The transition is coming

It looks like it is finally dawning on me while I am registering for my classes.  What's next? It looks like I have been in the habit of going to school so long that I don't know how to react.  What am I going to do next?  It is a scary thought that time is pressing on before I know it and I need to get going.  I really don't know what really to do next, and I need to have a significant path.

I am working at Wal Mart and I am not sure if this is going to be a temporary flavor of the week or it might be a lifelong career.  I doubt I am going to have that commitment, and I think I am not worried about planning a lifelong career.  Only God will know what I am going to do, but I think I need to grow up and get motivated.

It looks like I do have direction in life but I just think things are working out just fine right now.  I am in a routine and I seem to not want to move forward.  But eventually the routine might be boring and it might be a failed routine.  I really don't know where I am going and what I am doing, but eventually someday it is going to catch up.  And I don't care.  But at least, I am just going to go with the natural biological desire to have a family, etc, but in this world, money is good.

I don't think I realize the value of money yet, but I notice that this "money" thing could "buy things" such as an iPod.  I really like my iPod and I am proud of spending every penny on it. Nobody raked in anything.  This paycheck is pretty awesome when I get it. But I don't realize the value of it but there are many things that I can buy with that paycheck.  But the iPod is a start and I think I can buy something more, but I don't really have an significant plan of what I want and what I don't want.  I am still trying to figure out who I am and what makes me tick, but the money situation is helping.

I am 21 years old, but I haven't really have the "adult" feeling yet.  I think it is time for me to figure out what is "me" in the year 2020 or 2030 or even in the year 2050. Far into the future, when I am lying on my deathbed, I think I need to figure out what did I left behind.  What am I alive for?

I think I need to shape up and have a direction.  Okay, I clean toilets and sweep floors, and clean up the parking lot. Okay, that sounds like chores but it is a store.  At least I can clean for crying out loud!  But I find this awesome when I get magical things such as iPods so I can download music and the power of just buying something when I see something good. I think I need to have a goal or something like that, and Jesus, maybe you should help me find me that goal.  I need to have a purpose - a destination.  I need to know why I am here.  I am here for a reason and I have the right genetic code, the right disposition and location at the right time and place for me to be here.  I want to know why?

I value family and relationships very important, but it seems like I need to have something to get me here. I am not looking for fame or fortune or anything like that, but I think I want something that gives me a sense of purpose and makes me feel good about myself.