2012 - year in review

2012 has been a very good year for me.  Of course, it had it's good point and it had it's bad points, but overall it seems to have an upside compared to 2010 and 2011.  2010 and 2011 are practically the same year if you think about it - I was in the A.A degree and I was trying to find a direction in life, along with getting this new ADHD diagnosis ironed out. After the carefree year of 2009, things started to go downhill in 2010 and by 2011, things were pretty bad.  I was going nowhere but things were starting to pick up in 2012 once again.

I had sort of my bummer years, but there wasn't much of a year that was a bummer than 2011.  2011 just totally blew and it was all about medications and roommate problems, moving, and getting my head screwed on, along with finding a job. 2012 was actually some very positive things - I got started with my Scholastica classes and started my first job. I was starting to buy some things for myself such as a new computer and an iPod, which gave me the experience of shopping.  But it has some bad things - there were the problems with the driving and it seems like I was still having a continuation of the roommate problems that have been going on since 2009.

But there has been some enjoyable things about this era - the entertainment on the web is just great and the internet is starting to become more and more accessible to everyone, but the basic interface hasn't truly changed.  I have a feeling that the interface of the internet might change in the next few years with the lifestyle changes.

2013 is going to be a wrap up of my college life and to get hardcore with one more year of college til I get back into the real world in 2014.  It is going to be a transition into the real world but the transition is going to be light.  I can see some advancement in things such as career and relationships - I am probably finally going to get things put together and new things are going to come.

I might get bumped up at Wal Mart this year and I am most likely going to make some new friends, and a possibility of my first girlfriend. This might be something pushing around 2013-2014 and I was very close in 2012, but I never seen to get anywhere with that relationship. I am probably going to start dating and stuff when things get pretty good out there, and when everything seems to be calmed down.  It looks like I should be going with my business and it looks like 2013 is a year where I am not going to plan much - I am going to go along with my business and go with the flow.

You never know what is going to happen in 2013 as I never knew what will happen in 2012 - but I  hope it Is not going to be another 2011.  I think I don't have the circumstances to make it another 2011 - I actually was a lot more screwed on this year and it is going to be the established stuff is going to happen.  I'm going to pass through life pretty good pretty soon.

Windows 7 vs Windows 8

I had just got a new computer and it was built in with the Windows 8 operating system, and it looks like I am not moving back.  Of course, Windows 8 does have it's flaws in it but it is something that is worth getting used to and once I get used to it, I probably think Windows 7 even looks old and primitive.

Windows 7 is not much different than any other Windows operating system.  You have the start menu and the desktop, and you have all the whatchamacallits and thingamabobbies on it, but the basic concept hasn't changed that much since Windows 95.  Windows 7 does sort of an aesthetic view to it, it is pretty but hasn't changed much since Vista and XP.

Windows 8 is a totally different operating system and it is finally getting updated to something that is new.  It might take some time getting used to but you'll probably love it by the time it is done.  Windows 8 rearranges everything on intuition and simplicity - it keeps track of what you are truly using Windows for and places it there.  Notepad, wordpad, and all these other doodads still exist but not too many people use them because they are hidden.  Most people use the computer mostly for the internet, and maybe Microsoft Office, along with a game or two,  and Windows 8 bases the idea on that. They art starting to get with it with an app store because a lot of people rather download software instead of actually buying the CDs.

The first concepts of Windows 8 took place around the time of Windows Vista.  Around that time, it was the rage to fool around with the apps.  Windows Vista did have a different look and feel, but it pretty much has the Windows XP concept.  Windows was trying to become more and more Mac like. The apps were popular and the concept of the actual Aero peek that you see on the desktop was a preview for Windows 8.  I can see Windows 8 had a bunch of whole new concepts rolled out, but the concepts are things that we had adapted with computers.  We had gotten used to the tablet interface, and Windows finally got rid of lots of clutter.  It is more of a push button world than in a list world, which makes Windows very clutterly and complicated.

Windows 8 does let me control myself on the internet - I am not as weird as I was in previous operating systems.  Windows 7 was ADHD friendly because you can jump around  - I don't see much ADHD temptations with the Windows 8 interface.

Windows 8 has a similar interface to many video games such as The Sims and there are many things in there that are pure awesomeness.  The Windows 7 media player just don't look that cool anymore, but Windows 8 media player is awesome.  But there is a flip side to it - the shut down button is hidden with the setting which is dislike.  That is very complicated and there might be some form of programming glitch.  The Windows developers actually studied some psychology and marketing, and goes along with how  we think.  Some people are the logical, line based interface of the previous Windows operating systems but now we are going back to intuition, simplicity, and common sense.
This might just be a sign of where our society is going anyway - simplicity is going to be the norm and that is starting to be with the Windows 8 interface.  Windows Aero is gone but that does take up memory, which is a flaw.  Now we are with the new Metro interface and it resembles Windows XP once again.  Actually it is a lot more practical and the most professional looking interface since Windows 2000 - you have the customization options along with the practicality of Windows 2000. 

This interface does resemble the supposed Windows 2005 or Longhorn interface, which was scrapped because of the dumbed down look of Windows XP.  But this interface is simply a theme and you can probably get Aero back if you like Aero back.  But Aero might look a little too Disney esque and the same thing with the Playskool esque Windows XP, so this new interface is back to the conservatism and professionalism with the Windows OS - enough of the hippie dippy individualism thumping of the 2000s.

I am now typing this on 7 but it looks like I am sold on the 8 interface.

What happens when you are gone

Someday and I don't know why, I am going to be gone.  It looks like I am still at the stage of youth and I haven't gotten started at life, but someday I am going to get out, fritter away, and die.  But this is not to fear because there is something after when we are gone.

I have a feeling that we have to go somewhere when we are gone - we might be going into a different life of somehow.  Either going to heaven or hell, or maybe just getting reincarnated, we are going into something different.  Reincarnation does seem to make sense - I am no Hindu or Buddha, but there might be a possibility that life seems to repeat after itself.  Some of the Hindu and Buddha faith's do seem to make sense as the same way as the Abrahamic faiths do.  We don't really know what truly happens.

We are probably here for a purpose - for a mission and I don't really know what the purpose and mission is.  It seems like each day has it's own purpose and I try to write it down every day.  Some days are just plain boring, but they do have a purpose.  But each purpose do have it's plans and it does fit to a bigger purpose.

I don't know what I am truly alive for and I am trying to discover that - I was born in 1991, which was sort of a peaceful time but it seems like the world has been falling apart. It looks like I was born in the dawn of the information age and everything seems to fall into it's place.  It looks like I had become the generation of humans to be zombies of technology and eventually technology is going to be practical and it is going to make sense.

But there is going to be some purpose and it might be the purpose of something in this information age.  I sometimes regret some of the things that happen to me - some of the stuff that is happening in my childhood and my teen life I regret happening, and some of the stuff I actually cherish.  But it seems to be mapped out and it looks like there are certain things that are coming out of certain times.

In high school and elementary school, and it looks like a part of college, I had been having a lot of emotional problems, especially when it is coming to school.  It looks like I had been having a hard time with relationships - some days  I feel like I can connect while some other days I don't feel like I can connect.  About elementary school I was pretty good with relationships but I had been going through awkward periods of time such as in middle school and college.  College has been a very awkward time for me indeed.

College was not the most social time for me and I think deep down I don't think I cared about being social - it was the time for me to find myself from deep within and what I believe in, and what my true philosophy on life.  I was starting to develop my view on the world and started to analyze everything so it makes sense.  It looks like I was very analytical but not really looking and understanding of what truly is happening around me.  I was trying to theorize and think, but not LOOK - maybe there might be things that are making sense right before my eyes.

I am starting to stop philosophizing when I start going to work - maybe it is time for me to enter the "real world" and not this fantasy world like high school or college.  I do have the philosophy but not the experience.  But maybe there was a time of philosophizing instead of acting stupid and learning the hard way - in high school there were the good times and the bad times but I did not have much of a concept of who I am and I probably still don't have a concept of who I am.

I do go through spells where I am philosophizing and trying to figure out where I am in the world, and I start getting the most "whacked out" thoughts out there.  I was one of these dreamy people that seems to be "out of it" and probably thinking in a level that was too "weird" or "abstract" for the people that are walking around here.

But sometimes I need to philosophize and maybe it is the time to think, but maybe I am getting way too "deep" on some of this stuff.  But the world is the complicated place and it needs to be deciphered.

But there is going to be someday I am going to be gone and probably going to be a day where I am going to think back "why am I here"? There might be a reason why I must be here? That is where you got all the religion and stuff to distract you, and I have probably been a different person when I had been exposed to religion.  It is about time to get to church.

What 2013 is going to bring to us?

2012 is actually ending and we are entering another new year: 2013.  2012 was sort of a clifhanger year because we had the Mayan calendar almost resetting and we have electionmania, which resulted that we wanted the same thing for the next four year.  Actually, we are thinking that we are getting the same thing since 2011 and it is going to be working out.  Obama is just the president and we have some Republicans in the house to water him down, making him not do much of anything and let the economy naturally recover on it's own.  We are going to be pretty much the same for about the next 4 years and it looks like we are in a period of transition.

The world is transitioning if you think about it.  For a while, everything was controlled by corporate media and everyone wanted to be rich.  This has been going on since about the middle '80s til about 2009 or so.  Now the rich is not going to be a big deal and we are not going to have a culture that was controlled by the rich.

We had Blockbuster movies and the Billboard charts dictating of what is cool and what is not cool.  You just sucked up to whatever the Paris Hilton's of the day thinks is popular, whatever you like it or not.  But that is not going to be coming anymore.

Now we have the internet and that is making pop culture fade away.  Now pop culture is going to be controlled by people like me and you, and not a bunch of "rich snots" want.  You got YouTube, which is the place where anyone can contribute to pop culture and it seems like you are starting to get popular icons from people that you can halfway relate to.  You don't have to worship a billionaire celebrity anymore; you can worship someone that actually has zits and boyfriends just like anyone else.  We are entering the world of amatuer entertainment and that is the true American dream.  We are not all about the big house or the big car anymore; it is going to be about self expression, etc.

Justin Beiber is the way of the future.  He is your actual do it yourself teen idol and he is from Canada, but it is the true American dream.  This might show that Canada is freer than us.

That YouTube is the escape - way better than that crap that is on the big box controlled by a bunch of rich snots.  I can't relate to these people and they are a fantasy. You can upload anything from cheesy cat videos that are 1 million times better than Kim Kardashians drama or some very polish, brilliant documentaries that are masterpieces.  Some of the stuff on the YouTube world are modern classics already.

It is the world of the average joe and the average joe is going to be cool once again.  But  it is the idea that the average joe can show off what is truly special.

Britney Spears...ah the memories

We still have Britney Spears, but she is not the same as she was when I first heard about her when I was a little kid.  Every once in a while, I get a little nostalgic about the pop era and that gave me a little bit nostalgia of my childhood.  If you think about it, Britney Spears was possibly my first exposure to the mass media, etc. and that was about the age of 8.

Developmentally, this is pretty normal for me.  Before I was 8 years old, I did remember music on the radio and commercials on the TV, but it did not affect me.  I did enjoy music, but music was a blur and I did not become fans of music.  About the time I was 8 years old, my parents had bought me my own personal radio and I used that radio to listen to music at night.  Then I was exposed to a lot of the pop stars of the day such as Britney Spears and The Backstreet Boys, and I liked it,

Of course, it was pretty common for children to be fans of these teen pop artists such as Britney Spears since it was playing on children's stations such as Radio Disney.  Radio Disney was starting to emphazize on being "cool" and having image, and it was not a station that played music that was for younger children such as a Mary Poppins favorite or something like that.

Before I was 8 years old, I liked stuff because I liked it.  When a crazy toy or something came on, I actually just wanted the toy.  I liked Star Wars when I was a little kid because I liked space stuff, and I liked a few other things, but I didn't care if I was cool or not.

The social status did not come until I was about 8 or 9 years old, and I started to think that the people on the radio were cool.  Before I was that age, the top 40 pop was a blur of R&B and some stoner rock, and maybe some country, then about 1999, just in time for the pop era, I was 8 years old and started to realize that the blur of music was not that bad.

I realized that Britney Spears was starting to lose her talent and her morals.  She was not the sugary, kid friendly Max Martin pop sound and then eventually she started to sound like I was listening to a pornstar marketed for children.  I did not realize she was non-nude softcore pornography being shoved at a young children.  I was not that sexually horny enough for Britney Spears so I pretty much went away from the pop music scene for a while.

Pop music was not that good when I was about 6th grade-7th grade - I was in the cusp of the return of the hip-hop/R&B or the return of pop.  But I wanted to be cool, so I was probably wanted to conform to the hip-hop/R&B blur that was popular in the 1990s and the 2000s.

The 1990s had a lot of this blur anywhay if you think of it - I did not have the glamor childhood of the '90s kid that other kids had so I was not technically a '90s kid and I am probably not truly a '00s kid anyway too.  It looks like I was trying to conform to the values of the '00s but my parents did not agree with the '00s.  They thought the 2000s decade was something that was near the Roman Empire.

But there was that short time about 1999-2000 and that was when there was something that was breaking the blur and it was Britney Spears.

I am used to the R&B blur  - that what I heard in the stores and what I grew up with.  I was not that sentimental with some of the artists but it was okay music - it was music.  I remember a few good songs but music was not a big deal when I was a little kid.  I enjoyed music but it was hard to distinguish songs when I was a kid and that R&B was not kid friendly.  Britney was something that was marketed for kids and that was one of my memories.

Why be nostalgic about something that is in the same era?

There are people that are currently being nostalgic about the '90s, which was the decade I was born in.  I was born in the early 1990s which was the dawn of the information and digital age, and why look back? There are people that want to be nostalgic about the '60s and '70s, which I never lived in and it wasn't that great.  The hippie thing was not that cool and it was a period of war, gas shortages, and lack of morality. The feminist movement was a big joke and probably a destruction of society.

We are in the 2010s decade which means we are in another period of war and economic turmoil.  When there is a time where there is no war or economic turmoil?  But I have to gloat about the technology of today's age. The 1990s internet looks like cheese compared to today's web and you can finally get the web on your TV, which is what TV is made for in  the first place. The internet TV revolution is great and you can get access to a lot more entertainment than you ever had access to back in the cheap days of the 1990s.

In the 1990s, music downloading was unexistent and you basically have to listen to the radio.  Now you can get access to music that "you" actually like than listening to the local radio, which plays music that is cheesy.  The gaming industry has improved a lot in the 21st century way better than the cheese of the 1990s.

Of course, there are some things about the 1990s that seem to be sentimental than the world of now, but I don't see much different.  The 1990s was actually a boring era - we didn't have much culture compared to the current times.  Our culture now is actually a lot more broad and the internet is starting to create pop culture.

We are in a era where the individual is important and pretty much individualism is going to rise more and more.  By the true 21st century, education is going to be a lot better than it was during the cheese and the yawn of the 1990s.  Now you can have the option of actually learning high school and college on the web, which was something that you didn't have in the dusty textbook era of the 1990s.  Education will be a lot more fun now than it was in the 1990s - you can learn it your way and YouTube will be a great way to educate.  I can educate myself on a lot of things off of YouTube if you weed out the junk.

The internet is full of actually very good stuff and the internet has been destroyed in the MySpace era of the 2000s, which was starting in the 1990s.  MySpace was the last of the .com boom and it looks like MySpace had the cheese of the cheap Geocities graphics of the 1990s.  The 1990s is not a period to be retroed - we are way better off today with modern technology than the 1990s.

Wait until the world picks up again around the 2020s.  Things will be a lot better and actually the lifestyle of today seems to be a lot better than the 1990s.  The 1990s was about materialism and working, sucking up to greed and trying to outgreed each other.  Very immature and inethical. But now, in the modern era, we are going to be more focused on what is more important - the family.  The recession had brought back family values which I haven't seen in the greed of the 1990s and the 2000s.
2006 seems so old school as of 2012 going onto 2013.  2003 sounds like we are going retro - the SmartTV is plain awesomness and computers had become a lot more user friendly and intelligent.

I had now grasped some of the modern innovations that made my life better since I got some money from working at my local Walmart.  There is a value of working and making money.  There is nothing against women working - they are human beings and they do need a sense of accomplishment.  Now the gender roles had returned -women are not going to be corporate executives anymore.  Women are now returning to a more "womenly" jobs such as the human service and hospitality sector.

We had been modernizing a lot but there are always some of the traditional values that should come back and are coming back now than it was during the 1990s.  Now were making importance of raising children and that is shown on the internet - every step of the way.  The web is not full of teenager pranks and anime references as it was in the world of the millennium.  YouTube and social media was simply "teen rebellion" back then, but now it has turned to be the haven for baby videos and pet videos, which shows the comeback of family values. Facebook has become the family connection center as relatives and close friends connect, and Hulu has started out to become "family friendly" entertainment.

We are actually getting better and maybe we needed some economic butt kicking going on here -  there was too much greed.

The future is something that you should not be afraid of

We are at the end of 2012 and eventually, and I am pretty certain we will enter 2013.  But it looks like we haven't really entered the future yet.  But I should look back about 1998-1999 and I realize that technology was a lot more primitive back than then it was now.  The basic lifestyle from 1998 hasn't changed a lot, but it looks like we are transitioning from the 1998 lifestyle to a more modern lifestyle.  The lifestyle of 2006 was a lot closer to 1998 than the lifestyle of 2012 as it is to 2006.  Even 2006 has the taste of the old.

The 1990s and 2000s haven't really changed much in the way you live.  Pretty much 1998 and 2003 were not that much different.  The internet was pretty simplistic and a lot of people were using traditional media such as TV.  Cell phones were klunky back in 1998 and a lot of people used the mobile landline phone.  But 2012 it looks like the technology has changed drastically.  Cell phones are almost always smartphones and touchscreens have become the mainstream.  Touch screens and smartphones were around in the 1990s, along with tablets, but now they have become mainstream.  The internet has become the source of entertainment - it always been, but now it has become something that is making TV so "old school" and geratric.  The internet is starting to become more integrated into pop culture and we are watching The Annoying Orange than whatever is on the idiot box.

I can see technology is starting to emerge and eventually we are going to enter a truly high tech world.  And isn't it really that bad.

You should not fear the future - I have a feeling things are going to be a lot more better.  Our political situation is in a mess along with the economic situation but we are entering a more, futuristic transition.  I am not sure what is emerging but maybe we might not be as material as we used to be and we will focus more on family and relationships.  Relationships are going to be a lot more important and it is starting already than stuff.  The internet now is all about sharing and we are constantly sharing to our friends - the web has become one big family.  The internet used to be having me post this blog into the open space of big mouths but now it looks like your close friends and family can read what you post.  We are going to be more connected than ever before and family has become closer, even friends had become closer.  We are at the end of the age of fortune and fame, it is all about relationships including God.

The internet has evolved into this pool of "bullcrap" and now everything can go.  Everything can be interpreted anyway - I am just shooting my mouth off and contributing to the irrationality of the world.  It looks like we don't care about intelligence as much anymore as anything goes- I say it, I believe it.  But there might be some very interesting philosophies on the world of the web and I am one of the contributers.

This typing is a great way to build off steam and to get it all sounded off.  Sometimes it is good to bounce off the inner workings of the mind and it will get it off my chest.  My mind is just whizzing with a bunch of jibbery jabbery that I need to actually express it out.  The internet has been a great tool for it.  But the jibbery jabbery of the web has become a shape of the future - relationships.  We love our friends and family, and family is going to become important again.  Family values might be the key again and the more functional the family - the better it is.

What growing up life might be for me

Now we have an idea of what the next 4 years are going to be like and it might be the same thing as it was for the last 4 years, but now I am an older person.  I am starting to get this apathetic feeling if I am ready for the world or not, or what I am going to be when I enter the world.  I am sort of in the world right now and eventually I am going to be exposed to more and more of the world.  The working world is something that defines us as adults and when you get that money, you have the freedom for the most part to choose what you want to pay for.

It looks like the money I am getting might be  great for my development.  I actually get to buy things and to try things out.  With my money, I actually bought some things such as an iPod, new clothes and accesories, and a video subscription, along with some music.  I am trying to define who I am and I am better a better concept of who I am.

I had been told that I had been this person that likes to think a lot about things and to ponder the world. I can get pretty philosophical but this thinking might be a result of me just trying to figure things out.  But now I got movies and TV to watch, music to listen, etc. that will keep me from thinking.  But really the social world is something that I love to get exposed to and I like people - but maybe it is time for me to get with what regular people think like.

A lot of people out there are more doers than the thinkers and I am more of the thinkers.  I am the analyzers, the evaluators, etc. which is good and there are many good careers out there.  I think I should research some careers where I can use my brilliance of a mind of thinking.

But sometimes the different thinking can cause a hindrance since my mind is more on Saturn than actually worried about things that are on Earth. Many things that I am thinking about should be a bunch of garbage in the brain - yeah maybe a good movie or two might make me relax. But there are probably some good movies or music to get me thinking out there.

I am off track but there is a stream of consciousness I got to go through, it helps to start figuring things out.  I just write away to see what is truly coming out.

 In the future it is going to be unknown but there might be a career for me so I can  get settled on my own and I might start turning into some normal thinking person out there instead of some guy that likes to ponder everything out there. It is healthy to have some time to think and grow, and I am probably trying to figure out who I am in a more logical sense.

College got me down to Earth and I realize I am not going to be some big rapper or rockstar, or professional athlete or whatever, but I might be more on the realistic grounds of managing a Wal Mart or a McDonalds in a small town,  or something like that. There is something to think about.

Is college life boring?

I had been in college for about 4 years and by the time I am going to be done in about 5 years, and it looks like I haven't really had a true college experience.  This year is technically like a junior year in college as I continue my studies into more advanced learning, but I am starting to realize - is college life really that great?

It seems like college has been a problem since day one - I haven't had much problem on the campus as much as the roommates but I think the counselor's theory might actually be right.  They had observed and analyzed my behavior and I am a type of person who likes "deeper thinking", while most of the roommates I got are to the point and very concrete in their style of thinking.  I am thinking most of the people around me are that way.

There are some higher level thinking people out there but it looks like I am not finding it in the college or even at this area of Minnesota. It looks like a lot of them could care less about my thoughts and my beliefs, and may be bored to tears, and rather hear something that is more down to earth such as playing video games, sports, etc.  This is your normal guy but I might be pass this level.  There might be people out there but it looks like for a practical reason of survival, I need to lower myself and start enjoying some of these "normal people" activities.  Even though it may not be mentally intriguing or stimulating, this might  be a way for me to be more social and to fit in better.

College is all about the deeper thinking and a lot of this deeper thinking might be "homework" for a lot of people.  There are things that I am fascinated by while other people could care less about.  But I think I need to start getting some more knowledge in the less "thinking guy" stuff and more into stuff that is in your face - especially with the Minnesotan culture.

I am probably more open minded about music such as R&B and open minded about ideas, but really I just intellectualize many "redneck" ideas.  I am pretty conservative and I like Jesus, family values, and a freer, less taxes economy which is pretty redneckish.  I used to be a lot more on the liberal end in high school, but it seems like I started to realize this stuff is failed.  But I really need to start "living the life" of what is around me instead of someone believing my "higher level thinking."

These higher level thinkers are probably in the world of the internet and cyberspace, and there are forums and blogs, as well as YouTube to express might higher level thinking, but we have sort of the "average Joe" stuff I should be exposed to as well.  I might as well get in the world and college might be mentally stimulating, it might be time for me to start "lunking" up and getting into the "real world."

The higher level thinking of mine started to emerge about 2007 or 2008ish when I was starting to realize the power of my brain.  But I think I really started to think when I entered the college about 2009. The summer time in high school is when I go back to the weird mind, but this mind might be of brilliance, but not social acceptance.

I rather read Sports Illustrated, The National Enquirer, etc. to get me with the world.

A split country

It looks like the election is over with and it seems like we made up our mind.  Obama got it and he is going to stay, and nothing much is going to be different.  So we might as well hold on tight because it is going to be a bumpy ride.  It looks like the country has turned into a divided nation - it is not even a United States anymore, we should have 2 countries.

We have a United States that still wants to be the United States as it used to be and it is the "redneck United States."  That United States is all about farming, country music, shotguns, hunting, and cowboys, and everything that makes America America. This America loves Jesus Christ and family values, and my dog and my pickup.

Then we have another form of America which is a America that is not based on the "redneck America".  This America is a mess and it looks like they like it.  It is a place where you have a bunch of people living in small apartments, smoking pot, and looking at porn all day, and trying to screw around with whoever they can get their pants into.  This is the "emo America", the hipster America and eventually it is going to turn into the welfare America.

We have a totally  different concept of America is and it looks like there is a definitive divided forming and eventually we might as well be too seperate countries.  I don't get why there was an emerging America.

But  I have a feeling that the American spirit still exists and the country is not dead - it is basically rearranged.  The United States is a smaller country and it looks like we might as well have an extension of Canada in the Northeast and the area around Minnesota. Anything influenced by Canada and Mexico somewhat wants Obama while the center of the country is the center of the country.

There are going to be people that are not going to be happy either way but eventually things are going to start to rearrange.  The America we know is starting to not fall apart, but it seems like it might be something that might be where Kansas and Nebraska lie while the borders are pretty much the anti-America.

I think I have to blame it on immigration - immigration has risen in the last 20 years and the immigration has been mostly of minorities such as the African American and Hispanic Americans.
But the center is not as colored and we are mostly white, blonde haired or light browned haired people. The old America is still existing and it might comeback, but it looks like the borders don't really care about the old America anymore.

I think we had our turn and we had done everything we can do - America has done it all and I have a feeling it might turn into something else.  The country is starting to fade away into the darkness and we are starting to change our ideas - but we have something in common. I don't think we care about being rich anymore and we realized that being rich is not worth it, but I think relationships are going to matter more and family values than making money.  There are people that are perfectly happy just living in a small apartment, smoking their dope, etc.  You have the internet for crying out loud, you have video games, cell phones...you don't have to have the hot car or the plasma inch TV to keep you entertained anymore.  We are different.

2016: Obama's America

I had watched this documentary about the worse case scenario of what would happen if Obama had got reelected.  But this is a worse case scenario and I am not sure if it is going to exactly happen.  It depends on who gets in the Senate and the House, and the House is controlled by Republicans so it might take a bit longer than the Senate to have some of his ideas come through. But I think this is radical but when he did get control with the Senate and House in Democrat control, he is basically preaching the choir and things did pass through.

I wasn't affected much by Obama in the first round but I seen what was happening.  Things were getting cheaper and things were getting more sloppy. I had a tendency to whine and bellyache more often because there were people that were more likely to go along with me than to give me constructive advice.  It was harder for me to get a job and to grow up.


There are many scenarios but I have a feeling that we might actually get some Republicans in the Senate if Obama does get it, and he might be just sitting on his butt. That won't be that bad and it might be a slow recovery of the economy, which is happening right now. But I notice that the mood of the people seen tense and we are going to see what's happening.

But this movie shows the worse case scenario and we might be one of these wussy countries that are just falling to piece. The economy might collapse and we might be turning into something into Medieval Europe. The military will be wussy and we will not be the tough country we have back then.

I might be affected by this more than it used to be - depends on what jobs I am going into.  I was thinking education but I realize that we don't need education and we don't need health care.  But I am not sure but maybe if I work in a store like Wal Mart or something like that. But I can see I am going to see an affect the 2nd time around no matter which ways it goes and it may shape the way I am going to be and the generation I am in.

But I have a feeling of hope - we are not completely doomed.  We might be in one of these falling apart cycles and there is a feeling of hope right now.  It has been about 20 years of falling apart and we been in a scenario where things have been falling apart since the time I was born.  But I am immune to it and didn't realize that I was born in a country that is dying.

But I don't think the country is going to die - we might be in a Renaissance. A great American Renaissance - we are going to come back some day.  Probably by the year 2013 or 2017, things are going to return again. But I have a feeling that things are going to be okay and I think I can adapt to it wherever direction we are going.

But there is a change in the lifestyle and I can see our generation and my kids generation are not really caring about prosperity.  Maybe the mousiness of American life was not that bad - I think we are going back to our roots in general.  I can see we are going to be happy anywhere where things are not as well off - were we truly happy with all the cars and the clothes and the houses and the blah blah blah.  America has turned into a country of greed and this greed has been pulling us apart - do you truly NEED this.  We might be back into a country where relationships are going to make us happy - money does not buy happiness.

I bought an iPod, but it did not benefit me anything.  It just turned me into a more shyer person that listens to music all the time. Maybe some of this stuff is not going to bother me - we are probably going to enter a period of family, of faith, of  values - not much money and greed and anything like that.

I am probably going to be in the first time of my life I am going to be affected by this and I am not sure if I can handle it because I am uncertain. What will my life be like?  But maybe the Good Lord wants us to suffer some more to get ourselves straightened up - the people in Africa could care less about the greed, the money, the fame, the fortune - they just want to be together.  Relationships are way more important and family is going to be a lot more important.

I think I gotta "lunk" some more

You know I have a tendency to be a pretty intelligent person, and I can dream up lots of many things.  There are many things that seem to spark my interest such as people in general and how the world works, along with some things about music, technology, etc.  But with my intelligence, it is very hard for me to "fit in" with the world around me.

I seem to be one of these more "deeper thinkers" and college had made me become a deeper thinking.  I like to think about things such as about the world, the future, humanity, all these things but a lot of people never see the world that way.  A lot of them just go along with their business, doing their own thing.

Maybe it is time for me to "lunk" a little bit.  Things that don't seem to interest me or are too "lunky" for me is what the average person likes.  We have things such as NASCAR, country music, video games, reality TV shows and soap operas, etc. don't seem to interest me.  I live in a somewhat rural community and a lot of people around the area are interested more in the simpler things in life.  I probably don't find these things stimulating and rather be looking up something on Wikipedia, and editing the Wikipedia with my insightful knowledge.  I do like fashion, fads, pop culture...I am not a weird person and I enjoy things such as the latest rap music, etc. but I don't really seem to be that "lunky" of an individual.

I think about things and I tend to be more philosophical.  I do have "redneck beliefs" such as conservative values, things made in America, guns, etc but I tend to like them in a more philosophical, higher intelligent, deeper thinking man fashion.  Usually the ones with the high intelligence tend to be in the left, but we have some right wing that are pretty intelligent, and we have some dumb left wing people.
 I probably like to sit on the internet and expose myself to smart things, but lets do some dumbing down here.  I might have to "lower myself" because it might be rare to find people around my area, unless you see some nerd in the library or something like that.  The really bright people are not hanging around in my area but I am no genius either - I am a lunk in some ways.  I took an IQ test and it said I had I had an IQ of 122, which is pretty good.  I am not good enough for MENSA but I am up there - but there are some things that I am a pure idiot in.

But it is time for me to lunk - to act a little lower than my mental processing speed.  There are rarely too many people like me.  This might explain why I might be sort of a misfit in society - there are too many not like me and I am bored with this.  I rather stimulate myself with something smart or whatever.

My personality evaluation

I am interested in this psychology and I had taken a personality test online to find out more about my personality.  I am pretty amazed with the results and it may be pretty accurate.  I had taken the Big Five, which is a classic personality examination and there is a lot to be learned.

I scored very low on the Extraversion on the big five - which means I am a shy person.  I am not the type to attend parties and rather do things such as sit on the internet or listen to my iPod.  I think the technology is created a crutch and that is an addiction to shy people.  I like people - I am not afraid of people but I don't really care much for the party life.

Consciouness and Agreeableness are in the middle - I tend to be messy, but when I am in a work situation, I can be very uptight and neat.  I think the money is the motivator and I think I value giving someone a very good job instead of a half fast.  I am pretty agreeable but sometimes I can be disagreeable especially when you have me speak my mind.

I scored very high in openness and that is the gift to my personality.  This open mindedness is good which gets me interested in different music, cultures, and lifestyles.  I am not a stodgy person and I am thinking about the future, but this is destroyed by the neuroticism I have.  I seem to be fearful of things and have anxiety on things, and that is probably influencing my shyness.  It is a weird combination indeed since I am open minded but neurotic.  I think this neuroticism is the negative part of the right brain - I tend to be dreaming up things that are not there and that is probably because of the creativity.  I think the introversion might be the power of my brain - I got many things to look at and think about a long with create things that I express myself differently than actually being a person that is outgoing.  But I think I need to start lowering my fear and to stop dreaming up so many things.

Realistically I know most people are good and harmless, and everyone is in all shapes and sizes, but I think I had been affected a lot by some people.  It seems like I am not trusting people.  I am probably thinking in a higher level than some people and in a more open than other people, which shows some intellect.  There are people around me that are like that that tend to be more introverted and creative, and philosophical and they do get into good jobs in the future.  But when I start getting away from my dreaminess, I might get to be a different person.

There is something out there for me and possibly a career, and I am starting to find out a career for me.

What am I going to be like in 2013

2013 is going to be around the corner and if the Mayan things passes through, it might be a pretty good year.  I had been optimistic about every year but this year turned out to be a very good year for development indeed.  There are some of the leftovers from the 2010-2011 era, such as some of the roommate situations, but for the most part, things had been pretty different.

I had changed a lot from the end of 2011 to the end of 2012 - 2012 was the year where I gotten my first job and started the first glimpse of higher learning.  Throughout the summer, it looks like I am starting to get an idenity started and even through this fall, it looks like there is a lot of self improvement in many ways, along with comebacks such as me downloading music.  This year reminds me sort of the same situation as 9th grade, when I was working for my grandpa and things are going smoothly.  There are traces of high school coming back and not as chaotic as it was in the last 3-4 years.

I had grown up a lot this year but next year I can see there is going to be a continuation of what is going on this year about this fall. I have a feeling that I am going to progress in my Wal Mart job, possibly getting bumped out of the Maintainace position into something with a higher pay and something more enjoyable. The higher pay means I am going to have more options such as trying to find another apartment that is a little bit better.  I do like my days of the current apartment I am in but it is time for me to move on.

I am probably going to start developing some new interests and continuing on my old interests. It looks like I do like my cat and I might start developing an interest in pets and animals.  Who knows what I am going to buy or get interested in - buying new clothes and iTunes cards might give way to more expensive and more hobby related items when I get a lot more cash.

I also have a feeling that I am going to have a way higher sense of freedom and self esteem - 2013 will be the year where I am going to truly focus on my education for a career.  2012 and 2013 are true transitional years into the adult world and I am going to start becoming more grown up than I was around 2010, which was practically high school for me.



I think I had been in this hiberation state since about the death of my grandma on my mom side but with the death of my grandma on my dads side I am starting to slip out of this hiberation.  A lot of this state was transitional and it was a time of thinking and chaos.  This was probably one of my more stressful times since elementary school or middle school.

A year from now you probably see a different person but it might be a better person.

Career evaluation

For the past 3 months or so, I had made some money.  For simply working off some steam at Wal Mart, I had made about $1,000 or so, which is about the price of a very good new computer or TV.  But there are many wonderful things I can buy with this amount of money.

I seem to cut that money in half with the exception of the iPod investment which is about $200 that I had payed for, but it seems like I had payed for many things to make me a better person.

Eventually this money is going to get higher and higher, and that is going to change me as a person.  When I get into the 1,000s and even the 10,000s and 100,000s with money, things start becoming more interesting and the real person of me start to reveal myself.

But when I am starting to make the higher amounts of money, the interests start to change into responsibility and I start doing things that are supposedly more adult than just downloading music and buying new clothes to fit in, and to look more attractive.  I start buying things that start becoming functional with everyday life and that is paying for children as well as paying bills.

But eventually, I have to figure out what should I do to obtain this money and it is something - a function that I need to do in this world, and that is a career.  I am starting to get educated but eventually I am going to be one of these overeducated hermits that don't have much goals in life and start thinking about things that are too philosophical and far out in nature.  Instead of being one of the "finding oneselves" overeducated hipsters, it is time to actually find myself in a different way, by buying stuff and contributing to society.

I had taken a career test and it looks like I have some patterns.  I should work eventually to find out what I am good at but I do have a general picture of what I should be doing in life.  This is also a time for me to develop some interests on my own and to see what the real person is going to be like.

It looks like I have a lot of high scores in the human interests and mental health - I think I have been taking too much psychology but it seems like I am interested in this mental health and dephichering things - it has turned out to be a hobby just like someone who is interested in web design or art, or fixing up a car.

A lot of the careers are based on hobbies and it  seems like the career clusters are based on hobbies. This is something I should look into.

Human service and mental health jobs are one of my interests, but they seem to also stresss me out so I might as well explore other options.  I tend to over analyze my own behavior which is making me a person that is a "social perfectionist" and no fun, and I seem to be over critical of other people.  It looks like I have an interest in finding a problem and fixing it, and if I don't have anything to fix, I want to stir something up so I can fix it.  Even my blogs sound like I am over intellectualizing but really it is some emo blog.

I think  I had been exposed to the mental health field and human services, as well as education, too much but there might be a different world I should try to be exposed to.  Maybe the retail environment or business environment, or the bank might interest me more.  I think my life has been too much of the "emo" world that I need to see a more productive, positive world.  It seem to like shopping and stores, and money, so I should try to get more exposed and interested in that.  I might seem to be a lot more "normal" and not trying to play "do it yourself" counselor.

Here I go again - this thing looks like a self psychoanalysist of myself and I am starting to sound like a teacher or a counselor, especially in the field of special ed or behavior management, which I am not being paid for. I should actually start getting into business or something practical.

The World of Screens

It looks like this world is starting to become a world of screens.  It seems like that most of our waking hours, we are exposed to some type of interactive screen or box in some shape or form.  It is very rare where you are not exposed to the screen world and not the natural world.

I am part of the "screen addiction" as well and I seen people around, they are looking at screens and interacting with screens.  In the modern day of age, most of work involves some type of screen such as a computer or a cell phone, tablet, etc.  I am an exception where I have to sweep the floor at Wal Mart, but even with sweeping the floor at Wal Mart involves checking my hours by looking at a screen along with checking the duties for my day.  Most of my homework involves a screen and it seems like a lot of my entertainment and social life involves a screen.  We are in a screen society and it seems like we are starting to get pretty weird with this "screen" world.

I listen to music on a iPod which uses a screen and some headphones, I am typing this blog on a computer which involves a screen, and I am probably going to do other activities such as watch TV with a screen.  There are very few times where I am not exposed to the screen world and it seems like I am now attached to the screen world again.

I have a feeling that the screen world is an escape from reality.  We don't want to see what is in front of us or even interact with things in front of us, so we depend on the screen.  The internet is the place to do just about anything and it is an endless supply of information, games, cats, and dirty pictures.  But it seems like I am attached to that screen.

The screen is stimulation and you don't have to have anything in the room to stimulate. You can sit in a empty room and then be exposed to some world  with a box.  We are exposed to the technological world at a very young age and it seems like most of technology is confined to a screen.

We are not in the world - we are in our own worlds and it seems like this might even confine with the new dimension we are entering, according to the Mayans.  It looks like we are starting to have an addiction to screen and that addiction is starting to increase more and more.  Welcome to the screen world.

Fads of the 2010s

I have been looking at fads from the '90s, which many of them I don't even remember.  I was a little kid and I thought the '90s were pretty boring.  We had a lot of Disney movies, and it was cool to have those light up sneakers, but it was nothing really to write home about.

But I am thinking about - the '10s.  The '10s is starting out in a mess and we are in global chaos along with a economic recession along with unrest in the Middle East, and China is starting to become more powerful.  This has been going on since the 1990s but we seem to have our head up our butt.

But the '10s might be a pretty fun decade and I am pretty optimistic about this decade.  By about 2019, things are going to be pretty peaceful - I think the world is going to be the most peaceful it even has been and it might be partway because of the 2012 prophecies.  The  Mayans had predicted great doom or just a pretty peaceful, spiritual enlightement and it looks we are going towards that path of an actually more peaceful, better world.  I can see people are going to start accepting things the way they are and start to appreciate things the way they have it.

The '10s had already have many fads and I can see it is going to be fun - the economy is going to rise and everything is going to be awesome.

Here are some that I am noticing:

1. The Return of Teen  Pop - We used to have Hilary Duff - that's about it and Miley Cyrus - that's about it.  Maybe Aly & AJ to put in the side, but they had not been that glamorized.  Now we have Justin Beiber, Selena Gomez,  Taylor Swift, One Direction, etc. But really, they are starting to age and become adults as well but it looks like there is actually someone clean to drool over a bedroom wall with than some sleazy old rapper or Korn.

2. Tebowing - this is something that is going extreme in the NFL but I can see it is a fad.  I think it is a start from Homer Simpson from one of The Simpsons episodes where he prays in the middle of everything to get what he requested.  But it is involving to stop in the middle of everything and praying, which is sort of a spiritual enlightenment coming.

3. American Pickers - this show and "picking" has been the rage, especially with the ecomony.  You like to deal a bunch of junk and get some money off of it.

4. Angry Birds - this game is from Finland and that has been a faddish thing.  It is a game that you can play on smartphones and other mobile devices with a touchscreen where you slingshot a bird with a bunch of pigs.  I had played that game and it is pretty fun, and addicting. lol

5.  Some internet fads - the internet, especially with the technology addicted generation, is starting to create many memes and fads, such as the Nyan Cat and the Double rainbow jokes.

6. SmartTV and internetTV - this is something that might be a trend, now a fad.  The TV has turned into a bunch of garbage but we got Hulu where you can watch some quality TV worth watching, anytime day and night.  And YouTubeland is a place where you can dig up some things with your interests.

7. Dubstep - this is something that focuses on the "contrabass subsonic" sounds of some synth lead and it has a wobble, but certain people are dancing around in this new form of electronic music.

8. The Tea Party Movement and The Wall Street Protestors - we have been having political movements in rebellion to political ways of life.  The Tea Party movement wants to go back to our Americana roots of the Wild Wild West and the Wall Street Protestors want to have some type of utopia that was fantasized in the 60s. It looks like there is a lot of arguining and nothing seems to be getting anywhere, and there are differerent philosophies on things on that issues, most likely on what is causing the recession.

9. Americana comeback - This is something that is going with the more alternative rock and country music - we want to go back to a time when things were good and we are trying to have a culture.  Country music is starting to become more mainstream, and I can see in the future we are going to have a comeback of jug bands and barn dances.

10. Girls are prettier - the girl wearing the dress is a head turner along with some more traditionalist fashions.  We are getting sick of the sloppy look of the 1990s and 2000s where we are finally going to have some fashion, and girls are actually very pretty now with some of the stuff they are wearing.

The transition is coming

It looks like it is finally dawning on me while I am registering for my classes.  What's next? It looks like I have been in the habit of going to school so long that I don't know how to react.  What am I going to do next?  It is a scary thought that time is pressing on before I know it and I need to get going.  I really don't know what really to do next, and I need to have a significant path.

I am working at Wal Mart and I am not sure if this is going to be a temporary flavor of the week or it might be a lifelong career.  I doubt I am going to have that commitment, and I think I am not worried about planning a lifelong career.  Only God will know what I am going to do, but I think I need to grow up and get motivated.

It looks like I do have direction in life but I just think things are working out just fine right now.  I am in a routine and I seem to not want to move forward.  But eventually the routine might be boring and it might be a failed routine.  I really don't know where I am going and what I am doing, but eventually someday it is going to catch up.  And I don't care.  But at least, I am just going to go with the natural biological desire to have a family, etc, but in this world, money is good.

I don't think I realize the value of money yet, but I notice that this "money" thing could "buy things" such as an iPod.  I really like my iPod and I am proud of spending every penny on it. Nobody raked in anything.  This paycheck is pretty awesome when I get it. But I don't realize the value of it but there are many things that I can buy with that paycheck.  But the iPod is a start and I think I can buy something more, but I don't really have an significant plan of what I want and what I don't want.  I am still trying to figure out who I am and what makes me tick, but the money situation is helping.

I am 21 years old, but I haven't really have the "adult" feeling yet.  I think it is time for me to figure out what is "me" in the year 2020 or 2030 or even in the year 2050. Far into the future, when I am lying on my deathbed, I think I need to figure out what did I left behind.  What am I alive for?

I think I need to shape up and have a direction.  Okay, I clean toilets and sweep floors, and clean up the parking lot. Okay, that sounds like chores but it is a store.  At least I can clean for crying out loud!  But I find this awesome when I get magical things such as iPods so I can download music and the power of just buying something when I see something good. I think I need to have a goal or something like that, and Jesus, maybe you should help me find me that goal.  I need to have a purpose - a destination.  I need to know why I am here.  I am here for a reason and I have the right genetic code, the right disposition and location at the right time and place for me to be here.  I want to know why?

I value family and relationships very important, but it seems like I need to have something to get me here. I am not looking for fame or fortune or anything like that, but I think I want something that gives me a sense of purpose and makes me feel good about myself.
 

I might be going back

It looks like after the death of my grandma, which was a few weeks ago, I am going back to a time when things were pretty good.  I have a feeling that I am going to the same atmosphere as high school, but the way things should be.

It looks like high school was chugging along pretty good until about sophomore or junior year, and it seems like there has been delays.  It looks like I was working a bit for my grandpa and I was buying my own stuff, along with downloading music, but then eventually everything was starting to halt.  I think it was a period of apathy or immaturity, or it might be many circumstances causes me to delay.

The recession was one thing that held me, and everybody back, but I seen to have my head up my butt about the time I was turning 16. I got myself into a mess and I was trying to make new friends, and fix the mess, and it looks like I was getting out of a mess, but I got back into the mess.  It seems like there was a battle of "me's".  There was a more conservative self-confident hard working "me" and there was a more whiny, aggressive, easily led me that was trying to act "gangsta" or "emo" or something like that.  Of course, emo and hip-hop was popular that time, but it looks like I was deep down looking for something squarer such as Hannah Montana.

I can see I was shifting towards the whiny side again in college, but it looks like the whiny side was not getting me anywhere.  It seems like I was making good friends with nice, cool people than I started to go back to the whiny, people again.  By about 2010, it was pretty lonely and I was trying to find myself, but I did make about one or 2 new friends in school.

Right now it is 2012 and things are going back together. It looks like I was going through an era of change and I am changing right now.  I think I need more self-confidence than I used to and I think I need to be less messy and moody.  Maybe I need to be a lot more assertive and more "with it" and need to bury the old self in the past. 

There have been many things that had been buried in the past after each grandparent died. My grandpa did die in 2007 and that was the "more involved" me started to come through.  I was starting to dress more mature, get my drivers license, and be part of more activities such as track.  It looks like it was a death of the "slacker" kid and more of a kid that is getting somewhere, probably preparing for college and the adult world.  About 2010, when my grandma died, it was a pretty much a death of the "ditziness" and the "inattentiveness".  I need to get something fixed and I did get it fixed.  Then about 2012 it was time for more "social me" again  - a socially with it, cool, self confident guy that has a job and probably have the self confidence to ask that special girl out. I am very close to dating some girl right now and there are many to choose from.

That is probably going to happen in the future but you never know, there might be some other things creeping out. I think there is another transitional, growing up phase but it looks like I might be going back to about 2007, but moving forward instead of the regression in 2008. It was pushing towards a job and doing what I should be doing.

Nothing has changed since the 1990s

I notice that nothing has really changed that much since about 1995 or so.  I was just a little kid, so I don't have much memory of the pop culture, but it looks like we are living the same life since the mid 1990s.  The music don't sound much different  - we have the same genres of music and even the dance music has changed since the 1990s.  We still have boy bands, we still have rap music, and you still have this "emo" music, which has been going since the 1990s.  The teen angst such as goth and emo has been going on since the "grunge" era of the 1990s.

It looks like even now, it is very hard to have a "pop culture."  There is nothing really distinctive since about the 1990s - it looks like it is just a continuation of the 1990s.  You still have the The Simpsons and Family Guy, video games are cool, people still dress like slobs, rap music is common, and even "emo" is pretty common, which is something that came out from the 1990s.  You can't really be nostalgic about the 1990s because it is pretty much the same thing as now.

The 2000s decade was basically the 1990s on jolt - the internet became faster and rap music gotten way more popular and glamorized. There is not much original about the 2000s with the exception of reality TV and maybe the iPod, which is  just MP3 players of the late 1990s being evolved into something more marketable and corporate.

I am hoping that the 2010s is going to get a pop culture - it looks like we are trying our best to finally to have a distinctive pop culture that says "hey we are the '10s" instead of "looky here, it is the 90s part 3."

But we have this pattern before - the 1950s was pretty distinctive and the 1960s was pretty distinctive for their time, but even the '60s is just a continuation of the '50s but more emphasis on the beatnick and rock and roll. The '60s and '70s are about the same decade - the 70s was just the '60s on jolt and the same thing with the 2000s.  That is just the 1990s on jolt. But it looks like we are looking for a distinctive decade in the '10s.  I don't know what the culture is but I can see some snippits - it looks like country music is popular so we might be going back to something very old. The internet is starting to get some pretty good pop culture clips, such as Justin Beiber and Shane Dawson...it might be a pretty cool decade when things pop up.

The 2010s is when the internet is pretty much established and all the things of the '90s are started to get dated and old - it is time for something new. The iPad is something that is "screaming 2010s" because it is making things such as laptop and yawn desktops outdated.  Probably some day there is going to be something that makes the 2010s as screaming "70s" as disco and bellbottoms.

How I am going to change

I am constantly changing all the time and I have a feeling this funeral is going to be a transition into a new era.  I can see the other transition happen when my grandma died and when my grandpa died, and the same thing is going to happen when this grandma died.  This grandparent I was not as close to as the ones on my moms side, but it was pretty special to have a trip to grandmas.  Her food was delicious and she was very relaxed about what I did, and was a very supportive person.  She was a grandma that let me get by with almost anything and she let me watch all the TV I want, and had the food I like. She was very loose, but I notice she is a stickler for money and routine.

I heard from the eulogy she was a nut about time management and there were things I never knew about grandma - she was obsessed as a young child about coming to school on time and she had to lay awake in the morning worrying about coming to school on time.  She wanted to be the first one there and this might be genetic with my dad too.

But I don't know how this is going to change me but the message is going to come through.  Maybe I am going to be a more organized person, etc.

I have a feeling that pretty much I am going to improve a lot more on basic things such as personal apperance, etc.  I shouldn't be as sloppy and half fast, and I am going to be a lot more neater.  I also have a feeling that I need to have more self esteem and try to fit in more with the crowd, instead of being one of these people that mope around and whine.  I think relationships, both friendship and possibly romantic are going to be a lot better - I am actually going to ask a girl on a date and I have some girls on my mind.  I got into the job but there might be other  things I should do.  I think I should work on not as being as self centered and less introverted - of course, introverted is fine but I think it is causing a crutch.  There are lots of things that I am missing out in life and I should just get involved and get out a bit - I'm not going to be as boring.

I don't think I am ever going to see her again on Earth but I might see her in heaven if I go here, but I think she did all I can do with me, and maybe I might learn something out of her.  I think it might be organization or time management, or just having better relationships  - something is going to come out.

iPod touch review

I know people like the iPods and I do have a pretty good review of the iPod touch.  I was just fidding around with these things and they are pretty addicting- it is not just a portable media player but it is something where you can have access to the internet wherever you are going.  But I see some flaws with it and rather use the computer.

The iPod is pretty good as the function as a music player and all the apps you can add to the iPod are pretty cool - the apps are the things that make it addicting and it  turns into some portable whatchamacallit, but I don't think it has the potential of replacing the computer.  Computers are pretty advanced and I still can access the internet on the computer, and the computer is way better for writing blogs, but the iPod touch could be great for study breaks and sleepless night.  I stimulate myself on the computer which makes it hard to go to sleep but with the iPod, I can just relax without the light of the computer screen.  I do like the access to YouTube and other things for music, but when I want a quick access to the web, the iPod touch will be pretty good.

I am still going to use my computer but this might be a good wind down or a quick access thing.  The internet is not accessible outside and I shouldn't be using the Web outside - it is the great wilderness that I need to encounter with low technology and this iPod in the great wilderness is going to ruin everything.  I haven't had a good time with the great wilderness but the world of low tech might be pretty fun and it could be intellectually stimulating.

The internet is cool and it could be used for a lot of things, but I need to not be as reliant on the internet and to start using my head.  Music can spread throughout my head and it could be great to whistle a little tune once in a while instead of relying on the web for everything.

I am in the nuts stage of the iPod but eventually I am going to gradually creep back to the computer.  I actually think the computer is better in the evening, but I am going to experience real life as well.

The spirit of my grandma might be passing through

I have a feeling when a person you love or are very close to, such as family member dies, there is some afteraffect that spreads around, and I can see this with my grandma.  There is a lot of stress dealing with death and finding about the news of death just came out of the blue.  Right when I started school, I found out my grandma had difficulty breathing and then a few days later, she is dead.

This was something my mom and my parents were expecting.  She had Alzheimers for many years and she had lung cancer - finally you are just laying around, waiting for yourself to pass into the heavens or whever she is going.

But I have a feeling there is a spiritual thing that goes on after you die and that happens with all of my grandparents, my grandpa and my grandma, and I have a feeling this is going to happen with this grandma.

Back in 2007 when my grandpa died, I had changed a little bit.  I realized that I have to dress nice and to blend in with the crowd.  I should get the cool mainstream clothes like everyone else and to fit in. This started the "clothes burning" of 2007 and I was also inspired to have a clothes burning while I was helping in the church.  I seen people, such as adults, and adults I admire dress nicely, so I should dress nice too.  Maybe it is the idea that I am getting close to age and intelligence, so I should look like that too.

I also probably seen a subconscious pendulum swing coming and you had a divide.  You had the old stuff that has been going on since the 1990s and you had something new coming in the horizon.  Maybe I was starting to realize a lot of the "act" I was putting on was old from the 1990s.

The next death, my grandma, had a similar change.  It looks like it was the time to realize I had a problem for a long time and the "act" I was putting on was based on something biological or psychological.  I haven't realized it was something that was ADD and that needed to be treated.  My immunity to caffeine was a dead give away along with not picking up on what is truly cool or not.  Another thing is I probably can't really sit and listen to an iPod without jumping around - that is a dead give away too.  I did get some treatment and I had some drastic improvement.

These 2 deaths could be some "symbolic deaths" of some old ways and it is time to finally start listening to my grandparents out of touch wisdom that I never payed attention too.  I don't know my grandpas wisdom but I known my grandmas wisdom and they all want me to get my butt in gear.

This death might be a symbolic death as the other symbolic deaths take place.  I had my head up my butt but I had progressed massively in a year and it looks like the "old me" might be something old - it is "dead" and "buried." I got a job right now and I can buzz around like crazy.  I got some decent clothes.  I am attending school for something practical for once - I have a feeling the good times are going to roll.  A lot of the stuff has been "dead and buried " and I probably never want to go back.  I am better than I ever was before - I am responsible and I earn my own money.  I might as well reward myself with something special - an iPod.

The iPod - I think that raised my confidence and made me cool. I had an iPod nano but this time I am going to get a iPod with my own sweat and blood, and I am going to actually download music with my own sweat and blood.  The iPod is really me - it is the thing that makes me cool, makes me awesome.  It just an iPod but it is more of an identify piece with me.  I thinking about an iPhone but the plans are out of this world and I have a feeling that I might not have coverage around my area.  Smartphones are things I wanted to have like the AT&T BlackJack but that has been transformed into the iPhone.

I am transforming into something new and I want to be a better person.  The old person will fade out into the new person - unless I am transforming into something that is really old.

Things I am getting sick of on Facebook and the internet in general

Facebook has become the "evil empire" of the internet and I am getting sick and tired of some of the things that are on Facebook.  Facebook was fine back then, about 2-3 years ago when Farmville was around and when you actually saw what your friends are up to, but now it has turned into a whole mess of advertisments and annoying garbage.  There are many things on the web - not just Facebook I am getting SICK of and wish it should cut down.

1. Baby photos - I am getting sick and tired of baby pictures.  I know babies are cute, but it is the natural biological thing that every animal, not just human does.  Babies are now being exposed to the web even before they are born in ultrasound pictures and you see every baby picture on the internet.  The worse thing is that baby photos are born by some that are not even married, and that shows how much of a mess you are in.  You should not brag about your baby - it's a baby.  Every has been one and it was not that great.  The puke, the poop, the pee, they fuss...why put it on the internet.

2. Advertisments on the news  feeds - Facebook has turned into advertising and it has been a new form of social advertising, but it's getting annoying.  You "like" something on the internet and you have another boring advertisement.  I am getting sick of the ads on there - I want to see what my "friends" are up to, not ads.

3. Older people - I have nothing against older people but grandma has finally figured out how to use a computer - they get annoying with pictures of their grandkids and status updates about their ailments.  Grandma on Facebook might be cool to hear what the  good ol' days but they are boring when you hear all about the "old people" gossip and have them gripe about everything.  Old people are the ones that made YouTube better - you see some old TV show or commercial, and it is fun to hear the memories spit out in the comments section.  The old makes the internet interesting with the experience and wisdom that the young people don't have.

4. Relatives - Older relatives and and if I am related to them - who cares.  I should show the world I have more of a social life than hanging out with relatives.

It looks like a lot of my griping is probably about not accepting the adult world.  The adult world is all about raising children and working - they don't have any fun.  They don't have any time for theirselves, which makes them very crusty.  It looks like the college years are the only true years where you don't have any time for yourself before you have to go in the crusty world on the adult world.  I have a sample of it when I am at my Wal Mart job - you rarely see any peers or anything like that, but you see just a collection of humanity.  The college world looks very surreal compared to the adult world or the real world.  It is nice to have a bunch of people the same age and it is very nice to find a date, but it looks like there is too much drama.
I am in this transitional state from the school world to the adult world, and I am not sure if I am ready for this.  It seems like I am thrown a little bit in the adult, real world during the summer vacation and I start to act different.  People don't care what other people think of you, but when you get in a school setting, everything gets all uptight and you have to follow a lot of social rules.  In the adult world or the real world, you are just another person, but in school, you have to be with a certain group, etc.  I am actually going to learn about this in college and it might be pretty interesting.

But I thought the interest is sort of my escape but really it is not.  I wonder if the internet might be an escape from the school world or the real world.  The internet is pretty real world and it looks like Facebook has gotten to be pretty stodgy.  It must be the general population finally starting to get adjusted to mass technology that was dominated mainly by teenagers and young adults, or teenagers and young adults are not important any more because of the "self esteem" movement.  For a while, it was children are to be seen AND heard, but now it has turned into the children are to be seen NOT heard, and that might apply on the internet.  I think I might have to adjust to the internet or just life in general - I have been of importance too much in school but now I am just some random blogger in cyberspace that nobody cares to read about because I am only 21!

Is this girl the real deal or she might be a so called "flava of the week"

I never truly was in a succesful relationship ever.  I never officially dated anyone, but I was pretty close a few times.  The closest  I had gotten with a relationship with a girl was maybe holding hands and a cuddle, and that didn't last that long, and that turned out to be a lot of drama, along with a big whine session about how I am a failure with relationships.

But that was back then and I seem to changed a lot in a year, and there might be a possibility of being in my first true relationship this year.  I wish I would and I hope that the work and the school is not going to bombard with it; which is mostly likely what it is going to do.  Maybe I need to spend less time at home and more time in the apartment, and need to grow up, etc.

I seen in the college there are a lot of girls and many of them will make great potential dates, but many of them are just going to be girls that will fade in the background and I won't have a chance to get to know them.

There are girls in the apartment as well but I hope they won't fade in the background and I might be this lonely recluse that don't fit.  I doubt I will if I change my ways.

I probably never had a successful date because I was sort of an introvert - I was some of these people that don't break the ice and have this irrational beliefs that I don't have to work on it because I am special and I can get any girl I want.  I think I need to quit thinking that girls are going to walk all over me and I need to start doing some things a little different - I need to start working on it.

It was very succesful yesterday talking to girls and that girl looks like she thinks I'm special.  But I had Wal Mart in the way today and I have Wal Mart in the way tommorrow, but tomorrow I am going to have a lot more time to meet these girls.  The Wal Mart schedule is not going to eat my evenings as much so I might have time to get to know these girls and the other people in general.

Then you have schoolwork and that might eat up any social life, unless I manage it well. These girls could be "study buddies" but really I think I need to find some ways to get to know them.

There is the irrational thought to get out of my head - I am not irrestistable like Austin Powers, etc....I need to work on it and I do need the strength.  I am not the best at flirting and I am introverted, but I do have an extraverted side if I want it to be and I can be pretty fun if I want it to be.  Lord, let the extravert side of mr

The most conforming bunch of college students I've seen

Yesterday was the first day of school once again and I seen one of the most conformist, downright BORING college students  I've ever seen.  It was a contrast of what it was when I first set foot in the college about 4-5 years ago.  When I first set foot in the college, it was basically full of a bunch of gangsta's, sluts, gamers, jocks,  and maybe an emo kid here and there. It was pretty creepy and edgy - a lot of the people in the college was pretty left leaning and they were wearing Bob Marley shirts, etc.

By about the 2nd year, there was starting to have cleaner, more conforming looking kids.  Brighters colors were cooler and it was cooler to be more conformist and wear plaid shirts if you were a guy, and if you were a girl, it was cool to look like Taylor Swift.  Taylor Swift was very popular about 2010 along with guys such as Owl City and Jason Derulo.  Owl City was some guy that likes to fool around with Pro Tools and he had made sort of a hit.  But you still had leftover jock and emo walking around, but there was sort of a split.

By about this year, there was a major contrast between what I seen when I first got in there and what I seen now.  When I first got in, there was a lot of drama and there was a fear of getting into drugs such as marijuana, etc.  Now you don't see that much anymore.  Of course, you have your cigarette smoking college students but it is good ol' 1950s nicotine; nothing anything that is illegal in most states, which shows these students are law abiding citizens.

But now I have seen these college students now - BORING!!  They are very conservative and very conformist.  This era of edginess seems like something that was miles away.  The era of edginess has been going on since the Clinton Administration and was probably contributed by Slick Willy.   Now we are back to the good ol' days of the 1940s and 1950s where college students were the bobby soxers...well, they are YAWN!

But I don't have anything against these students.  They are very predictable and that is good.  They know what college is for and it is for an education for a career and that's about it, and for the girls to find mates. There are many girls to choose from and they are looking for guys.  They seem to all look the same - the girls and the guys, and they seem to just follow the rules and go with the jones.  I can see these students are very easy to fit in with - you have to work to not fit in with them.

 I think it is pretty easy to find a date with these girls - well, I shouldn't work to hard and go with my business.  Since they are pretty conformist so I guess I should follow the rules and I'll be fine.

A secret admirer

Tonight something was revealed about me that I probably didn't know about my high school life - I had a secret admirer that I didn't know that I had.  She is a few years younger than me and she didn't cross my mind - I did not know me until she saw me walk through the halls of the apartment with a Wal Mart suit on and she had said "hi" to me.  At first I thought she was a rather beautiful girl and I was flattered - somebody said "hi" to me; someone likes me, but this time around I was flattered even more when I started talking to her and she secretly "known me" in high school.  I think it was a secret admirerer that might be truly revealed.

I should get to know her a little better - she might be my first succesful relationship. That farthest that I had gotten up with a girl is a possible hold hands and cuddle, and that only lasted for a few days, but it fizzled out with a lot of drama but I had never had a "true relationship" with someone.  I have a feeling that this "secret admirerer" might turn into a relationship if I keep at it.

I would like to get to know this girl and Lord, please guide me so I can have a chance to get to know this girl.  The ball is in my court and it might be the first chance of a real relationship.  I had succesfully got my first job but this might be my first relationship.  You never know - the Wal Mart job might be my true career and this girl might be my true love.

I think I need to be at that right place at the right time and this Wal Mart job might be at the right place and the right time.  I maybe had to wait for the right opportunity for a job instead of any job.  This girl might be the right girl - maybe it might be the right girl that is truly looking for me and loving me for a long time.  She was young but now there is not much of an age gap and it might be the right girl.

It is like looking for a cat - there are many cats but you might have to find the right cat that will make a great pet and she might be the right girl to have at the right time.

I need to examine her and get to know her a little better - I think she is rather beautiful and lovely, and she might make a nice date.

My life keeps plodding along

It looks like I have been in a rut, but it seems like things are slowly changing.  It seems like I am not going anywhere and I am going with the same pattern, but it looks like I am eventually going to bust out of the pattern.  The year 2010 and 2011 were a year of confusion and chaos, and trying to find out who I am and what direction I am going in life.  It was a period where I was about to redefine myself - I am different than I was about 4 years ago or even 10 years ago.

I haven't have been the same person, but some traces of the same person has been going on.  I am not sure what I am truly am or I am truly not, but I am starting to figure out who I am or who I am not.  I was a different person about the 6th grade than I was in the 9th grade and I was different when I am in college than I was in high school.  But it looks like there has been some similar constants ever since I was young:  It looks like I had a love for music and I like to do anything with music, and music has been my core as sports has been other kids core and others might be exposed to the world of art, etc.  I wasn't the type for academia but it seems like music was the core of who I was.

It was tough figuring out who I was and I didn't really seem to have a true defined image of myself as other people.  Maybe I was pretty conservative or maybe my parents didn't let me splurge on a outfit or let me wear stupid clothes.  I was trying to find out who I was, but really it was hard to blend into to the crowd and figure out who I am or who I am not.

I have not been involved with any drugs and I haven't been involved with any sex, or even any relationships, and it seems like my big regrets had been based on relationships.  Teenage dating had been a wish, but I never been in a true commited relationship and it seems like not too many girls known me enough or wanted to get to know me.  I don't think I really didn't know if a girl was flirting with me or not.  It seems like when I try to go after a girl, she was not interested in me or interested in some other guy.  I think some of the girls did not have anything in common with me or they didn't really think I was that attractive or desireable of a guy - I might of been too immature.  Idk

I had been going after blondes, but a lot of them are snapped up with other guys or are in long term relationships with other guys.  I might have a chance now that I used to be.  I think I need to make myself attractive or good looking, and I think I need to have a nice personality.  I have a tendency to be timid and not really open my mouth, and I might creep girls out with the "indecisiveness." but eventually I am going to find something.  I think there is a girl for me as long as I take a bath, etc.

But the times had past and it is hard to decipher and it seems like I went through that chaotic time of high school.  It looks like I had it tough socially and it looked like I was picked on, but I was also supported to.  I think someone was trying to help me and actually made me be something than a person that was going unnoticed.
In college, I am going through the same pattern of being unnoticed but I am not sure if  I care or not.  I might be this timid person or I might be this person that prefers to think than to talk things out.  I can be pretty talkative if I want to, but I can be introspective.

I think someday things are going to pop out.  I think a good dating relationship might be good but eventually I am going to find someone.  Someone that gets me, that understands me. I think I was pretty close a few years ago  and she was a good candidate, but she found someone else.  But I think there might be someone for me.

I  hope things are going to improve and there might be a lot of chaos and confusion, but the chaos and confusion is getting better.

Blonde hair is getting more and more common

I had always heard that theories, especially with interracial inbreeding that we are going to have less blonde hair people and we are going to have a lot more darker hair.  It seems like dark hair is common around the world, but I am noticing that blonde hair is getting a lot and lot more common than you think.

By watching the Olympics, I get the see what the whole spectrum of the population worldwide and you are seeing a wide variety of hair colors, and it seems like blondes are getting a lot more common worldwide than they used to be.  It looks like we are doing Hitlers dream of ethnic cleansing ourselves without actually starting any  war - we are just seem to be lot more attractive to blonde hair than brunettes.  Hitler wanted everyone to be blonde haired blue eyes and since we hated Hitlers guts, we are starting to be attractive to blondes.  Hitler used television for his propaganda and actually I think TV actually spreaded his propaganda still after the war was done by glamorizing blondes on TV.  It is the blonde Playboy bunny we like; Marilyn Monroe was the start of the blonde hottie glamorization.

A lot of countries in the world are starting to blonde up and you are especially seeing the the United States, the UK, Canada, Australia, and most of the free western world.  These countries are probably the countries that are exposed the most to movies and TV, and we are the most media influenced, which the media influences blonde hair.  Hispanics and even the French are starting to become more blonde than they used to be.

I heard this theory that blonde is going to become extinct or endangered about 200 years - WRONG.  This theory has been told many times and it seems like blonde is going to be a lot more common than you think, and it seems like a lot of guys want to date a blonde.  It goes with the theory of natural selection and it seems like we are inbreeding in what we think are the better chances of survival, which are the better features and and it seems like we want to have taller skinny athletic blonde girls.  And it looks like we are not looking that much for intelligence as we used to - we seem to be in this world of postmodernism which intelligence is "not cool."  The great brains of the Enlightenment is being replaced by the dumb and it is starting more by the image such as TV and the internet.  The Web 2.0 boom also dumbed down the internet, making the internet more value for cats and porn than actually having something with intelligence.  Anyway, it looks like we are not that interested in intelligence as much as the attractive blonde.

I don't have anything against blondes - actually I am attracted to blondes, they are pretty so I am on of the people that want to create more blondes.  But it seems like there might be a downfall and underrating of the brunettes.  Brunettes were more common back than when men wanted to date for practicality and brunettes are practical, but ever since the advent of TV, blonde hair has become something that is outside of Northern European and Russian countries.  Hispanics are the fastest growing blondes out there - I see a lot of blonde Hispanics like Shakira.

 TV is trying to bring back the brunette with Megan Fox, Angelia Jolie and Kim Kardashian, but it looks like we are still going after the blonde.  I heard from many brunettes saying that it "takes guts to like a brunette, but no guts to like a blonde."  But I am a fan of my blondes even though brunettes are attractive as well and don't forget those redheads.

It looks like what I see the only places in the world that have true dark hair is in the Asian countries and the African countries, and it seems like a lot of men like Asian girls.  It is probably because of the exoticness that you don't see.  We are living a world of "diversity" but it seems like we are getting blonder and blonder.  Don't want to be racist, but it looks like black people are attracted to blondes and which will eventually blonde up black people, making them like a bunch of  Nikki Mignacs.

All right, there are more blondes but I have a feeling that we are going to become a "blonde world" naturally and we don't need any ethnic cleansing or anything.  It is just natural selection.