Time is running out and I don't really know what I really want to do with my life. I have been in the college world and I am going to be bored with the same monotonous situation I was with last summer. Last summer I had a preview of what life is going to be like and I think I need change. I got a cell phone and I was checking social networking sites for social encounters, and going to restaurants for an social outlet, then I haven't found anyone. I have been viewing photos and statuses on Facebook, and realizing that my old friends are slipping away, moving on with their life. Some of them have matured to the fact that they are starting to have children and even some of them are getting married, which shows how depressing things tend to be.
I was starting to have a cold hard reality check - things are starting to become boring. I have become unknown and everyone has forgotten about me. The old world has left me and it is time to enter the new world. Of course, I want somebody to keep me company to keep me from being left out in the world of darkness.
The last 2 summers I have been wandering around; I actually have been wandering around without much association for many years. Where do I fit? Who am I? What am I supposed to do? Who am I supposed to be with? Life's questions were starting to come with me.
I have been wandering around - finding out where I fit and what could I do. There is a vast world out there. It looks like everyone else is in their own world. Everyone has their own family and it looks like me is wandering around, lacking a family. I am losing my family - my family is gone and what is left, I really don't care for them anyway. I only have my parents- my mom and my dad, and I have been ignoring my dad more often. What is my calling? Who am I supposed to be with? What am I supposed to do? God, I am in a standstill and I want to have a path.
I am in a transitional period from one world to the next. I have been dumped out and I am starting to see the realities of life. I need to have a purpose; I need to have a path or a destiny. What is my calling? I can't be in this repetitive standstill of doing this monotonous labor and wandering around without any associations. I am starting to have a reality check of what life is going to be like and I think it is the time for change. I had my head up my butt....it is time for me to think about what I am going to be like in the future and not in the present or the past. Around 2010, I had a bad impression of my future - I am going nowhere and in something that I am not made for. Then in the last few years, I had a rediscovery and reevaluation of myself - where am I going now. I am starting to get the connections and I am starting to find out what thoughts that are in my head. Hmmmmmmm?
I guess I have to get going...I had no idea what I am going to be like and I didn't care. My parents said I had my head up my butt but I had now idea. With my head up my butt mind, I was thinking, even with the most whacked out fantasies that I have in high school. Ideas were coming together and I was thinking.
About 2006 or 2007, ideas were popping in my head, but they were whacked out, but they were ideas. It looks like I had an idea of business in my head. The fantasy record label and entertainment conglomerate Shawty Entertainment. It sounds lame because of the word "shawty" but Shawty Entertainment was basically anything cool about me from film to music to internet. That was an idea. Maybe I should go into the music world. Then I am starting to getting a closer idea of what I am going to be and who I am going to turn into. Of course, I am still fantasy and I am getting closer and closer reality checks. I was starting to value family and children since childhood and I wanted family and children - I mean a lot of children. A vision of what I am going to be should come through someday. Yeah I need help finding my path.
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