming back, but I haven't paid much attention to them. I might as well watch Hulu and see what these shows are about; they might be quality entertainment.
The internet is starting to have way more better entertainment than the TV. Where else you can watch music videos on demand? MTV is reborn and I am only 20 years old on a thing called Vevo, which is awesome. And you have way better options for entertainment on YouTube. YouTube has basically killed TV and the viral videos are more family friendly than the general television. But I think it is rather uncomfortable to sit watching a computer screen; sometimes you want to kick back. I think in the future, and it is starting now, the internet and TV is going to merge. We are in the 21st century and it will make an awesome TV experience if you have the internet in the living room. But there will be a lot of compromise on what to watch and it may take some time to search.
I think there should be a flip flop. The family shows should go on the TV and put all the kooky stuff on the internet. Some of these shows could be watched in private.
The network TV might have more "family friendly" shows than the cable, but it seems like they are raunchy. I heard a lot of people like American Idol and the X Factor, and you are seeing more family sitcom coming back, but I haven't paid much attention to them. I might as well watch Hulu and see what these shows are about; they might be quality entertainment.
The internet is starting to have way more better entertainment than the TV. Where else you can watch music videos on demand? MTV is reborn and I am only 20 years old on a thing called Vevo, which is awesome. And you have way better options for entertainment on YouTube. YouTube has basically killed TV and the viral videos are more family friendly than the general television. But I think it is rather uncomfortable to sit watching a computer screen; sometimes you want to kick back. I think in the future, and it is starting now, the internet and TV is going to merge. We are in the 21st century and it will make an awesome TV experience if you have the internet in the living room. But there will be a lot of compromise on what to watch and it may take some time to search.
I think there should be a flip flop. The family shows should go on the TV and put all the kooky stuff on the internet. Some of these shows could be watched in private.
What SOPA truly means
I heard a lot of chat about the Stop Online Piracy Act, which is supposedly supposed to "destroy the internet as you know it" and I won't be able to even go on sites such as Facebook, YouTube, Blogger, and even Google. Basically the web will revert to it's original state in the 1990s, where it is the "information superhighway" where there is a lot of credible information and free porn. These are the rumors and I was afraid of it too, and have been reading a lot about this new law that is supposed to pass.
But I seen the horses mouth and it seems like it is not a big deal at all. What the bill is supposed to do is to have more regulations on the internet for copyright infringement, but will start to include the foreign rogue sites out there that can be damaging to your computer. These sites are from other countries and let you "bootleg" stuff from the internet, which is theft. It is NOT going to be something that will send the internet into a "dark age" or block sites that are legal, and even the President uses such as Facebook, MySpace, YouTube, Twitter, etc.
I am for freedom of speech, but I think the internet is starting to go downhill in the first place. I don't have anything against shooting your opinion out on the web if you are intelligent, educated, and know what you are talking about. You should have good writing skills and a lot of critical thinking to contribute to the blogosphere and the interactive section of the internet. But I think the credibility of the info is starting to go downhill; it is more opinionated garbage by some 15 year old head up your butt teenagers that think they "know it all" and some 2012 Armageddon crusaders. I don't have anything against shooting your opinion on the Web, but you should have some brains on the internet.
I am looking for stuff on lets say Google or Bing, and all you find is not anything reliable, but someones opinion. That makes you flip out even more and force you to get a book from the library to get some credible information.
I don't have anything against the internet; it is a thing that basically changed the world. It is freeing the world and making people more connected than ever before, but it is also making people weird and isolated. The internet had good intentions - great for spreading capitalism and free speech around the world, and it is the only true "free society" we have right now, unless you are in China.
But I seen the horses mouth and it seems like it is not a big deal at all. What the bill is supposed to do is to have more regulations on the internet for copyright infringement, but will start to include the foreign rogue sites out there that can be damaging to your computer. These sites are from other countries and let you "bootleg" stuff from the internet, which is theft. It is NOT going to be something that will send the internet into a "dark age" or block sites that are legal, and even the President uses such as Facebook, MySpace, YouTube, Twitter, etc.
I am for freedom of speech, but I think the internet is starting to go downhill in the first place. I don't have anything against shooting your opinion out on the web if you are intelligent, educated, and know what you are talking about. You should have good writing skills and a lot of critical thinking to contribute to the blogosphere and the interactive section of the internet. But I think the credibility of the info is starting to go downhill; it is more opinionated garbage by some 15 year old head up your butt teenagers that think they "know it all" and some 2012 Armageddon crusaders. I don't have anything against shooting your opinion on the Web, but you should have some brains on the internet.
I am looking for stuff on lets say Google or Bing, and all you find is not anything reliable, but someones opinion. That makes you flip out even more and force you to get a book from the library to get some credible information.
I don't have anything against the internet; it is a thing that basically changed the world. It is freeing the world and making people more connected than ever before, but it is also making people weird and isolated. The internet had good intentions - great for spreading capitalism and free speech around the world, and it is the only true "free society" we have right now, unless you are in China.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Old things that should make a come back in the 21st century
There are many old things that I think are cool, and I have a feeling that they are going to be just as cool, even cooler in the 21st century. The 21st century is a decade of technology and the internet was really picking up, but I don't think people are really as attached to technology as I think they are. Technology is supposed to make life easier; not be a crutch as it is to some people.
Technology is also causing some people to do abuse, such as "sexting" on cell phones and texting and tweeting while driving. Here are some old things that I think could be cool in 21st century as much as the 20th century.
Phone booths - these things went obsolete in the latter end of the 20th century because of cell phones but I can see a comeback of phone booths. People need to have a private space to talk, especially with cell phones and they need a space where you can get good cell phone reception and data wi-fi on cell phones. A phone booth could work for iPads as well as a wi-fi hotspot along with a place to yammer. This will cut down on texting while driving and lower eavesdropping on cell phone conversations.
Minature jukeboxes - I see people want to blast music out of their laptops. This is a sign that the portable jukebox will definitely fly in the 21st century; even more than the 50s. The average price of a song out of iTunes is 99 cents a song, which is a perfect value for a jukebox. You pay the jukebox 99 cents and it will use an iTunes like service with the internet to stream music. Your music selection will be much higher than it was in the 50s which will make it even more popular today. Portable video players will be popular as well when you can watch YouTube videos in the booth while you are sucking your malt.
Drive in movies - I can see drive in movies are going to make a comeback. People are getting sick of netflix and all these sites, and would rather see a movie uptown. But there is a problem with parking in front of the movie theatre - see the show in your car.
Old fashioned TVs with rabbit ears - the TV will the knob and the rabbit ears looks cool, even with the high defintion screen of today. Maybe you can add the vintage crackle effect as well because the high definition might be bad for your eyes. Looking through crackle is good eye therapy.
The ghetto blaster - The boombox of the 80s sounds way better than the crappy lo fi sound of the iPod. People don't want to listen to lo-fi music anymore; they are missing the quality and the bass of a boombox, and it is an easier way to discover music than to search on iTunes. The hip-hop today needs the bass of the ghetto blaster; not in an iPod. iPods are made for crappy indie rock.
Gas pumpers, milk men, grocery baggers - they are great jobs even though they are obsolete. It will create many jobs for people who need a job.
Actual books - the internet has infinite amount of garbage these days it is not any funny. I am seeing the internet is starting to lack it's credibility. I don't have anything against the blogospere and YouTube, but I can see the blogosphere has also idiotized the internet. It seems like when you want to search for something on the Web, you can find any reliable information, just someones opinion. I shouldn't talk to, I am contributing to the collaborative project of the internet as well but I think you need standards on the web as well. Books will not die and it is better to read a book than to search the Web. Books are usually written and edited by intelligent people; it is drafted, edited, and revised; polished. The internet does lack a lot of the intelligence that books and more traditional media has to offer.
Manufacturing and farm labor - more traditional labor is what is needed in this contemporary society. We are great craftsman and we have many people that are qualified to do this type of work; why send it to China and have us obsess on the office? Agriculture is a natural human instinct - finding food and it will be a lot cheaper for us to do what our instinct is - to find food. Exporting and importing food makes it more difficult and you have to worry about pesticides and mad cow disease. We are also made to make things too - to do actual work. No more research and pencil pusher stuff.
Technology is also causing some people to do abuse, such as "sexting" on cell phones and texting and tweeting while driving. Here are some old things that I think could be cool in 21st century as much as the 20th century.
Phone booths - these things went obsolete in the latter end of the 20th century because of cell phones but I can see a comeback of phone booths. People need to have a private space to talk, especially with cell phones and they need a space where you can get good cell phone reception and data wi-fi on cell phones. A phone booth could work for iPads as well as a wi-fi hotspot along with a place to yammer. This will cut down on texting while driving and lower eavesdropping on cell phone conversations.
Minature jukeboxes - I see people want to blast music out of their laptops. This is a sign that the portable jukebox will definitely fly in the 21st century; even more than the 50s. The average price of a song out of iTunes is 99 cents a song, which is a perfect value for a jukebox. You pay the jukebox 99 cents and it will use an iTunes like service with the internet to stream music. Your music selection will be much higher than it was in the 50s which will make it even more popular today. Portable video players will be popular as well when you can watch YouTube videos in the booth while you are sucking your malt.
Drive in movies - I can see drive in movies are going to make a comeback. People are getting sick of netflix and all these sites, and would rather see a movie uptown. But there is a problem with parking in front of the movie theatre - see the show in your car.
Old fashioned TVs with rabbit ears - the TV will the knob and the rabbit ears looks cool, even with the high defintion screen of today. Maybe you can add the vintage crackle effect as well because the high definition might be bad for your eyes. Looking through crackle is good eye therapy.
The ghetto blaster - The boombox of the 80s sounds way better than the crappy lo fi sound of the iPod. People don't want to listen to lo-fi music anymore; they are missing the quality and the bass of a boombox, and it is an easier way to discover music than to search on iTunes. The hip-hop today needs the bass of the ghetto blaster; not in an iPod. iPods are made for crappy indie rock.
Gas pumpers, milk men, grocery baggers - they are great jobs even though they are obsolete. It will create many jobs for people who need a job.
Actual books - the internet has infinite amount of garbage these days it is not any funny. I am seeing the internet is starting to lack it's credibility. I don't have anything against the blogospere and YouTube, but I can see the blogosphere has also idiotized the internet. It seems like when you want to search for something on the Web, you can find any reliable information, just someones opinion. I shouldn't talk to, I am contributing to the collaborative project of the internet as well but I think you need standards on the web as well. Books will not die and it is better to read a book than to search the Web. Books are usually written and edited by intelligent people; it is drafted, edited, and revised; polished. The internet does lack a lot of the intelligence that books and more traditional media has to offer.
Manufacturing and farm labor - more traditional labor is what is needed in this contemporary society. We are great craftsman and we have many people that are qualified to do this type of work; why send it to China and have us obsess on the office? Agriculture is a natural human instinct - finding food and it will be a lot cheaper for us to do what our instinct is - to find food. Exporting and importing food makes it more difficult and you have to worry about pesticides and mad cow disease. We are also made to make things too - to do actual work. No more research and pencil pusher stuff.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Study tips
I just came home from college and I am not doing so well, but I have established some study tips. A lot of study tips on the internet are cliche and they are same thing: sit in a quiet spot with good lighting, limited distractions, listen to classical music only because studies show the Mozart effect makes you more "intelligent", etc. But I do see the cliche is the best help. Everyone seems to study best in their own way and there is no standard way to study effectively, but I do have some tips.
Since I am interested in psychology, I will give you some study tips in a more psychological viewpoint. In general psychology, you need to have a motivator to study. If you like the class more, you'll study more but there is some need for some psychological motivation to study. The career thing is a good thing and the amount of money you can have and what you can buy with that money is a good motivator. But sometimes the money thing doesn't motivate - sometimes it is more of a way to find yourself or to get some help, or it is some way to help others.
You need to have a purpose to study - a motivator and the motivator need to be something that is a long term goal; not to get that sticker and to look cool for the day. When you get older, your motivations and rewards get a lot more advanced, and they become more concrete than the rewards you have at a young age. In high school, you have the motivation to study because you don't want to get your butt kicked by bad grades or you want to get that car insurance, but in college, you have more advanced motivators. To be screwed on, it is best to use more intrinsic and long term motivators than short term. Why do you want to work? To get money is the most logical and it is an extrinsic motivator but the intrinsic motivator should be something different. Maybe you feel you want to help others or help contribute to society - you need to have something deep in your heart to have a reason why you are studying to do this kind of work.
There is a reason why you want to be a carpenter or a plumber. Maybe you want to see new homes being built or the idea that people have a home to live into. Maybe you want to feel like you are working on a project. There might be a reason why you might want to be a psychologist - you have feelings that people are messed up and you are on a mission to fix them, and try to make everyone psychologically screwed on, or you want to learn on what makes people tick. I have a feeling that people are messed up and I think people need to be "screwed on". People are not being nice and they need some help or things are going to go downhill. A messed up society means messed up people.
I have a feeling that people will study in school, or do anything if they put their mind to it. You need to have a driving force that makes you do things; you are not floating in space being impacted by stimuli and instinct.
Studying doesn't mean trying to encode facts into the memory banks and try to recall it when you take a test. The only way for you to learn anything is in the form of operant conditioning or trying to apply the theory that you are learning into practice. You can't just memorize a bunch of rhetoric and try to recall the memory on a test, and then not use it in life; you need to have a purpose for you to learn it. You need to apply what you learn and try to relate. Critical and higher level thinking is needed for studying and you need some motivator - the theory that you learn is needed for the workforce and your personal development along with developing your own position in society.
I can give you the more cliche study tips but I want you to think.
Since I am interested in psychology, I will give you some study tips in a more psychological viewpoint. In general psychology, you need to have a motivator to study. If you like the class more, you'll study more but there is some need for some psychological motivation to study. The career thing is a good thing and the amount of money you can have and what you can buy with that money is a good motivator. But sometimes the money thing doesn't motivate - sometimes it is more of a way to find yourself or to get some help, or it is some way to help others.
You need to have a purpose to study - a motivator and the motivator need to be something that is a long term goal; not to get that sticker and to look cool for the day. When you get older, your motivations and rewards get a lot more advanced, and they become more concrete than the rewards you have at a young age. In high school, you have the motivation to study because you don't want to get your butt kicked by bad grades or you want to get that car insurance, but in college, you have more advanced motivators. To be screwed on, it is best to use more intrinsic and long term motivators than short term. Why do you want to work? To get money is the most logical and it is an extrinsic motivator but the intrinsic motivator should be something different. Maybe you feel you want to help others or help contribute to society - you need to have something deep in your heart to have a reason why you are studying to do this kind of work.
There is a reason why you want to be a carpenter or a plumber. Maybe you want to see new homes being built or the idea that people have a home to live into. Maybe you want to feel like you are working on a project. There might be a reason why you might want to be a psychologist - you have feelings that people are messed up and you are on a mission to fix them, and try to make everyone psychologically screwed on, or you want to learn on what makes people tick. I have a feeling that people are messed up and I think people need to be "screwed on". People are not being nice and they need some help or things are going to go downhill. A messed up society means messed up people.
I have a feeling that people will study in school, or do anything if they put their mind to it. You need to have a driving force that makes you do things; you are not floating in space being impacted by stimuli and instinct.
Studying doesn't mean trying to encode facts into the memory banks and try to recall it when you take a test. The only way for you to learn anything is in the form of operant conditioning or trying to apply the theory that you are learning into practice. You can't just memorize a bunch of rhetoric and try to recall the memory on a test, and then not use it in life; you need to have a purpose for you to learn it. You need to apply what you learn and try to relate. Critical and higher level thinking is needed for studying and you need some motivator - the theory that you learn is needed for the workforce and your personal development along with developing your own position in society.
I can give you the more cliche study tips but I want you to think.
Goals
Every now and then, I should map out a timeline of my future. Facebook has released the timeline platform, which shows your life in your past in a digital format, but I should think of my future timeline and that is by goals. You can't change the past but you can change the future, but it is best to live in the present. Living in the present will just let you just float around and go along with instincts, which is fine, but I think I need to have some path as well.
I value many things, but my most important value is education. I need to get educated so I can get a career, so I can get a good start on my life. It will be awesome to earn my own money and buy my own things; it gives me a great feeling of freedom that I haven't had before which will help me develop as an individual. I also value getting a job because I need to get that money, but my most important value is family and that what drives me. I want to start a family and have a lot of kids.
But there are many steps among the way to fulfill that dream of having a large family and it starts with education. I need to educated myself so I can have a career, since you need to have a steady income to own a home, transportation, and all the things that are needed to raise children. I also need to find a wife, and I'll have to go into "love mode" but I can't find any wife. It is not all about physical attraction; it is all about someone who wants to have a lot of kids and have family values. I am a fan of larger family, but I see there are many people that want 2 kids and that's it, or only able to have 2 kids. Population control is a bunch of BS.
There is a reason why I want a large family. I think it is just cool and I think large families seem to work out better than small families. Having a lot of kids needs a lot of money, but the kids stick together as a domino effect which makes it easier to raise. But the main thing, I am an only child and I am doing the opposite effect.
I am going to follow through my family aspiration, but the first thing I need to do is to get educated so I can actually have enough finance to support a family. Families cost money and I need to have a job to support a family. But I should learn what I should do during the day when I am in "work mode" so I can enjoy having a job so I can support it. There is a lot of planning in this game of life.
I value many things, but my most important value is education. I need to get educated so I can get a career, so I can get a good start on my life. It will be awesome to earn my own money and buy my own things; it gives me a great feeling of freedom that I haven't had before which will help me develop as an individual. I also value getting a job because I need to get that money, but my most important value is family and that what drives me. I want to start a family and have a lot of kids.
But there are many steps among the way to fulfill that dream of having a large family and it starts with education. I need to educated myself so I can have a career, since you need to have a steady income to own a home, transportation, and all the things that are needed to raise children. I also need to find a wife, and I'll have to go into "love mode" but I can't find any wife. It is not all about physical attraction; it is all about someone who wants to have a lot of kids and have family values. I am a fan of larger family, but I see there are many people that want 2 kids and that's it, or only able to have 2 kids. Population control is a bunch of BS.
There is a reason why I want a large family. I think it is just cool and I think large families seem to work out better than small families. Having a lot of kids needs a lot of money, but the kids stick together as a domino effect which makes it easier to raise. But the main thing, I am an only child and I am doing the opposite effect.
I am going to follow through my family aspiration, but the first thing I need to do is to get educated so I can actually have enough finance to support a family. Families cost money and I need to have a job to support a family. But I should learn what I should do during the day when I am in "work mode" so I can enjoy having a job so I can support it. There is a lot of planning in this game of life.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Looking back to 2000
In previous posts, I said it is not good to look back, but it is also fun to be nostalgic of the times of my youth. Being a kid around the year 2000 was nothing out of the ordinary; I remember kids used to play with stuff such as Furby and Pokemon, but life in general hasn't changed that much. The economy, even though we are in recessionary times, is actually a lot higher now than it was in 2000, but the unemployment is a lot lower - about 4%; now we are squeaking about 9-10% unemployment but it might be something with the retiring Baby Boomers and people choosing not to work.
But when I was a little kid; I did worry about the economics or anything like that; I was just a kid and that is what I should be; a kid. I remember there was a lot of good music by the turn of the millennium and it was made for kids about my age. I remember we had the "boy bands" such as *NSYNC and Backstreet Boys,and we had a bunch of pop sluts such as Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, but I wasn't really influenced by them too much. I didn't get why they had to show off too much skin; people were exposing midriff on TV every time you turn around and I seen the teenagers were trying to expose midriff as well. 2000 was not all about sugar coated pop; we seem to have more sugar coated pop in 2011-2012 than we have in 2000, so not that much has changed. 2000 was a time when a lot of rap music was starting to come on the radio, and we have crazy guys such as Emimen who were shooting their mouths off. I did not care for much of the rap and a lot of it was inappropriate for children; even the "pop music" was inappropriate and a bad influence on children. You see 7 year old sluts trying to look like Britney Spears which was getting a little bit out of hand.
But 2000 was not a downfall of society as much as I thought. There was good music and good entertainment that we seem to be lacking today, but there are many things about today that seem to be better than it was at the turn of the millennium. I did not have the luxury of high speed internet, or even the internet back in 2000, but I was exposed to the internet and computers at a very young age, about 5, so this digital era is not a complete stranger to me. Now we have luxury of the internet where you can look back in the era of the "good old days" by watching YouTube videos. But I shouldn't look back too much, because there are many greater things coming; probably a time that is going to be more fun than the turn of the millennium.
We had entered the new millennium, but I don't think we have truly entered the new millennium. The internet had gotten a little more advanced; but I don't think the internet is going to progress really much further. We got the concept of the internet established of this free platform world and people seem to be hooked to this free platform world. But this world is virtual but we haven't really entered the true 21st century. The concept of the internet was a start of a new world - a interconnected, seamless world where anything is possible but this society only works on the Web. Now lets make the real world like the internet - a more seamless world where you have a lot more free will than ever before.
That's what I think the world of the new millennium is eventually going to enter - a society that is a lot like the internet. A free, open source society where you don't have much regulation and you have the freedom to express yourself; the freedom to learn, to invent, to be creative without much rules. But we haven't gotten there yet but we will. We have the internet, which is basically a dream come true for the Founding Fathers of America and it goes with our Constitution. But now we have to make society a lot more seamless like the internet, and the internet with a more free society is probably going to do it. This concept was starting to kick in around the year 2000, but after the 9/11 attack, people started to become more "afraid" which is a good thing, but maybe we have overdone it. Now, with the rise of homeland security (overdone, COME ON!) and this "homeland security" is starting to become environmental and health regulations as well, like some terrorist is going to spread another swine flu.
But we can be pretty optimistic and I should not look back. 2000 may be the chronological beginning of the new millennium and we have got the concept, but I don't think anything "millennial" has entered yet.
But when I was a little kid; I did worry about the economics or anything like that; I was just a kid and that is what I should be; a kid. I remember there was a lot of good music by the turn of the millennium and it was made for kids about my age. I remember we had the "boy bands" such as *NSYNC and Backstreet Boys,and we had a bunch of pop sluts such as Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, but I wasn't really influenced by them too much. I didn't get why they had to show off too much skin; people were exposing midriff on TV every time you turn around and I seen the teenagers were trying to expose midriff as well. 2000 was not all about sugar coated pop; we seem to have more sugar coated pop in 2011-2012 than we have in 2000, so not that much has changed. 2000 was a time when a lot of rap music was starting to come on the radio, and we have crazy guys such as Emimen who were shooting their mouths off. I did not care for much of the rap and a lot of it was inappropriate for children; even the "pop music" was inappropriate and a bad influence on children. You see 7 year old sluts trying to look like Britney Spears which was getting a little bit out of hand.
But 2000 was not a downfall of society as much as I thought. There was good music and good entertainment that we seem to be lacking today, but there are many things about today that seem to be better than it was at the turn of the millennium. I did not have the luxury of high speed internet, or even the internet back in 2000, but I was exposed to the internet and computers at a very young age, about 5, so this digital era is not a complete stranger to me. Now we have luxury of the internet where you can look back in the era of the "good old days" by watching YouTube videos. But I shouldn't look back too much, because there are many greater things coming; probably a time that is going to be more fun than the turn of the millennium.
We had entered the new millennium, but I don't think we have truly entered the new millennium. The internet had gotten a little more advanced; but I don't think the internet is going to progress really much further. We got the concept of the internet established of this free platform world and people seem to be hooked to this free platform world. But this world is virtual but we haven't really entered the true 21st century. The concept of the internet was a start of a new world - a interconnected, seamless world where anything is possible but this society only works on the Web. Now lets make the real world like the internet - a more seamless world where you have a lot more free will than ever before.
That's what I think the world of the new millennium is eventually going to enter - a society that is a lot like the internet. A free, open source society where you don't have much regulation and you have the freedom to express yourself; the freedom to learn, to invent, to be creative without much rules. But we haven't gotten there yet but we will. We have the internet, which is basically a dream come true for the Founding Fathers of America and it goes with our Constitution. But now we have to make society a lot more seamless like the internet, and the internet with a more free society is probably going to do it. This concept was starting to kick in around the year 2000, but after the 9/11 attack, people started to become more "afraid" which is a good thing, but maybe we have overdone it. Now, with the rise of homeland security (overdone, COME ON!) and this "homeland security" is starting to become environmental and health regulations as well, like some terrorist is going to spread another swine flu.
But we can be pretty optimistic and I should not look back. 2000 may be the chronological beginning of the new millennium and we have got the concept, but I don't think anything "millennial" has entered yet.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
I shouldn't look back
Every once in a while, I have been doing this a lot recently, I have been looking back at the music that I was "missing" in my childhood from the 1990s and early 2000s. But I should think of it, it is really not that great. Of course, I want to hear what music and stuff sounded like back then but I was not really exposed to it as well as I think I did to actually have nostalgia purposes. A lot of that music is just a "background noise" that I heard just going shopping or riding in the car, and I have not payed much attention to it, or I could care less. It is just music and I don't think I had true significant memories of enjoying these certain songs intentionally. I am just looking back at music that I am not having true memories just out of curiosity which is just normal. Some of it's good but I should not look back. I am too young to look back. I am only 20 years old; that does not mean I am an old codger already. I have a life to live; a long life to live and I should start living instead of "sawing sawdust". The 1990s were just my childhood; nothing spectacular. It is fun to look back at it, but I have a feeling that better times are too come in the future.
I have a long life to live and things are just starting. For most of the last 20 years I have been in a "stupor" to enjoy it which might be a good thing anyway. Maybe I shouldn't really gotten involve with the "mess" that the other kids have been involved in when they are focused. Now, it looks like I have better things to do and it is time to think in the present. Things may be actually a lot better than I think because I am starting to get things screwed on; I was not that screwed on in the past.
I can listen to older stuff and watch the older stuff (Mariah Carey is pretty hot at 25 but now she is OLD and married with kids, Nick Cannon, at 40 years old) but I should live these older days. There is probably way better time to come; it is time for me to develop new interested and get going on a future career, and forget about this old crap.
I have a long life to live and things are just starting. For most of the last 20 years I have been in a "stupor" to enjoy it which might be a good thing anyway. Maybe I shouldn't really gotten involve with the "mess" that the other kids have been involved in when they are focused. Now, it looks like I have better things to do and it is time to think in the present. Things may be actually a lot better than I think because I am starting to get things screwed on; I was not that screwed on in the past.
I can listen to older stuff and watch the older stuff (Mariah Carey is pretty hot at 25 but now she is OLD and married with kids, Nick Cannon, at 40 years old) but I should live these older days. There is probably way better time to come; it is time for me to develop new interested and get going on a future career, and forget about this old crap.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
What next year will have in store
2012 is on the way, so it is time for me to predict what next year has in store for me. 2012 is not the end of the world, so I should forget about it, so it is time to make some plans for the future.
Next year is going to be the year where I finish my A.A degree and then transfer into the evening program at St. Scholastica. I have a feeling that it is going to be fun and I am going to learn a lot of skills that I need for a job. It seems like I have an interest in the social sciences such as psychology and sociology so I should go into a career with this field. It looks like I want to help other people and I want to see people feel good, and to make sure things are being done right. I have a passion for order and structure, and think things will work better if there is order and structure. I like to see people get along with each other ;relationships are important to me and family is important to me as well, but I need to get some money.
This spring I am going to start out by taking psychology classes - which is my passion and the subject that I want to dive deeper in. I want to learn how people tick and see how I can help other people get through their problems. I feel sorry for people who have problems, especially at school and the family and I should be there to help them. I am also interested in working in stores and restaurants - it might be fun to manage a KFC one day or run some restaurant.
The next thing I need to focus on is getting into the workplace. I have been trying to get a job for years, but it seems like I am being rejected. It must be that damn economy, but it also might be some other factors as well. Getting into the workplace will be a great experience for me; it will get me out with people and it will change my lease on life by giving me a sense of independence of when I can buy my own things for once. I am trying to get a job and I am working on it.
I am a member of a few clubs in college, including support for people with disabilities. I feel sorry for these people and I don't feel sorry for these people. I know they need help but I think they need to get their butt kicked as well - they seem to be taking advantage of their disability instead of fighting it and using it in a good way. A disability is a nuisance, but it could be something that God gave them for a reason.
I am starting to grow up and it seems like I am going on a mission. Gone are the days of lollygagging; I am out there to help someone. The world needs my help and I need to contribute my talents to someone else. God made me a certain way for a reason and I think I should not waste the things God made me for me that are special. People will want to see me help someone else and this is one of my goals is to help people who need help. So I might as well get into that college and take these classes in perspective that I am going to help someone else besides myself.
This club is a start - I see these kids that need help just like me so I am going to learn about how I can help these people.
So it is time for me to spread my wisdom and knowledge to other people. I could be a great "guru" that wlll people advice.
Next year is going to be the year where I finish my A.A degree and then transfer into the evening program at St. Scholastica. I have a feeling that it is going to be fun and I am going to learn a lot of skills that I need for a job. It seems like I have an interest in the social sciences such as psychology and sociology so I should go into a career with this field. It looks like I want to help other people and I want to see people feel good, and to make sure things are being done right. I have a passion for order and structure, and think things will work better if there is order and structure. I like to see people get along with each other ;relationships are important to me and family is important to me as well, but I need to get some money.
This spring I am going to start out by taking psychology classes - which is my passion and the subject that I want to dive deeper in. I want to learn how people tick and see how I can help other people get through their problems. I feel sorry for people who have problems, especially at school and the family and I should be there to help them. I am also interested in working in stores and restaurants - it might be fun to manage a KFC one day or run some restaurant.
The next thing I need to focus on is getting into the workplace. I have been trying to get a job for years, but it seems like I am being rejected. It must be that damn economy, but it also might be some other factors as well. Getting into the workplace will be a great experience for me; it will get me out with people and it will change my lease on life by giving me a sense of independence of when I can buy my own things for once. I am trying to get a job and I am working on it.
I am a member of a few clubs in college, including support for people with disabilities. I feel sorry for these people and I don't feel sorry for these people. I know they need help but I think they need to get their butt kicked as well - they seem to be taking advantage of their disability instead of fighting it and using it in a good way. A disability is a nuisance, but it could be something that God gave them for a reason.
I am starting to grow up and it seems like I am going on a mission. Gone are the days of lollygagging; I am out there to help someone. The world needs my help and I need to contribute my talents to someone else. God made me a certain way for a reason and I think I should not waste the things God made me for me that are special. People will want to see me help someone else and this is one of my goals is to help people who need help. So I might as well get into that college and take these classes in perspective that I am going to help someone else besides myself.
This club is a start - I see these kids that need help just like me so I am going to learn about how I can help these people.
So it is time for me to spread my wisdom and knowledge to other people. I could be a great "guru" that wlll people advice.
The last semester in review
Now I am almost completing another semester in college; I think I should review it. This semester was a tough semester with a lot of changes, but it seemed to be a lot more stable than last year. This last semester was an academic semester and it was the semester where I decided to hit the books. I realized that I need to get my grades up in order to go to St. Scholastica, so I decided to dedicate a lot of my time to my studies.
This semester was a lot better socially for me and I had made a few friends, but a lot of the friendships seem to fade away when I was starting to focus more on my studies. My grade point average was a big focus so I might as well not sluff off.
There is a lot of conflict with the roommate situation and I had to switch to another apartment. I wasn't really the best with getting to know my roommates, and I had a tendency to be messy. I have been reported to the Management twice about my cleaning habits and it seems like I need to get a little bit of help.
This previous semester was also a readjustment of the medication, which shown some rapid changes in personality and mental ability. In August, I was flipping out over some girl, but in a few weeks later, I was holding hands with a girl. That "relationship" did not last that long but at least for about a few weeks, I did had sort of a "girlfriend." The relationship faded with a lot of drama and conflict, which made me focus more on my studies.
I also jacked the pill up to full power in November, which changed my perception on life. I started to drive on my own for the first time, which dawned a new beginning for me. I am also getting a lot of help and support with a lot of my problems, and showing some improvement.
This December began with the climax of the semester of a threat from the management that I am going to be kicked out. This gave a lot of stress and nerves, but I am getting help.
I also got a cat which gave me something to look forward to in the weekend.
This semester was a bumpy ride and it was a very tough semester. There was a lot of stress and growing up, but things are starting to fall into it's place. Hopefully next year is going to run more smoothly. The semester started out as a high and a period of hope, but then it went downhill into some crisis situations. But I am coming out of the crisis and good times are to come in the future.
This semester was a lot better socially for me and I had made a few friends, but a lot of the friendships seem to fade away when I was starting to focus more on my studies. My grade point average was a big focus so I might as well not sluff off.
There is a lot of conflict with the roommate situation and I had to switch to another apartment. I wasn't really the best with getting to know my roommates, and I had a tendency to be messy. I have been reported to the Management twice about my cleaning habits and it seems like I need to get a little bit of help.
This previous semester was also a readjustment of the medication, which shown some rapid changes in personality and mental ability. In August, I was flipping out over some girl, but in a few weeks later, I was holding hands with a girl. That "relationship" did not last that long but at least for about a few weeks, I did had sort of a "girlfriend." The relationship faded with a lot of drama and conflict, which made me focus more on my studies.
I also jacked the pill up to full power in November, which changed my perception on life. I started to drive on my own for the first time, which dawned a new beginning for me. I am also getting a lot of help and support with a lot of my problems, and showing some improvement.
This December began with the climax of the semester of a threat from the management that I am going to be kicked out. This gave a lot of stress and nerves, but I am getting help.
I also got a cat which gave me something to look forward to in the weekend.
This semester was a bumpy ride and it was a very tough semester. There was a lot of stress and growing up, but things are starting to fall into it's place. Hopefully next year is going to run more smoothly. The semester started out as a high and a period of hope, but then it went downhill into some crisis situations. But I am coming out of the crisis and good times are to come in the future.
Monday, December 5, 2011
The OSP program
There is a program in my college that is made specifically for the special ed type students - it is the OSP program and I think it is a great idea. I have always made fun of these students with disabilities, but after looking at these students, I have realized they are very nice people. I have a feeling that they have potential and they need a little bit of help.
I am a strong believer of the theory of multiple intelligences. I don't believe that IQ is linear, but it is a mix of many different types of intelligences. I believe that everyone is bright in some way; even the dumbest people have talents. For example, a person who is "slow" could draw pretty good or sing pretty good, or may have a talent in something special such as fixing up cars, sports, or playing musical instruments.
This program is something that may give these people help so they can go out in the world and show their talents, get married, have kids, and live on with life. This proves that you are not in a permanent caste system of being disabled and you can bust out of it.
These people do have wonderful personalities and they could be the nicest people you can meet. I have to gloat about them, but I think they may be one of the nicer people walking around my apartment. They make an effort to become your friend while the other people walk around with an attitude.
I have been in that classroom -an very interesting classroom. It doesn't treat these people like they are dumb; it includes intelligence. The cooking section in the back of the classroom is just total sweetness -nothing can be more awesome than that. It is one of the few classes in the college; the only one, where you can cook which will be nice to mainstream people to learn how to cook a few dishes too. It is a lot like your 7th grade home economic class, but for an catch-up adult education.
I am a strong believer of the theory of multiple intelligences. I don't believe that IQ is linear, but it is a mix of many different types of intelligences. I believe that everyone is bright in some way; even the dumbest people have talents. For example, a person who is "slow" could draw pretty good or sing pretty good, or may have a talent in something special such as fixing up cars, sports, or playing musical instruments.
This program is something that may give these people help so they can go out in the world and show their talents, get married, have kids, and live on with life. This proves that you are not in a permanent caste system of being disabled and you can bust out of it.
These people do have wonderful personalities and they could be the nicest people you can meet. I have to gloat about them, but I think they may be one of the nicer people walking around my apartment. They make an effort to become your friend while the other people walk around with an attitude.
I have been in that classroom -an very interesting classroom. It doesn't treat these people like they are dumb; it includes intelligence. The cooking section in the back of the classroom is just total sweetness -nothing can be more awesome than that. It is one of the few classes in the college; the only one, where you can cook which will be nice to mainstream people to learn how to cook a few dishes too. It is a lot like your 7th grade home economic class, but for an catch-up adult education.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
My mind on different medications
It seems like I had a totally different view of the world when I am on different medications. For a while, I was on no medications and I basically had a mind of a child. When I started college, I did not get the concept and I did not even want to go to college. It was something I had to do, but I didn't get the concept - it was probably some cool thing you seen in movies, but in real life it is a scary place. It seems like I was here for the ride and it was a very stressful experience. I did not want to meet anyone new because the people there were too old and intimidating for me. I was in there mostly for play - like I really enjoyed the audio recording and I played a lot of video games, and I went back to the high school a lot. Even past high school, younger kids were sucking on to me and that was getting creepy.
Now, when I jacked it up to a 40 mg pill, I was thinking more like a high school freshman. My concept of college is just like high school, but in reality it is not like high school. But in my mind, I honestly thought it was high school. I was obsessing on fitting in and making new friends, while everyone else have other things on mind and they realize they can find friends anyway. I had feelings of loneliness and despair. I did not have any concept of what I was going into, but at least I was taking classes just like high school and fitting in was more important. It was very tough thinking like a high school freshman when everyone was done with it.
Then it was jacked up to 60 mg. I finally got the concept of college and I knew I had to get my act together, but it didn't really complete the picture. I still was hanging on to a lot of high school stuff, but I knew I had to figure out something someday, but I don't know what. I was more interested in relationships and very good friendships instead of getting an education and getting my shit together. I knew it was on the horizon, but it was something that was on the back of my mind.
In the last month, I was at 100% and things are starting to fall into place. I am thinking in present and getting the concept of the college. I am thinking about more mature thoughts than ever before and I am getting things figured out. I think there is hope in the future. I am stressing out about the things that truly important in life, and I realize that people do like me, but I need to work on liking them back. I am getting help and moving forward; making progress like I should be doing and I am thinking more in the present and think high school was decades ago. It was 3 years ago and the time was long gone, and better days are to come. Now I am starting to get pissed off taking classes that are a waste of time when I have a good idea of what I want to go into. The world is not a scary place anymore, and I am getting exciting about the things that are going to happen in the future. Things are starting to click.
It was like a great awakening...It is a great awakening. I was in a dark age for so long then I had a great realization - like an Enlightenment. The effect is going to wear out and things are going to be going good. I felt like I am finally going to fight this crisis.
But now I am going to fight this stressful end of the year and have an enjoyable Christmas.
Now, when I jacked it up to a 40 mg pill, I was thinking more like a high school freshman. My concept of college is just like high school, but in reality it is not like high school. But in my mind, I honestly thought it was high school. I was obsessing on fitting in and making new friends, while everyone else have other things on mind and they realize they can find friends anyway. I had feelings of loneliness and despair. I did not have any concept of what I was going into, but at least I was taking classes just like high school and fitting in was more important. It was very tough thinking like a high school freshman when everyone was done with it.
Then it was jacked up to 60 mg. I finally got the concept of college and I knew I had to get my act together, but it didn't really complete the picture. I still was hanging on to a lot of high school stuff, but I knew I had to figure out something someday, but I don't know what. I was more interested in relationships and very good friendships instead of getting an education and getting my shit together. I knew it was on the horizon, but it was something that was on the back of my mind.
In the last month, I was at 100% and things are starting to fall into place. I am thinking in present and getting the concept of the college. I am thinking about more mature thoughts than ever before and I am getting things figured out. I think there is hope in the future. I am stressing out about the things that truly important in life, and I realize that people do like me, but I need to work on liking them back. I am getting help and moving forward; making progress like I should be doing and I am thinking more in the present and think high school was decades ago. It was 3 years ago and the time was long gone, and better days are to come. Now I am starting to get pissed off taking classes that are a waste of time when I have a good idea of what I want to go into. The world is not a scary place anymore, and I am getting exciting about the things that are going to happen in the future. Things are starting to click.
It was like a great awakening...It is a great awakening. I was in a dark age for so long then I had a great realization - like an Enlightenment. The effect is going to wear out and things are going to be going good. I felt like I am finally going to fight this crisis.
But now I am going to fight this stressful end of the year and have an enjoyable Christmas.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
One of my more stressful semesters are almost done!
It has been a wild ride, but it was in way, a good one. I have changed a lot in the last semester or so, and I am going to change some more. This one may be one of the more stressful semesters in college I ever had, but this might be a good thing. I need stress. I need some responsibility. It looks like I am just fooling around worrying about stupid stuff with nothing to do. At least this stress keeps me on my toes and makes me grow up. I need to grow up. Seems like I am trying to make things easy - I have been too busy moping around but now I am finally going to have some real stress and it looks like I have been doing a great job managing it.
I have learned how to ask for help because it looks like I am going to need some help. There is a crunch coming up and everything is starting to bottle up. Eventually I might explode but I am managing it very well. The support I am getting in the college has been helping me a lot; now I am realizing that I need help and I am getting help. Eventually things are going to fall into place but this stress keeps me going. I need responsibility but I need some time to have some fun too.
There is a lot of things that are on my plate but I am learning how to prioritize what is important. I am starting to realize what I am there for, to get an education and to get help so I can successfully learn how to deal with the real world. There is a lot of things on my plate but it is part of my education to learn how to manage these things, and I am doing a great job.
I have been having problems with roommates but that is actually part of my education. I am learning about what I value to live with; what I do want and what I don't want. The stress in my education is figuring out what I am good at and what I am not good at. It looks like I am having a hard time with biology means I am not really good at a biology related career; but I am good at classes such as sociology of the family and psychology, so I might be doing very well with a career in the sociology and the psychology related careers.
All of my struggles are actually good according to God. I am going through these struggles with a purposes and eventually in the future, these struggles are here to help me. I am now getting exposed to certain jobs that you can do with that certain degree; I might consider the support I am getting a career exploration class. These crazy roommates might be a friendly reminder of what is going to happen in the future. Everything seems to go with a purpose and all these crazy experiences are made to put together to something good. This stress is actually a good thing and I think I need this stress. I am learning and growing and maybe these "crisis" situations are supposed to be good things.
Things are improving right now and I am going through what I am supposed to go through. I am 20 years old and I need to get things figured out, and to get my values straightened out, and right now my values are going to be based on my education. It seems like I am always prioritizing romance and relationships - that is just animal instincts, but I think I need to go more than my animal instincts; I need to do something human. Things are going to be mapped out and the time will come. But I think I need to go through one stage til I go through the next stage.
I have learned how to ask for help because it looks like I am going to need some help. There is a crunch coming up and everything is starting to bottle up. Eventually I might explode but I am managing it very well. The support I am getting in the college has been helping me a lot; now I am realizing that I need help and I am getting help. Eventually things are going to fall into place but this stress keeps me going. I need responsibility but I need some time to have some fun too.
There is a lot of things that are on my plate but I am learning how to prioritize what is important. I am starting to realize what I am there for, to get an education and to get help so I can successfully learn how to deal with the real world. There is a lot of things on my plate but it is part of my education to learn how to manage these things, and I am doing a great job.
I have been having problems with roommates but that is actually part of my education. I am learning about what I value to live with; what I do want and what I don't want. The stress in my education is figuring out what I am good at and what I am not good at. It looks like I am having a hard time with biology means I am not really good at a biology related career; but I am good at classes such as sociology of the family and psychology, so I might be doing very well with a career in the sociology and the psychology related careers.
All of my struggles are actually good according to God. I am going through these struggles with a purposes and eventually in the future, these struggles are here to help me. I am now getting exposed to certain jobs that you can do with that certain degree; I might consider the support I am getting a career exploration class. These crazy roommates might be a friendly reminder of what is going to happen in the future. Everything seems to go with a purpose and all these crazy experiences are made to put together to something good. This stress is actually a good thing and I think I need this stress. I am learning and growing and maybe these "crisis" situations are supposed to be good things.
Things are improving right now and I am going through what I am supposed to go through. I am 20 years old and I need to get things figured out, and to get my values straightened out, and right now my values are going to be based on my education. It seems like I am always prioritizing romance and relationships - that is just animal instincts, but I think I need to go more than my animal instincts; I need to do something human. Things are going to be mapped out and the time will come. But I think I need to go through one stage til I go through the next stage.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Positive things that have been happening
It seems like I am focusing on the negative but I am going to focus more on the positive things that have been happening this semester. I have been the most relaxed in a long time and I am starting to become more reasonable. I am focusing a lot better on my schoolwork and I am actually determined to get grades and to seek help. I am not slacking off, and I have been working very hard to get things fixed such as my grades. For a while, I used to just going under anxiety attacks but now I am being a lot more constructive than I used to be. People are starting to warm up to me and I am starting to get people that are noticing my presence. I have been a little bit shy, but I should realize that people are starting to get friendlier to me than ever before. I joined a club and the kids are very nice, and I even invited myself to play intramural volleyball with them, so I am starting to open up a lot more than I used to be. There are a lot of good things lately the good things outweigh the bad.
The only problem is cleaning issues and I am getting help with that too.
Really this semester has been pretty peaceful if you think about it. There was a lot of academic stress but it looks like I am getting stuff screwed on and putting things back together. I think the readjustment of the medication is sort of a blessing - the last month I was starting to create my own action plan instead of a constant bellyaching session. I am seeing things for the way they are and things are getting a lot better. I am focusing on what is happening right there and now, instead of being in that loop. It seems like I want to grow up and do thing, and I am starting to become more focused. I think there is hope in the future.
The only problem is cleaning issues and I am getting help with that too.
Really this semester has been pretty peaceful if you think about it. There was a lot of academic stress but it looks like I am getting stuff screwed on and putting things back together. I think the readjustment of the medication is sort of a blessing - the last month I was starting to create my own action plan instead of a constant bellyaching session. I am seeing things for the way they are and things are getting a lot better. I am focusing on what is happening right there and now, instead of being in that loop. It seems like I want to grow up and do thing, and I am starting to become more focused. I think there is hope in the future.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
How can college roommates help you with dating
Roommates are something that everyone has to experience in college and they can be annoying in deed. Who wants to room with people that you have never meet before? That is a lot of stress.
Roommates are a great educational experience and it may help you later in life, such as in marriage. I think divorce rates will drop a lot if you have experience with roommates because you will know what you want in a wife or husband. You won't care for the physical attraction as much as the other dynamics, such as if the person cleans up, easy to get along with, etc.
I think I am getting a better idea of what I want in a girl by just dealing with roommates. I probably want a girl that is clean and I probably want a girl that is easy to talk to; sort of compassionate and easygoing. I don't want too many self centered girls and I don't want girls that tend to be cliquey, since I had roommates that have been cliquey. Physical attraction is not as important, because there is beauty in all types of girls - beauty is just perception and makeup.
I tend to be conservative and family orientated that wants children so I would rather find a more conservative and family orientated girl - not as party minded and more into what girls are supposed to do. I have been told that more traditional girls are looking for the paycheck in guys and that is all is matter. They want the guy to be a more fatherly figure who can support the wife and children; so a more authoritative confident guy is what all girls want these days.
I think girls had liked me for a long time, but I was looking for the wrong type of girls. I think I need to brush up on the social cues and quit gawking over the obvious looking ones for physical attraction and be more attractive to the girls like I am choosing a roommate. I think I "dated" a girl this year for about a week or so; I was even holding hands, but this girl was realizing the differences and she found someone else. But who I was holding hands with was a good template for the girls that are going to go after me in the future. I was just nice to that girl by carrying a box for her when she moved in, which made a great first impression. That time was a very magical week and it was sort of a "high" for me before things started to fall apart again. But I can see this "high" is going to come back and I am going to have a chance with another girl.
Since I am more conservative I think I need to be more practical and less picky about my choosing with women. Physical attraction is animal like and there is something more. A lot of the physical attractive girls will have an attitude and they could be a "bitch". I should try to find something more earthy and practical such as if the girl is nice, clean, and likes kids.
Roommates are a great educational experience and it may help you later in life, such as in marriage. I think divorce rates will drop a lot if you have experience with roommates because you will know what you want in a wife or husband. You won't care for the physical attraction as much as the other dynamics, such as if the person cleans up, easy to get along with, etc.
I think I am getting a better idea of what I want in a girl by just dealing with roommates. I probably want a girl that is clean and I probably want a girl that is easy to talk to; sort of compassionate and easygoing. I don't want too many self centered girls and I don't want girls that tend to be cliquey, since I had roommates that have been cliquey. Physical attraction is not as important, because there is beauty in all types of girls - beauty is just perception and makeup.
I tend to be conservative and family orientated that wants children so I would rather find a more conservative and family orientated girl - not as party minded and more into what girls are supposed to do. I have been told that more traditional girls are looking for the paycheck in guys and that is all is matter. They want the guy to be a more fatherly figure who can support the wife and children; so a more authoritative confident guy is what all girls want these days.
I think girls had liked me for a long time, but I was looking for the wrong type of girls. I think I need to brush up on the social cues and quit gawking over the obvious looking ones for physical attraction and be more attractive to the girls like I am choosing a roommate. I think I "dated" a girl this year for about a week or so; I was even holding hands, but this girl was realizing the differences and she found someone else. But who I was holding hands with was a good template for the girls that are going to go after me in the future. I was just nice to that girl by carrying a box for her when she moved in, which made a great first impression. That time was a very magical week and it was sort of a "high" for me before things started to fall apart again. But I can see this "high" is going to come back and I am going to have a chance with another girl.
Since I am more conservative I think I need to be more practical and less picky about my choosing with women. Physical attraction is animal like and there is something more. A lot of the physical attractive girls will have an attitude and they could be a "bitch". I should try to find something more earthy and practical such as if the girl is nice, clean, and likes kids.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
If I had never had ADHD
Attention Deficit Disorder affected my life in general, but I am thinking if I never had ADHD, what will life be like. Now I am treated and I am thinking about what things will be like if I never had ADHD.
I think my social life will be a little bit different. For most of high school, I think most of my friends would be a continuation of the people that I knew very well in elementary school. I think I am going to develop way more intimate friendships than the casual bonding around and playing I did in elementary school on the playground, and I am going to spend a lot more time hanging with them outside of school. They would not of drifted away as it did in high school when I was not attentive enough to have "mature" friendships outside of play. I did have friends in high school, but they were very casual and not very intimate, and most of these relationships ending when I left school during the day, making the weekends and the summer very boring. I see pictures of friends online hanging together and doing things together, but they never wanted to invite me to do any of these things with them because of unpredictability, inattention, and lack of intimacy.
The same thing could happened with a girlfriend. I don't think I had the attention span to create intimate relationships to have a girlfriend outside of school. When social life ends when I am outside of school, with the exception of the internet, it is very hard. I think back then I had friends with lots of girls and if I stuck to making intimate connections with these girls, a relationship would blossom.
I would of made new friends, but I don't think I will be jumping from crowd to crowd. Most of my friends will be made from church and they would of been mutual friends of the ones I known since elementary school. I don't think I would of made too many band and choir friends, unless they were in church with me or a mutual friend to the ones I known since elementary school. Track will be the time that I would of made the most new original friends.
But now this is corrected and I think this "pattern" I am thinking about is going to happen in the future, even in the latter end of college. I think I am still going to have hope. The friends I am going to have are going to be temporary, but very deep and memorable. A lot of them are probably going to be either from the apartment - someone is going to suck me into a gang or from a job if I get a part time job. They are going to be more focused friendships where you do something with and become more intimate with; like in a gang or pack instead of the casual friendships that I had in school. I have hope coming :)
I think my social life will be a little bit different. For most of high school, I think most of my friends would be a continuation of the people that I knew very well in elementary school. I think I am going to develop way more intimate friendships than the casual bonding around and playing I did in elementary school on the playground, and I am going to spend a lot more time hanging with them outside of school. They would not of drifted away as it did in high school when I was not attentive enough to have "mature" friendships outside of play. I did have friends in high school, but they were very casual and not very intimate, and most of these relationships ending when I left school during the day, making the weekends and the summer very boring. I see pictures of friends online hanging together and doing things together, but they never wanted to invite me to do any of these things with them because of unpredictability, inattention, and lack of intimacy.
The same thing could happened with a girlfriend. I don't think I had the attention span to create intimate relationships to have a girlfriend outside of school. When social life ends when I am outside of school, with the exception of the internet, it is very hard. I think back then I had friends with lots of girls and if I stuck to making intimate connections with these girls, a relationship would blossom.
I would of made new friends, but I don't think I will be jumping from crowd to crowd. Most of my friends will be made from church and they would of been mutual friends of the ones I known since elementary school. I don't think I would of made too many band and choir friends, unless they were in church with me or a mutual friend to the ones I known since elementary school. Track will be the time that I would of made the most new original friends.
But now this is corrected and I think this "pattern" I am thinking about is going to happen in the future, even in the latter end of college. I think I am still going to have hope. The friends I am going to have are going to be temporary, but very deep and memorable. A lot of them are probably going to be either from the apartment - someone is going to suck me into a gang or from a job if I get a part time job. They are going to be more focused friendships where you do something with and become more intimate with; like in a gang or pack instead of the casual friendships that I had in school. I have hope coming :)
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Why I am overfocusing on love
I see people who are in relationships and such and such, but I am starting to realize - why am I over focusing on finding love? I don't really know why but I think I am looking for someone outside of my family that I can count on. I don't think I am really valuing a passionate kind of love but I think I am looking for support; probably someone just like mom. I think I am looking for someone to take care of me - I am a wuss and I don't think the girls want to take care of me; they want me to take care of them. I am looking for a caregiver and it is a sign of my wussiness. There has been a lot of rough experiences in my life and I think it is a battle, and I think it is most likely a result of the ADHD symptoms. I had a feeling that I could not measure up to everyone else because "I am not there." Too much anxiety - I am like a piglet who is looking for a pooh to suck on to. This shows how much of a wuss.
I think it is going to change when I start to get more focused and have a more confident, authoritative, assertive personality. I think this ADHD is making me more like a weakling because I am not seeing things the way they are. I am afraid of everything in this world and I am looking for someone to hold my hand. I think it has to be the other way around - I am supposed to hold someone else's hand. It seemed to work out. I helped carry a box for a girl when she was moving into an apartment - blah, blah, blah. She walked all over me. When I started to become Mr. Wuss again, she started to find someone else. Things has to change. I should STOP being a piglet looking for a pooh bear; it is not going to work out. I think I need to start acting a lot more like I know what I am doing and I am supposed to take care of the girl, not the other way around.
What would a girl like about a guy who acts like a weakling? The girl does not want to be MOM. Seems like when a girl is kicking my butt things are not working right. I need to have something that the girl will love about me and he won't love some wussy guy.
I think it is going to change when I start to get more focused and have a more confident, authoritative, assertive personality. I think this ADHD is making me more like a weakling because I am not seeing things the way they are. I am afraid of everything in this world and I am looking for someone to hold my hand. I think it has to be the other way around - I am supposed to hold someone else's hand. It seemed to work out. I helped carry a box for a girl when she was moving into an apartment - blah, blah, blah. She walked all over me. When I started to become Mr. Wuss again, she started to find someone else. Things has to change. I should STOP being a piglet looking for a pooh bear; it is not going to work out. I think I need to start acting a lot more like I know what I am doing and I am supposed to take care of the girl, not the other way around.
What would a girl like about a guy who acts like a weakling? The girl does not want to be MOM. Seems like when a girl is kicking my butt things are not working right. I need to have something that the girl will love about me and he won't love some wussy guy.
Dorm living
I had been in the dorm life for about 3 years now and it has become a way of life for me. But eventually, these days are going to be numbered and it is time for me to change my living situation. But there has been some fun times, and there has been some horrible times in the dorm. Overall, I don't think it was a really fun experience and I had yet had found someone that I would of fit in with.
You have to deal with what's there. There has been a lot of jocks in the dorms and you also have a lot of these special ed type students. They can be both annoying. I am one of the students that are getting an A.A degree and then I am eventually going to be going into something in St. Scholastica. I think some of my experiences of dorm life might influence my possible future path in life. I have some experience with some of the students with the disabilities, and that might be a good job for me helping some of these students. I am getting treated, but I can relate to some of the more higher functioning students and with the mess they have to put up with. I think everyone has stories about their crappy dorm life, but I have a number. I had my shit stolen and a lot of stuff.
The last 2 years had been tough and it looks like things are starting to come under control. Last year was a year of thinking and planning, trying to figure out what to do next and things are starting to come under their place. The first year was simply a continuation of high school but it was sort of a grand finale, and the 2nd year was the hangover, and trying to reconsider my values, etc. I was getting exposed to the world last year and now this year, I am pretty exposed to the world and everything is starting to tie together. Once everything starts to tie together, I am going to be screwed on enough to go on to the next stage.
There has been a lot of crises and this college was a crises. But things are starting to change and this dorm life is influencing. I needed a year to think about my problems and find out what I should do. That is why I had been doing a lot of thinking, but the year after that, it looks like it is less thinking and more doing. Taking courses in the sociologies and the psychologies really influenced my view of the world, and then eventually maybe a few courses in the diversities might help influence it as well, especially the environment. That is what the liberal arts are about. But you also have to have the experience of the dorm life to shape you as well.
I am not sure if they are going to be the old people stories that I am telling, but they might be some memories. But this dorm life has a lot of learning about the world around me and I deserved to rewarded with the good life when I am done.
You have to deal with what's there. There has been a lot of jocks in the dorms and you also have a lot of these special ed type students. They can be both annoying. I am one of the students that are getting an A.A degree and then I am eventually going to be going into something in St. Scholastica. I think some of my experiences of dorm life might influence my possible future path in life. I have some experience with some of the students with the disabilities, and that might be a good job for me helping some of these students. I am getting treated, but I can relate to some of the more higher functioning students and with the mess they have to put up with. I think everyone has stories about their crappy dorm life, but I have a number. I had my shit stolen and a lot of stuff.
The last 2 years had been tough and it looks like things are starting to come under control. Last year was a year of thinking and planning, trying to figure out what to do next and things are starting to come under their place. The first year was simply a continuation of high school but it was sort of a grand finale, and the 2nd year was the hangover, and trying to reconsider my values, etc. I was getting exposed to the world last year and now this year, I am pretty exposed to the world and everything is starting to tie together. Once everything starts to tie together, I am going to be screwed on enough to go on to the next stage.
There has been a lot of crises and this college was a crises. But things are starting to change and this dorm life is influencing. I needed a year to think about my problems and find out what I should do. That is why I had been doing a lot of thinking, but the year after that, it looks like it is less thinking and more doing. Taking courses in the sociologies and the psychologies really influenced my view of the world, and then eventually maybe a few courses in the diversities might help influence it as well, especially the environment. That is what the liberal arts are about. But you also have to have the experience of the dorm life to shape you as well.
I am not sure if they are going to be the old people stories that I am telling, but they might be some memories. But this dorm life has a lot of learning about the world around me and I deserved to rewarded with the good life when I am done.
Friday, November 18, 2011
What really matters
Like a lot of other people in this country, I am going to college. But I am one of the rare people that are actually going to college out of my parents and grandparents money, which they were SMART and have been saving since I was born. During the high economic times of the 1990s and the 2000s, instead of spending it on things to make HIGH SCHOOL popularity such as cell phones, and cool clothes, they were stuffing it in the bank. They were making a sacrifice - buy your kid into high school popularity or save up money to go to college so you can have POPULARITY in adulthood. They think that popularity really should be when you are an adult, not in high school, because they have different beliefs about high school.
Back then, there was a different standard of cool in high school. High school coolness was more about the personality or keeping up with the latest trends; or it was expressing your uniqueness, not buying your self into coolness as it was in the last decade. To be cool in the 2000s, you had to wear Hollister and Abercrombie in order to fit in, or you are a misfit. And kids were not that friendly to the poor kid who has personality like they did back then. Back in the old days, as I heard from my parents, a special ed kid could be cool because of his personality, but in the 2000s, it is all about the bucks.
This recession is doing a good thing in changing our values and we are not going to be as materialistic as we were in the last 20 years or so. We are not going to be as mall minded and we might go back to the older days of high school success, which is more what you do than how much money you have. It will be easy to fit in but I think there is going to be a different status than we had in the last 20 years or so.
I notice college is starting to get pretty dead - on Tuesday and Thursday in the college I go to, all you see is a bunch of older people going into the trades. Online classes are going to become more and more common. College is so not cool anymore. But I am going to college and I am going to college right.
My parents don't have a thing with high school popularity, but they want this more "screw you " attitude when it comes for people who don't have high school popularity. I don't think they were valuing popularity in high school because they think high school popularity is a bunch of BS. They have a thing that they rather see me have it tough in high school, so I can have some purpose to my success as an adult. Usually the ones that have it tough in high school are the most successful as adults. But they are making sure I am coming out of college with some degree that will make me successful with the money, so I can "STICK IT" to them. But I don't have that "stick it" attitude; I am pretty conformist, since I haven't really left HIGH SCHOOL. I am focusing too much on the popularity in college which is going to be hard to obtain because college people, especially the older students, have a different attitude about college than in high school. In this day of age, popularity is not a big deal anymore because we are in an "individualist" (something I learned from college). society. We are not as big with fitting in as other societies. What matters in adulthood is not really the conformist, high school popularity BS - it is having MONEY and being RICH, and it is usually probably some misfit from high school. That's what's the American Dream is all about - you are not placed in a caste system all your life. When you are poor and not cool, you will always be poor and not cool.
This is what my parents want me to have - "adult popularity". They think this high school popularity is piddly junk that really don't matters. Adult popularity is a lot more different than high school popularity - it seems like these days that you are predetermined by your parents where you are going to be in high school social status which is think is not fair. If mommy wants little Timmy to be popular, she will make sure she will have the right friends and the cool clothes, etc. But in the adult world, you get to choose your social status and that's what my parents want from me to get some money so I can finally have social status myself. Back then, you were popular because of other reasons, but we have parents controlling friendships and all that good stuff. This is the result of being packed like sardines you have a clique system established which I think is not fair.
Back then, there was a different standard of cool in high school. High school coolness was more about the personality or keeping up with the latest trends; or it was expressing your uniqueness, not buying your self into coolness as it was in the last decade. To be cool in the 2000s, you had to wear Hollister and Abercrombie in order to fit in, or you are a misfit. And kids were not that friendly to the poor kid who has personality like they did back then. Back in the old days, as I heard from my parents, a special ed kid could be cool because of his personality, but in the 2000s, it is all about the bucks.
This recession is doing a good thing in changing our values and we are not going to be as materialistic as we were in the last 20 years or so. We are not going to be as mall minded and we might go back to the older days of high school success, which is more what you do than how much money you have. It will be easy to fit in but I think there is going to be a different status than we had in the last 20 years or so.
I notice college is starting to get pretty dead - on Tuesday and Thursday in the college I go to, all you see is a bunch of older people going into the trades. Online classes are going to become more and more common. College is so not cool anymore. But I am going to college and I am going to college right.
My parents don't have a thing with high school popularity, but they want this more "screw you " attitude when it comes for people who don't have high school popularity. I don't think they were valuing popularity in high school because they think high school popularity is a bunch of BS. They have a thing that they rather see me have it tough in high school, so I can have some purpose to my success as an adult. Usually the ones that have it tough in high school are the most successful as adults. But they are making sure I am coming out of college with some degree that will make me successful with the money, so I can "STICK IT" to them. But I don't have that "stick it" attitude; I am pretty conformist, since I haven't really left HIGH SCHOOL. I am focusing too much on the popularity in college which is going to be hard to obtain because college people, especially the older students, have a different attitude about college than in high school. In this day of age, popularity is not a big deal anymore because we are in an "individualist" (something I learned from college). society. We are not as big with fitting in as other societies. What matters in adulthood is not really the conformist, high school popularity BS - it is having MONEY and being RICH, and it is usually probably some misfit from high school. That's what's the American Dream is all about - you are not placed in a caste system all your life. When you are poor and not cool, you will always be poor and not cool.
This is what my parents want me to have - "adult popularity". They think this high school popularity is piddly junk that really don't matters. Adult popularity is a lot more different than high school popularity - it seems like these days that you are predetermined by your parents where you are going to be in high school social status which is think is not fair. If mommy wants little Timmy to be popular, she will make sure she will have the right friends and the cool clothes, etc. But in the adult world, you get to choose your social status and that's what my parents want from me to get some money so I can finally have social status myself. Back then, you were popular because of other reasons, but we have parents controlling friendships and all that good stuff. This is the result of being packed like sardines you have a clique system established which I think is not fair.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
College by the semester
The last year in a half of my college experience has been a very major change for me. I am going to start out one way and I am going to come out another way. I think I am pretty much going to be the same I was at the beginning of the year at the end of the year - I might grow a little bit but you don't see much difference in me since about last August or September.
The one thing that changes the way I act is probably my medication. My perception of the world almost completely changes once I am on some medication. I think my thoughts are starting to connect and I am starting to see things a lot more clearly; probably like I never seen them before. I was at a 40% dosage last year and things change a little bit, but I didn't get the details. I think that was the year when everything was chaos and I was trying to find myself. The 60% level means I have an even better perception - I am at a functional level and at 100% is this is the way I am, that's the way I am going to be.
People are starting to like me at 100% because they understand me once I talk. I need to open my mouth and show the world who I am really like. I have been easier to figure out now.
The next thing is better education. I am having a better perception of my world around me. With sociology and psychology, along with cultural geography and anthropology, I have a pretty strong idea of how people tick. After my view on society is starting to be developed, I was starting to narrow down where do I think I fall into this mess, and a lot of it is based on experience. I have a lot more education than the "rednecks" that I am rooming with, which are going into something basic like auto tech.
Over this fall, I am starting to fine tune my interests and starting to have a pretty fined tuned identity of who I am. I am starting to develop my moral code, and starting to become more spiritual, along with have a better understanding of my health and to think a little more logical, and not as emotional. But I am now starting to have a better, more well rounded view of myself and by the end of this year, when I turn 21, I am going to be basically what I am going to be.
It looks like I am going in the path of psychology - I am here to help people. I am here to give advice. I am interested in what makes people tick and I feel sorry about the people around me that are dysfunctional. I see things are "messed up" and I have this belief is the people first are messed up, because the society consists of people, the economy consists of people, the culture consists of people, and it all starts with the individual. You can argue with me that the society does that but it will go back to haunt you with the individual because society is just a collection of individuals. Maybe when I get the individual screwed on, everything is going to fall into it's place. Getting the system or the group screwed on is not going to work since the group is created by individual, and the system is some individuals idea on things based on their own perceptions and experiences.
Everybody see things a little bit different. They all had different life stories to tell and the stuff that I was going through seems to connect with things. God has decided what should happened to me - all the things that happened to me, good or bad, are under Gods will. It is all part of Gods divine plan that he knows about me - he probably knows who I am going to marry. I have to interpret what God is going to do with me when it happens. Maybe the good lord wants certain things to happen on certain days - it all falls into it place. If I connect it into pieces, it will start to make sense and it will be part of my story.
I go through many periods called crises, which are transitional periods in my opinion. It looks like that God has times the crises I have just right to make sure things had turned out they way they are. The good lord wants me to be exposed to certain people - he wants me to do certain things. He had gave me gifts and talents, but it all connects to something. This college experience was a way more better growing up experience than high school - high school has some experience as well but it seems to connect. It seems like I am going through a constant struggle, but now I am starting to fight this struggle and then eventually, the experiences I have with this struggle are going to be used to help the other people. It all connects.
The one thing that changes the way I act is probably my medication. My perception of the world almost completely changes once I am on some medication. I think my thoughts are starting to connect and I am starting to see things a lot more clearly; probably like I never seen them before. I was at a 40% dosage last year and things change a little bit, but I didn't get the details. I think that was the year when everything was chaos and I was trying to find myself. The 60% level means I have an even better perception - I am at a functional level and at 100% is this is the way I am, that's the way I am going to be.
People are starting to like me at 100% because they understand me once I talk. I need to open my mouth and show the world who I am really like. I have been easier to figure out now.
The next thing is better education. I am having a better perception of my world around me. With sociology and psychology, along with cultural geography and anthropology, I have a pretty strong idea of how people tick. After my view on society is starting to be developed, I was starting to narrow down where do I think I fall into this mess, and a lot of it is based on experience. I have a lot more education than the "rednecks" that I am rooming with, which are going into something basic like auto tech.
Over this fall, I am starting to fine tune my interests and starting to have a pretty fined tuned identity of who I am. I am starting to develop my moral code, and starting to become more spiritual, along with have a better understanding of my health and to think a little more logical, and not as emotional. But I am now starting to have a better, more well rounded view of myself and by the end of this year, when I turn 21, I am going to be basically what I am going to be.
It looks like I am going in the path of psychology - I am here to help people. I am here to give advice. I am interested in what makes people tick and I feel sorry about the people around me that are dysfunctional. I see things are "messed up" and I have this belief is the people first are messed up, because the society consists of people, the economy consists of people, the culture consists of people, and it all starts with the individual. You can argue with me that the society does that but it will go back to haunt you with the individual because society is just a collection of individuals. Maybe when I get the individual screwed on, everything is going to fall into it's place. Getting the system or the group screwed on is not going to work since the group is created by individual, and the system is some individuals idea on things based on their own perceptions and experiences.
Everybody see things a little bit different. They all had different life stories to tell and the stuff that I was going through seems to connect with things. God has decided what should happened to me - all the things that happened to me, good or bad, are under Gods will. It is all part of Gods divine plan that he knows about me - he probably knows who I am going to marry. I have to interpret what God is going to do with me when it happens. Maybe the good lord wants certain things to happen on certain days - it all falls into it place. If I connect it into pieces, it will start to make sense and it will be part of my story.
I go through many periods called crises, which are transitional periods in my opinion. It looks like that God has times the crises I have just right to make sure things had turned out they way they are. The good lord wants me to be exposed to certain people - he wants me to do certain things. He had gave me gifts and talents, but it all connects to something. This college experience was a way more better growing up experience than high school - high school has some experience as well but it seems to connect. It seems like I am going through a constant struggle, but now I am starting to fight this struggle and then eventually, the experiences I have with this struggle are going to be used to help the other people. It all connects.
Internet censorship
There has been a lot of discussion and fear about this Net Neutrality bill and it is probably going to affect almost everyone who uses the internet. You know I am a pretty strong Republican, but there is one thing that I do disagree with the Republican party is the censorship of the internet. It seems like there is one guy who wants to delete and shutdown any websites that promotes copyright infringement. That sounds like a good idea, because there is a lot of stealing on the internet and one of the Ten Commandments says that "Thou Shall Not Steal". It is going to shutdown any "rogue" websites, which is a good idea, because they are full of viruses, but this bill might go out of hand. There is a lot of copyright infringement on every website, including this site. Probably pulling something off of Google is going to have me sent to jail, and everyone pulls something off of jail. Everyone is going to be in jail and the prisons will eventually become overcrowded of "internet offenders" and not the usual "ax murderers" that should be in there. This site will not be accessible in America, along with Facebook, YouTube, MySpace, EBay, and even Google. Yes, Google. The internet is going to be back into a dark age, only showing sites that are run by the US government and educational sites such as your school. Even educational sites may be blocked because of "copyright infringement", such as Wikipedia. YouTube and Wikipedia has excellent educational value to it and schools decide to block it.
This goes against the Constitution - the United States is a place to have freedom of speech, religion, the press. Eventually the internet will turn into some communist type internet like it is in North Korea or if the Soviet Union exist today. Russia will have more internet freedom than the USA. It is going to be the same thing as letting Ned Flanders control the internet - allowing only the 700 Club on the internet and people to listen to Amy Grant online only.
I do agree with this bill and it should have some revision. It should not turn into some internet dictatorship bill and if it did, we will be having riots. I'm not kidding. Riots! This will give for impeachment of Obama for a Republican backed thing. I have a feeling the Obama is not going to pass this thing - because he likes his internet too.
I have a feeling there is going to be some internet regulation in the future someday. The rest of the world has at least some regulation, and the United States is probably going with the bandwagon. The internet is full of good stuff and it is full of a bunch of crud. The internet is great for business, keeping up with friends, being entertained, and learning something new, but it is starting to be full of garbage as well. The internet might have to revert back to it's primitive days when it was used mainly for work and school, and not as much as a medium for entertainment and shooting your mouth off, as I am doing right now. There are a lot of intelligent things on the web, but it is starting to get idiotic as well.
This goes against the Constitution - the United States is a place to have freedom of speech, religion, the press. Eventually the internet will turn into some communist type internet like it is in North Korea or if the Soviet Union exist today. Russia will have more internet freedom than the USA. It is going to be the same thing as letting Ned Flanders control the internet - allowing only the 700 Club on the internet and people to listen to Amy Grant online only.
I do agree with this bill and it should have some revision. It should not turn into some internet dictatorship bill and if it did, we will be having riots. I'm not kidding. Riots! This will give for impeachment of Obama for a Republican backed thing. I have a feeling the Obama is not going to pass this thing - because he likes his internet too.
I have a feeling there is going to be some internet regulation in the future someday. The rest of the world has at least some regulation, and the United States is probably going with the bandwagon. The internet is full of good stuff and it is full of a bunch of crud. The internet is great for business, keeping up with friends, being entertained, and learning something new, but it is starting to be full of garbage as well. The internet might have to revert back to it's primitive days when it was used mainly for work and school, and not as much as a medium for entertainment and shooting your mouth off, as I am doing right now. There are a lot of intelligent things on the web, but it is starting to get idiotic as well.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Everything is starting to fall into place
I don't think things have been that stable since I was in high school. It seems like everything now is starting to fall into it's place and peaceful times are coming. I don't think it is just me but I think it is going to happen to this town and this economy and everything. We are going to get a good guy in the office and let everything just fall into it's place.
The last three years are full of chaos, but now I am starting to get to the core of the chaos. A lot of the chaos is caused mainly by ADHD symptoms and I have a feeling when I am focused, things are a lot better than they used to be. The economy is sucking right now, but a lot of the stuff, I am just chugging along pretty good. If I am focused and seeing things the way they are, everything seems to be systematic and works out. But when my mind is chaos, the whole world is chaos.
I am starting to think mainly in the present, and not as much in the past and the future. The past is the past and the future, who knows what is going to happen, but in the present, it's what's there that matters. But you have control of what will happen in the future, but the past is just the consequent of the actions.
This logic class along with my medication is starting to make me think more sequential. This has to have to happen first before that happen and that must happen in order for this to happen. Stuff like that. No more mumbo jumbo and emotional chaos. This chaos of thought is also messing up my world. It might be the most boring piece of crap, but I am learning about sequencing and sorting my thoughts.
It seems like things are starting to connect right now, which means life is going to be more stable to be in the future. I take things one thing at the time and let the rest take care of itself. That is what the good Lord is for. I have been more relaxed and focused more on the present time.
For the chaos that has bee happening in the last few years, it looks like the first thing is to get the medication adjusted. Then I am going to get some help with the other things I am not seeing with the medicine. Then things are going to just flow.
A buddy of mine has predicted something. I am going to get a girlfriend when I get high in the stats. Getting high in the stats means things are doing pretty well. I have a job and I know where I am going, and I am starting to get known as a more for something good than some duddy head up your butt anxious stuck in the butt ADHD guy that has trouble picking up on social cues, but thinks he's cool, but he is not. In the future, I am actually going to be high in the stats. I am going to get some money which will change my position in society. Everything is going to fall into it's place and there is probably going to be a head up your butt time.
I am not having realistic expectations of what's going on. What is supposed to be going on is for me to figure out what I am going to do, then I am going to get some more education so I can have a decent job, decent home, decent wife, decent kids, blah blah blah and then I am going to live the American Dream. Everything is going to fall into place I guess. But then in the future, there are going to be more problems. Bratty kids, sucky people at work, sucky job. Life is not perfect. But in the future, we are going to figure out these imperfections and think of ways to fix it. Why do you have bratty kids? Why do you have sucky people at work? Why do you have a sucky job? How can you fix it? There are jobs out there to fix these things. Psychologists and sociologists do that.
Things are starting to fall into place for me and I am realizing how everything is falling apart. And it is my job to fix it. It is my turn to see the other side of the fence and use my past experience to fix things.
The last three years are full of chaos, but now I am starting to get to the core of the chaos. A lot of the chaos is caused mainly by ADHD symptoms and I have a feeling when I am focused, things are a lot better than they used to be. The economy is sucking right now, but a lot of the stuff, I am just chugging along pretty good. If I am focused and seeing things the way they are, everything seems to be systematic and works out. But when my mind is chaos, the whole world is chaos.
I am starting to think mainly in the present, and not as much in the past and the future. The past is the past and the future, who knows what is going to happen, but in the present, it's what's there that matters. But you have control of what will happen in the future, but the past is just the consequent of the actions.
This logic class along with my medication is starting to make me think more sequential. This has to have to happen first before that happen and that must happen in order for this to happen. Stuff like that. No more mumbo jumbo and emotional chaos. This chaos of thought is also messing up my world. It might be the most boring piece of crap, but I am learning about sequencing and sorting my thoughts.
It seems like things are starting to connect right now, which means life is going to be more stable to be in the future. I take things one thing at the time and let the rest take care of itself. That is what the good Lord is for. I have been more relaxed and focused more on the present time.
For the chaos that has bee happening in the last few years, it looks like the first thing is to get the medication adjusted. Then I am going to get some help with the other things I am not seeing with the medicine. Then things are going to just flow.
A buddy of mine has predicted something. I am going to get a girlfriend when I get high in the stats. Getting high in the stats means things are doing pretty well. I have a job and I know where I am going, and I am starting to get known as a more for something good than some duddy head up your butt anxious stuck in the butt ADHD guy that has trouble picking up on social cues, but thinks he's cool, but he is not. In the future, I am actually going to be high in the stats. I am going to get some money which will change my position in society. Everything is going to fall into it's place and there is probably going to be a head up your butt time.
I am not having realistic expectations of what's going on. What is supposed to be going on is for me to figure out what I am going to do, then I am going to get some more education so I can have a decent job, decent home, decent wife, decent kids, blah blah blah and then I am going to live the American Dream. Everything is going to fall into place I guess. But then in the future, there are going to be more problems. Bratty kids, sucky people at work, sucky job. Life is not perfect. But in the future, we are going to figure out these imperfections and think of ways to fix it. Why do you have bratty kids? Why do you have sucky people at work? Why do you have a sucky job? How can you fix it? There are jobs out there to fix these things. Psychologists and sociologists do that.
Things are starting to fall into place for me and I am realizing how everything is falling apart. And it is my job to fix it. It is my turn to see the other side of the fence and use my past experience to fix things.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
I am getting closer and closer to finding my niche
In the last few years, I have encountered a lot of experiences, both good and bad, and I am starting to find out what my niche in life is - what God has made me to do. College was a roller coaster ride and it has it good memories, and it also had its bad memories, and you had some times that were downright boring. The beginning of college was a time of crisis and emotional turmoil. I was in a major I did not like and I was with roommates that were not the coolest, but we had our good times too. Even though I did not like them, I had some experiences that will shape me the way I am now. One of the major events is the diagnosis of ADHD and then the change of my major to the A.A degree to figure out what I was truly good at and to catch up on the education that I have missed in high school.
The second year was a bland year, but it was a year of I was not going anywhere. I had my head up my butt and I seem kind of gullible about my world around me. But that year was a year of change. When I was 18, it was still high school in all practical purposes, but it was high school in a different light. But when I was 19, it was a time when I was learning about myself and exploring my world, and figuring out what the new me is. Now, I am 20 and the crisis is starting to end, and a new era might be coming pretty soon. I can see a peaceful era coming pretty soon and I might be very sucessful in the near future.
This year I had started to make new friends and I have been more relaxed than ever before. It seems like everything is starting to tie together into one big piece instead of a million other pieces of mess. I am starting to get a clearer picture of who I am and what God made me for, and this was based on the past experience. The past experiences I had somehow add up to something. I am supposed to be doing something and I think the start is coming pretty soon. I am joining a club to raise awareness in the school of people with ADHD and other disabilities. I have an understanding of what these people are going through and I have a feeling that they might need my wisdom to help them go through things. I have feelings that are people just like me, and they have talents and feeling too. One person is a pretty damn good artist, even though they might have a disability. I think these people need help because I can see pretty sucessful people coming out of them, they just need to have their kinks ironed out.
I seen a few with the same quirks as me and they remind me of the same things that I am going through. I feel sorry for these people, but I don't feel sorry for them either. I have a feeling they are milking their disabilities and they are not showing off their true talents. I want to see more art than idiocracy or dancing, or good hunting skills - a disability is not a sentence, but it could be things are rearranged in a different way, probably to make them shine in something else.
One thing I want to do is to be in a relationship with someone which is something that I never done before. Because of my lack of social skills and self confidence, I had never had a girlfriend for a long time. I might of had one for maybe a week or so, but I never really had a real good relationship. But someday it is going to happen and I think it is going to happen sooner than I think. I think I need to have a good confidence builder and that club might do just that. I would like to show the world that I am pretty cool just like everyone else, and I can date and do things like everything else. I have feelings you know. I think the reason why I never been in a relationship with someone for that long is the fact that I did not pick up on the social cues. I was either not choosing the right women or I have been not picking up the fact that the girl is not that interested in me as I think, and I might be a little bit too awkward. I have been trying to get to know girls, but I have been kinda stalkerish. I am also been not seeing things that clearly, and the chances of love might be higher when I am seeing things in a different light. The big thing is I have been focusing too much on more the popular girls or physical attraction than someone that is about my speed.
More on that later, but I think I should realize what is going on first before I proceed to relationships and stuff.
But now I have been feeling things are going to be different, and different in a good way. I think is time for me to spread my wisdom to the other people I feel I need help. I think I will be a good help with a lot of people since I have a lot of experience and I do have compassion for other people that are struggling just like me.
The second year was a bland year, but it was a year of I was not going anywhere. I had my head up my butt and I seem kind of gullible about my world around me. But that year was a year of change. When I was 18, it was still high school in all practical purposes, but it was high school in a different light. But when I was 19, it was a time when I was learning about myself and exploring my world, and figuring out what the new me is. Now, I am 20 and the crisis is starting to end, and a new era might be coming pretty soon. I can see a peaceful era coming pretty soon and I might be very sucessful in the near future.
This year I had started to make new friends and I have been more relaxed than ever before. It seems like everything is starting to tie together into one big piece instead of a million other pieces of mess. I am starting to get a clearer picture of who I am and what God made me for, and this was based on the past experience. The past experiences I had somehow add up to something. I am supposed to be doing something and I think the start is coming pretty soon. I am joining a club to raise awareness in the school of people with ADHD and other disabilities. I have an understanding of what these people are going through and I have a feeling that they might need my wisdom to help them go through things. I have feelings that are people just like me, and they have talents and feeling too. One person is a pretty damn good artist, even though they might have a disability. I think these people need help because I can see pretty sucessful people coming out of them, they just need to have their kinks ironed out.
I seen a few with the same quirks as me and they remind me of the same things that I am going through. I feel sorry for these people, but I don't feel sorry for them either. I have a feeling they are milking their disabilities and they are not showing off their true talents. I want to see more art than idiocracy or dancing, or good hunting skills - a disability is not a sentence, but it could be things are rearranged in a different way, probably to make them shine in something else.
One thing I want to do is to be in a relationship with someone which is something that I never done before. Because of my lack of social skills and self confidence, I had never had a girlfriend for a long time. I might of had one for maybe a week or so, but I never really had a real good relationship. But someday it is going to happen and I think it is going to happen sooner than I think. I think I need to have a good confidence builder and that club might do just that. I would like to show the world that I am pretty cool just like everyone else, and I can date and do things like everything else. I have feelings you know. I think the reason why I never been in a relationship with someone for that long is the fact that I did not pick up on the social cues. I was either not choosing the right women or I have been not picking up the fact that the girl is not that interested in me as I think, and I might be a little bit too awkward. I have been trying to get to know girls, but I have been kinda stalkerish. I am also been not seeing things that clearly, and the chances of love might be higher when I am seeing things in a different light. The big thing is I have been focusing too much on more the popular girls or physical attraction than someone that is about my speed.
More on that later, but I think I should realize what is going on first before I proceed to relationships and stuff.
But now I have been feeling things are going to be different, and different in a good way. I think is time for me to spread my wisdom to the other people I feel I need help. I think I will be a good help with a lot of people since I have a lot of experience and I do have compassion for other people that are struggling just like me.
I am different....everybody is!
I am starting to realize that I am changing and I might not be the same person I used to be. I think everyone is that way. I think about now it is the time when I am starting to finally grow up and see things as they really are. Maybe I never realized who I really was.
I have been diagnosed with ADHD and it looks like a lot of the things I do are not the true person, but more of an illness. I think people with ADHD have the same personality - it is not distinctive. It is a collection of symptoms. I don't think I was focused enough to figure out what I am truly interested in.
For most of my high school years, it was spent a lot of time sitting on the computer. I have been on social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook, just like the other kids, but I did not develop that many serious friendships. It looks like that most of the time I was playing the games to stimulate myself and put up status updates where I did not have much thought. I also spent a lot of time looking up the most random things, and weren't interested in what the other kids were doing.
Now, I am getting medicated and it seems like when my medicine gets adjusted to a higher level, I realize who I am and how boring this internet browsing is starting to be. I am starting to be a different person - maybe I haven't really realized who I am like, and what I am truly interested. What I was this kid who basically was desperate to fit in, and knew what to do, but didn't really get the details. It looks like I was trying to do what the other kids were doing, but I wasn't really seeing things clearly and get what was cool or not cool at that time. I understood that rap music was cool at that time, but maybe I didn't realize how horrible it sounded or how it was not cool in the school I went to.
I did get some friends, but I never really made too many good friends. Some kids like me, but most of the kids liked me because of the symptoms and the rest seem to ignore me, or think I was stupid. A lot of kids in my class were thinking I am making a fool out of myself or putting on a front. I have been told that a lot students will just talk shit about me or spread rumors - most likely because I was socially awkward and didn't pick up on the social cues as the rest of the kids. It seems like I got the idea, but it always was about a half a second off or something like that.
The big thing I was trying to do in high school and even in college is to try to get in a relationship with someone - a girlfriend. In my mind, too me, a girlfriend is the key to social success and I was cool and with it. And it got to be a cool girlfriend - not a dorky one. But I didn't realize that I am really not meant for the girls I am after. The girls I am after were in sports or something like that, and they were interested in someone in sports, or some of the girls were the country girl type. It looks like I did not have a really good self concept of who I was to get a girlfriend. I think you need to know who you are before you start dating. Now, when I am medicated, I am starting to have a clearer picture of who I am and maybe things are dating.
Being a teenager is all about finding yourself, and I am 20, which means I am starting to get old. But I am still young and haven't really gotten started in life. I haven't even gotten a job yet. When I am medicated, I probably will have a clearer picture of who I am, what I want, and whatever, and I won't be this confused mess. It looks like I was a kid who was confused who didn't know where he was going and did not have a good self concept of myself. But now the pieces are starting to put together and for the first time, I might be seeing things the same way the other kids are seeing things. It is like wearing glasses. I am going to have clearer mental vision.
This is going to be a fun experience - I might have totally different tastes than I used to have. Things I used to like back then I am going to even regret saying I like. The times where fun back then, but in the future, things might be finally start to tie together and make sense to me. I am going to realize who I really am and what is truly going on. I think I am going to stop THINKING as much and start actually LOOKING. I have been been in my own world, like I have been on this strange planet, and it is time for me to actually get back to Earth. Things will be a lot different than I thought when I am back to Earth.
My past blogs look like there is a lot of scrambled thoughts, but now things are going to be a lot more clearer. It is going to be an enlightenment. It is just like the people in the time of the Rennaissance when they finally learned how to read, and all these crazy revolutions started to happen because things started to make sense to them. The same thing might happen to me.
I probably going to be a lot more successful especially with relationships because I am not seeing things more clearly. I might finally see what is good in a girl and not bad in a girl. And a lot of other things - very exciting experience is coming.
I looked at all the past blogs and it seems like there is a theme. It is a trying to find yourself thing, which is very common with teenagers, but it looks like I am getting too old for this. This is something that is usually done about 16 and that is why most teenagers can date easily because they have better sense of identity. I sound like some angsty 13-14 year old teenagers that finally starting to get shoved in that cold world. A lot of the topics are about not getting a girlfriend, finding yourself, very emotional like I am afraid of the world. The world is hell, but we have to learn to fight through it.
Some of the stuff I am writing is very interesting and stuff - very intelligent, and it looks like I am trying to find a worldview. But eventually, when I see things as they are, it is going to become boring.
I have been diagnosed with ADHD and it looks like a lot of the things I do are not the true person, but more of an illness. I think people with ADHD have the same personality - it is not distinctive. It is a collection of symptoms. I don't think I was focused enough to figure out what I am truly interested in.
For most of my high school years, it was spent a lot of time sitting on the computer. I have been on social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook, just like the other kids, but I did not develop that many serious friendships. It looks like that most of the time I was playing the games to stimulate myself and put up status updates where I did not have much thought. I also spent a lot of time looking up the most random things, and weren't interested in what the other kids were doing.
Now, I am getting medicated and it seems like when my medicine gets adjusted to a higher level, I realize who I am and how boring this internet browsing is starting to be. I am starting to be a different person - maybe I haven't really realized who I am like, and what I am truly interested. What I was this kid who basically was desperate to fit in, and knew what to do, but didn't really get the details. It looks like I was trying to do what the other kids were doing, but I wasn't really seeing things clearly and get what was cool or not cool at that time. I understood that rap music was cool at that time, but maybe I didn't realize how horrible it sounded or how it was not cool in the school I went to.
I did get some friends, but I never really made too many good friends. Some kids like me, but most of the kids liked me because of the symptoms and the rest seem to ignore me, or think I was stupid. A lot of kids in my class were thinking I am making a fool out of myself or putting on a front. I have been told that a lot students will just talk shit about me or spread rumors - most likely because I was socially awkward and didn't pick up on the social cues as the rest of the kids. It seems like I got the idea, but it always was about a half a second off or something like that.
The big thing I was trying to do in high school and even in college is to try to get in a relationship with someone - a girlfriend. In my mind, too me, a girlfriend is the key to social success and I was cool and with it. And it got to be a cool girlfriend - not a dorky one. But I didn't realize that I am really not meant for the girls I am after. The girls I am after were in sports or something like that, and they were interested in someone in sports, or some of the girls were the country girl type. It looks like I did not have a really good self concept of who I was to get a girlfriend. I think you need to know who you are before you start dating. Now, when I am medicated, I am starting to have a clearer picture of who I am and maybe things are dating.
Being a teenager is all about finding yourself, and I am 20, which means I am starting to get old. But I am still young and haven't really gotten started in life. I haven't even gotten a job yet. When I am medicated, I probably will have a clearer picture of who I am, what I want, and whatever, and I won't be this confused mess. It looks like I was a kid who was confused who didn't know where he was going and did not have a good self concept of myself. But now the pieces are starting to put together and for the first time, I might be seeing things the same way the other kids are seeing things. It is like wearing glasses. I am going to have clearer mental vision.
This is going to be a fun experience - I might have totally different tastes than I used to have. Things I used to like back then I am going to even regret saying I like. The times where fun back then, but in the future, things might be finally start to tie together and make sense to me. I am going to realize who I really am and what is truly going on. I think I am going to stop THINKING as much and start actually LOOKING. I have been been in my own world, like I have been on this strange planet, and it is time for me to actually get back to Earth. Things will be a lot different than I thought when I am back to Earth.
My past blogs look like there is a lot of scrambled thoughts, but now things are going to be a lot more clearer. It is going to be an enlightenment. It is just like the people in the time of the Rennaissance when they finally learned how to read, and all these crazy revolutions started to happen because things started to make sense to them. The same thing might happen to me.
I probably going to be a lot more successful especially with relationships because I am not seeing things more clearly. I might finally see what is good in a girl and not bad in a girl. And a lot of other things - very exciting experience is coming.
I looked at all the past blogs and it seems like there is a theme. It is a trying to find yourself thing, which is very common with teenagers, but it looks like I am getting too old for this. This is something that is usually done about 16 and that is why most teenagers can date easily because they have better sense of identity. I sound like some angsty 13-14 year old teenagers that finally starting to get shoved in that cold world. A lot of the topics are about not getting a girlfriend, finding yourself, very emotional like I am afraid of the world. The world is hell, but we have to learn to fight through it.
Some of the stuff I am writing is very interesting and stuff - very intelligent, and it looks like I am trying to find a worldview. But eventually, when I see things as they are, it is going to become boring.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
I am starting to feel like I am not the brighest bulb around
I think this is starting to hit me. I am going under a lot of stress with pretty much everything, and I think I am might be finding the source. I don't think I am that smart of a person. I barely squeaked by in the Accuplacer and I am struggling with a lot of my classes. It looks like the classes I took in high school were easy and didn't require much brains, and since I was trying to get my grades up, I struggle to get them up. I don't want t patronize, but I am feeling like I am not the brighest bulb out there and I might have to adapt to it.
Some things I am pretty bright at, such as music, but I am no genius at music. I can play music pretty good and I do have a pretty good ear. I might be very good with children or something that requires not the most brains./ I tried taking the "brainer" classes in college, such as history and even biology, and I am not getting the best grades. I like playing with my cat and I might be good with animals. Somethings I excel very well with such as this family class, but I think it is a pretty easy, fun, and interesting class. I struggle with the tests and I struggle with the reading. Logic I am just dumb with and I know I don't have that much logic. I want to get a good job, a life, whatever, but I feel like I might not be the brightest person. But I am going to get through this. Lord, help me! God, help me! Please do something! You had planned me to be on this planet for something but I don't know what.
Right now I am going through a lot of stress. I have problems in the apartment with doing basic tasks such as cleaning and washing dishes. I can barely cook and I don't think I can live on McDonalds all my life. I am getting nagged by my roommates to shut the door, flush the toilet, etc. I have been struggling with this for years. I might blame it on ADHD or I might just blame it on not being that bright.
Some things I am pretty bright at, such as music, but I am no genius at music. I can play music pretty good and I do have a pretty good ear. I might be very good with children or something that requires not the most brains./ I tried taking the "brainer" classes in college, such as history and even biology, and I am not getting the best grades. I like playing with my cat and I might be good with animals. Somethings I excel very well with such as this family class, but I think it is a pretty easy, fun, and interesting class. I struggle with the tests and I struggle with the reading. Logic I am just dumb with and I know I don't have that much logic. I want to get a good job, a life, whatever, but I feel like I might not be the brightest person. But I am going to get through this. Lord, help me! God, help me! Please do something! You had planned me to be on this planet for something but I don't know what.
Right now I am going through a lot of stress. I have problems in the apartment with doing basic tasks such as cleaning and washing dishes. I can barely cook and I don't think I can live on McDonalds all my life. I am getting nagged by my roommates to shut the door, flush the toilet, etc. I have been struggling with this for years. I might blame it on ADHD or I might just blame it on not being that bright.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
More dating advice
I have been learning about dating and relationships in school, and I have come to the conclusion of some facts with the dating world. The first thing I have to understand is - love cannot be forced. I can't just wake up in the morning one day saying "Today I am going to get a girlfriend". This is great motivation but it is something that can't happen. Love is an emotion just like happiness and sadness. When your dog dies,you are sad. When you won a million bucks, you are for sure happy. You can't really force emotions - emotions involve a different part of the brain and you can't force it with logic and planning.
Love is something that can't be turned on and off by a switch. Love is something that comes naturally and it usually comes at the most unexpected moments with the unexpected people.
Before you can fall in love, you'll have to understand what love means. According to the dictionary, "love is an tender affection for somebody, a desire for someone, to like someone very much." The basis of love is kindness - you care for the person.
It is the same thing when a song you love comes on the radio. Everyone has a different taste in music and every once in a while, you get that song that you have to "stop and listen to it." There is something about that song you love - it may be the lyrics, the harmonies, the rythhmn, the cool instruments, the message in the song. The same thing will happen with a person - that will find something about you that they will want to "stop and get more of it".
You got to show some desirable traits to get people to love you and that is by loving yourself. There is a lot of time and energy put in these songs that you just have to "stop and listen to" - the same thing is with making someone fall in love with you. Everyone has different tastes, just like different tastes in music. You should really show off what you got and someone will just hit it off with you just like a song that you have to stop and listen to. The same thing is what that person - it may be the sense of humor, courage, strength, determination, intellect, work ethic - blah blah blah. Usually the people writing these songs put a lot of passion and love in their music, which is the same thing you should do to attract people to fall in love with you. Usually the songs we love are not mediocre - there is something about that song that makes you love that song.
So this is what I should do. I should trying make myself a better, more desireable person and let the love spread. Someone will hit it off with me just like a song you have to stop and listen to, so I should work on making myself a more desireable person.
Love is something that can't be turned on and off by a switch. Love is something that comes naturally and it usually comes at the most unexpected moments with the unexpected people.
Before you can fall in love, you'll have to understand what love means. According to the dictionary, "love is an tender affection for somebody, a desire for someone, to like someone very much." The basis of love is kindness - you care for the person.
It is the same thing when a song you love comes on the radio. Everyone has a different taste in music and every once in a while, you get that song that you have to "stop and listen to it." There is something about that song you love - it may be the lyrics, the harmonies, the rythhmn, the cool instruments, the message in the song. The same thing will happen with a person - that will find something about you that they will want to "stop and get more of it".
You got to show some desirable traits to get people to love you and that is by loving yourself. There is a lot of time and energy put in these songs that you just have to "stop and listen to" - the same thing is with making someone fall in love with you. Everyone has different tastes, just like different tastes in music. You should really show off what you got and someone will just hit it off with you just like a song that you have to stop and listen to. The same thing is what that person - it may be the sense of humor, courage, strength, determination, intellect, work ethic - blah blah blah. Usually the people writing these songs put a lot of passion and love in their music, which is the same thing you should do to attract people to fall in love with you. Usually the songs we love are not mediocre - there is something about that song that makes you love that song.
So this is what I should do. I should trying make myself a better, more desireable person and let the love spread. Someone will hit it off with me just like a song you have to stop and listen to, so I should work on making myself a more desireable person.
Monday, October 24, 2011
My life path is based on GPA
I need to get at least a 2.0 to get into St. Scholastica, but I should strive for at least a 2.5 to access the college. My life is depending on this GPA and I have about two choices, and each choice is going to determine my path.
Here is one path: One path is to sluff off and not study, which means I'll get lower grades, which means I won't be able to go to college. I will be forced to work a minimum wage job if I am lucky and I won't get anything past about $12 per hour, which is not even enough to have a decent living. I'll be living at home with my parents or will be living in the slumpy apartment, not going anywhere. I'll have to work my butt off to go to college again to get education since I blew it the first time out of carelessness. I am not going to go any farther, and I will be working with these "pimply faced" teenagers, trying to find themselves. I could be possibly living at home with my parents working at McDonalds. I will be a lot like a perceptual 16-17 year old, and if I don't drive, a perceptual 14 year old.
Here is another path: I will get my grades up at least a 2.5 and I will be going to St. Scholastica. I should work my butt off in St. Scholastica so I can get a good paying job, so I could afford to buy a house, a car, have kids, get married, and do all that cool stuff that older people do. I will be a happy and more sucessful person.
And it all matters on that GPA. The GPA is going to determine my life path; which route I am going to take and it depends on the maturity level. If I am thinking like a 14 year old, I will be a constant 14 year old. I should act my age and get my act together. There is a lot of good things coming in the future if I make the right choices.
So I better make the commitment and study. The problem is the logic and the human biology, and it is symptoms of ADHD by not handing in assignments. I should get my pill adjusted so I can bust out of this perceptual 16 year old. By my age, I should be thinking about my future - I should be thinking ahead and the GPA counts this time - this is the ticket to getting me to the place I want and I am going to MISS the train by being an immature, disorganized, scatterbrained, head up your butt 16 year old 20 year old. I got time to head up my butt - head up your butt time should be when you are old and maybe in your childhood. But these head up your buttness is going to get you anywhere. If I am head up your butt, I am going to be an embarassment working with these 16 year old pimple facers trying to get into college, and picking up their finding themselves habits. I will be rock bottom.
Here is one path: One path is to sluff off and not study, which means I'll get lower grades, which means I won't be able to go to college. I will be forced to work a minimum wage job if I am lucky and I won't get anything past about $12 per hour, which is not even enough to have a decent living. I'll be living at home with my parents or will be living in the slumpy apartment, not going anywhere. I'll have to work my butt off to go to college again to get education since I blew it the first time out of carelessness. I am not going to go any farther, and I will be working with these "pimply faced" teenagers, trying to find themselves. I could be possibly living at home with my parents working at McDonalds. I will be a lot like a perceptual 16-17 year old, and if I don't drive, a perceptual 14 year old.
Here is another path: I will get my grades up at least a 2.5 and I will be going to St. Scholastica. I should work my butt off in St. Scholastica so I can get a good paying job, so I could afford to buy a house, a car, have kids, get married, and do all that cool stuff that older people do. I will be a happy and more sucessful person.
And it all matters on that GPA. The GPA is going to determine my life path; which route I am going to take and it depends on the maturity level. If I am thinking like a 14 year old, I will be a constant 14 year old. I should act my age and get my act together. There is a lot of good things coming in the future if I make the right choices.
So I better make the commitment and study. The problem is the logic and the human biology, and it is symptoms of ADHD by not handing in assignments. I should get my pill adjusted so I can bust out of this perceptual 16 year old. By my age, I should be thinking about my future - I should be thinking ahead and the GPA counts this time - this is the ticket to getting me to the place I want and I am going to MISS the train by being an immature, disorganized, scatterbrained, head up your butt 16 year old 20 year old. I got time to head up my butt - head up your butt time should be when you are old and maybe in your childhood. But these head up your buttness is going to get you anywhere. If I am head up your butt, I am going to be an embarassment working with these 16 year old pimple facers trying to get into college, and picking up their finding themselves habits. I will be rock bottom.
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