A transition

It looks like I a experiencing a major transition and everything seems to be brand new to me.  The transition is going to be somewhat lonely and somewhat of a shock for me.  I had been used to all my life of being with my peers, or of people of the same age group.  Now it is hard to find people of the same age group, and when they are of the same age group, they seem to not have that much in common with me, or are going into totally different paths.

I am right now in this in-between state and it is startying to affect me socially. I was expecting college to be a lot similar to high school; you are going to see people roughly the same age and it is going to be a lot like high school.  But when I got to college, it seems like it's a totally different story. I was placed in a classroom with a lot of older adults and they seem to talk about and be interesting in totally different things.  Instead of the music and movies that most teens talk about, it seems like they are talking about many different things such as kids and family.  Of course, teenagers can talk about these subjects and many teenagers do talk about more mature subjects, but it seems like things are in a more different light.  The adults are a lot more "stuffy" and they seem to be in their different world, and they all seem to be in their different paths.

I felt like I was not ready for these older adults; it was too much of a shock for me.  I felt like I was the youngest one in the class and I had felt very lonely.  There was a period of lonliness and depression for me throughout the first few months of college, and I felt like I want to be with my peers a little more often.

The college years was a period where I was not close to friends, but I was starting to get a lot closer to family.  I got to know my parents a lot better than I used to be and I was starting to side with my parents, and realize that they are not bad.  The fall of 2010 was a time of a lot of growing up.  At first, I wanted more high school but deep down I was realizing this frat boy stuff was not cool anymore.  I was starting to find out my moral idenity during my college years and I was starting to realize that "square" is cool and hippie is not cool.  This was probably a result of having people that are more mature and older than my in classes, and I was starting to pick up their maturity, and I was starting to have more adult interests.  The adult interests are first starting with music; I was realizing some of this old music was not that bad and starting to think that the new music is a bunch of garbage.  I was starting to realize this music is a lot of garbage.

This might be the more mature version of me if I was in high school and I am still finding out who I am.  I am starting to find out that I am pretty clean cut and have family values.  Relationships are a major value for me and I am not obsessing on sex and partying as the other teenagers.  I tend to be a lot more conventional and conservative; possibly a lot more down to earth than I used to be.

It is starting to get harder to make friends at that age, but I might as well wait until the younger ones start coming in.  I tend to be shy and tend to be distant from people, and I don't know what to do with other people.  A lot of my time is spent in my room; I don't consider myself to be one of these overly social people.  I am the type that want a very good friend or a girlfriend; I am probably very family orientated and I just want someone to talk to.  I am not the type to gad around with the gang - I used to gad around with the gang and I find this boring.

I probably want someone to talk about life and to have some good times with - maybe just hang out.  I am not really a group person, but I do have a lot of time thinking about my world around me.  There is a lot to learn and I am learning a lot. I tend to be philosophical and I have my views on things, and there are not that many people that are philosophical.  I make a great artist or a writer - this music thing is great for expressing myself and getting things off my chest. Writing lyrics is something I haven't learned but I am going to learn about it, and maybe I can release some of my views on the world based on paper.