I am not saying that I am a complete weirdo or anything like that, but sometimes I do have these awkward moments where I feel like I am a "loner" or something like that. I understand that everyone wants to be alone at some time, but basically I turned into this guy that likes to isolate himself for some odd reasons.
I have the ability to make friends, and I had made some pretty good friends, but you don't see me out there partying and doing all that stuff. I am not the type to cause trouble or any of that stuff - I seem to be a pretty sane guy.
I did have some friends out in elementary school, and most of my friends in elementary school were girls. But it looks like when I got into 7th or 8th grade, I started to change. My friends started to dwindle and I started to become this lonely kid. I was starting to feel like I don't fit and who do I fit with, and I was starting to feel like I was unliked person. I think in middle school and in elementary school, I was sort of an aggressive person that said mean things, or I don't know. It might be something.
I started hanging out with this other awkward guy like me and it looks like it just clicked - we just did some stupid stuff together. The two misfits that everyone walked around and we didn't care. At least it was working out and things were working out. But eventually, I wanted to become cool and wanted to be part of the "cool gang" like any other kids, and to get out of this misfit persona. I was this kid that was picked on because I was one of these "misfits" that were trying to act cool but really I wasn't.
There were a lot of awkward moments in high school but they seem to be figured out eventually. I started to make friends my junior year in high school just when my mom decided I needed to change my clothes and to change my act, and started to dump my misfitty buddies, but eventually the misfit in me was starting to come back.
I know I can be pretty cool if I want to but I don't get why I am turning into this "misfitty" kid. Maybe acting cool requires a lot of effort and it takes away your creativity - you have to go along with certain standards, dress a certain way, act a certain way, and you can't express yourself. It looks like we are starting to enter an era of conformity, especially with the kids that are about my age, and maybe it is time to accept the conformity.
College was a time of awkwardness and I still feel awkward. I think it is a lot easier to go back to my misfit roots instead of following the rules. I think I am starting to feel a sense of freedom or something when I am not confined to a group, but I want to be part of a group too. It is hard to find some people you can quirk around with and act stupid, and don't have to follow the rules, etc. It looks like the college students these days are pretty conformist and follow the pack, and it looks like I have been a little bit behind. It is probably me finding my beliefs and what the heck, might as well go along with everyone else and stop quirking around and acting like a dork. I was trying to be this guy that is different that everyone is starting to think I was weird, but I am really not. Maybe I should go along with people and suck up, start kissing up a little bit more
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