Graduation - 3 years has passed

3 years has passed since my graduation - at this moment 3 years ago, I was coming home with joy with the accomplishment of completing my school career.  But this is not the end of my education - I have been going to college for 3 years and I have learned a lot.  Now I am finally learning stuff to get a job.

The world has changed a lot in the last 3 years and I can see the biggest change was in the Summer and Fall of 2009.  It is not just my lifestyle, but there was a change in the world in general, especially the pop culture and the general view of the world.

While I was in high school, the pop culture was based more on things such as MySpace, reality TV, text messaging, iPods, hip-hop and bling bling, emo, etc, but about 2009 there has been a shift.  You are actually seeing a more stronger pop culture and a more clean cut pop culture.  The 2000s decade did not have a definitive pop culture - it was more of the continuation of the 1990s but more glamorized.  Many 1990s things such as hip-hop and the internet, along with music downloading was blown out of portion.  The 2010s has a different pop culture.  I can see a comeback of teen idols such as Justin Beiber, Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, etc. which had started about 2009 - the Gen Y culture 1990s and 2000s culture has frittered and the next Generation Z pop culture started to come in.  The first traces of a Generation Z pop culture started about 2007, actually maybe about 2004 if you really want to get technical, but the new generation of culture was starting to become full fledged about 2009.

I can see a different style of music and dress was coming in as well.  Brighter colors, and more modest, conforming clothing was starting to become the standards.  You don't have that many high school stereotypes, but it looks like there are more clothing based on interests such as video games and pop culture. The music was starting to change as well - country music was starting to become the norm, hip-hop was becoming more intellectual.  These are fads that was starting about 2009 and going into the present.

I don't think college life was that bad but I look like the newer pop culture fits me than the older pop culture.  I tend to be more conforming, clean cut, conservative which fits for the next generation of pop culture.

My life has changed for about the next 3 years and it looks like I am still in a period of confusion, but I am starting to get things figured out.  I don't think I had much concept of who I was in high school and I was trying to find out who I was, but it didn't fit the picture.  I didn't really completely fit a group and I was trying to be with a group, but I didn't really seem to agree with the many activities of the group.

I  was trying to fit in with the other students and I did made some very good friends, and many of them are still my friends to these days, while some of the other people are just people that are starting to forget about.  My true friends are basically the people that I think about now; that I care about now.  The people I used to like a few years ago are now people I can care less about right now.  My true friends are people that will understand me and get me, even when I change.

It is hard to make new friends in transition and everybody is changing and moving in their own directions.  I am trying to move in my own direction as well.  Relationships are important for me and I am trying to find a girl that will love me, but someday I will.  Relationships was important for me in high school but I don't think many students can figure me out. But there was somebody that probably will love me.





There is a lot of change going on - I am getting a totally different belief system and value system, and I probably would of hung on to different people.  I think high school would of been better - I think I am starting to see the world of what's going on and things are starting to connect.  I don't think many things connected in high school and I don't think I had a very good self concept and I don't think I really had a very good perception on things.  I was out in my own world and I probably didn't care -it seems like I was in a more of a fantasy world than I was in the real world.  But I am almost getting things figured out and I am continuing to get some things figured out even now - I am changing a lot and I am changing for the better.

Looking back

There are some many things that I like to whine about and it looks like my high school life is one of the things that I like to whine about.  Almost everyone has it tough in high school and it seems like a lot of people have past regrets in high school, but eventually I am going to remember the good times of high school.

High school was pretty awkward for me socially, but I have gotten through it.  I was pretty well liked in elementary school and it seems like I had a lot of friends, but it seems to all change when I was in high school.  It looks like I was starting to enter my own world in high school and I was starting to think about many things - I was starting to become more and more less interested in other people and into my own fantasy world.  I had that fantasy that I wanted to become a pop star and I was some guy that was famous and I was even interested in writing songs, but I never really got anywhere.  I was also doing rap music and some of the other kids thought my rap music was cool, and they want to hear more of my music.

Right now I got a Pro Tools system and I am doing my fantasies on the Pro Tools system - I was introduced in music ever since I was very young and I was playing around with music software.  It was a fun activity for me to do and it did release a lot of stress, and it did gave out a lot of inspiration as well.

The music world was really important to me in high school and it is always going to be something that is going to be a part of me.  Music is part of my soul; it is my savior and it is something that I got to thank God for.

I have many past regrets and I think music will be a good way to get through the past regrets. I was in a fantasy world, but I think it was a lot better than the real world.  I was trying to be in the real world as well.

I wasn't really social in high school and I didn't really seem to care - it seems like I got other things to do and other things to think about.  It is not because I didn't like people, but it looks like I had enough - I don't really think I care if I was appreciated or not.

High school was not bad and by the end of high school things were pretty fun - the track team was pretty awesome and just fooling around with the music.  The music world had kept me going through high school and it is going to get me through the rest of my years.

I don't think things were that bad - I was one of these people that seem to be more creative and philosophical than other people  - I was probably looking at the world through a different perspective.  School was not that bad and there were probably some fun times that I would of not forgotten about.

Now I am in college and I am going to get my act together - I am probably finally interested in relationships and dating - girls actually interested me.  Back in high school I probably wanted to have a blonde on my shoulder, but I am starting to become more open minded - brunettes and redheads are alright too, but I think like blondes the best.  Not the ding back blonde but the night golden sandy blonde - pretty a good tan is good.  Brunette is all right and I was starting to appreciate brunette by the time I was senior year - a nice skin complexion will be good with a brunette and with someone that has pretty eyes, nice smile, and a personality.  I like blonde with a personality  - there are a lot of girls that are cute.

There are a lot of things about high school that I forgot about and there are a lot of things that is going to stick in my memory for a long time.  It looks like I was fooling around on the internet a lot and a faster internet connection will be better - I can explore my world and listen to music.  But it looks like this college time is a time that I am exploring my world and I am starting to get a better view of the world.

There are things that were good and there were things that were bad, but for the most part, there were some generally fun times.

The best times are the times when I am alone and true to myself - listening to music or watching TV, or playing the Sims, writing music - these times are great; having too much social will not be that great.

A relief is here

It looks like I am finally over with the excitement of going with a new college - actually it is the same college but it is a different lifestyle and I am finally getting into the grind.  And I am starting to have a relief.  It seems like the classes I am taking are helping a lot and I am learning about my world around me.

Social psychology is the class that seems to be the answers of all my problems - I am learning that I can't really analyze myself and decipher my behavior.  Writing is a great way of expressing myself, but I am only expressing my emotion and it seems like I am not expressing the cause of my behavior.  It looks like a lot of the things that I am doing is unconscious and I am trying to decipher myself from the unconscious or subconscious - I don't think it can happen. Writing about my inner thoughts might be a way to express myself but it looks like I am not getting anywhere.

It seems like I am learning some of my flaws and some of the flaws of other people.  It looks like I am making a big deal out of myself - I should cool it a bit and not make too much of a scene.  I am also trying to find out things that I don't truly remember so I should forget about it - there might be some things that are going to trigger my memories and I should look back at some things that I was exposed to, such as music or TV commercials or certain foods.  I can get a pretty accurate perception of my high school life by just looking at some of the music I was listening to or the TV I was watching - that is definetely going to trigger some memories and they are probably more accurate memories than actually trying to decipher everything.

I have been learning a lot and I am learning some more - these classes might be the best classes I have ever taken and I am going to grow up.  I haven't really looked at the details of what's going on and I am going to find out what is truly going on, and I can see what my problem, or imaginery problem might be.

I seem to be analyzing myself too much since I probably don't know - I am like a teenager that writes in a diary all the time but there are things that are in my face that I probably not going to figure out.  It looks like I seem to think very internally than externally - I am not thinking about the outside world and more in my own world - I need to get out in the outside world and to see what is going on.  The inside world is just emotion and perception, and my perception is probably not that good.

Psychology is one of these topics I seem to be interested in - it seems like I want to know what makes humans tick - then I can help some of these other humans.  The books I am reading are starting to show some of the flaws.  I am also taking classes to see some of the flaws in society and in the world of business in a different view.  It seems like I am having a view that I have never been told before in school - it is always a wishy washy view.

I always notice that my problems are solved when I am in a Wal Mart - I am seeing everything and I am being exposed.  It looks like when I am not exposed to anything, I am going to think more and more internally.  I am in a college dorm where all I have is access to the internet and it seems like I am not exposing myself too well on the web - I can pick whatever I want.  I am thinking too internally and not externally.  There are a lot of people that do think internally and it seems like I am not seeing the big picture of what's going on.

I was also in a brain fog and it seems like everything is distorted - it looks like there is a problem with perception and it looks like now I need to see the outside world.  If I want to see my high school or teen life, I should expose myself to something to reminds me of my high school life.  I should listen to some music and see what triggers, or look at the TV.  I haven't really watched that much TV in high school but I listened to a lot of music.  It looks like the music I am listening to or some of the activities I have been doing, and even the food I am eating can trigger memories of my teen life.  That's why people like nostalgia - they can trigger some positive memories.

I can expose myself to the world in the 2000s decade and I can probably trigger some memories.  Some positive memories can come out and some negative memories could come out.  I can change my mood and the mood of the music could create a reminder.  I should give this a try - listen to some music and see what pops in my mind.

Just wait...America is going to be good again!

It looks like America is falling apart again, but it seems like America has been falling apart ever since I was born.  I don't think I remember a time when America was good.  Everyone has this idea that America is the home of obesity, corporate greed, and monopolization, but I don't think it is the case.  America has been lacking what has been making America good for a long time.

Throughout the 1990s and the 2000s, America has been losing it's steam.  We started to get an attitude around the time of the Soviet Union around 1991, but it seem like America is not the same after that.  We don't have the Russians on our ass to keep America strong.  Now Russia is sitting around there and doing nothing, being Russia, but ever since the 1990s, we have been seing the Japanese and Chinese invasion.  The opening of NATO in 1994 and the start of the European Union in the 1990s is starting to have a major impact of the world falling apart.  Europe has this deal that it wants to recreate ROME, but it is not going to happen.  NATO also starts to allow the China trade, which makes Wal Mart a Chinese import shop.  We also have the invasion of anime, Pokemon, and Hello Kitty, and anything that is Japanese made.  Toys are made in Singapore and Hong Kong, not in the USA.  The USA is starting to become a nation of obese and dumb people that basically have their head up their butts.

I can see we definetely have our head up our butts  - China and Japan are kicking our butts in everything; India is having customer support, Mexico is doing our laundry, the Middle East is supplying our oil and eventually they are going to become  technological giants.  It looks like the rest of the world is catching up and it seems like Europe and America, once the big shots in the world, is getting replaced by the minority world.  Even places such as Africa are starting to pick up and they are not going to be the same third world countries out there.

But I have a feeling that America is going to come back.  We have been asleep at the wheel for a long time and America is starting to turn into a lazy place like Europe.  The Idiocracy movie is starting to become what America and Europe - the human race, at least, in America are going to be done.

We are in a global society now and we are all connected, but we don't have the America like we used to have; but I have a feeling that we are going to have a good America by about the 2020s.  I can see this coming - there is going to be a comeback of America.

China is starting to become like the old school America - in the future we might wussy up or we are going to become strong again.  I can see in the future that we are not dead - we are just asleep at the wheel.

I have a feeling if we have our act together we are going to turn into the America we love.  We are going to become a hard working country that are going to make things and build things, we are going to fly to the moon, and we are going to have our core values.  We are going to become the Breadbasket again. I have a feeling by the 2020s, it might be pretty good.

The lifestyle of the 2020s is going to be different - by about 2029 it is going to be like a Disney movie.  The year 2000 was a preview of the peaceful America, butt things were not that peaceful, but the pop culture in 2000 has a sense of optimism about the future.  The values are going to change in the future.

The 2010s might be Americas greatest decade - it is a restorative decade in our faith and our values.  Our attitudes are going to change.  The 2010s has begin when America was an idiocracy but I am predicting around the year 2019 things are going to become great.  The 2010s is no going to become the greatest decade for America, but I have a feeling that is going to be the greatest decade for the world.

I have a feeling that there is going to be many great things into the future - I can see the stable world of the 1950s are going to be coming in the future and America is going to be a quiet and stable country where everything is going to be in it's place.  We are not going to outdo each other, the family is going to become important, and everybody is going to be doing their own thing.  This might be a long time into the 21st century.  Of course, there might be a spiritual awakening throughout most of the 21st century.

2012 is a transformation of the globe and it seems like there is going to be a natural quieting and peacefulling in the world.  Instead of trying to compete against one another, we are going to start doing our own thing and we are going to be connected to each other than ever been before.  It looks like we are going to love each and going to accept our differences.  It looks like we are going to become part of a family and we are going to share the love with each other.  I don't sound like some hippie peacemaking thing, but it looks like we are going to stop knawing at each other and start to support each other and love each other.

2012 seems to be actually not the end of the world, but it is starting to become the rebirth.  And I have a feeling it is going to be by thinking about each other than outdoing each other.  There is a great feeling when you actually ask a person out on a date or help an old lady cross the street  - I don't see that happening.


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Change is good I guess

There is something about being a guy that they don't like to change and I am one of these people that don't like to change either.  But change is good and I do need to shake things up a little bit.

I have to admit it; I tend to get stuck into a rut but being in the same routine is boring.  I do like the familiar but it looks like I am going through the same pattern week after week after week.  I see the same people, eat the same food, whine about the same stuff....it does get boring.  There is somewhat of a change in the college routine but I don't see much difference. It looks like there is a lot more freedom to do what I want to do - I don't have to have a class everyday that controls my life and it seems like I am bombarded with homework and studying.  But with the freedom of evening classes, I have more time to do what I want.

I still will be occupied for a bit - it seems like I am going to be taking an online class that will occupy my time as well which will make me less bored but I need to shake things up and get a social life.  There are a lot of amazing people out there and I think I need to open up a bit.  I am a bit shy somehow, but deep down I am going to be social as well.  I can be a pretty friendly person if I want to be, I just need to open up.

I am taking classes to get a better understanding of people and I won't be as intimidated by people.  I will know what they are pulling and what makes them tick.  With the psychology and sociology classes I have taken, I  have a lot better understanding of people and the world around me than I used to be, which is a good thing.  It looks like I have a totally different view of Wal Mart than I used to be.

The  classes I have taken are very helpful, and I think the classes I am going to be taking will help my understanding of people.  Social psychology is one of those classes which will enhance my understanding of people - I have taken psychology classes before but social psychology is going to be more in depth about the social dynamics of people and it is going to be backed by research and logic.  The other classes has helped me as well - human development helped me understand each age group and abnormal psychology help me understand the quirks that people have.  After taking a class in abnormal psychology, my view of high school seems to be a lot different than it used to be.  The same thing with marriage and the family - I am seeing what is truly going on with these people in high school and what makes them tick.

The classes I am taking are going to be very helpful - I am going to have a more thorough understanding of people and what makes them tick.  I tend to use these classes on myself instead of other  people but eventually I'll use it more on other people.

Cultural anthropology is going to be an understanding of lifestyle. Marriage and the family is an understanding of lifestyle.  It seems like I am having a broader and broader view of people, and I seem to be less intimidated by people.  These classes are also starting to shape who I am and what I should do in life.

All these classes are going to help me with my everyday life and I am starting to feel like everything is okay.  I am now less scared of the world than I used to be but in some ways I am more scared of the world - I a knowing what other people are pulling.

Some day I am going to put these skills to the test and put that into application for the real world - I am also just taking some real world get to the point classes that are actually going to get me a job.  That might be good as well and it is going to help me have a better understanding of the world around me.

I am starting to realize that there are a lot of quirks out there than needs to be ironed out - I see flaws in people and I see definitive flaws in society.  I hear bitching about the environment and the ecosystem - I don't see many flaws in that - we have enough food; I am not starving to death but I think it is the way people manage the food is causing them to starve to death.  We definitively have enough food - more than enough food and we seem to be getting overfed to the level that we are obese - there is not a food shortage out there.  The African people are really not starving to death - there are a lot of people but it might be a pecking order on the food and it seems like the people that are not starving to death seems to be children.  It looks like the people in Africa seem to be pretty happy and healthy - they seem to have a way of managing their food that seems to be unfair and there is a definitive pecking order.  The outsourcing of food from Africa to America is actually causing starving Africans - we should learn to actually make our own food and give some to them in a form of a charity, but I doubt the Africans are really starving to death.

I know this is a ramble but it is stream of consciousness blogging, which makes me discover my inner being.  It looks like I am learning a lot about myself.

A different world indeed

It seems like I am in a different world indeed.  It looks like I am in a world where there are a lack of peers and it seems like there are people of all ages.  That sounds like a major form of adjustment for me.

I have experienced that feeling before when I was starting college.  It was a strange feeling.  Having people that were in their 30s and 40s in the classroom made me think about things; it doesn't really matter to fit in.  I have a different philosophy in life - it looks like nobody cares anymore.  Everyone minds their own business and is going in their own path - in high school and part of college, almost everyone is going in their own path.  It looks like there is a sense of independence.  I was used to the group and fitting in, but it looks like when I get out of there, nobody cares.

It feels strange to have adults in the classroom.  It looks like they are totally interested in different things than the things you are interested in high school.  I hear more conversations about things such as kids and job, instead of other things such as what band sounds cool or what concert you are going to, or what parties you have gone to, or if this girl is hot/or that girl is hot.  They are treating their conversation about the workplace.  It looks like they have nothing to rebel about or nothing to make a statement about because they can legally do these things, which gets rid of the novelty.  You don't have parents telling you you can't do things.

It also feels weird  to have people older than me being friendly to me and having conversations with me online - a lot of them are relatives but it looks like the peer group is getting less and less.

The peer group is really important with me but some of the things in the peer group are probably not cool or probably something that I don't want to get involved with.  It looks like there are a lot of decision to be made, but I am still not used to the "stodgy adult world" of having kids, buying homes, paying bills, all these things.  I don't really have that responsibility yet. I want to have this responsibility and I don't want to have this responsibility.

It looks like there is going to be a lot of change and it looks like there is going to have a lot to learn.  The transition from the high school/college world to the real world is going to be a tough adjustment for me, but I think I should make it gradual.

It think it is time for me to find more people my age to hang out with or try to accept it I'm in the adult world.  When I am starting to feel like a pedophile while hanging around with a bunch of high school students, it's time to grow up.  The people that I am going to high school with are transitioning into the adult world - some are even getting married.  But it looks like I am not at that level yet.  It looks like I haven't gotten a job and I haven't really experienced many real world responsibilities such as paying bills.  I am starting to learn how to get groceries on my own along with try to keep my apartment clean.  I am improving.  I am also trying to get out a little bit - it looks like I have to actually iniate myself to create a social life - it is not going to be spoonfeed to me.  It looks like it is rather find people that are my age to date and a lot of the younger people are in high school or going to different universities.

There are a lot of things I want to do but there is a lot of growing up to do.

There is a definitive generation gap and it seems like I am still treated like the children, even if I am 21.  I don't really care for these older people - I don't seem to ge them.  I might as well have to find people that get me or wait a bit.

A new pattern is created

I had sucessfully went through the first night of my Scholastica classes and it looks like I have to establish a new pattern.  Usually I was spending a lot of time in the classroom during the day and it seems like I have been doing some moping around at the apartment at night.  I might be at a different pattern with the Scholastica schedule unless I have scheduled some CLC classes.  It look like I have been used to having class everyday, but it looks like I am going to have a lot more free time.  I probably don't really know what I am going to do on my free days and there is a lot of adjustment, but I am going to figure it out somehow.  It looks like the time that I am involved with my free days might be a lot of homework; or it might be involved searching for a job.  Getting a job is very hard in this economy and it looks like I am not getting anywhere. I am probably going to learn why it is hard to get a job and what I should do to get a job.

I have been told that I need to be more social.  I am probably going to spend my free day sitting in the apartment on the computer with nothing to do; I think I need to at least go outside and exercise.  I do have a car which I have the ability to drive and I can hang out in some of the stores that are around town, and get something to eat  - probably in a lunch counter or bar like atmosphere.  It is about time for me to get out.  The college is loaded with a lot of people but it might be a lonely time - it is about time for me to develop some relationships instead of just sitting around, thinking about the world and other random things - I have become very philosophical and odd when I just sit around and think about things - I need to have something to keep my mind occupied or I am going to be nutso.

I can see this might be a challenge but it is about time for me to iniate and be more friendly - the ball is in my court.  There are a lot of nice people - they are not going to come up to me; I have to come up to them.  The same thing with a job - they are not going to come to me; I have to come to them.  It seems like everything - I need to start iniating a little more and to start trying new things; being a lot more adventorous.  There are a lot of choice to be made and I do have the right choices, and I should go down the right path.

The great things about the internet

It looks like the internet is something that I can't get my hands off of - there is a lot of good stuff on there and it seems to be a lot of crap on the internet as well.  But if you weed out the garbage, the internet is pretty good.

I am a pretty frequent user of the internet and I have used many sections of the internet, and I have explored my section of the web pretty throughougly.  It looks like I seem to have my favorite things to do on the internet.

The internet has does many great things and this is what I think:

1. The internet has revolutionized the music world - there are so many diverse genres of music out there and if you dig up youtube, you'll find anything from remixes to video game themes to full length symphonies along with music videos of the top hits and Justin Beiber.  It looks like the internet has made it great for your garage bands and do it yourself artists and DJs - it makes it easier to get people to be more exposed to the world of music and make it not something that only the elite and the chosen  can only do.  Many people have musical talent and a lot of talent has been wasted.

2. It has revolutionized business as well - it looks like anyone could make a buck anywhere and to sell anything.  There has been many markets on the internet such as eBay where you can sell your stuff and make money, along with the other social networking sites such as Facebook where you can market.

3.  It lets you spread your opinion  - the internet has freedom of speech, religion, and the press - it is the Constituition and the beliefs of the Founding Fathers, and the belief of the founding fathers had spread throughout the world.  There are some countries and even some corporations that want to take away the freedom of speech on the internet, but it is a great place to express yourself.

4. YouTube - Youtube is like the holy grail for entertainment on the internet and has basically changed the face of entertainment.  We no longer need a thing called television since we have YouTube which gives you a choice of what you want to watch, instead of having some corporation tell you want to watch, and some of their ideas are not that good.  We are in the world based on the individual and YouTube just enhances the individual - the internet in general is great for making independence and the individual stand out.  YouTube has everything - except sex - which goes onto the other parts of the internet.  YouTube has a lot of music and it has a lot of videos on animals, politics, religion, and just stuff that range from the plain idiotic to the extreme intellectual.

5. Sex - the internet has revolutionized porn and sex the most - it seems like the internet is the best place to find pictures and videos of naked ladies and guys doing all sorts of naughty things.  Sex is probably not the best way to use the internet but it seems like almost everything, even the most clean cut people, have been exposed to some porn somehow on the internet, either on purpose or by accident.  If you want to be exposed to dirty stuff on the internet, you need to be alone and single, and over the age of 18.

Black holes and the proof of God

I have been seeing this news story and it has appalled me...this might be a proof of God that will debunk any atheist if you think about it that way.
http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2012/05/17/every-black-hole-contains-new-universe/
There is a scientific theory that every black hole contains a new universe - that doesn't make sense because black holes suck everything into a hole of nothingness - that sounds like a Hell - eternal damnation with no escape, even light can't escape, which means you are TRAPPED!  But the point is, the scientists had figured out that each black hole, energy escapes in a form of Hawking radiation.  Scientists are starting to assume that our universe could be a black hole and it seems like the entire universe is falling into some gravitational force.  The major gravitational force could be a force of the black hole which is moving everything - space and time and all the things that put  together things into a hole of nothing - space and time means all events are based on this force, and it seems like everything, including the creation of the planet, collision of asteriods to create water, creation of genetic code to create human beings that have the ability to create the technology to write this blog and the person writing this blog are all part of a HUGE BLACK HOLE!  This gravitational pull means that everything is going to be in a super high density, which creates a HUGE Hawking radiation which is the BIG BANG which creates everything in the universe that has ever happened and will happen.  There must be a force creating the contraction and expansion of this universe and creating more black hole, and this force must be........GOD!

This is also a proof of eternity - the black hole and a recreation of the universe and a totally new universe in each black hole, in which there are black holes of all shapes and sizes..universes all over the place which means ETERNITY and eternal life.

Now lets assume the matter that creates consciousness that is in a black hole is recreated over and over - electrons which are part of your neurons in the brain that creates consciousness.  The neurons create electricity which are electrons and that gives out energy, and energy cannot be created or destroyed - ETERNAL LIFE.

The second phase of college is coming

It looks like I am finally getting somewhere and I am finally going somewhere.  Starting tomorrow, I am going to be entering the second phase of my college life which I think is going to be a lot better than my first phase.

The first phase, as I said many times, was a very tough phase and it seems like there was a lot of growing up.  A lot has changed from the first phase to the second phase.  The first phase was a time of adjustment and confusion, and it seems to be a lot to learn. I learned a lot about my world around me; a lot better than I had it in high school and it seemed like I have many ideas on the world that I never had before.  It looks like I wasn't really that defined in high school; it was there but it seems like it didn't connect but now it seems like  I have a very broad view of the world around me and I am starting to find my niche.


It looks like I am having a hard time finding a job, but I am working hard on finding a job but this process is growing me up a lot and helping me have an hands on understanding of the world around me.  I am starting to learn about reality and how the economy works, and how the world is full of competition, and you have to put your best foot forward.  This recession is helping me and other people realize it is not cool to dress and act like a slob, and you need to have your best foot forward.

It seems like I need to work on developing my personality.  I have noticed that a lot of the students in the college seems to have more personality and seem to have a date and a job more than me.  I seem to be this kind of quiet person that seem to be not much personality, and I need to express it more often.  It might be time to develop a personaliiy and bring back that hidden personality.  I know it is in there but it hasn't come out.

I think it might have to do with nutrition - it seems like I am not eating that good in college and maybe more food might help bring back the personality.  I might have a lot more self-confidence when I have better food when I know I feel better.  It seems like I have been living on a diet of only the basic you have to survive - not much veggies or anything like that, but I have been drinking juice.  It might be a lack of magnesium and it seems like I am not liking foods that contain magnesium, which are leafy green vegtables.  Who like this stuff anyway?

It seems like people like people who have a personality - everyone has a unique personality and it looks like I am not showing it too much.  They want to know you and you, and not some cliche or stereotype.  I might be trying too hard as well.

It looks like I used to have more personality in high school and it seems like it was starting to slip away in college.  I think it is the nutrition and I think it is going to come back in college.  I have taken the magnesium and the youth is starting to come back - I am not this stodgy guy anymore.  A lot of college students have fun and they have personality; they want to have that youthful personality.  They got all their life to be old and stodgy - it looks like I am pretty conservative, but I don't have to be pain in the butt conservative.  It seems like the liberals are the ones that don't have that much personality.

It is about time for me to develop a good personality - it seems like people with personality seem to like other people with personality.  My roommates even have a better personality than me - I am kind of this blah person and there are not that many blah people and it seems like the only people that attract me are these blah type people.

It is time for me to have more fun - being older does not me I have to be some type of serious guy - I need to start to loosen up.  It has been about 3 years when I had this blah personality - maybe about 2 years - I was some guy who was overly tense and whiny, and thinks too much.  I have been told that I am very factual and that is good, but I need to quit overanalyzing things.  It seems like I am analyzing things to figure things out but it looks like that many things don't need to be analyzed.

I probably don't know what to write about when I have a personality but I will write about different things than a teen-college angst diary - maybe the other people understand that everyone goes through these things.

A lack of personality is probably keeping me from getting somewhere - people want a fun person, not one of these stodgy people that seem to analyze everything.  I seem to be smart but I am not really that smart - it looks like I am just learning new concepts that other people seem to get - it looks like a confusion and things that seem to be simple seem to be complex to me.

The next generation of pop music

It looks like the next generation of pop music is starting to creep up.  It is Generation Z and these are the ones that are born in the 1990s and the 2000s.  These children are the ones that grown up with the "pop Disney" and the "pop Nickelodeon."  The older generation haven't grown up with the "pop Disney" and was more the "Mickey Mouse rerun Disney."  I do remember the Mickey Mouse rerun Disney a little bit, but I vaguely remember a lot of the shows of the old Disney Channel. I have a better memory of the "pop Disney", which is the Disney that is used today.

The first traces of the pop Disney took place about 1997 or 1998, and I was in first second grade.  They started to show a lot of shows that involved preteens and teenagers, and I thought this was for older children and teenagers; or even adults; it is not the kid friendly Disney that everyone thinks of when they hear Disney.  The first traces of the pop Disney had game shows and cooking shows, and it was always sucking up to people such as Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys.  I used to actually like a lot of the songs that were playing on the pop Disney

Nickelodeon was starting to enter the act as well, but it took a while - Jimmy Neutron was Nickelodeon but it was not a fantasy Nickelodeon and it was more of a Nickelodeon about middle school drama, which is a start of the "pop Nickelodeon stuff".  Then the old Noggin was awesome - it has lots of shows for tweens when the "tween" demographic was starting to be introduced.

The "tween" demographic - I remember the first signs of the "tween" demographic was first being started about 2000 - there were many toys that were featuring teen idols like Christina Aguilera and you also were starting to have many icons in stores such as Lizzie McGuire.  Lizzie McGuire is Hilary Duff and then Hannah Montana is the same path as Lizzie McGuire, but you have Miley Cyrus.

I am the start of this next generation that is heavily marketed and we are starting to enter adulthood.  If you consider the first Gen Zers to be born about 1991 or so, it makes about sense there is a shift in pop culture around the year 2009 when it started to become more conforming and conservative than the older generations emphasis on hip-hop and American Idol, etc.  I was not really interested in the hip-hop culture and I was using the hip-hop culture to fit in, but deep down, I was looking for some idols.  Soulja Boy was a pretty clean cut idol for hip-hop.

The first signs of the shift in the pop culture is when Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift were starting to enter the charts, and you have more clean cut acts such as Jason Derulo and Ke$ha.  Now it is 2012 and you are starting to see a whole bunch of new people.

One Direction is a new boy band which are pretty good and you also have the ever so hated Justin Beiber - then you are starting to have people such as Emily Osment, Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato, which are very clean cut  and they have been on the Disney Channel and now are entering the real world. Even the Nickelodeon people are entering the charts and you are getting guys such as Big Time Rush and the one from iCarly, Miranda Cosgrove.  These are a nice gang of pop idols and I can see a whole bunch picking up in the future.

Since this generation of pop music is highly produced and marketed, you don't really see that much individualism in the music.  Other generations have their rebellion such as the The Who and the Doors with the Boomers along with the new wavers with Gen X and grunge, emo, and hip-hop with Gen Y, but this bunch don't have their own sound or their rebellion.  I think maybe dubstep might be their rebellion - it is a heavy bass but it don't sound that original but you see more of the alternative skater type teenagers listening to dubstep.  I also see a lot of teenagers and even the new young adults listening to country - country was for old rednecks but it seems like a lot of teenagers like these country guys like Toby Keith or Miranda Lambert.

The internet might fire up new pop as well and it is probably YouTube - you seen Justin Beiber, but you also have other people that are cheesy or don't sound that good such as GASP Rebecca Black and the ones that did Hot Problems which should not be even making music.  I thought Hot Problems was somebody making fun of something but it looks like they are some pretty hot looking girls making some not so good sounding music.

Aly & AJ are probably are the best of this next generation of music in my opinion - they are a duet of girls and I think they are a great influence.  I really like to see more out of Aly & AJ and I listen to them from time to time even now.

I can see some hope for the next generation of music - every generation has something good and they have revolutionized music in many ways such as the Boomers with the album rock, Generation X with alternative music, Generation Y with the digital music business,  and Generation Z, I don't know.  I think Generation Z is very good at getting big at lightning speed and they can self market on the internet very well - they are very good at making things cool.  They will be a great generation of pop culture and I can see some very great pop culture coming up and it is probably be off of the internet.

The best part about college living

I have been living the college life for about 3 years and it has been finally an adjustment for me, and eventually I am starting to even like the college lifestyle.  There are many things that are great about the college lifestyle that I haven't experienced in high school.

College is a time when you are on your own.  When you are in the high school, your schedule is scheduled for you and everything is controlled throughout the day.  You don't have much freedom but in college, you have a lot more freedom.  It is pretty awesome to come home to your own bed right after class to take a nap or just go on the internet to listen to music.  In the high school, most of the modern internet is blocked and you  are confined to a structured schedule - in college you can fit a schedule and a lifestyle that suits your needs.

Even though you have more freedom, there is still a lot of stress.  You have a lot of drama and you have to deal with a lot more responsibilities, but these responsibilities help you develop as an individual.  College is a time where you can find yourself and you are exposed to a "diverse world" and you start to see who you are.  This diverse world is a little bit scary at first, but it is a way to figure out who you are and where you fit in society.

This seamless college life is going to end and eventually you are all going to enter the adult world of the workplace.  But I am starting to feel that the adult world is not that bad - you are a lot more equal and feel like you blend in the adult world.  The high school world has a definitive social hierachy but the adult world, the social hierachary is more spread out.  You have the rich, which are the celebrities and the people who run the place, and you have the poor, and then you have the middle class.  It looks like there are more poor people and the middle class is starting to get smaller and smaller, especially in my area. But in the adult world, everyone is in their own path and nobody cares what everyone thinks about you, which I still need to get out of.

In the future, I can see the seamless lifestyle is going to be more and more mainstream.  The structured work encvironment of the office and the factory is going to be less common, and you are going to see more telecommunting and at home business.  The 21st century is the era where people really don't care what other people think and you can go to work in your pajamas or even naked in a 24/7 world.  Dress codes and office drama will be things of the past when we transform into this more seamless world, which is see about the 2020s and beyond.

But I can see people are going to be a lot more isolate, unless we have some hang out or something like that.  College is not bad, but some day this lifestyle is going to end, but the flexibility is great in college and eventually it is going to be in the real world.

Square teenagers and young adults

Whenever you think of a teenager, you think of someone who is probably want to do something stupid or rebellious.  They are involved in something, such as starting a rock band, or becoming a rapper, or dressing in trashy clothing, etc.  Teenagers are known to be involved in many things such as sex, drugs, partying, underage drinking, trying on different looks and subcultures, eating disorders, suicide, cutting yourself, self mutilating yourself with piercings and tattoos, etc. Not all teenagers are like that, but it seems like teenagers are stereotypically known for some type of rambunctious and rebellious behavior.

Teenagers want to be different than their parents and their teachers in many ways, and a part of being a teenager is trying out different roles and idenities.  They are trying to explore the world outside of their family and they believe they can be different than mom or dad.  For example, your parents are a big fan of country, and you'll be a big fan of hip-hop because it is totally different than country (unless there are some similarities).

But I notice now that teenagers are not like that - they seem to be ultra conservative and square, which is not stereotypically typical for a teenager and it is more behavior of adults.  I had went to a choir concert with teenagers and they seem to be very square - their dress is very conservative and they tend to pick songs that are very stodgy and old fashioned, very square for teenagers.  Unless this is a form of teen rebellion.

It looks like these days that adults are starting to becom very edgy - adults like rock and roll more than teenagers.  Adults are even starting to like hip-hop and adults are starting to enjoy video games, Facebook, and YouTube, which are things that were thought to be liked by teenagers. Rock and roll is made mainly for 60 and 70s year old, which are nearly dead - rock music, which was a stereotypical style of music for  teenagers, are starting to become something that crusty old people like. Naturally, teenagers are going to rebel against something that adults will do and adults are doing more "teenage" and "college" things than the teenagers.

I can see some very square things that are typically and stereotypically liked by adults are going to be liked by teenagers.  At the pop concert, it looks like teenagers are singing songs that are played on a stuffy workplace dentist office station. 

There are many things that teenagers are "supposed to hate" that teenagers seem to love.  Teenagers are supposed to hate going to church; many teenagers love to go to church and they tend to be religious.  Teenagers are also supposed to hate their parents; it looks like a lot of them love their parents and their family, and even their grandparents.  It looks like more adults hate going to church than teenagers. Teenagers are supposed to hate reading; it looks like a lot of teenagers love to read.  I seen a lot of teenagers that are hanging out in the public library, which is stereotypically a place for "nerds".

I can list off a lot of things teenagers seem  like even though they are "supposed to hate it".  Blue jeans are the standards for teenagers but I seen a lot of teenagers wear dresses and skirts, and they look very pretty.  Blue jeans are starting to become granny clothes and many young teens don't look good in jeans.  I also seen teenagers love soup, steak dinner, lobster, and many foods that are stereotypically liked by adults, while the adults are gorging on Mountain Dew and pizza.  It looks like there is a new era of teenager coming in, which makes the old idea of teenager outmolded and outdated.

It looks like teenagers today want standards and they want to be mature, nice individuals.  I myself is getting sick and tired of looking like a little punk.  What's wrong with being square.  It is easier getting a job being square.  Teenagers wearing dresses look very beautiful  - the blue jeans tank top belly shirt look does not look great on every teenager and most of them are muffin tops.  We are in a new age of teenager anyway - we are in a world where teenagers are not segregrated and they are more able to act like adults than ever before and they want to be old fashioned and conservative.  There is nothing wrong with being a old fashioned teenager - they are nice people.  The stereotypical teenager is a pain in a butt.

Taking a break from band

I thought last fall was my last band concert but I was asked to volunteer one more time in the community band, and I did, and I ended it with a great finale.  I probably won't be going back to band for a long time - at least a few years but it probably will be a lot longer than that.  I might return to the band when I am in my 40s and 50s because in the next few decades, there will be a lot of other things on my plate instead of band.

A lot of people in the community band are in at least their 50, some of them are in there are about 65 and older - it is a retirement, semi-retirement empty nest activity.  The only younger people in there are probably relatives or children, or friends of the people who are in the community band.  The community band was fun - at least it got me out of the apartment once a week but I got other things to do in the future.  I got college classes through Scholastica and they are in the evening, which eat up the community band and it is about time for me to find a job, and work.

After Scholastica, it is time for me to start working, finding love, getting married, having kids and doing all the things that people in their 20s and 30s do.  I probably will be too busy working, running after kids, running after my wife, and running after my parents to be involved with community band.  I probably will be involved with some new interests and hobbies - you never know what I might be in about 10 or 20 years, but I have a feeling I am going to be running after kids and working.  And community band looks like a hard place for me to find love.  The most likely dedication to my time is probably family - I will be so busy raising children and watching them grow to do much of aything else, along with paying bills, buying food, and doing all the responsibilities that adults have to do.

It looks like there are a lot of things I have to do now - it is time for me to grow up and take on the world, and become  more independent.

I am not going to give up music and music will always be an interest to me, and probably one of my kids are going to like music as well.  There are many things that are going to happen in the future and only God will know, but I need to get some plans.

What I value the most in this time in my life

It looks like I have a whole path of life ahead of me, but I think I need to reorganize my values. It seems like the people my age are starting to go their direction and many are going different paths.  Some are getting married already while some of them are starting to have kids and do lots of adult responsibility, while others are still hanging on my teenage life.  It looks like my life is pretty predicable and I hanging on this high school pattern, but I think I need to get my values adjusted and to see what it is most important in life.

About the age of 21, I need to start getting my act together and start deciding what I want to do in life.  But it looks like I don't have a clue and it looks like I don't really care.  But it looks like I find relationships really important - you know I like to have friends, but I like to keep to my self as well.  It is nice to have friends but I am not the type to have someone on my back all the time - I sometimes I want to be left alone to think about things.  It looks like I am pretty close to my family but I need to be independent as well.  It looks like I am valuing love and acceptance at the moment.  It looks like I want someone to love me, to feel attached to.  I am looking for someone just to spend time with me and just to be a companion.  It is about time for relationships - I have a feeling that someone is looking for me.

It seems like other people are in relationships and they are happy together, and it looks like I am feeling left out.  But sometimes I need to be left alone to figure out who I am and what I want to do in life.

It looks like I am looking for a job as well too because I need to get some money and start living on my own.  It looks like I am overly dependant on my parents and it looks like I need to get some time cooking and cleaning.  It looks like they are getting boring and everyone else is going in their different directions.

I think it is about time to find out who I am, what am I good at, what I am made for...I made for something and I don't know what.  Someday I am going to find out who I am and what on Earth I am on here for.

It looks like I suck on my parents, but I am also looking for some intimacy outside of my parents as well.  It is time for me to find someone I love, but I need to find out who I am first - it looks like I didn't really have a clue and it looks like I am getting closer and closer to finding out who I am.  Where do I fit?  What do I believe?  There are a lot of decisions to be made and I am trying to figure it out.

It looks like back in high school I was trying out different looks and styles, and I was sort of getting a clue of who I am, but I haven't got it fined tuned.  It looks like I have a hard time of what culture I relate the best too.  But one I get educated, I am starting to find out what culture fits closet to me and I can find out what fits me.

But it looks like I have some pretty good moral values and it seems like I don't really do anything bad.  I don't do all the naughty stuff...lol...and I am not much of a partier.  It looks like some days I could be sort of a quiet and introspective person that is trying to figure out my world and I have many views in life.

My first reactions to the college classroom

A lot has changed in the last few years, but I might as well go back to the first reactions of the college classroom.  I was in a different college major back then, but I had changed my major, but the first reactions of the college classroom are still the same.

I just entered a classroom and it was about 8:00.  I thought it was very early to start a class and there were no bells or anything like that.  The classroom didn't have any posters or anything like that either, so I thought that was a little different.  It was a reading class and I needed to catch up on my reading skills.  The people in the classroom were mostly like a high school classroom; I was trying to see if there were any cute girls in the classroom but I sat in the front next to a blondish girl.  The people in the classroom were a lot different than I seen in high school; you seen people of all types and you seen a lesbian looking person as well. There were older people too, which had shocked me.

Then there were no pencil sharpeners.  Where are the pencil sharpeners.  You have to bring your own pens since there was no pencil sharpeners.   It looks like there was a lot of responsibility and I had a hard time handling it.

This change was something I couldn't handle - I was used to the structured life of the school day but now the school life was very unstructured indeed.  And there were a lot of older people as well.  It looks like people didn't care about what other people think as well and they didn't dress as good as the high school clothing.  It looks like it is a different life style.  Usually in high school, people are putting on an act, but in college, it seems like there is a lot more conformity and everyone was going in their own direction.

I seen the difference between high school and college.  High school was all about finding yourself based on your clique, while college was finding your inner self.

It looked like that big change was too hard to handle and I basically given up.  And the apartment life was a big change as well.  I was in a rat hole and I was ready to come home, but I was trapped there and I can't escape.  It was a world that I was not familiar with, so I isolated myself in my room.

It looked like I was in a period of depression in the first few weeks and it seemed like that period of depression had hit me the most about mid September.  I was thinking - what did I get into and all these things.  I thought I was going to die.

Then I was going into a more spiritual, philosophical trance and it seemed like nothing much matters.  It seems like I was trying to prove God was real but there were not any proof of  God on the internet.  But the internet was pretty scientific and liberal, and it looked like I was in a fog.

It seemed like a lot of things didn't really matter and I was turning into a different person. It looks like I was not interested in people or anyone, and I didn't really care what people think.  I was out of it - I was in a different world.  This world was so new that nothing really mattered at all - but  I think it was time for me to get some help and to see a shrink.

This sounds like I am developing some form of schizophrenia or some koo-koo syndrome, but at least I got some help.  It looks like I was in a fog, in a  trance and it seemed like I was separated from this world all the time and in my own world.  I was probably in a fantasy world all the time.

I snapped out of it a few months but I think I just gave up just to adjust to some stress.  But at least it was the year I realized that I have some problems.


It looks like I was having delusions a lot as well - and I was going through spells where I thought I was being poisoned and  poison was everywhere.  It's a little weird but that was going through my head.  I also had this thought I was going to be electric shocked everywhere.  I was getting these weird things in my head.  It looks like I needed a doctor.

What turns me on

There are lots of girls around there and it looks like I haven't really have a chance to date any of these ones.  One thing is simply I just don't have the guts to ask them out and I probably don't have the time or the money.  There are girls all over the place - I see them in the street, I see them in stores, at church, in restaurants - anywhere there is human beings, there are girls.  There are girls that are living right next door to me in the apartments - right next to me and I haven't even taken the time of day to get to know them.  And they are cute girls - I need to open my mind and stop being in my little lark or my little hole.  When I see these girls, I should be half way friendly to them - they might be interested in dating me and they are about 50-100 ft apart from me when writing this.

There are girls everywhere - as long as there are people, you are always going to see a female specimen and they are all beautiful in some shape or form.

But it looks like I am not shy around girls but just people in general.  I think I need to grow up and get out of my nest - if I want girls, I need to start being a little bit friendly to them.  My parents are stodgy and out of touch anyway lol.  It looks like I am getting in a rut - I got the opportunity every day to meet someone new and I got the opportunity to try something out, but it looks like I just got a routine I am stuck in.  I see a girl sit across from me - look at me, I just basically ignore her and go about my business, and then I whine about not getting girls on the internet.

But I should find out - what turns me on.  I probably won't be going after every girl - it looks like some types of girls do turn my crank.  It looks like my head turns whenever I see a girl with short short with nice tanned legs - it makes me can't resist to stop looking at them and I probably get that embarrassing boner.  But there is more to physical attraction.  I probably want someone who is easy to talk to, a good listener, is pretty compassionate, and has a love for children.  It looks like I want someone who looks halfway decent as well but the personality might matter as well.  Smart girls are not bad, but not nerdy.  I do like intelligent.  The biggest thing is someone I feel very comfortable with and I fit like a good old shoe - it just fits just right and someone I don't have to put on an act or be intimidated when I see these girls.  There are probably girls like that all over the place.

I probably want one that is good in bed lol when the time comes, but I don't want a slut.  I like modesty and someone that is treated like a human being, not a sex machine.  These girls that obsess on sex are the ones that get boring all the time - they are like animals and they don't have anything else except for good physical attraction and sex skills...lol.

Of course I need to change my attitude - I do like my routine of going home to mow the lawn and pet the kitty, but that is not going to get me far.  I need to shake things up.

My memories of the 1990s

Today is my birthday and I am looking back to the days when I was a young child.  It looks like the age of people who can fluently remember the 90s are starting to push 40 already, which is starting to signify this stuff is getting old.  The world was a different world but I don't think much changed much either.

The first distinctive memories of the '90s is when I was about 4 or 5, when I started preschool.  I remember kids were walking around with light up sneakers and I wanted to have one too.  My mom didn't buy me any light up sneakers.  I remember kids were walking around wearing their T shirts very long, especially the older ones that are about 5 or 6th grade.  I was trying to stretch my shirt to make the shirt long too but I didn't have long enough shirt.  I was also very scared of these older kids and they were not nice to little kids.

I remember the '90s was focused a lot of sports. I remember seeing a lot of basketball ads on TV and everyone was obsessed with basketball - it was Michael Jordan who was the king and it was the Chicago Bulls.  Wrestling was a big deal as well and my dad was watching wrestling a lot.  It was also some big fat guy with their shirt off yelling in a microphone before they get into a match where there was some body slamming, etc.  I always was trying to pretend that my bed was like a wrestling mat.

I don't remember the music that much in the '90s but I heard this certain sound - I know it when you hear it and it was a shopping sound to it.  It always had a bunch of female singers singing to a moderate, shuffle beat.  Probably somebody like TLC or SWV was on the radio when I was in the stores.

My memories of the '90s were more distinctive when I got cable TV and my just let me watch cartoons all day when she was doing stuff.  A lot of the cartoons were old cartoons but I didn't know the differences - at least they were cartoons, that's all I care.  A lot of the cartoons were some Power Rangers type superhero type cartoon, and I didn't really care for Power Rangers.  Zoog Disney was starting to come out when I was about 7 or 8, and that is when the Hannah Montana Disney channel was starting to come in.

It looks like I spend a lot of time with my grandpa when I was younger and I was exposed to a lot of things out in the farm, but he eventually couldn't handle the farm and started to get a stroke.  I was even learning basic gardening and how to drive the tractor, and I had a pretty good imagination.  The toys were simple but it required me to be imaginative. I wanted a Buzz Lightyear like anyone else, but I played with it a few times and got bored.  What do you do with it and it goes in the closet to be sold on eBay.

I remember people on computers as long as I remember.  They were getting me started with computers when I was 4 and they seem to not interest me that much.  But I got addicted when they teach me to use some cool drawing software or something like that, which said goodbye to fingerpainting.  But they used computers as a reward system in school and that got me hooked on computers.  I was conditioned to use computers as a fun thing because of good behavior.



I had some pretty good friends and we used to play very well on the playground.  I played with anyone - if it was a kid, I'll will play with them.  I just followed kids around and played on the equipment.  I had made very good friends and about 1998-2000 was the best time in my school life. Everything was good about that time - it was a very happy and peaceful time.  There has been fun times when I was a little kid and I did have many friends.  I was even invited to a girls slumber party in second grade - ladiez man yo! These good times are going to return hopefully someday.  Maybe when I am 21.

21 years has passed

21 years has passed since I was born...today I can officially drink and I officially can get married, and I can do just about anything.  Since about 3 years ago I was technically legal but even at the age of 21 I have a lot of growing up to do.  It is about time for me to grow up and to be treated like anyone else - I have been milking this childhood thing for too long but it does get kind of boring.  It looks like I am desiring to do many mature things such as dating and driving, and getting a job - these things teenagers and adults can do, but maybe I might be truly ready for dating.

Dating will be one of the things I want to do.  I am pretty normal for my age and getting a job - I haven't really have a date in my life and I haven't have a job in my life, unless I do count some of the volunteer things as dates and wait a minute - maybe I did date someone back then.  It depends on what you consider a date.

I haven't really had an serious relationship and I haven't really had sex.  But there is the risk of STD's and all that stuff, and getting a STD is like a death sentence.  You can be done and you probably won't be going to a good place unless you get your sins forgiven.  It's like - God, I couldn't help it but you biologically made sex feel good but why you have a rules against have sex before you are married. It doesn't make any sense.  But getting STD's might be very rare if you know what you are doing, and the chances are probably very low, but it  looks like there is a chance that you might have one.

I can see some very fun and happy times coming, and it is time to get my act together.  I should start to be more friendly to girls and friendly to people in general.  This mousy and expected people to do things for me is not going to get me anywhere, and I see this with not getting employed.  I know the ecomomy is low but it is time for me to get off my butt and start wanting to do things for other people - this will solve a lot of my problems.

Relationships are made with a connection and I need to have a connection.  One person likes me and another likes me back - playing cat and mouse just like on the playground is not going to do this and this is very childdish activities.  I probably need to start getting to know some girls and it seems like it is very hard to get to know girls outside of the classroom unless you spend a lot of time with them.  I'll probably meet someone with a job or with volunteer work, or most likely in my classes.  I am taking classes in social psychology and that is going to solve all my problems, and I should actually apply some of these skills.

The counselor in school has suggested to me in need to get some skills with working with the public before I get a job.  A lot of jobs past a certain age is going to work with people of all types