What I am thankful for?

Thanksgiving and Christmas are one of the best Holidays out there - we are celebrating somebody very special to Christians is the birth of Jesus Christ and we are celebrating about something that we are thankful for.  Thanksgiving has turned into a holiday where you can stuff your gut and watch Detroit play football - it is a very self centered holiday with something that values unselfishness.  Almost all holidays values unselfishness - thanksgiving, Christmas, fourth of July, etc and appreciation - each holiday is known for being thankful and appreciate of what you got - lets say the fourth of July is being thankful for your freedom and independence, while memorial day is a holiday that honors the people that passed before you. But I'll think about thanksgiving and what I am thankful for.

I haven't really thought about the things that I have been truly thankful for - I'll first have to start out with my parents.  I do take my parents for granted but my parents had let me go through college - they were the ones that saved that money and made sure that I went this far into college.  They also made sure I had enough money to spend time in the apartments. They made such I was feed and my clothes are washed all throughout the years, taught me how to drive, and got me through school.  Some things they didn't do and I have many regrets - my Dad did not show me how to do things yet and my mom did not make sure I was the coolest with the cell phones and the clothes - they did not value these things and had different ideas about me.  My parents didn't care if I was cool or anything - it was not their top priority but  they wanted me to find a path, which I am working on right now. My parents had did a lot for me - I go home every weekend to get me fed and they listen to me.  They helped me go through the toughest times and will give up their lives just to help me get through things, but they time is going to come to let go.

I am thankful for my grandparents - they are all dead now but they also added a bit to the inspiration.  Of course they were cookies and stuff like that, and they spoiled me more than my parents but at least my grandparents wanted to make me feel good about myself in some ways.  They were a great help when times are tough - not just with soup and cookies, but with good practical advice.  They are gone but their values are going to live on.

This college education is something I have to be thankful for - it has been a long continuing journey and I am going through the toughest with the journey.  There was a period of exploration and there is more exploration I have to go through, but this year looks like a year to actually jump in and do stuff.  I am starting to get a reality check about life about what is truly going on - I haven't really experienced many things and many things are starting to hurt.  I am starting to get thoughts about myself and who loves me in general, and who doesn't really love me anyway.  But  I am starting to become thankful for this college education - I needed to be educated to grow - the many classes that I took started to give me a different perspective about the world and I am starting to get a different perspective each time I learn new things. College is a time to think about the world around you and the different places in the world, and how I fit in this world.

I am thankful for the help I am getting - I am finally getting some professional help with the depression from the counselors, doctors, etc. It looks like I am finally getting things fixed to make me a healthy, strong, competent human being.  This blood pressure pill is something that I needed - my heart rate is starting to slow down and I am starting to get some body on me instead of a very skinny guy.  I am starting to bulk up and become pretty attractive looking for a person, and I am thinking that things such as hormones, nutrients are being pumped at a slower, more healthy rate.  It is a transition I am getting proud of and I am starting to like my appearance more and more.

There are many things that I am getting thankful for - it looks like things are going rock bottom but some days are just moments that I do cherish.  A lot of moments are like a roller coaster ride - some days I feel very depressed and helpless and some days I am very happy - I have been having a lot of swings lately.  I don't know why it has to be so long to get things figured out and why certain moments have to be so tough - I am trying to figure out why?  Why  do these things have to happen to me?  Why me?

I have been making a lot of progress in the last few months - especially with October and November - there has been a rapid change and more change is going to happen in December. October is a month where the friendships had picked up but November is more when I started to get these health problem figured out.  Lets see what's December has to offer.

I am especially thankful for music - Music is something that can get you through anything and it is everywhere.  Now the genres had been so diverse and we are exposed to more music than ever before because of the internet - you can buy and download some of the weirdest music and we are starting to show our human potential and human expression.  I am thankful for being born into a generation where I have access to the Web - the web has open self expression and let humans connect.  I can finally express myself into the depths of the internet - the Web is where you can show off your local garage band, your artwork, your craftsmanship, something that is not controlled by the traditional corporations - people could finally expose their talent to the world and express themselves to the world.