How I have grown up

In the last 3 years, I have grown up  a lot.  I had changed from a totally different person when I graduated high school than I am now, and I have learned a lot of lessons about life.  It was the best education I have gotten and I have to thank mom for not even wasting one nickel on it.  Actually I would like to thank my grandma for it as well for supplying the money for the education that I have definetely need in my way it was sort of a blessing.

When I started college, it was a wild ride and there was a lot of experience.  The apartment was good for me.  I learned a lot about living with people that I would of never would of lived with in high school and I had learned how to deal with anyone, which was good for the job.  In high school, it looked like I was kind of shy and I did not respect a lot of people, and did not trust a lot of people.  I had my friends but it seemed like I was not seeing things the way they really were.  I had distorted perceptions on a lot of things and this apartment life had ironed things out.  It looks like I learned how to deal with anyone after about 3 years in the apartment because I had seen it all.

The first year had it's ups and down, but when I look back it was a better year than I think.  I was a year where I was trying to find out that I had a problem, and what my real problem was and I needed to be fixed.  I found out the problem was ADHD and it seemed like the core of all my problems or a lot of my problems I have been encountering.

That summer I decided to start fresh and started to have a clean slate.  I was trying out the medication, along with the same thing learning about the world around me and what makes the world tick.  The classes I taken have not been wasted and I have learned a lot about the world around me and I was starting to establish a worldview about the world that I have never thought about before.  I was starting to have a philosophy on things which was influenced by the classes I have been taking along with the outside experience I have out in the apartment.

It seems like after a few years, I have narrowed down to what  I am going to do and I am having a pretty good view of who I am and how the world works, along with what I think I should do to contribute to this world.  The experiences with the roommates had influenced a lot along with the struggles that I have with finding a job.  There was a lot of learning I have to do and there still has to have a lot of learning and experiences to be done.

Now I am starting to have a pretty good view of the world and what I am good idea, now it is time for me to apply my views and my skills to the world of work to help other people and to contribute to society.  It looks like a picture of who I am is coming but it looks like it is incomplete, and thing that might complete the picture is probably to get involved with a job.

I am going to learn a lot with my first job and I am going to encounter a lot of new experiences and new adventures. Only God knows what is going to happen and I hope he is going to help me plan out what is best for me.  I have to thank God and my parents, relative, friends, etc. to help me get through the last few years and I would like to have God guide me through the next phase of my life.

It looks like the job might change everything - the friends, the interests, the views, the relationships, the self esteem; it is going to transform everything in my life and it is going to be a sense of achievement and greatness of when  I get my first paycheck.  I got a lot to be introduced to the adult world but when I get exposed to it, I think I am going to like it and enjoy what God wants me to do.

Mixed feelings

I am starting to have mixed feelings about this girl who is following me and I am unsure what I want to do.  She is just an ordinary looking girl, nothing spectacular but she is kind of quiet and shy, but I have a feeling that she has somewhat of a crush on me.  And I think she always had a crush on me.

I am following a different path and I am trying to figure out what to do and I don't have time for romantic relationships.  I probably have different girls on mind, and they are closer by.  I am new to the dating world and I am not sure if I am ready to hitch onto girls yet.

But I have a feeling that she is more crazy over me than I am crazy over her.  I don't think she is a bad sort and I think we would make a cute couple, but I am not sure if I am ready for dating or if she is the girl for me.

I think she in a "love in the first sight type" situation.  I think there is something about me that makes her fall in love with me and I don't know what it is.  I sort of like that girl too but I am not sure if I am ready.  I doubt I am going to see her that much in the future but if I get to know her, I think we will eventually fall in love.

What do I look for on a job

I am entering the young adult stage and as I said, it is time for me to get cracking.  But now I am getting realistic perceptions on my personality and my interests, and what is suited for me on the job.

I'll look at my behaviors at school and at home, and even the prior work experience from volunteering that may influence my behavior on the job.  Here are some dimensions that I do need to have a good job experience:

1. Need to be busy all the time - I need a job where I am doing something.  I walk in and start working, and then when I am done, I leave.  Jobs that are laid back and a lot of downtown are going to bother me, and it seems like I am going to think about things when I am not occupied all the time.

2. I need a job where I can move around - I can't sit in a desk all day; I'll be distracted by the internet and won't be doing my work because of the lack of stimulation.  I need to have something where I am moving all the time or most of the time to keep my mind occupied.  When I am sitting around doing nothing, I tend to want to jump to the next activity or click around on a computer.  Computer jobs may not be good for me at all.

3. Relationships are important - I am picky about the people I am working with.  I can't work with anyone and I have standards of who I work with and who I don't work with.

4. I like the suit - it gives me a sense of importance, a sense of idenity, and it makes me feel like I am part of a group or a family.  If people see me walking around in a suit, they might start idenify me with the suit.  I don't think I have the individualist, screw you thing with me.  I would like to show the world I am actually doing something; it gives me a sense of importance.

5. Clean environment - I don't want to work around with toxic, dangerous, or hazordous materials - in other words, I am kind of prissy and don't want to get my hands dirty.  I tend to be worried a lot about health and safety.

6. Structured environment - it seems like I do like routine a lot and I like to do what someone tells me too. I don't really have the free for all "screw you" attitude - I tend to be comformist.

7. Steady pay - I need to have a steady pay and possibly a decent pay.  Who doesn't want a decent pay.  I tend to blow money and I am not a saver; maybe I should learn the value of stuffing money in the bank.  It seems like I want instant stimulation and I don't seem to be goal orientated and I seem to want to but on impulse.  I don't think.

8. I am not that goal orientated - it looks like I go with the flow and see what happens - it looks like I don't have many goals such as working towards a car.   I tend to be head up my butt probably because of a lack of work experience.
 

It looks like I care about fitting in more than getting stuff done.  In school I am not that big on being the top student - it looks like I care about being more accepted and being cool, and make me feel like I am important.  It seems like I can work in a high school  like environment - I don't have that sense of individualism and I seem to go around with the crowd; and I don't seem to care.  I think the sense of individualism might come when I get older.  I think I am more worried about the social relationships and if everyone plays fair and by the rules than actually doing their own thing.  It might be the way I am and I think it might be a way students are these days.


 

A possible future lifestyle

It seems like I have been in the school lifestyle for a long time and I haven't really had a lifestyle outside of the classroom or outside of school.  I am trying to get into the work world, but with the economy it has been a lot harder to enter the work world.
My schedule now has been dominated by school since I am a full time student - school has become my job but eventually I am going to change the routine starting about later this year, near June or the summer.
I am going to work very vigorously to get into the work world and getting into the work world is going to be a full time job.  I am going to be 21 for crying out loud, I am almost old enough to drink and it is time for me to get into the world.  This will transition me from the teen world to the young adult world, which I should of been entered a couple of years ago. I seem to be like about a 16 or 17 year old right now because of the lack of employment.  I can live in the apartments, but I can't financial support myself on the apartments on my own and do adult responsibilities such as paying bills that even my roommates are doing. It seems to be the adult world is not as interesting to me as I think it is because of a lack of experience.

I do have ideas of what I want to do in the future and I do have an idea of what my path.  It seems like I want to have a few years of fooling around and getting used to the adult world, and then I am ready to get settled,get married, and start having kids.  There are some of my classmates that are having children already but I doubt they are ready to have kids and they are having their parents support them or welfare.

But I am going to be smart and wait a few years for adjustment.  I haven't even dated or had a steady relationship in my life so I should go through a few steady relationships before I get married.  But you never know; I might just find the right one right away and it could be that person working at the first ever job I have and bang, it'll be happily ever after.

I think I do need some time to play catch up ball because of the delay in development because of ADHD.  With ADHD and related disorders, you are developmentally more behind that normal people and now I am medicated, it is time for me to catch up to my age of develop.  I might be ready for relationships and such.  You can see when the medicine wears out, the blog posts start to drop from being a more aware of the world outside and my views of the world outside me in a more adult, real world critical thinking context to a more self centered diary of teen angst.  But sometimes, with even new experiences, it is nice to think about what life might be like.  I can see when I am thinking more maturely, the real world is more interesting and other people are more interesting than myself, because I know everything about myself.  But when it wears out, it is back to finding myself.

The job world is going to be a different world but once I get a hang of it - I'll like it.  I am going to be going to school about 2 days a week and the other 2 days will be for getting dough, and then I can go home during the weekend and do whatever I want.  But when I get a job, I am going to try to apply the skills I learn in school and when I get money, I can do the stuff I want during the weekend such as write music and such.  I have a feeling when I do get a job, I'll probably start having my coworkers as family and I even would even consider have my first relationships with them.  I am probably too clean cut and family oriented to meet girls out in the club and do this twenty-something Gen Y junk.  I am a Gen Zer don't you know.

I am probably going to have a jolt of self esteem and all my wishes and desires might come through.

Most likely when I am done with my schooling, I would not switch jobs that much and I'll probably stay in the same place if I am happy.  I will just climb the career ladder, even working at a fast food restaurant or whereever I apply for and accept that's my job.  I might be satisfied with my idenity and don't care - I might not be as career centric as I think I am and it looks like I value the relationships than the career.  Work is work - work is not your life - it is what you do outside of work is your life and  I am more traditional work to support the family, get married, have kids type of person - very logical and very easy.  But  it seems like the relationships is what is important to me and if I get along very good and it seems like there is a lack of structure at school and at work - that is why I might be studying this stuff.

The world of 2000

I was starting to listen to music from the year 2000 and the world was a totally different world than it was today.  We did have a sense of optimism in the year 2000 and the world was entering a High...it was almost at the same level as it was in Camelot in the early 1960s.  But this high was just a preview of what I believe is going to come.

Now fast forward about 12 years in the future and the world is beginning to recover and get back on it's feet again.  I can see some optimism about the future and I think the world in general is starting to become optimistic.  We are in the same mania of the end of the world of 2012 as it was with Y2K in 1999; some people actually thought the year 2000 was it.  But the year 2000 has came and it came with a whimper, but a celebration and a period of optimism of the new millennium.

The last 12 years of the new millennium is probably just a wrap up of the 20th century.  9/11 was a start of a crisis that was emerging throughout the 1990s but we had our head up our butt and it could be easily prevented.  The same thing with the election of Barack Obama - we had this idea that Republican means war and crisis, and Democrat meaned the good times of the 1990s.  But now we are finding out that Democrat means war and crisis, and Republican means peace and prosperity, as it was in the 1980s with Reagon.  The 1990s Democrat era was not even truly Democrat but more down in the middle of the road.  The 1990s did not see the radical change as it was during the late 2000s and early 2010s.  The 1990s was not the most peaceful era out there and there was a nation and world falling apart.

But I am looking at the year 2000 and the year 2000 is a stepping stone to the world of tomorrow. The year 2000 was a preview of the next American High and I can see something like 2000 in the future, but advance.

The year 2000 was an era of boy bands, teen pop, low unemployment, even with teenagers, and it was a great year for pop culture.  I was only 9 years old in the year 2000 and it was a fun time to be a child.  But that time did not last that long and things seem to fall about 9/11.  Music and  movies were great that year, and pop culture in general.

But I notice something about 2000 that was unstable and it was morality.  It looks like we were undecided in a direction.  Some wanted a clean cut decade with the return of moral and family values, and gooey space age pop music, just like it was in 1960 and other just want to have  a slut, thug infested decade such as Britney Spears.  Britney Spears pretty much set the stage of the immoral 2000s decade.

But we are in the 2010s and I can see a moral comeback in the 21st century.  Family values are going to return, birth rates are going to increase, at home busines will become more the norm that working out - we are back to the picket fence once again.  I don't think we have truly approached the world of the new millennium yet but we are getting there, but I can the year 2012 might be the beginning of a new era - the true new millennium.

The Beatles - one of the worse things to happen to America

I am starting to have this belief that the Beatles invasion of 1964 was when America, once again was starting to fall apart.  For about a 20 year span, from the late 1940s to about the early 1960s, America was great.  Technology was moving forward, moral values were coming back, and it seems like we had a true identity. Society was fairly stable and things were moving forward, they were very progressive for that time. America was going into space and we are starting to have new innovations with the home and how we live our life, which has halted about 1964.  The mini-jukeboxes and the car hops are a very modern thing and cars were even starting to have a very modernist look to it, but it all halted about 1964 with the Beatles.

The Beatles look like a clean cut boy band, but there was something different about them - their hair.  An uncivilized mop.  After that, you have a bunch of other bands such as The Rolling Stones, the Who, and a bunch of other stodgy old bands that sound the same and whine.  The United States was moving forward in the 1960s and the 1960s was very modern, but you had a bunch of protesters in college that don't want anything new and want to go back to the stone age or the dark ages, smoking weed, having sex with whoever they please without true commitment which goes against the psychological rules of healthy relationships. You had these protesters called hippies that want to lay around in the brush, act like a bunch of animals.  It looks like things are falling apart.

It looks like there is a continuous culture war and it seems to be an battle between the people that want to move forward and act civilized, and seems like there is a bunch that want to move backwards, and it seems like this battle is starting to peak out.  But eventually we are going to win this culture war and finally go back to the America that was good.

We did have a comeback of the good America in the 1980s and early 1990s with Reagan and Bush, but then after about the early 1990s we have been entering chaos.  People are starting to walk around like slobs, hook up like a bunch of animals, and starting arguing about pointless things.  It seems like we are in a war just like a cold war and there is a battle with your next door neighbor.  There is people on here if they are reading this will disagree with me and there are people will agree with me which makes it hard for me to state my point.

But there are some good things about the revolution of the 1960s and the 1970s as well. The Civil Rights movement is actually good, but black people being segregated - I don't see there are many black people that mind to be segregated.  I don't see people in the real world hanging around with  multiracial or cultures, but I do like the idea that they are respected like human beings, because they are human beings, not aliens.  We will probably have extraterrestrial racism if we start seeing aliens starting to migrate onto planet Earth - that aliens are only allowed to work at McDonalds and can't get executive position.  The feminist movement of the 1960s and 1970s has failed as well, but I can see something called neo-feminism.  Women can do their biological instincts of raising children and being a housewife, but still be allowed to vote and express themselves, along with work with a part time or internet job.  Actually women can do any job they want - the same with blacks.  They are humans and they are made with the same biological features, but we still have fear about different people.

I think some of the revolution things were good, but we are finally going to restore the America we love.  Housewife is going to comeback - girls want to get married and have kids like they are supposed to be and them man is supposed to work.  But I notice there is discrimination against the white people and the old people - I am a white middle class Republican and I can't get a job, but a gay Chinese guy in a wheelchair can get a job.  Doesn't make any sense!  We do need equality and true equality - including whites.  But there is a thing called the economy and there needs to be some fix to the economy - and probably should get rid of this red tape and the freedom to walk in and work just like any human can work.  A child can work if he can put his mind to it and child labor might be good in the future - that's age discrimination not allowing a child to work and a old man to work.  We need to let everyone who wants to work work and everyone who wants to play play!

There is going to be a change and I can see the Age of Freedom is going to come in 2012.  The internet is the closest to the Age of Freedom but I think we need some standards with morality just to keep saneness which is common sense.  We can't eat each other and we have gotten down to the level of eating each other - we need to have some social skills and rules such as not walking around like a slob and hooking up with a bunch of people like a bunch of animals.  We are in a world where we are easily offended and it is making me hard to say what I please - but in this world, if you don't want to be offended, you don't have to listen.  Believe what you want to believe - I am not God and there is no set belief, but I think you should get your head screwed on and stop arguing at one another.  I do accept different beliefs but I do like my own, strong beliefs as well.  You don't have to have a government to tell you not to look at porn, etc. that will suck or being stoned to death for not agreeing with some sacred document.  That's the good thing about this country - freedom of speech.

But now we are in a globalized society, but there are different cultures and they don't have to agree with me- suck it!  A Muslim would agree with some of my moral beliefs and I do agree with some of their beliefs, but not to the radical level. But we got something called English and many people can't read English, which is a good thing so you don't have to listen to me.

What the adult world is going to look for me

I have a sense of optimism of what the adult world is going to be for me and it is going to be different from the teen world. It looks like I am in the "emerging adulthood" era, which is the era where I am still a kid but not yet a true adult.  When I am going to be truly an adult is when I am financially independent and make decisions on my own, along with contribute to society.  It seems like I am sucking onto my parents but I want to become more and more independent.

Having my own apartment is pretty cool and it will be cooler yet to pay for it. I'll have my own stuff and I'll live the way I want to live and I will develop myself as an individual.  I probably want to start dating and getting into relationships as well.

There are a lot of things I can do and I can develop myself as an individual.  I am going to be working minumum wage as I scrounge around in school but eventually I want to have higher pay so I can have better things and live life the way I want to live it.  No more messing around with my parents and I seem to have different ideas than my parents.

My lifestyle is going to be like this - I am going to work into a place and I am going to get my pay.  Lets say I work in a restaurant or a store - I can be working there, collecting money and then eventually I'll be paying it on stuff I never payed before.  I probably don't know what to buy first but I got some ideas, but I should just stuff a lot of it in the bank before I decide to do with it later.  A lot of the stuff I'll be buying first will be home improvement, etc. home decoration, etc. just to make the place look nice and practical things.  But we have the basic survival needs such as shelter, heat, food, water, and the internet - I probably can handle no TV before no internet.

I do have my dreams and my wishes of what I want to be in the future, but I need to get some money first.  It seems to be a struggle and I have a feeling that I am never going to be independent, but eventually I will.  Sucking on mom and dad is not good either, and I do like my parents, but I realize the differences I have with them.  The tend to be old fashioned and I have to act more old fashioned around these parents.

It seems like I have romance on my mind, but in order to have romance, I need to have money for dates and transportation, especially the girl is far away and in her different world.  We don't have the internet but it is hard to have long distance relationships.

I don't think it is going to be that bad in the future and there is going to be a lot of adjustment, but it is going to be a different world.  I should stop worrying about my past high school regrets and move on - what it is probably seeing things not the right way and making a big deal about what is not there and what is truly there.

College life has been pretty peaceful and I have not had many problems in the classroom and it seems like I am making pretty good friends.  The only problem I have is the cleaning and I am improving.

But during these time, I got God to help me through these moments and guide me and tell me what I should be doing, and what I should not be doing.  God knows who should I date, where should work, and I should evaluate my God given talents to contribute to society and live the life I want to live on this Earth.

10 years from now

About the year 2020, things are going to be pretty good for me.  I am going to be settled into a home, married, and have at least 2 things.  Pretty much happy times are going to be coming. I can see I am going to be settled into some career and I am pretty satisfied with it.  I am starting right now trying to get into the work world but I never know what is going to pick up from here.  I probably want to get involved with the music business and maybe I want to do some traveling, but  I should see what the money situation is taking place.   I honestly don't know what is going to happen but what I am going to be like.  That is going to be down the line but I have a feeling I am going to be a little more self confident and I will be starting to get involved with romantic relationships.  I will find a girl that I can easily talk to and hang out without much hesitation, such as the ones at the lunch room and the ones that are waitressses.  I am going to go past looks and I am going to find someone where I can talk to and ones that I am comfortable together with and understand each other, from good and bad.  I could do it if I want to.

I am going to be a better idea of who I am and what I am going to be.  I haven't really have a chance to try things out because of family and economic issues as a teenager but there are a few things for sure I like to do.  I am interested into music and fitness, and I seem to be interested in my cat.  I like to eat out and I like to dance.  I also like to think about things and read about things on the internet, and interested in fads and trends -  I really will be good in the sales and the marketing department or something related to this.  I like people and I tend to be family orientated - if I put this together, people could figure out who I am.

I am starting to get a wide perspective on the world and starting to get a belief system of what I think the world is going to be and the world should be.  I need to experience more things to start getting persuaded about certain beliefs about thing - I need some more experience and I need to get in the real world.

10 years from now...only God knows and I think it is going to be good.

My roles

I am going to be 21 pretty soon and it is time for me to make some plans in the future.  Only God and myself will know what is going to happen in the future but I need to have some direction, some goal.  Pretty much all my life I have been in a set path and my main goal is to go through the high school world.  But it seems like after that I have the freedom to choose what I want to do and I have the ability to make my own decision.  It looks like I am still in a high school mode but I need to get exposed to the freedom and opportunities of the adult world that I never had to offer.  If I had the money, I can do anything I want but the money is the clamp on everything along with the amount  of resources.  We live in a world towards of competition and I need to make myself competent in a competitive world - the "good job, good job" is not going to work in this world.

Each time I get my door slammed onto me, another door is open and the more I learn about the world.  I get rejected from a job, that doesn't mean I can't do that job - it is the economy and second thought, would I like to do that job anyway.  The same thing with the competitive economy of relationships as well.

It looks like I have been in this high school world for too long but the high school world does have a point - fitting in and popularity does make it easier for me to respect authority, which will make me get  into a job.

I have looked into the college and I have seem to best of both worlds. On the Monday, Wednesday, Friday world, it is an high school environment and it looks like it has the cliques and the stereotypes, etc.  But on a Tuesday and Thursday world, it is more of an adult world.  Everyone is dressing in their role - the nurses are wearing their nursing outfits and they hang together, the automotive guys are wearing their outfits, the cops are wearing their outfits - everyone is having their role and I am trying to find my role as well.  I  don't have a definitive role but I will find out what the degree I am doing is actually doing and I am going to try to dress for that role.  I am done with the high school role - now I am going to have to start establishing a real world role.  When I am done with my work role, I am going to try to establish my weekend role and that is probably established by the money I make and the things I get interested in.  Lets say I am interested in hunting, I can dress the hunting guy, or fishing, I could be fishing guy.  I like music but I should dress the music role of the genre of music I am making and the lifestyle I represent.


There are many choices for me to choose and God knows what I am going to be interested in.  When I have the money, I should try new things and try to establish my role.  I might like cars, or fishing, or music, art, whatever.

But if I haven't establish my role, I should dress in the socioeconomic class I am in.  Richer people can have the nicer, richer looking clothing and the poorer people, well, will look like they are on welfare.

There are some experimenting I should do but something should come out and people should start to figure out who I am.

A happy period is coming and it might be beginning

It looks like things are starting to get pretty good and I am starting to have a lot more confidence with myself. I think it is something to do that I have a goal, a path, a mission and it seems like it seems closer and closer to finding myself.  The self exploration era might be coming to a close and I eventually go to the next era of my life.

I predict the next era of my life is going to be a happy time. My  main focus in the next 10 years or so is going to be settling down into a home of my home; leaving my nest and finding my own nest, and start earning some income.   Only God knows what I will be doing to substantiate that income but I will be doing a lot to society with my talents and my time.   The next 10 years is also going to be the period where I am going to find love and get married, have kids and start a family of my own. By the year 2020 I will be probably having 2 kids or more.  I have a feeling that the times are going to be good.

Romance has never been an issue in my high school years and even this far into college.  It looks like I had fantasy or crushes, but many of them did not like me back or liked someone else.  Or some girls were crushing on me and I did not respond back.  But I WILL find love and I WILL get married because I AM able to do it.  I don't know who I will find but eventually I am getting closer and closer.  A buddy of mine predicted I might have my first real "girlfriend" when I am high in the stats.  I need to have something to show to other people and I need to have a lot of respect for myself or the community.  I need to show that I am a trustable guy and interesting guy that a girl want to date. I am practicing talking to other girls and I am not doing a bad job when I am in the friend zone, but when initital romantic attraction takes place, it seems to make me very uncomfortable.  I think I am thinking about the girl at the higher level - jumping ahead and that makes the fear of rejection too high.  Too much commitment for someone I don't really know.

I think it might be outside appearance and the way I market myself as well - the details count because girls notice things on appearance.  They can see if my shirt is on wrong or something like that.  I also need to learn to pay attention to the nonverbal communications - direct eye contact and hair twirling, eye brow raising, and a lightened up face means yes.  Looking away means yes too but a blank stare or anxious or angry look or talking to someone else means no.

This is a natural thing that people can do and it is a big thing I need to worry about is physical apperance.  I think this having a asymmetrical look means eh...I need to look polished and marketable like I am advertising myself in a store at all times.  I am advertising for potential women.

Listening to romantic music might help set the mood and pep me up too.

The returning of the church age

I have a feeling that the 21st century is going to become the returning of the church era.  Throughout most of the 20th century, the world has become more and more secular.  We have been relying more on science and technology to create a more modern world and to use science to explain the meaning of how things works.  But it looks like science has become too far and it has started to become more illogical.  The atheistic communist lifestyle seem to not work because people have the natural ability to worship, even when it is not spiritual.  The atheistic lifestyle has no soul and we have been started to be treated like a bunch of souless animals that rely on reproduction to continue the species and the use of pleasure, such as obsessing on food and narcotics.

But it looks like the age of reason is starting to become to end and I have a feeling we are going to enter in a more higher level, spiritual world of the new millennium.

In the 21st century, science and religion are going to coincide and many scientists are going to prove religion; even closer to proving God, what happens when you die, and the afterlife.  I have a feeling that we do have an after life  - it does not make any logical sense.  Something always have to happen next and when you are dead, you are not dead but you may be going somewhere.  T

There is something missing in the secular science and it is what we are all made out of - atoms and molecules.  A bunch of soulless atoms and molecules.  But how does these molecules, which are made out of the same elements that are made in the universe can determine our talents, our passions, our dreams, what we are going to look like and so on.  The arrangement need some sort of intelligence design and it seems like these elements are not made by accident or random chance.  It seems like that this universe has been made in the perfect sequence, and that sequence has to be made by a higher being.

I can see we are going to be in a higher level of thinking.  It seems like the world has collected all the information it can possibly collect and it seems like we know just about everything.  But there is some theory by Einstein that might prove something - the more you know, the more you don't know.  It seems like with the information age and the age of computers, it seems like we are starting to find out many more things that we want to know about.  Even with the collaborate knowledge of humanity and whatnot, it looks like we are pretty dumb in the eyes of  God because the more we know, the more knowlege is starting to expand.

The internet is the example of the expanding knowledge, but if the web starts to progress, it starts to become more and more shallow.  The web is starting to turn into a blogosphere and a wikiosphere where anything can go, even the most stupidiest stuff.  It looks like we are turning away from reason and we are starting to get closer and closer to more spiritual beliefs.

I have a feeling that we are eventually going to start looking up to a high power.   It looks like need some guidance and have someone to help me go through things.  I am starting to believe the church more than science and the church does not have as much flaws - a lot of things of the church does have more common sense of science.  It helps build communities and keep things together, and keeps everyone on our toes.  It seems like with the secular world, it seems like we don't have anyone to please but ourself and others, and not going to a higher power to see what is truly going on.

The adult world

I am finally starting to enter the adult world.  Even though I haven't completely entered the adult world, I am eventually going to enter the adult world and would probably not want to go back to the teen or the kid world.  For a long time, I didn't want to let go of being a kid, but I realized that being a kid has it's flaws so I decided that the teen world will be better.  But the teen world is no perfect place so I might get used to entering the adult world.

The adult world seems to be layed out into two sections - work and play.  During work time, everyone has to do their duty of what God and many other people wants them to do.  You  get earned for doing your duty by actually getting a thing called money which is used for spending it on play.  Not necessary - money is not all fun and games; money sort of sucks in a way and causes a lot of hassles and divorces, etc.  But there are some great things about money too.  Money basically lets you have all the necessities such as food and water, clothing, shelter, along with the other needs that you need to have in this game called life.  But money really is a pain the butt and it may seem like a failed system. Money seems to create a class system and a clique system, and we are in a world of competitiveness because everyone is fighting over some peace of paper.   It looks like this money is treated like a God and people start to worship it.  It seems like the power in the entire globe looks like it is based on money.  But money is a great control system and it gives a motivating power for people to work.

But then you get the play world where the fun starts to happen.  You need to have money for resources and after all your resources are payed for, along with the money that is sucked from the government for the instituitions in our society, you can have the money for fun.  You can do what you want with it - you can buy things, sell things, get rich, etc.  It has a power.  Money has become so powerful that every aspect of the adult world is based on money.

Then it seems like in the fun world, you start to develop your individual interests and you start to have your own personal goals.  You start having hobbies and you start finding ways to entertain yourself.  And then relationships come into play.  The concept of love, which is a bonding force between everything.  People are made to love each other, but not everyone does love each other.  We have individual differences but people are the same in many way.  Having somebody to rely on just gives a bonding connection and this bonding connection creates something called children, which continues the life cycle.  It seems like there are a lot of things going on this game called life in the adult world.

There are a lot of choices to be made and there are a lot of things to be done, but that what makes life worth living for.

I can see some things that don't seem to work out in the adult world.  It looks like we are in a system where everyone works and then everyone plays.  But even play requires work but it is in a different way.  To live in a successful life, work and play should merge together such as getting paid for doing something you love.  We are in this society where work and play are gradually starting to interconnect  and that what is making this world work.

Applying for jobs and college

It looks like I am starting to get something set up for my summer and my future life.  It looks like it is time for me to leave things behind and start to think about the future, and what jobs I would like to do in the future.  Career idenity is something we all have to go through and I am still in the process of career idenity.  A lot of kids had an idea when they are young what they want to do for a career while others have to go around with the rat race.

Back then, I went through many career choices.  I wanted to become a cop in one day, a fireman another day, a doctor another day, and even an astronaut.  Now I know it is very hard to be an astronauts and I think going into burning buildings are a pain the butt.  I liked cooking so I wanted to become a cook  - you know I can and that could be a part time job - very realistic.  Running a restaurant might be very fun.  I also had my heart set on to education - I wanted to become a teacher.  But I didn't know what I wanted to teach - I tried out certain subjects such as history and science, and I realized the environment that I might be into while being a teacher.

I thought about the graphic design/web design career track and it seemed like I was very good at it. But once I got into the real world doing that job, I thought that job was a pain in the butt and you have to go along with the companys standards.  I also liked computers so I went into computers but I found out the computer career was a plumber/electrician type deal.

It seemed like I have some idenity problems I have with careers and I was starting to think I should continue my education so I can find out what careers might be good for me.  Now I am trying to enter the real world and try to find a job, and it looked like it was a recession.  But it looked like I was interested in going to stores and restaurant.  I notice when they change the layout for McDonalds and how they advertise new things more McDonalds - I am trying to find out what is cool and what is not cool, and I am always interested in emerging trends and fads.  Maybe something into business such as stores or resturants might be very good.  As I was improving my education, I was starting to see some flaws into businesses and town layout, especially in my hometown.  Where are all the chain stores such as Aeropostale and Hollister that are in shopping malls in my home town - it seems like it is just a small town atmosphere that has a bunch of coffee shops.

I am also interested in why certain people do the things they do and how a society supposed to work.  I can make some pretty good predictions about what is going to happen in the next few years, etc.

I tried searching for the degree and it looks like a business degree such as organizational behavior might work.  I heard about people going into that degree but I can't put my finger on it.  I am trying to grasp what this degree covers but it seems to cover more the working conditions in a certain environment. I think I was exposed to that theory when I was taking a contemporary positive psychology course and it seems like there are a lot of discussions about working conditions.  Maybe I should try to figure out what  I am going to do but it might be having myself in a higher up position in a store or a restaurant.  I do have some ideas of what is going to be cool and what not going to be cool.

What work I am suited for

It has been an endless battle trying to find a job and this economy is not helping any either.  It seems like the economy is supposed to be rising, but where I live has a high amount of unemployment.  I think it has something to do with the lack of industry.  It looks like you can only have certain amount of people work in the retail and the fast food, and with the building boom burst, it looks like anything with the plumbing, construction, and electrical seems to not find some work.  But there are some obvious things that need jobs these day - farming and factory work, and more traditional jobs.  It seems like there is an overflow of the health care and human services - not everyone is cut out to be a nurse or doctor.  We need to feed ourselves - not let the Chinese people feed us and we need to make things.  The reason why things are so expensive because we need to feed ourselves, not trade our necessities for survival for other countries.

I am one of these job snobs too - it looks like people don't want to get their hands dirty.  It seems like there are a lot of people are going into white collar pencil pusher jobs or into something like video game design, which is very head up your butt.  We are in the modern world of the internet - these are skilled hobbies that you can learn to do on your own.  For example, music production could make a great at home business.  The same thing with woodworkin or any traditional artisan jobs, which my mom is doing.

But we need to contribute to society by fullfilling our basic needs - we need to learn to feed ourselves.  There is  an easy way to fix the food shortage that is going on throughout the world - use smaller farming techniques and even at home manufacturing business.  There will be plenty of food for everyone if everyone learns not to be greedy and not to be picky eaters - you'll eat rat if you have to - it doesn't taste that bad.  The evil corporate farming most likely runs the small farms out of business, causing a shortage.  The more traditional way of farming and hunting will help create food.  Then we can inseminate animals as well  to create more animals.  I doubt there will be a shortage of animals or endangered species.  We are on the top of the food chain and there will always be critters.

But some critters we do need to keep such as horse and dog, and cat, which have a lot more intelligence than the other critters.  Some of these critters make great pets and pets are really good for us.  I don't think cat tastes that good.  You should wait til your cat or dog dies naturally before it is food.

But anyway, I am trying to figure out what jobs are suited for me.  Of course, I have McDonalds on the brain but McDonalds is a cliche job everyone gets and it seems like the people at McDonalds are more laid off workers.  Teens working at McDonalds are probably pains in the butt.  I should think about the working conditions at McDonalds - you have to sit in a compact spot and you have to a repetitive task, day in and day out.  If you seem to have any intelligence, you will be bored with the repetition because you need the stimulation.  And it seems like you have to stay on your toes and keep at a certain pace, you can't lollygag.  There is a nice feeling of serving food but it looks like there are a lot of hungry people that just want a quick bite to eat.  A more sit down restaurant will be more relaxed, you get to move around and see more people. You don't see that many people at a McDonalds unless you are at the til or doing the janitorial work.

Working at a department store such as Kohls will be a lot better for me. I get to move around, see different people, and always have things to do.  It seems like I need to be stimulated in the real world - McDonalds is not stimulation and I will be staring at burgers and fries.  The food might be greasy as well and the temperature is very hot in these places, along with the compact space.  I think I will be uncomfortable in the compact space.  With my personality, I need to be exposed to sensory stimulation and that will be in a store. When I am not stimulated, I will start thinking about things and will start having anxiety attacks and or depression. A person that does not need to be stimulated, such as a dodo might like McDonalds.  Usually the repetition might relax them.  I should consider the way my brain works and what jobs fit me.

I tend to be more right brain so I see the world more in images, colors, and sounds, along with being more interested in the beautiful things in life.  Clothing stores and interior decoration might be the thing for me.  I am also interested in style  and what is cool, and it seems like I am trying to find out trends.  There are certain personality types for certain styles of work and I am trying to find out which personality type suits certain styles of work.  I seem to be interested in the more cultural, fun, happy aspect of the world such as music.  I also seem to be interested in the natural world as well.  Machine and factory, robot, and technology might not seem to stimulate me.

I can stand the technology when I am in the ADHD fog, but it seems like it might not excite me when focused.  I see computers as a machine than just an stimulating toy - my maturity level goes up and working with technology might not excite me as much.

The new Butlers

As I remember, the Butlers store used to be some boring place where my mom used to buy thread. But I had read in the paper that there is going to be a change in the store and someone is going to take over.  Actually, the people  managing the new store is actually going to revert to the original Butlers store about the turn of the century and it might be the hot place in town to hang out.

I heard it is going to be like a shopping mall atmosphere on the main floor where there is going to be some stores.  You might find some farmers market like thing and a few clothing stores.  The bottom floor is going to be a modern day 1950s style malt shop and internet cafe where people can hang out and the top floor is going to be a nightclub where you can have dances and other events, such as having concert.  It sounds like a pretty fun spot to go and I can see that is going to be the hot spot in town.

I can see that would rapidly change my teenage life if they had the Butlers the way it used to be when I was younger.  Almost every weekend there will be a dance, or something like that, so it will be a great  place to have a date.  I probably went to the Butlers place after school and hang out with friends, and make new friends, and had a bite to eat, and hang out on the internet, just like I did at home.  This could be a place where you can check your MySpace or Facebook, go on YouTube, play games, listen to music,  and lots of other things.  The internet cafe could be a certain subscription fee just like you are in a weight room.

I can see this town is going to be a totally different place and the good, memorable times are going to come.  I am starting to have a sense of optimism in the future, where things are going to get better.  I was starting to think optimistic about college, but it seems like things needed to be ironed out and it didn't come out as it expected.  But there has been many good things about college that might help me lead the way to the next step in life.  I have a feeling that the times are going to be good in the future and I have a feeling that the economy is going to rise.  It looks like things are starting to  get better in my personal life and all the lose ends have been tied together.  Pretty soon I should let go of the past and I should let the future reign, because it seems like things are going to be pretty good.

The one thing about my high school life is my lack of thought about the future.  I was starting to think about the future in high school but it seems like my life had ended after graduation in 2009.  I was unsure of what I was going to do and I was starting to not have a good idea of what I was going to do next, or what I am going to do for a career or what I was cable of doing.  About sophomore year of high school, I was starting to have an unsure attitude about the future and I was going for the ride.  All I cared about was joining the track team or enjoying high school as it goes.  But the great awakening taked place about  junior year, when my grandpa died, when I realized that I was growing up and I need to work on getting a job and a license.  My future career was undecided but it seemed like I was striving for a teacher - but I was starting to think about if teaching was really my future career or if I am going to have to find out other careers.

Now I am starting to figure things out and eventually I will get things figured out, and things will get better.

What was my teenage life like

I have been looking back at my high school years by looking at the photo albums and I am going to give an honest perception of what life was like as a teenager.  It looks like a lot of my teenage life was involve chasing after grandparents and I don't seem to mind it at all.  I was very close to my grandparents and I cared a lot about them.  One of them died about 2007 and that grew me up a lot; I realize I have to start growing up and starting blending in with the crowd and act like a mature responsible young adult, instead of just sluffing around and going nowhere.  Another one of them was starting to get flaky and senile, along with another one was starting to get a case of Alzheimers.  I was getting educated about the world around me that getting old is something that happens to everyone, and your lifestyle depends on how you are getting old.  There were some depressing moments but it helps me realize that everyone, no matter who you are, is going to go through this: you are going to age and you are going to die, and you should make the most of what you are doing in between time.

I had learned the effect of what causing my grandparents to go downhill. My grandma was a heavy smoker and a heavy drinker, and a very lazy person that was very self centered - just like many teenagers along with whine about everything and I learned what you get for these bad habits - your brain starts to rot away.  I was trying to get my grandma to stop smoking, but she kept smoking.  It wa annoying me.  I was also experiencing the reality of going to the resthome with dementia and I was also dealing with strokes and other ailments of old age, all which were caused by bad habits of the young. My grandpa smoked since he was a teenager, just for peer pressure,  and this is what he wound up to be.  Almost all of my grandparents were effect of peer pressure and this was a lesson that I learned at a young age about smoking and drinking to be cool.

These moments were some serious moments that I have been going through, but that might be shaping the way I am.  Smoking and drinking should be in moderation, but I think it is best to avoid it. Puffing a cigarette is just gross along with drinking some ishy tasting stuff that is going to rot your brain - but it is the media is glamorizing smoking and drinking and making people do it.

My teenage life was very healthy for the most part - I got exercise by going to the weight room and being on the track team, and I was involved with the world of music.  But it seems like I was having my head up my butt in a lot of things such as career. It seems like a lot of my high school life involve doing some creative, fun things.  I was trying to write music and I got even involved into filmmaking.  I was involved with drama and the yearbook, and I like to dance.  I was using creative expression and that was very healthy when I was  a teenager.  I was also involved with my church and my community, which was very healthy.

My teenage life had went by very smoothly and it seem like I was not involved in any drugs, sex, or alcohol.  I probably had romantic crushes on girls but I did not really have that my sexual thoughts.  I was a  pretty clean kid, but I was trying to fit in with the crowd.  I look like I was a more conformist kid but it seemed like I was sucked into the "gangsta" lifestyle when I was trying to fit in.  But I did not understand even though it was commercialized and glamorized at that time, there was a lot of things involving sex, drugs, and you know, the bad stuff.  I don't think I was really a bad sort - it looks like I was a kid who was trying to fit in with the crowd and trying to find out who I am.

I had an undiagnosed ADHD and that was seen in the classroom, even though kids did not make a big deal out of it.  Some kids though it was cool and some kids thought it was drool.  It was most likely seen through the teachers when I am not handing in assignments, etc. and I seem to be dressing in clothes that seem to be out of touch (not getting details that well) and seem to sometimes forget to adjust my collar and zip my pants and clear up my acne.  That was starting to become a hinder to social life.  I seem to also talk very loud and not seem to follow exactly what people are saying in their conversations.  Now I am fixed and seems like things are just fine.  It looks like there was a lot of people with ADHD and it looks like not too many made a big deal about it.

There were lots of fun times as a teenager and there were some many good memories - there were fun years for the most part but I needed to have some time to grow up.  The family crisis help me and help me shape me who I am. I needed to have some learning experiences too.  I may not be the most popular person out there, but I wasn't a loner or anything like that.  Kids did like me when I was me and not putting on an act.  I probably didn't know who I was and I was trying to figure out who I was, but if I was focused I was starting to figure out who I am.

I did not have a job as a teenager so I did not have much money to experiment with different lifestyles but maybe it is not really a good idea either - some of the people at the high school were freaks that I did not know or did not want to get to know.  I am still assessing my teenage life and I am probably going to reassess what was truly going on my teenage mind.

It is time to plan things out

It looks like it is time for me to plan things out and to figure out my direction in life is going to be.  It looks like it is turning out I am going into the next step in having a better idea of what I am going to be doing in the future, and this spring break might be some time to take action in these steps.

I understand this is a gradual process but I am having a better understanding of who I am.  I have taking classes in the basic to have my understanding and view of the world, and it looks like I am having a fuller view of the world and what I need to do to use my talents, my time, and my treasure to make this world a better place.  I am starting to get a philosophy, a worldview but eventually I am going to find out my role that coincides with this worldview.

I do have an interest in psychology and how people tick; I would like to learn about what people do and how they behave but that is not enough.  I also have an interest in how it affects society and I have a good idea of what I think society is going to be like in the future.  With this worldview, it looks like I am starting to see things that are not right.  I see a lot of problems in how people interact and behave; it looks like there is a lot of drama and I wish people would know how to act civilized.  I can see a lot of people these days, including myself, have issues and we have an overacceptance of people who have issues.  I also am getting sick and tired of what people chose for stores -I am always griping about what people put up town for businesses and what I think should be uptown.  I think we need for clothing stores, food, computer stores, teen hang outs, etc.  I am also having a hard time getting a part time job and it might be how the stores are run, etc. and I think there might be some corrections.  Everyone is starting to have their view of the world and they have something to contribute to it.

Lets say you are an artist - you see the world has bad art and you think you can contribute with your style of art.  Same thing with the carpenter - you want to build and to add more living space to people.  Every job is part of a project called life and I am going to have to be ready to contribute to this project called life.

I do need to get out in the real world and that might even expand my view of the world even a little farther.  The job search has shaped my view of the world but it looks like I have given up because I was padded pretty good from my mom.  I need to start valuing different things and it seems like I have been living confortable and cozy with my mom taking care of me at an age that I am too old.  The living on my own in the apartment with the roommates was good for character and idenity development, but the next step is going to be getting me a part time job.  Education is good but I need to have some experience in the world.

There is some openings in some places and I should think about the benefits  of having a job.  Lets say I am unloading boxes at a clothing store.  I help put the clothes on the shelves and mark the prices - like the stock boy which probably makes the clothes more available for people that want to look cool or  need clothing.  Or I can have a good feeling of making someone happy by serving pizza and I start realizing that making other people happy is going to be my goal after the life of childish pleasure.

It looks like I have been padded and somewhat spoiled very good because of the only child lifestyle, but I need to start forcing my energy on someone else and to see how good I am going to feel.  That is going to be great for character development and I am going to develop a role - such as serving pizza, etc.

But eventually, I am going to improve my education so  I can do something more than serving pizza. The pays does suck...lol.

Sometimes life is not fair

It looks like I am having the girl taken by someone else deal but I don't think it is going to stop me but I should think more honestly.  How often I do see a girl in order to have an intimate relationship with someone?  I only see girls about 2-3 times a week when I have class.  I know this girl, according to the girl, likes someone else and I am fine with that, but I haven't really gotten to get to know the girl that well which is okay.

Look at my life and look at my schedule.  It is really hard to find intimate relationships at this time.  I am actually unemployed so I have a hard time paying for the dates and traditionally the guy is supposed to pay for the date.  And I am very busy with schoolwork and classes to have some intimate relationships.  I am in community band and I also come home to see my folks during the weekend instead of hanging out on campus, so I don't have a chance to scout around.

I think I need to focus my energy more on finding a job and trying to develop a future career.  I think that is what the good Lord wants me to to do.  I am planning on going to St. Scholastica which is a crucial time for me to get caught up and rolling with education along with trying to find a summer job.  I don't think I can have it all.  And this girl might be a flava of the week but it does not mean I don't have to close the book on this girl - I can always get to know her as a friend.

I do have a feeling that romance is on the horizon when I start to develop an idea of who I am and I start making some money.  I will probably find someone at work because that is where I am going to be spending most of my time.  Interactions will become natural.  I don't think school is going to pull it but I think this girl is a preview and a reminder that girls are interested in me and I should not be afraid to start looking.  This is not a time to start an emo session - I should try to develop who I am as an individual; I am going to find the right one.  I should try to keep an open mind and maybe the good Lord was trying to tell me something.  I am actually not an ugly guy so I can get a chance with a girl - I should not try to be so eager and desperate, and start liking the girl more than just for physical arousal.  I am doing the smart move and writing my thoughts onto a blog and then sleeping through it.

I don't think I am going to be in bachelor mode - there are a lot of girls waiting here so I might as well work on the next one on the list and to keep an open mind.  It is time for me to work on getting a job and getting my life to move foreward - I need money to pay for dates and I am pretty sure there will be girls wherever I work.  There are girls everywhere.

The next American High

I can see the next American High is starting to emerge quickly.  I don't see it as an American High, but a global high where most of the world is going to enter peace and prosperity, because of the increase of globalization.  China and the Eastern countries have been experiencing a High for a long time, but I have a feeling that China is going to lose it's power and it is going to go back to the Americas.  Europe will eventually recover from the economic crisis and it seems like the Middle East is going to become more settled and there will be many great reforms in their government, reducing radical Islam.  It seems like the world has been very peaceful and it looks like it is going to be even more peaceful yet while we may be entering a more global High than an American High.  The world will be a very peaceful place about 2030 when we approach camelot.

I predict that the next American High is going to be the return of American manufacturing and agriculture, as it was about 100 years ago.  I can see also a rise in the American oil industry.  The tech boom and the dot.com era will start to dwindle as American goes back to it's more traditional hard working roots.  I can see some advantages in the health care field as well as we find some new miracles in medicine in the next 20 years, especially with the field of mental health and psychology along with the aging.

Business is going to boom, but it is going to be a different from of business.  The at home business is going to rise with e-Biz.  e-Biz is going to rise in popularity and my decrease the amount of people working out.  Many people of all ages will have their at home business that could spread across the globe without even leaving the house.  The increased demand of warehouses and packaging and logistics will be common during the next few decades.  The social media world is going to help rise E-Biz with the rise of the internet.  Telecommunting will be common and many people will work for businesses outside of the home without even have to leave the house or change clothes.  The work from home family will be very common which will give more time to spend time with family.

Education will be different; you won't be tied to the classroom because I can see a rise of online education.  It is starting already - online high school will be more common which will give time for teenagers to have jobs, learn new hobbies and skills, along with find themselves and spend times with friends and family.

It looks like people are going to be isolated, but I doubt people are going to be.  They are still going to be going uptown and I can see a revival of 1950s things from the last high such as the malt shop and drive in movies, along with brand new fads.  Technology is going to be integrated as well with the internet to be used in malt shops as the mini jukeboxes that will play music off of the internet while you pay some money.  TV is going to be different as well with the internet integrated into it,so you can have more choice of what you are going to watch on TV.

Family values are going to return, especially with online work and education. Divorce will drop and you will  have more time to raise kids.  Social security is going to end, forcing grandma to go back to the home and become the respected elder.  The next American High might be the e-Biz revolution and the internet is going to progress more into something that the kids start to hang out on the computer.  The economy and pop culture will be based on the Web along with education and work.

You are still going to have traditional jobs but the traditional jobs will be for the lower crust people, older people that can't figure out the internet, and teenagers.  College will become more online so many college students will be spending more time in the workplace along with teenagers.  Teenagers, as again, will be spending more time in the real world than the school world.  Of course, you will have high school and college students but it is going to be at the "dress up days" students categories, such as your special ed students, popular kids and jocks, new students, and dorky kids.  The cool kids will be using online education to get their education and they will appreciate the education in their pajamas without having to worry about unnecessary drama and bad school lunches.


I can see some good things coming in the near future as the next American High approaches and I am ready to enjoy it.  But  I can see an Awakening, probably something based on climate change and the run out of resources because of manufacturing along with the wanted return of the welfare state economy about 2030s.

The cliques in my high school and college

There was a lot of cliques in  my high school when I first go there but they started to dwindle down when I was in the later year of high school.  The same effect happened in the college. When I first got to high school, you had the obvious stereotypes but then it is starting to dwindle down when I got later and later in high school.  By about the time I was done in high school, everyone seems to be the same and you didn't have that much distinction between one teenager or another.

I notice that the stores even clique, even at little kids.  You can choose to have little jocks, little emo kids, little rednecks; the parents seem to get you started.  I think it might be a parenting thing too.  Your mom or  dad have a vision of what your kid should be like and they start shoving clothes at you or music, etc.  They probably want a same thing of as they were in high school if they have high self esteem.  Kids should choose their own clique; not the parents.  The cliques start on the playground and they get worse, but I don't think I see as many obvious stereotypes as they used to be.

The cliques are probably started because of the many genres of music and TV channels we have, along with the internet.  You have B.E.T for the gangsta type, you have a channel for the preps like  Jersey Shore, and ESPN for the jocks.  You have the Chiller channel for the goth/emo kids, CMT for the rednecks,  or the Lifetime channel, and Comedy Central for your normal slacker kid.

The music channels does that same thing.  If you are a gangsta, you listen to the hip-hop station non stop, if you are a redneck you listen to the country station, and if you are some emo/skater kid, you listen to mainly rock like Warped Tour stuff.

Back then, there was not that much media and everyone is about the same.  It seems like you listen to whatever was shoved at you and it was mostly pop radio and the two TV channels. Country if you are a redneck farm boy but even the farm people had to listen to pop radio when they were in high school - many of them were not that happy with being farm kids.  I think it is the rise of the internet and TV is causing more cliques - it looks like you had not that much choice to define your stereotype.  Now you have more exposure to everything, which creates more cliques, especially with the alternative and indie scene.  It looks like the hipster craze is start to pick up because of the internet and we seem to be very multicultural such as being access to R&B and hip-hop outside of the black community.

But even with this multiculturalism, I don't see many wannabes as we used to have.  Most of the time when I am in college, I see black people are the only ones that listen to R&B and hip-hop.  Anyone can listen to any style of music - why  you have to stereotype R&B as black people music and country as white trash music. The stereotypes are lame but it looks like it's the way things go.

I did listen to R&B and hip-hop in high school and I have nothing against cranking a R. Kelly song every once in a while.  You should have a more open mind about things and not be so closed minded, but you should not be a wannabe.  It looks like I was bored with the dominate redneck culture that I had during my hometown, but once I got into college and actually seen more black people and people of different cultures, I am starting to find out that where I was living is that not bad.  I think I should start having a more open mind of what I am and stop being a wannabe or I should just learn to accept everything which is the best thing you should be.  You should be friends with everyone because we are about the same - who cares if you are black, white, rich, poor; there is nothing better than being a friend.  In the real world, you have to be friendly to other people especially if you are being in business like McDonalds.

I am still debating if people should stick to who they are or just to be a bunch of open minded, wannabes.  If you tend to be liberal, you are pretty much still a teenager in a sense of finding out who you are.  If you know who you are, you are going to become conservative.

I was more liberal in high school and open minded, but I was starting to become more and more conservative when I started to become more focused.  I think ADHD people tend to be more liberal because they can't stick to anything.  I start becoming more conservative when there is more treatment.

Still a teenager at heart

I am technically a young adult right now, but I am still definetely a teenager at heart.  There are a lot of fun things about teenagers that adults do not get to have.  I am still going to school and taking classes, which are still teenage things and I haven't landed my first job yet, which means I haven't left adolescene even cracking 21 but it looks like I am getting a better and more well defined view of who I am and who I am not.

A lot of teenager things are fun and I think teenagers are cool, but teenagers do have their downsides as well.  Being a teenager is a period of confusion - a lot of drama and a lot of twists and turns.  You don't know who you are and you are trying out new things.  I haven't really experienced many things yet to push me out of the teenage world, but there has been a lot of new things that have been shaping me of who I am and who I am not.

I am now getting a better idea of what I should be doing for a career but it looks like I would like to work  with kids or teenagers - some type of business or marketing. I have many good ideas of what teenagers and kids want , along with the general public.  I think a 1950s style malt shop will be cool or to start a dance club; or a music store, or anything.  A business will be cool and a business degree will be awesome.  I haven't really worked anywhere and I am trying to find a job so I can get a taste of the "real world" and have a view of the world.  I start getting a very good view of the world once I go on a trip to Wal Mart and look around - a lot of the answers about life I have been contemplating and a lot of the things I have been learning about just "clicks" when I go to Wal Mart.

There has been a lot too learn about life and society, and I am starting to have a very good view and I am starting to find out what I am made to do.  May God continue to help me find out what I am good at and God help me continue my way through finding out who I am and what I have been made to do.  I know I have been put on this planet for a reason and I am starting to find out why.

It looks like the marketing thing sounds cool. I just like to predict what will the emerging trends are and what people will buy and sell.  I will be very good with the stores and restaurants, especially with creating a place that is cool for youth to hang out in.  Even though I am maturing into something a lot better, I am still to keep  the teen in me to help other teenagers.

What really happened in high school?

High  school is a tough time for a lot of kids, and I have now figured out what really happened in high school.   For most of elememtary school, the kids in my class were pretty "square" and I didn't think these kids were that bad.  But about 7th grade, the kids started watching movies and watching MTV and they were exposed to the dominate youth culture at that time - rap music.  I probably deep down thought these guys were idiots and they were stupid, so I was destined to fit in and be cool so I basically starting acting the way the TV act me.

My parents had a thing against MTV at that time because of the crappy music and she censored my MTV viewing.  She did not want me exposed to the rap culture because she knew these guys were black and they were sleazy and will get you into trouble.  I gradually rebelled from my parents, but I did not get the details because of my parents censorship.

I gradually starting sneaking in "ghettoish clothing, slang, etc." and certain people were sucking up to me in school.  By about 10th grade, things were getting a little bit too far and my parents had decided to give me a "clothes burning" and have me dress in a more conservative fashion.  My parents were also trying to get me to get exposed to other styles of music such as rock or country, but I just reverted back to rap music because I was destined to fit in and it was topping the charts.

I also wanted to try rapping on my own and I was pretty good, and kids did appreciate it for me, but I did not live the street rap to be a true rapper so I might as well give it up and become a singer.

When I got into college, I got the real street life and I realized it was not that great, and what my parents were preaching at me were right.  They were smoking weed and stole my shit, and even threatning to beat up people in my town, which is very scary stuff.  I have realized this rap stuff is not cool so I quit listening to it.

Now I was starting to reform myself and I was starting to find out who I am, and try on different idenities, but after being educated I decided to go a more conservative route just like my roots.  I probably would of stayed pretty square and conservative if rap music was not that popular at the time, but it was everywhere and I was gullible.  I still do appreciate rap music and R&B music, but I learn I am not going to act like that and I am white, but I might as well try on different styles of music on for size such as country or rock.

But deep down when I was not pressured by peers and the medias to act a certain way, I was starting to listen to the clean music that I am truly like and this is when the true person came out.  When I was not putting on my ghetto persona, I put on my pop music that my parents approved of such as Aly & AJ and Hilary Duff, Miley Cyrus, etc and the cleaner music that was on the top 40.  There was not many clean cut shows for me on TV, except of the stuff that was on the childrens channels such as Disney or Nickelodeon, but I thought this stuff was for children and not for teenagers, even though the actors involved teenagers and had teenage values and plots in it.

High school was not a bad time and it had it's fun moments and the things I was going through was pretty normal.   I am still trying to get screwed on but I was getting there.

I just wanted to fit in just like your normal teenager and be cool.  Teenagers love to be cool but I did not get involve with drugs or anything like that, and I don't think I want to.  It was a tough time because it was a generation gap and really I was a poser just like Justin Beiber.