A lot has changed in the last few years, but I might as well go back to the first reactions of the college classroom. I was in a different college major back then, but I had changed my major, but the first reactions of the college classroom are still the same.
I just entered a classroom and it was about 8:00. I thought it was very early to start a class and there were no bells or anything like that. The classroom didn't have any posters or anything like that either, so I thought that was a little different. It was a reading class and I needed to catch up on my reading skills. The people in the classroom were mostly like a high school classroom; I was trying to see if there were any cute girls in the classroom but I sat in the front next to a blondish girl. The people in the classroom were a lot different than I seen in high school; you seen people of all types and you seen a lesbian looking person as well. There were older people too, which had shocked me.
Then there were no pencil sharpeners. Where are the pencil sharpeners. You have to bring your own pens since there was no pencil sharpeners. It looks like there was a lot of responsibility and I had a hard time handling it.
This change was something I couldn't handle - I was used to the structured life of the school day but now the school life was very unstructured indeed. And there were a lot of older people as well. It looks like people didn't care about what other people think as well and they didn't dress as good as the high school clothing. It looks like it is a different life style. Usually in high school, people are putting on an act, but in college, it seems like there is a lot more conformity and everyone was going in their own direction.
I seen the difference between high school and college. High school was all about finding yourself based on your clique, while college was finding your inner self.
It looked like that big change was too hard to handle and I basically given up. And the apartment life was a big change as well. I was in a rat hole and I was ready to come home, but I was trapped there and I can't escape. It was a world that I was not familiar with, so I isolated myself in my room.
It looked like I was in a period of depression in the first few weeks and it seemed like that period of depression had hit me the most about mid September. I was thinking - what did I get into and all these things. I thought I was going to die.
Then I was going into a more spiritual, philosophical trance and it seemed like nothing much matters. It seems like I was trying to prove God was real but there were not any proof of God on the internet. But the internet was pretty scientific and liberal, and it looked like I was in a fog.
It seemed like a lot of things didn't really matter and I was turning into a different person. It looks like I was not interested in people or anyone, and I didn't really care what people think. I was out of it - I was in a different world. This world was so new that nothing really mattered at all - but I think it was time for me to get some help and to see a shrink.
This sounds like I am developing some form of schizophrenia or some koo-koo syndrome, but at least I got some help. It looks like I was in a fog, in a trance and it seemed like I was separated from this world all the time and in my own world. I was probably in a fantasy world all the time.
I snapped out of it a few months but I think I just gave up just to adjust to some stress. But at least it was the year I realized that I have some problems.
It looks like I was having delusions a lot as well - and I was going through spells where I thought I was being poisoned and poison was everywhere. It's a little weird but that was going through my head. I also had this thought I was going to be electric shocked everywhere. I was getting these weird things in my head. It looks like I needed a doctor.
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