Is this girl the real deal or she might be a so called "flava of the week"

I never truly was in a succesful relationship ever.  I never officially dated anyone, but I was pretty close a few times.  The closest  I had gotten with a relationship with a girl was maybe holding hands and a cuddle, and that didn't last that long, and that turned out to be a lot of drama, along with a big whine session about how I am a failure with relationships.

But that was back then and I seem to changed a lot in a year, and there might be a possibility of being in my first true relationship this year.  I wish I would and I hope that the work and the school is not going to bombard with it; which is mostly likely what it is going to do.  Maybe I need to spend less time at home and more time in the apartment, and need to grow up, etc.

I seen in the college there are a lot of girls and many of them will make great potential dates, but many of them are just going to be girls that will fade in the background and I won't have a chance to get to know them.

There are girls in the apartment as well but I hope they won't fade in the background and I might be this lonely recluse that don't fit.  I doubt I will if I change my ways.

I probably never had a successful date because I was sort of an introvert - I was some of these people that don't break the ice and have this irrational beliefs that I don't have to work on it because I am special and I can get any girl I want.  I think I need to quit thinking that girls are going to walk all over me and I need to start doing some things a little different - I need to start working on it.

It was very succesful yesterday talking to girls and that girl looks like she thinks I'm special.  But I had Wal Mart in the way today and I have Wal Mart in the way tommorrow, but tomorrow I am going to have a lot more time to meet these girls.  The Wal Mart schedule is not going to eat my evenings as much so I might have time to get to know these girls and the other people in general.

Then you have schoolwork and that might eat up any social life, unless I manage it well. These girls could be "study buddies" but really I think I need to find some ways to get to know them.

There is the irrational thought to get out of my head - I am not irrestistable like Austin Powers, etc....I need to work on it and I do need the strength.  I am not the best at flirting and I am introverted, but I do have an extraverted side if I want it to be and I can be pretty fun if I want it to be.  Lord, let the extravert side of mr

The most conforming bunch of college students I've seen

Yesterday was the first day of school once again and I seen one of the most conformist, downright BORING college students  I've ever seen.  It was a contrast of what it was when I first set foot in the college about 4-5 years ago.  When I first set foot in the college, it was basically full of a bunch of gangsta's, sluts, gamers, jocks,  and maybe an emo kid here and there. It was pretty creepy and edgy - a lot of the people in the college was pretty left leaning and they were wearing Bob Marley shirts, etc.

By about the 2nd year, there was starting to have cleaner, more conforming looking kids.  Brighters colors were cooler and it was cooler to be more conformist and wear plaid shirts if you were a guy, and if you were a girl, it was cool to look like Taylor Swift.  Taylor Swift was very popular about 2010 along with guys such as Owl City and Jason Derulo.  Owl City was some guy that likes to fool around with Pro Tools and he had made sort of a hit.  But you still had leftover jock and emo walking around, but there was sort of a split.

By about this year, there was a major contrast between what I seen when I first got in there and what I seen now.  When I first got in, there was a lot of drama and there was a fear of getting into drugs such as marijuana, etc.  Now you don't see that much anymore.  Of course, you have your cigarette smoking college students but it is good ol' 1950s nicotine; nothing anything that is illegal in most states, which shows these students are law abiding citizens.

But now I have seen these college students now - BORING!!  They are very conservative and very conformist.  This era of edginess seems like something that was miles away.  The era of edginess has been going on since the Clinton Administration and was probably contributed by Slick Willy.   Now we are back to the good ol' days of the 1940s and 1950s where college students were the bobby soxers...well, they are YAWN!

But I don't have anything against these students.  They are very predictable and that is good.  They know what college is for and it is for an education for a career and that's about it, and for the girls to find mates. There are many girls to choose from and they are looking for guys.  They seem to all look the same - the girls and the guys, and they seem to just follow the rules and go with the jones.  I can see these students are very easy to fit in with - you have to work to not fit in with them.

 I think it is pretty easy to find a date with these girls - well, I shouldn't work to hard and go with my business.  Since they are pretty conformist so I guess I should follow the rules and I'll be fine.

A secret admirer

Tonight something was revealed about me that I probably didn't know about my high school life - I had a secret admirer that I didn't know that I had.  She is a few years younger than me and she didn't cross my mind - I did not know me until she saw me walk through the halls of the apartment with a Wal Mart suit on and she had said "hi" to me.  At first I thought she was a rather beautiful girl and I was flattered - somebody said "hi" to me; someone likes me, but this time around I was flattered even more when I started talking to her and she secretly "known me" in high school.  I think it was a secret admirerer that might be truly revealed.

I should get to know her a little better - she might be my first succesful relationship. That farthest that I had gotten up with a girl is a possible hold hands and cuddle, and that only lasted for a few days, but it fizzled out with a lot of drama but I had never had a "true relationship" with someone.  I have a feeling that this "secret admirerer" might turn into a relationship if I keep at it.

I would like to get to know this girl and Lord, please guide me so I can have a chance to get to know this girl.  The ball is in my court and it might be the first chance of a real relationship.  I had succesfully got my first job but this might be my first relationship.  You never know - the Wal Mart job might be my true career and this girl might be my true love.

I think I need to be at that right place at the right time and this Wal Mart job might be at the right place and the right time.  I maybe had to wait for the right opportunity for a job instead of any job.  This girl might be the right girl - maybe it might be the right girl that is truly looking for me and loving me for a long time.  She was young but now there is not much of an age gap and it might be the right girl.

It is like looking for a cat - there are many cats but you might have to find the right cat that will make a great pet and she might be the right girl to have at the right time.

I need to examine her and get to know her a little better - I think she is rather beautiful and lovely, and she might make a nice date.

My life keeps plodding along

It looks like I have been in a rut, but it seems like things are slowly changing.  It seems like I am not going anywhere and I am going with the same pattern, but it looks like I am eventually going to bust out of the pattern.  The year 2010 and 2011 were a year of confusion and chaos, and trying to find out who I am and what direction I am going in life.  It was a period where I was about to redefine myself - I am different than I was about 4 years ago or even 10 years ago.

I haven't have been the same person, but some traces of the same person has been going on.  I am not sure what I am truly am or I am truly not, but I am starting to figure out who I am or who I am not.  I was a different person about the 6th grade than I was in the 9th grade and I was different when I am in college than I was in high school.  But it looks like there has been some similar constants ever since I was young:  It looks like I had a love for music and I like to do anything with music, and music has been my core as sports has been other kids core and others might be exposed to the world of art, etc.  I wasn't the type for academia but it seems like music was the core of who I was.

It was tough figuring out who I was and I didn't really seem to have a true defined image of myself as other people.  Maybe I was pretty conservative or maybe my parents didn't let me splurge on a outfit or let me wear stupid clothes.  I was trying to find out who I was, but really it was hard to blend into to the crowd and figure out who I am or who I am not.

I have not been involved with any drugs and I haven't been involved with any sex, or even any relationships, and it seems like my big regrets had been based on relationships.  Teenage dating had been a wish, but I never been in a true commited relationship and it seems like not too many girls known me enough or wanted to get to know me.  I don't think I really didn't know if a girl was flirting with me or not.  It seems like when I try to go after a girl, she was not interested in me or interested in some other guy.  I think some of the girls did not have anything in common with me or they didn't really think I was that attractive or desireable of a guy - I might of been too immature.  Idk

I had been going after blondes, but a lot of them are snapped up with other guys or are in long term relationships with other guys.  I might have a chance now that I used to be.  I think I need to make myself attractive or good looking, and I think I need to have a nice personality.  I have a tendency to be timid and not really open my mouth, and I might creep girls out with the "indecisiveness." but eventually I am going to find something.  I think there is a girl for me as long as I take a bath, etc.

But the times had past and it is hard to decipher and it seems like I went through that chaotic time of high school.  It looks like I had it tough socially and it looked like I was picked on, but I was also supported to.  I think someone was trying to help me and actually made me be something than a person that was going unnoticed.
In college, I am going through the same pattern of being unnoticed but I am not sure if  I care or not.  I might be this timid person or I might be this person that prefers to think than to talk things out.  I can be pretty talkative if I want to, but I can be introspective.

I think someday things are going to pop out.  I think a good dating relationship might be good but eventually I am going to find someone.  Someone that gets me, that understands me. I think I was pretty close a few years ago  and she was a good candidate, but she found someone else.  But I think there might be someone for me.

I  hope things are going to improve and there might be a lot of chaos and confusion, but the chaos and confusion is getting better.

Blonde hair is getting more and more common

I had always heard that theories, especially with interracial inbreeding that we are going to have less blonde hair people and we are going to have a lot more darker hair.  It seems like dark hair is common around the world, but I am noticing that blonde hair is getting a lot and lot more common than you think.

By watching the Olympics, I get the see what the whole spectrum of the population worldwide and you are seeing a wide variety of hair colors, and it seems like blondes are getting a lot more common worldwide than they used to be.  It looks like we are doing Hitlers dream of ethnic cleansing ourselves without actually starting any  war - we are just seem to be lot more attractive to blonde hair than brunettes.  Hitler wanted everyone to be blonde haired blue eyes and since we hated Hitlers guts, we are starting to be attractive to blondes.  Hitler used television for his propaganda and actually I think TV actually spreaded his propaganda still after the war was done by glamorizing blondes on TV.  It is the blonde Playboy bunny we like; Marilyn Monroe was the start of the blonde hottie glamorization.

A lot of countries in the world are starting to blonde up and you are especially seeing the the United States, the UK, Canada, Australia, and most of the free western world.  These countries are probably the countries that are exposed the most to movies and TV, and we are the most media influenced, which the media influences blonde hair.  Hispanics and even the French are starting to become more blonde than they used to be.

I heard this theory that blonde is going to become extinct or endangered about 200 years - WRONG.  This theory has been told many times and it seems like blonde is going to be a lot more common than you think, and it seems like a lot of guys want to date a blonde.  It goes with the theory of natural selection and it seems like we are inbreeding in what we think are the better chances of survival, which are the better features and and it seems like we want to have taller skinny athletic blonde girls.  And it looks like we are not looking that much for intelligence as we used to - we seem to be in this world of postmodernism which intelligence is "not cool."  The great brains of the Enlightenment is being replaced by the dumb and it is starting more by the image such as TV and the internet.  The Web 2.0 boom also dumbed down the internet, making the internet more value for cats and porn than actually having something with intelligence.  Anyway, it looks like we are not that interested in intelligence as much as the attractive blonde.

I don't have anything against blondes - actually I am attracted to blondes, they are pretty so I am on of the people that want to create more blondes.  But it seems like there might be a downfall and underrating of the brunettes.  Brunettes were more common back than when men wanted to date for practicality and brunettes are practical, but ever since the advent of TV, blonde hair has become something that is outside of Northern European and Russian countries.  Hispanics are the fastest growing blondes out there - I see a lot of blonde Hispanics like Shakira.

 TV is trying to bring back the brunette with Megan Fox, Angelia Jolie and Kim Kardashian, but it looks like we are still going after the blonde.  I heard from many brunettes saying that it "takes guts to like a brunette, but no guts to like a blonde."  But I am a fan of my blondes even though brunettes are attractive as well and don't forget those redheads.

It looks like what I see the only places in the world that have true dark hair is in the Asian countries and the African countries, and it seems like a lot of men like Asian girls.  It is probably because of the exoticness that you don't see.  We are living a world of "diversity" but it seems like we are getting blonder and blonder.  Don't want to be racist, but it looks like black people are attracted to blondes and which will eventually blonde up black people, making them like a bunch of  Nikki Mignacs.

All right, there are more blondes but I have a feeling that we are going to become a "blonde world" naturally and we don't need any ethnic cleansing or anything.  It is just natural selection.

The different environments I am exposed to

Each week, I am in many different worlds which will give me opportunities to meet new people. It has been lonely lately but I am going to be exposed to a lot more environments than ever before.  I am going to be exposed to the apartment environment, the work environment, and the school environment.  Even at the school environment, I am going to have a different taste when I am taking my day classes vs. evening classes.  It looks like the environments I am going to be exposed to is going to involve a lot of older adults, with an exception of the apartments, which are peers but I am not sure if I am going to luck out with peers that I want to meet.

The last few years was a continuation of my high school years and it was a lot of peer orientated, but I didn't really have a chance to get to know too many people just like I did in my hometown.  I was lucky when I made about 1 or 2 good friends in the entire school, and that is what most people have about one or 2 good friends.  I am not the easiest person to make friends with but someone at least sucked onto me throughout the years.

The first year I was exposed to an "adult enviroment" with the computer classes, but it was a little too stodgy for me so I decided to get exposed to some of my high school buddies while going back to the high school.  At least I was a little more mature at the high school and people that I never hung out with finally got to know me.  But when I changed to the A.A degree, I wanted to start fresh and to make new friends.  The process was slow but I did make a friend or two.  I was not the most popular person around but at least somebody did accepted me.

I am going to have a change in the environment again and I am going to see many worlds - I am going to be in the world of the apartment, the world of work, going home to my family and my hometown, the world of school, and the world outside.  There are lots of places to meet new people but it is probably not going to be as high school.  The work world will be all ages and even the school world - the apartment might be the only time with peers.

I am working on finding a date but I don't know where I can find one.  There are girls all over the place and there might be a place where I am going to find a girl.  I am thinking the apartment might be good if there are a lot of girls or might be if I get a job, or maybe at school.  It seems like I haven't really had a chance to get to know any girls or guys in general, since I am a lot more introverted in nature.  But the classes with a lot of women with me had helped me interact with girls and I know what to do - I probably know how they talk and they tend to be a lot more emotional than guys.  There is probably a certain type of girl that I am attracted to and they tend to be very common.

It seems like I have been attracted to a narrow range of girls and I am not opening up.  Maybe that brunette or redhead might not be that bad, even though I am more of a blonde fan.  But really the truth is I am probably going to find a girl that looks similar to me.

There are probably a lot of girls that resemble me more than I think.  I am sort of skinny and I have a washed out blondish brownish hair that a lot of girls probably have and I do look pretty pasty.  There is probably someone for me and I seem to have that natural attraction.

But I am probably going to find her with the environments I am in.