Is it love or trying to make a statement

I have been liking this girl for quite some time right now and she has been taken by some other guy.  This has been going on at least a few times and it looks like I am causing a lot of drama.  It might be a self esteem problem that need to be fixed.

I should really think twice if I honestly want a girlfriend right now or I am just doing this to prove a point, or to make a statement, most likely for revenge or anger, or trying to fit in.  I have been recently diagnosed with ADHD which is a common disorder, but I had a simple learning disorder that make people think I have been dumb.  It seems like throughout high school and part of college; out of ignorance, I was pulled out of the mainstream classroom, which made it harder for me to get to know the students in the mainstream classroom and to fit in.  I wanted to go to the prom more likely to prove a point that "look at me, I have a disability and I can be like everyone else" type thing than actually going to the prom for my own pleasure.

I actually went to the prom, but I went single.  At least I went to the prom, but I did make a fool out of myself when I got there.  Then I got mad.  Then when I went to college, I was discriminated and thrown in an apartment with students with more severe disabilities, even though I only have an mild to moderate case of ADHD, which is common with a lot of students.

I think my motives were to make a statement; to prove a point that if I get a girlfriend, and a halfway hot looking girlfriend, like your stereotypical trophy blonde, then I can prove that I can fit in and get girlfriends just like everyone else.  It is more of a good for me type thing.  It is not for real romance - it is more for a good for me type thing for my self esteem.

I also had a hard time getting a job too but blame it on the economy these days and I didn't really had a good idea where I was going into college at that time, and I was not satisfied with my original choice for my major.

There are probably some more healthy ways to deal with this situation than to march around with a "girlfriend" just to prove a point.  I am still living high school and it is DONE.  Long gone.  She has found someone else and she is not using him to prove a point.  Her relationship with this other guy is actually a real good friend, and I might be just "using" her for my own self esteem and self pity.

Lets think of some more positive ways to prove a point.  The only way to fix this is to find a more positive way to prove that I can do  stuff than get a girlfriend.  All I am doing is making a fool out of myself.  People with ADHD and disabilities can date and do anything like anyone else; it might take a little more hard work but they can do it.  There are lots of people in worse condition than me that can get girlfriends. But the thing I am doing is trying to get in my mind a "cool one", not a "special ed" one or someone that is not cool.

The one thing I can prove a point is to have good grades.  People will think I am not as dumb when I can get good grades.  I can also prove a point by cleaning up better in the apartment - that shows that I am responsible and growing up, and not immature.  Getting a job will do it too and going into a major that will get me a high paying and prestigious job will actually prove a point better than walking around with some girl to prove a point.  What I am doing is pretty childish and she knows that too - I think she knows that I am only trying to prove a point and the guy she is getting is a honest relationship.

I should also work on focusing more on friendship with both sexes - not just looking at a girl just to get the hot one to prove a point.  That shows that I am dumb.  A more intelligent way to do this is to focus on friends first; that will give less stress and I will have more honest relationships.  I should focus on friendship and studies - not as much marching around and promenading.