Someday and I don't know why, I am going to be gone. It looks like I am still at the stage of youth and I haven't gotten started at life, but someday I am going to get out, fritter away, and die. But this is not to fear because there is something after when we are gone.
I have a feeling that we have to go somewhere when we are gone - we might be going into a different life of somehow. Either going to heaven or hell, or maybe just getting reincarnated, we are going into something different. Reincarnation does seem to make sense - I am no Hindu or Buddha, but there might be a possibility that life seems to repeat after itself. Some of the Hindu and Buddha faith's do seem to make sense as the same way as the Abrahamic faiths do. We don't really know what truly happens.
We are probably here for a purpose - for a mission and I don't really know what the purpose and mission is. It seems like each day has it's own purpose and I try to write it down every day. Some days are just plain boring, but they do have a purpose. But each purpose do have it's plans and it does fit to a bigger purpose.
I don't know what I am truly alive for and I am trying to discover that - I was born in 1991, which was sort of a peaceful time but it seems like the world has been falling apart. It looks like I was born in the dawn of the information age and everything seems to fall into it's place. It looks like I had become the generation of humans to be zombies of technology and eventually technology is going to be practical and it is going to make sense.
But there is going to be some purpose and it might be the purpose of something in this information age. I sometimes regret some of the things that happen to me - some of the stuff that is happening in my childhood and my teen life I regret happening, and some of the stuff I actually cherish. But it seems to be mapped out and it looks like there are certain things that are coming out of certain times.
In high school and elementary school, and it looks like a part of college, I had been having a lot of emotional problems, especially when it is coming to school. It looks like I had been having a hard time with relationships - some days I feel like I can connect while some other days I don't feel like I can connect. About elementary school I was pretty good with relationships but I had been going through awkward periods of time such as in middle school and college. College has been a very awkward time for me indeed.
College was not the most social time for me and I think deep down I don't think I cared about being social - it was the time for me to find myself from deep within and what I believe in, and what my true philosophy on life. I was starting to develop my view on the world and started to analyze everything so it makes sense. It looks like I was very analytical but not really looking and understanding of what truly is happening around me. I was trying to theorize and think, but not LOOK - maybe there might be things that are making sense right before my eyes.
I am starting to stop philosophizing when I start going to work - maybe it is time for me to enter the "real world" and not this fantasy world like high school or college. I do have the philosophy but not the experience. But maybe there was a time of philosophizing instead of acting stupid and learning the hard way - in high school there were the good times and the bad times but I did not have much of a concept of who I am and I probably still don't have a concept of who I am.
I do go through spells where I am philosophizing and trying to figure out where I am in the world, and I start getting the most "whacked out" thoughts out there. I was one of these dreamy people that seems to be "out of it" and probably thinking in a level that was too "weird" or "abstract" for the people that are walking around here.
But sometimes I need to philosophize and maybe it is the time to think, but maybe I am getting way too "deep" on some of this stuff. But the world is the complicated place and it needs to be deciphered.
But there is going to be someday I am going to be gone and probably going to be a day where I am going to think back "why am I here"? There might be a reason why I must be here? That is where you got all the religion and stuff to distract you, and I have probably been a different person when I had been exposed to religion. It is about time to get to church.
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