The last year in a half of my college experience has been a very major change for me. I am going to start out one way and I am going to come out another way. I think I am pretty much going to be the same I was at the beginning of the year at the end of the year - I might grow a little bit but you don't see much difference in me since about last August or September.
The one thing that changes the way I act is probably my medication. My perception of the world almost completely changes once I am on some medication. I think my thoughts are starting to connect and I am starting to see things a lot more clearly; probably like I never seen them before. I was at a 40% dosage last year and things change a little bit, but I didn't get the details. I think that was the year when everything was chaos and I was trying to find myself. The 60% level means I have an even better perception - I am at a functional level and at 100% is this is the way I am, that's the way I am going to be.
People are starting to like me at 100% because they understand me once I talk. I need to open my mouth and show the world who I am really like. I have been easier to figure out now.
The next thing is better education. I am having a better perception of my world around me. With sociology and psychology, along with cultural geography and anthropology, I have a pretty strong idea of how people tick. After my view on society is starting to be developed, I was starting to narrow down where do I think I fall into this mess, and a lot of it is based on experience. I have a lot more education than the "rednecks" that I am rooming with, which are going into something basic like auto tech.
Over this fall, I am starting to fine tune my interests and starting to have a pretty fined tuned identity of who I am. I am starting to develop my moral code, and starting to become more spiritual, along with have a better understanding of my health and to think a little more logical, and not as emotional. But I am now starting to have a better, more well rounded view of myself and by the end of this year, when I turn 21, I am going to be basically what I am going to be.
It looks like I am going in the path of psychology - I am here to help people. I am here to give advice. I am interested in what makes people tick and I feel sorry about the people around me that are dysfunctional. I see things are "messed up" and I have this belief is the people first are messed up, because the society consists of people, the economy consists of people, the culture consists of people, and it all starts with the individual. You can argue with me that the society does that but it will go back to haunt you with the individual because society is just a collection of individuals. Maybe when I get the individual screwed on, everything is going to fall into it's place. Getting the system or the group screwed on is not going to work since the group is created by individual, and the system is some individuals idea on things based on their own perceptions and experiences.
Everybody see things a little bit different. They all had different life stories to tell and the stuff that I was going through seems to connect with things. God has decided what should happened to me - all the things that happened to me, good or bad, are under Gods will. It is all part of Gods divine plan that he knows about me - he probably knows who I am going to marry. I have to interpret what God is going to do with me when it happens. Maybe the good lord wants certain things to happen on certain days - it all falls into it place. If I connect it into pieces, it will start to make sense and it will be part of my story.
I go through many periods called crises, which are transitional periods in my opinion. It looks like that God has times the crises I have just right to make sure things had turned out they way they are. The good lord wants me to be exposed to certain people - he wants me to do certain things. He had gave me gifts and talents, but it all connects to something. This college experience was a way more better growing up experience than high school - high school has some experience as well but it seems to connect. It seems like I am going through a constant struggle, but now I am starting to fight this struggle and then eventually, the experiences I have with this struggle are going to be used to help the other people. It all connects.
No comments:
Post a Comment