Every week, I am approaching the end of an era and a beginning of a new era. I think this year is going to be a preview of a start of a new era - a peaceful start of a new era. I have been changing a lot in the last month or so - more than I did than last summer or even last winter. I have been progressively changing in another person.
Last year was a year of chaos and crisis - it wasn't a good year. From getting my car smashed up to going to the hospital for passing out to having roommates that were just plain weird, I had it tough. That year was a good lesson but this year seems to be change for the better.
But now I am going to think of the future - my mindset is going to be different in the future during every month and every week. By about Christmas time I am going to have a different mindset and probably by about spring I am going to have a different mindset. Things are going to stick together.
It has been mapped out by God...I am going to make it and please give me the skills. A lot of the skills that I need is valued by something that I needed for granted - relationships.
Relationships was something that I brushed off but they are important. They are not just for entertainment but survival - it was very lonely last summer without many connections. I can't just rely on family to get me through things. I am losing my family - actually I lost all my grandparents and I have spent about 6 months without any grandparents - it was a lonely feeling but it is time to distance myself for my family and starting to find other people to rely on. I need a larger support network - friendships are not just for just yucking around - they are people that dig you out in the snow, help you when you go to the hospital, bringing your car keys. I have saved a car key problem by text message and meet me at a certain place...working out. I have been taking this for granted and the people near me for granted - I am probably not going back to my old ways if I want my new ways.
I have been thinking about my inner world for a long time but the inner world is not cool anymore. Nobody seems to care anymore - it looks like we are connected more with the outer world than the inner world right now. Community is a big importance and it looks like we are starting to get more connected in our isolated social world. The internet made us more connected with friends and family than ever before - pretty much Facebook is where you are seeing what is going on with other people. Of course, we are worried about what people thinks and you seem to be depressed when you are not measuring up with the other people. The inner world is not that exciting - I have been trying to find my inner self while letting everything else slip away in the outer world. People are not caring about your inner views anymore - the group and conformity is what is going to be the norm. Finding your own philosophy on life does make you weird since you are living on the same world. The one thing that we find equal - no matter who you are - no matter your race, color, sexual orientation, religion, etc. is the air we breathe. We all need oxygen to survive and that is something that has equality - the same molecules you are breathing in are probably shared by Julius Caesar, Napoleon, King Henry VIII, the Pope, Beethoven, the president, and Michael Jackson along with your cat at the same time. We need air and water to survive, which are the basic elements that have no divisions. These divisions are causing problems - why you have to be emo, redneck, gangsta...all these stereotypes. We are just human. This is stuff that is probably said before millions and millions of times before but I think we are getting more and more connected. The internet, the phone, Skype, Facebook...connecting us but we need to have physical contact as well. Face to face is better...we can't be in the isolated world connecting with people thousands of miles away. Physical human contact and intimacy is what we need. I am starting to engage in the social world more than my inner world...this sitting around, finding yourself, listening to music, and reading deep literature - this is going have to end in this modern world which is something I have been doing in college. I better sound like an human that connects myself and expresses to the outer world than the inner world - it looks like I can't dig deep in my consciousness enough and probably need the more stimulation that I get from the outside world probably through connectedness and relationships.
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