I have a feeling when a person you love or are very close to, such as family member dies, there is some afteraffect that spreads around, and I can see this with my grandma. There is a lot of stress dealing with death and finding about the news of death just came out of the blue. Right when I started school, I found out my grandma had difficulty breathing and then a few days later, she is dead.
This was something my mom and my parents were expecting. She had Alzheimers for many years and she had lung cancer - finally you are just laying around, waiting for yourself to pass into the heavens or whever she is going.
But I have a feeling there is a spiritual thing that goes on after you die and that happens with all of my grandparents, my grandpa and my grandma, and I have a feeling this is going to happen with this grandma.
Back in 2007 when my grandpa died, I had changed a little bit. I realized that I have to dress nice and to blend in with the crowd. I should get the cool mainstream clothes like everyone else and to fit in. This started the "clothes burning" of 2007 and I was also inspired to have a clothes burning while I was helping in the church. I seen people, such as adults, and adults I admire dress nicely, so I should dress nice too. Maybe it is the idea that I am getting close to age and intelligence, so I should look like that too.
I also probably seen a subconscious pendulum swing coming and you had a divide. You had the old stuff that has been going on since the 1990s and you had something new coming in the horizon. Maybe I was starting to realize a lot of the "act" I was putting on was old from the 1990s.
The next death, my grandma, had a similar change. It looks like it was the time to realize I had a problem for a long time and the "act" I was putting on was based on something biological or psychological. I haven't realized it was something that was ADD and that needed to be treated. My immunity to caffeine was a dead give away along with not picking up on what is truly cool or not. Another thing is I probably can't really sit and listen to an iPod without jumping around - that is a dead give away too. I did get some treatment and I had some drastic improvement.
These 2 deaths could be some "symbolic deaths" of some old ways and it is time to finally start listening to my grandparents out of touch wisdom that I never payed attention too. I don't know my grandpas wisdom but I known my grandmas wisdom and they all want me to get my butt in gear.
This death might be a symbolic death as the other symbolic deaths take place. I had my head up my butt but I had progressed massively in a year and it looks like the "old me" might be something old - it is "dead" and "buried." I got a job right now and I can buzz around like crazy. I got some decent clothes. I am attending school for something practical for once - I have a feeling the good times are going to roll. A lot of the stuff has been "dead and buried " and I probably never want to go back. I am better than I ever was before - I am responsible and I earn my own money. I might as well reward myself with something special - an iPod.
The iPod - I think that raised my confidence and made me cool. I had an iPod nano but this time I am going to get a iPod with my own sweat and blood, and I am going to actually download music with my own sweat and blood. The iPod is really me - it is the thing that makes me cool, makes me awesome. It just an iPod but it is more of an identify piece with me. I thinking about an iPhone but the plans are out of this world and I have a feeling that I might not have coverage around my area. Smartphones are things I wanted to have like the AT&T BlackJack but that has been transformed into the iPhone.
I am transforming into something new and I want to be a better person. The old person will fade out into the new person - unless I am transforming into something that is really old.
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