How I am going to change

I am constantly changing all the time and I have a feeling this funeral is going to be a transition into a new era.  I can see the other transition happen when my grandma died and when my grandpa died, and the same thing is going to happen when this grandma died.  This grandparent I was not as close to as the ones on my moms side, but it was pretty special to have a trip to grandmas.  Her food was delicious and she was very relaxed about what I did, and was a very supportive person.  She was a grandma that let me get by with almost anything and she let me watch all the TV I want, and had the food I like. She was very loose, but I notice she is a stickler for money and routine.

I heard from the eulogy she was a nut about time management and there were things I never knew about grandma - she was obsessed as a young child about coming to school on time and she had to lay awake in the morning worrying about coming to school on time.  She wanted to be the first one there and this might be genetic with my dad too.

But I don't know how this is going to change me but the message is going to come through.  Maybe I am going to be a more organized person, etc.

I have a feeling that pretty much I am going to improve a lot more on basic things such as personal apperance, etc.  I shouldn't be as sloppy and half fast, and I am going to be a lot more neater.  I also have a feeling that I need to have more self esteem and try to fit in more with the crowd, instead of being one of these people that mope around and whine.  I think relationships, both friendship and possibly romantic are going to be a lot better - I am actually going to ask a girl on a date and I have some girls on my mind.  I got into the job but there might be other  things I should do.  I think I should work on not as being as self centered and less introverted - of course, introverted is fine but I think it is causing a crutch.  There are lots of things that I am missing out in life and I should just get involved and get out a bit - I'm not going to be as boring.

I don't think I am ever going to see her again on Earth but I might see her in heaven if I go here, but I think she did all I can do with me, and maybe I might learn something out of her.  I think it might be organization or time management, or just having better relationships  - something is going to come out.