I am not talking about a girlfriend here, but I am talking about a special person that has been a major influence in my life. She had died recently and she was my landlady.
She was the first person I meet when I entered the apartments and I had seen a worse case scenario of what the apartments are going to look like. It was a total disaster and it had a smell that was disgusting. I thought it was from some party, but when I finally got into the apartments, an odor had been a way of life and a common occurrence with college.
She helped me grew throughout the years and she was always somebody to talk to when I have a problem, or just someone to visit with when I was just simply lonely. I seen her in the first year a lot and there was a lot of problems. She was always checking to see if there were any parties and drinking in the apartment, and she was the ones that was always calling the cops when there was a drug bust.
She had gotten me through many times in the apartments, such as when I had gotten my computer stolen. She even helped me with my personal problems that are not related to the apartments, such as when a girl that I had a crush on found another boyfriend and I felt upset for days. I felt a lot better when she comforted me about the crush.
She was this person that was always around and some people had described her as a "second mom" or a grandma. She wasn't really a second mom or a grandma for me, but she was more of a mentor - just like a kinship partner. She actually was one of the people that I look for whenever I had certain issues in the apartment.
She was especially helpful during the first and second years, and got me adjusted to the place where I reside to attend classes. It was a different life outside of the life in my hometown and it was an experience that I needed more than the ones that "wuss out" and commute back and forth to college. She was the one that even got me in for the job offer at Walmart last summer.
Now she is gone, which shows a end of an era and a beginning of a new era. Her death represents another death with me - now it is time to grow up and not be too dependent on others. I need to be more independent and there is not going to have this person anymore when I need someone. It looks like everything is pretty much ironed out except for the apartment and eventually I am going to master the concept of independent confident living.
I tried many shortcuts that don't seem to work and now it is time to get with the program. Maybe it is a lot easier to do my own laundry instead of carrying that purple bag home to mom just to break her back even more, or it might be more worth it just to wash my dishes instead of just using TV dinners and paper cups - it is going to make sure I eat more nutritious food and I am going to be a happier person. A diet of McDonalds and ramen noodles is not that good for you anyway.
I think it might be a time to change and to quit all these shortcuts that don't work, and to do it the easy way it works.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
The 21st century: A moral decade coming
Throughout most of the 20th century, morality was not cool. It looks like the moral values had declined at each decade until we had reached rock bottom about the year 2000. I was born in a time where things were pretty immoral and free. We were accepting more of swear words, divorce, sex, and the internet was the place where anything rotten could be on there freely. Some of the stuff on the internet is extreme filth but people are entertained by that. It is not the free for all of the internet - the internet is actually a place where I can express my views and I can be part of the collection of thoughts. I am probably just a little mouse in the sphere of the internet but at least I am expressing myself to an audience of people that will read to me and maybe understand what I am talking about. Some of my philosophies about things might be pretty good and I am contributing to this huge brain called the internet.
I am lucky to live in the Web era and that is going to be a core of the 21st century and beyond. I doubt that we are going to live in an internet less world; there is going to be a internet by the time I am very old and about to die.
Of course, I am rambling about the internet but I can see something that is coming. The 20th century was a century of loosening of the values and it seems like it has been doing since the 1920s. The 1920s was a time where you can finally expose a leg and that is okay, but it looks like exposing legs and wearing shorts were not that common til about the 1950s. The 1950s was a time of loosening moral values with the advent of rock and roll, which actually decreased the moral values of the 1960s and 1970s. By about the 1970s, things were pretty raunchy and you can get by with anything - it is the free will era. There was a short time in the 1980s were pretty stiff and that was the Reagon era, and that might be a preview of the true worlds of the 21st century.
We do have some eras of modernity and formality, but it seems like things had turned pretty savage throughout the 20th century and into the 21st century. We are not pretty racy and raunchy by about the turn of the millennium, with lots of violence, greed, and decadence. It seems like the moral have fallen apart around the 2005-2007 era, where everything was about being a slut and being greedy, along with being whiny and spoiled emo kids on MySpace.
We are currently in the '10s era and it looks like there might be a moral shift. It was starting about the Reagon era and the Reagon era was pretty much the core of the new millennium 21st century living. The Reagon era was a sewing up of the Soviet Union and started to have the peaceful modern world with the information and technological revolution of the internet. The world of freedom is starting to come. But the internet is more than just freedom - It is anything can go on the Web and I mean anything can go.
I can see there is going to be a shift back to the conservative, traditional values throughout most of the 21st century. You might have some short liberal eras and there will be very weak, and I can see it is going to be more about environmental issues, not the social injustice of the 20th century along with the weakening moral systems. Health care and environmental issues, social services had become the "new liberal" of the 21st century and the defying moral values might be of the 20th century. Economic freedom might be high as well unless you have someone tamper with the system and it is most likely based on environmental and health, safety, and security.
But I can see the environment is important, but we are going to see a rise in science and technology, along with some moral, futuristic values. There might be certain things that are causing problems in our society, especially with the relationships.
It is just not going to be cool to walk around like a slut and we might be starting to have more "properness" to see if we are civilized, modern 21st century human beings. By the end of the century, things will be morally stiff. Of course, there is going to be more modernist look and we will be focusing on the morals, or it might be some sort of surrealist look in the future.
I am lucky to live in the Web era and that is going to be a core of the 21st century and beyond. I doubt that we are going to live in an internet less world; there is going to be a internet by the time I am very old and about to die.
Of course, I am rambling about the internet but I can see something that is coming. The 20th century was a century of loosening of the values and it seems like it has been doing since the 1920s. The 1920s was a time where you can finally expose a leg and that is okay, but it looks like exposing legs and wearing shorts were not that common til about the 1950s. The 1950s was a time of loosening moral values with the advent of rock and roll, which actually decreased the moral values of the 1960s and 1970s. By about the 1970s, things were pretty raunchy and you can get by with anything - it is the free will era. There was a short time in the 1980s were pretty stiff and that was the Reagon era, and that might be a preview of the true worlds of the 21st century.
We do have some eras of modernity and formality, but it seems like things had turned pretty savage throughout the 20th century and into the 21st century. We are not pretty racy and raunchy by about the turn of the millennium, with lots of violence, greed, and decadence. It seems like the moral have fallen apart around the 2005-2007 era, where everything was about being a slut and being greedy, along with being whiny and spoiled emo kids on MySpace.
We are currently in the '10s era and it looks like there might be a moral shift. It was starting about the Reagon era and the Reagon era was pretty much the core of the new millennium 21st century living. The Reagon era was a sewing up of the Soviet Union and started to have the peaceful modern world with the information and technological revolution of the internet. The world of freedom is starting to come. But the internet is more than just freedom - It is anything can go on the Web and I mean anything can go.
I can see there is going to be a shift back to the conservative, traditional values throughout most of the 21st century. You might have some short liberal eras and there will be very weak, and I can see it is going to be more about environmental issues, not the social injustice of the 20th century along with the weakening moral systems. Health care and environmental issues, social services had become the "new liberal" of the 21st century and the defying moral values might be of the 20th century. Economic freedom might be high as well unless you have someone tamper with the system and it is most likely based on environmental and health, safety, and security.
But I can see the environment is important, but we are going to see a rise in science and technology, along with some moral, futuristic values. There might be certain things that are causing problems in our society, especially with the relationships.
It is just not going to be cool to walk around like a slut and we might be starting to have more "properness" to see if we are civilized, modern 21st century human beings. By the end of the century, things will be morally stiff. Of course, there is going to be more modernist look and we will be focusing on the morals, or it might be some sort of surrealist look in the future.
Friday, February 15, 2013
I am finally getting through this
It looks like things had been pretty tough for about the last few years and I went through many tumultuous changes. I entered college as one person and I am currently another person. About 3 years ago, I was a different guy. I was one of these guys that were half way gangsta looking and looks like I was not having much of a path in life. I was signed up to go into a quickie college major on computers and to get started into the world, but I had this feeling that I was not ready for this.
There were many tough times but there was a lot of learning to do to find out what the true me is.
Of course, I had went through many struggles but I had been improving in the last few years and I'll going to keep on improving, ready to venture out into the world.
Right now I am just ironing out a few quirks and eventually things are going to be going pretty good. I am not used to this life but once I get everything fined tuned, I'll like it and I'll think this old lifestyle was stupid and I never should of went back to it.
But I did go through this lifestyle for a purpose and it might be the idea that I am simply growing up. It did take a while for me to grow up and sometimes I don't want to let go of the child that is deep inside me. But there is a world outside for me to experience and I can finally go down the path that the Good Lord wants me to take.
It looks like I have been lacking this relationship life and having the fun, social, carefree times of college. I have been having dud roommates and I am not feeling like I am fitting in. There are times where I am trying to find out who I am.
I do have values and I want to go down the traditional path that everyone wants to do. I want to have my own home and my own family, and raise my children and see them grow up . Someday I might be a pretty good parent. But that might be in the future, but not far off into the future - about 5-10 years but I seem to be pretty slow with getting the ball rolling.
I need to have relationships and I never dated in my life. But someday I will. I have a feeling it is going to take a long time for me unless I do shape up and there is some serious shaping up to do.
I might be figuring it out.
There were many tough times but there was a lot of learning to do to find out what the true me is.
Of course, I had went through many struggles but I had been improving in the last few years and I'll going to keep on improving, ready to venture out into the world.
Right now I am just ironing out a few quirks and eventually things are going to be going pretty good. I am not used to this life but once I get everything fined tuned, I'll like it and I'll think this old lifestyle was stupid and I never should of went back to it.
But I did go through this lifestyle for a purpose and it might be the idea that I am simply growing up. It did take a while for me to grow up and sometimes I don't want to let go of the child that is deep inside me. But there is a world outside for me to experience and I can finally go down the path that the Good Lord wants me to take.
It looks like I have been lacking this relationship life and having the fun, social, carefree times of college. I have been having dud roommates and I am not feeling like I am fitting in. There are times where I am trying to find out who I am.
I do have values and I want to go down the traditional path that everyone wants to do. I want to have my own home and my own family, and raise my children and see them grow up . Someday I might be a pretty good parent. But that might be in the future, but not far off into the future - about 5-10 years but I seem to be pretty slow with getting the ball rolling.
I need to have relationships and I never dated in my life. But someday I will. I have a feeling it is going to take a long time for me unless I do shape up and there is some serious shaping up to do.
I might be figuring it out.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Ah the good old days
Time has been passing by very quickly and it has been a long time since I was a young child. But sometimes I get very nostalgic and sentimental about the times I had when I was a child. There was a hidden time in my life when things were pretty good, and things were pretty peaceful and that was in the early days of elementary school.
Of course, I had my day to day struggles back in elementary school, but I do remember the first real good friends I have in school and these kids are still in my memories. Many of them did move away and I never got to see them again......until now, thanks to the internet. Someday I can rekindle the spirit and I think I need the spirit to go through.
My first friends in school are a distant memory but it was a good memory. They helped me get through my day to day life and they were very special to me. I do miss these people and they were just pure awesome.
No words can describe the small friendships I had when I was young, but they were simple, yet powerful friends. I am thinking back if these friends haven't moved away - high school and elementary school will not be the same.
A similar time might be coming in the future. I am hoping there is going to be a time when it was the same spirit as it was in my first years of school, such as the second grade. That year was when the true me was starting to exposed. Second grade is when I got started with music and second grade is when the personality started to come out. There are still some remnants of this spirit when I was younger but it looks like it has been faded away; just like these people have moved away.
These people had moved away and went in their directions; it looks like I had moved away and went through my directions.
In very simple second grade language, there has been some quote from a old friend of mine in elementary school that sticks to me as of 2013. It looks like that 15 years had passed already - a very long time but the spirit seems to stick on.
I'll keep the quoter anonymous but this was very inspiring to me:
"Tomorrow is a dream. Today is not a dream. Sometimes it is both."
For a second grader, that was very powerful and inspirational, as well as very impressive. This shows some pretty deep abstract thought for a second grader, which is pretty advanced for the person's age. I had looked through an old newspaper clipping of second grade writing and this does stick in my mind.
Maybe this life I have been in might be just a dream. All these things that I am going through might be just in a dreamlike state - it might be a consciousness and that consciousness is controlled by God. Sometimes I am skeptical about this "God" but it looks like there is some purpose in life. I am in here for a purpose and all these things that happen to me for a reason. This life I am living in might be in some sort of dream, and it seems like it is a never ending nightmare. Some days I want to just escape this world but I am stuck in this world - this consciousness and I should try to fight through this.
A lot of the things that I am going through is here for a purpose. I have a purpose in life, and all the things are mapped out in a pattern.
College, at my current state, is not really my best time in my life, but I have to go through these things for a purpose. There is some purpose in my college life just like the purpose of my high school life and my elementary school life. I am supposed to meet these people for a reason. I am supposed to be exposed to this environment for a reason.
It looks like I have been living this continuous nightmare and things are falling apart, but the events, if you look back to connect to each other to a bigger purpose and that could be deciphered. I am most likely to go through this before I go through that - this is how it is supposed to work.
Maybe college is simply not supposed to be the most social and fun time - it is supposed to be that for other people. Second grade might be the time when I had my fun and some parts of high school, but this college life seems to not have the same effect. That might be the dream of college that I have when I got there - the fantasy of college but this is not reality. Unless I have to get off my butt and make this dream a reality.
Maybe there is a message and a lesson that I need to learn. A big lesson. A really big lesson I have to learn and I might be asking for this throughout high school. Maybe I did make the wrong choices and this may be the consequences of my action. I came into school acting all cocky and stupid; this is probably what I am asking for. I am falling on my butt and I need to get the message. Maybe I asked for this college life but actually there might be some good points for this too.
These events can happen any other time in my life but these events might be here for a reason. A big reason and a purpose. It looks like it was just timed just perfectly in the circumstances to finally get that job before the big storm. I could of chickened out and never would of gotten that job. But thank goodness I did and it was the right time to get that job.
Right now it might be the right time to do something else and only God will know.
Of course, I had my day to day struggles back in elementary school, but I do remember the first real good friends I have in school and these kids are still in my memories. Many of them did move away and I never got to see them again......until now, thanks to the internet. Someday I can rekindle the spirit and I think I need the spirit to go through.
My first friends in school are a distant memory but it was a good memory. They helped me get through my day to day life and they were very special to me. I do miss these people and they were just pure awesome.
No words can describe the small friendships I had when I was young, but they were simple, yet powerful friends. I am thinking back if these friends haven't moved away - high school and elementary school will not be the same.
A similar time might be coming in the future. I am hoping there is going to be a time when it was the same spirit as it was in my first years of school, such as the second grade. That year was when the true me was starting to exposed. Second grade is when I got started with music and second grade is when the personality started to come out. There are still some remnants of this spirit when I was younger but it looks like it has been faded away; just like these people have moved away.
These people had moved away and went in their directions; it looks like I had moved away and went through my directions.
In very simple second grade language, there has been some quote from a old friend of mine in elementary school that sticks to me as of 2013. It looks like that 15 years had passed already - a very long time but the spirit seems to stick on.
I'll keep the quoter anonymous but this was very inspiring to me:
"Tomorrow is a dream. Today is not a dream. Sometimes it is both."
For a second grader, that was very powerful and inspirational, as well as very impressive. This shows some pretty deep abstract thought for a second grader, which is pretty advanced for the person's age. I had looked through an old newspaper clipping of second grade writing and this does stick in my mind.
Maybe this life I have been in might be just a dream. All these things that I am going through might be just in a dreamlike state - it might be a consciousness and that consciousness is controlled by God. Sometimes I am skeptical about this "God" but it looks like there is some purpose in life. I am in here for a purpose and all these things that happen to me for a reason. This life I am living in might be in some sort of dream, and it seems like it is a never ending nightmare. Some days I want to just escape this world but I am stuck in this world - this consciousness and I should try to fight through this.
A lot of the things that I am going through is here for a purpose. I have a purpose in life, and all the things are mapped out in a pattern.
College, at my current state, is not really my best time in my life, but I have to go through these things for a purpose. There is some purpose in my college life just like the purpose of my high school life and my elementary school life. I am supposed to meet these people for a reason. I am supposed to be exposed to this environment for a reason.
It looks like I have been living this continuous nightmare and things are falling apart, but the events, if you look back to connect to each other to a bigger purpose and that could be deciphered. I am most likely to go through this before I go through that - this is how it is supposed to work.
Maybe college is simply not supposed to be the most social and fun time - it is supposed to be that for other people. Second grade might be the time when I had my fun and some parts of high school, but this college life seems to not have the same effect. That might be the dream of college that I have when I got there - the fantasy of college but this is not reality. Unless I have to get off my butt and make this dream a reality.
Maybe there is a message and a lesson that I need to learn. A big lesson. A really big lesson I have to learn and I might be asking for this throughout high school. Maybe I did make the wrong choices and this may be the consequences of my action. I came into school acting all cocky and stupid; this is probably what I am asking for. I am falling on my butt and I need to get the message. Maybe I asked for this college life but actually there might be some good points for this too.
These events can happen any other time in my life but these events might be here for a reason. A big reason and a purpose. It looks like it was just timed just perfectly in the circumstances to finally get that job before the big storm. I could of chickened out and never would of gotten that job. But thank goodness I did and it was the right time to get that job.
Right now it might be the right time to do something else and only God will know.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
The cherished moments in college
I am thinking about the cherish moments that you have in college life and life in general. It looks like I am in this transitional era from college and the real world, and I haven't yet entered the real world, but I am getting closer and closer to this world. The college world seemed to be an awkward times, but it also had it's gifts. High school and college had been totally different worlds; just like the world of elementary and high school but they seem to interconnect with each other. My life has been focused on education but eventually it is going to be focused more on contribution and maybe doing what I always want to do, get some relationships going on around here. It seems like I had failed with the relationships and I am not getting anywhere with relationships, but eventually I am going to improve and bust out of this.
This year might be the year where I might just start turning into something good, but there has been some cherished moments of the college life. It was an era of philosophy and trying to figure things out, and I haven't been in any relationships or haven't really gotten to known anyone, at least I got this figured out. I think I had been through a transformation since high school, or I might of been in a period where I am trying to figure out who I am truly am.
But there have been some pretty cherished moments of college life and things I am going to remember. I think I'll have to give it to the audio recording world, where I went in and raided the studio and made some music. I got exposed to the Pro Tools software and even bought the software myself which was a wonderful part of college. And I also starting to become proud of the reports I had written for college and the philosophy that might be a part of life. There are some pretty good times but it has been pretty self centered. High school was pretty self centered. I was a very helpful person when I was younger and had the natural instincts of "give and take" and I was pretty friendly. Then I am thinking that is "me" is very important and started to fall apart. I think I should get out of the egocentric world and look at the full picture, and to have a better understanding of what truly is going on all the time. I seem to have phone calls and writing blogs about how bored I am, but I think it is going to stop one day. I think I need to get out of this world and grow up.
I got a long ways to go and I should accept the world of responsibility and that I am starting to age, and get stodgy. But the true me might come in the future. You never know the gifts that might happen with life in the future.
There has been gifts in high school and in college, but I haven't run through the carefree, youthful times of being in the 20 something's world and things are going to be pretty good when I am young. I think it is going to be pretty peaceful in the future and things are going to be great.
Anyway there is going to be moments and there is going to be something to look forward too.
This year might be the year where I might just start turning into something good, but there has been some cherished moments of the college life. It was an era of philosophy and trying to figure things out, and I haven't been in any relationships or haven't really gotten to known anyone, at least I got this figured out. I think I had been through a transformation since high school, or I might of been in a period where I am trying to figure out who I am truly am.
But there have been some pretty cherished moments of college life and things I am going to remember. I think I'll have to give it to the audio recording world, where I went in and raided the studio and made some music. I got exposed to the Pro Tools software and even bought the software myself which was a wonderful part of college. And I also starting to become proud of the reports I had written for college and the philosophy that might be a part of life. There are some pretty good times but it has been pretty self centered. High school was pretty self centered. I was a very helpful person when I was younger and had the natural instincts of "give and take" and I was pretty friendly. Then I am thinking that is "me" is very important and started to fall apart. I think I should get out of the egocentric world and look at the full picture, and to have a better understanding of what truly is going on all the time. I seem to have phone calls and writing blogs about how bored I am, but I think it is going to stop one day. I think I need to get out of this world and grow up.
I got a long ways to go and I should accept the world of responsibility and that I am starting to age, and get stodgy. But the true me might come in the future. You never know the gifts that might happen with life in the future.
There has been gifts in high school and in college, but I haven't run through the carefree, youthful times of being in the 20 something's world and things are going to be pretty good when I am young. I think it is going to be pretty peaceful in the future and things are going to be great.
Anyway there is going to be moments and there is going to be something to look forward too.
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