It looks like after the death of my grandma, which was a few weeks ago, I am going back to a time when things were pretty good. I have a feeling that I am going to the same atmosphere as high school, but the way things should be.
It looks like high school was chugging along pretty good until about sophomore or junior year, and it seems like there has been delays. It looks like I was working a bit for my grandpa and I was buying my own stuff, along with downloading music, but then eventually everything was starting to halt. I think it was a period of apathy or immaturity, or it might be many circumstances causes me to delay.
The recession was one thing that held me, and everybody back, but I seen to have my head up my butt about the time I was turning 16. I got myself into a mess and I was trying to make new friends, and fix the mess, and it looks like I was getting out of a mess, but I got back into the mess. It seems like there was a battle of "me's". There was a more conservative self-confident hard working "me" and there was a more whiny, aggressive, easily led me that was trying to act "gangsta" or "emo" or something like that. Of course, emo and hip-hop was popular that time, but it looks like I was deep down looking for something squarer such as Hannah Montana.
I can see I was shifting towards the whiny side again in college, but it looks like the whiny side was not getting me anywhere. It seems like I was making good friends with nice, cool people than I started to go back to the whiny, people again. By about 2010, it was pretty lonely and I was trying to find myself, but I did make about one or 2 new friends in school.
Right now it is 2012 and things are going back together. It looks like I was going through an era of change and I am changing right now. I think I need more self-confidence than I used to and I think I need to be less messy and moody. Maybe I need to be a lot more assertive and more "with it" and need to bury the old self in the past.
There have been many things that had been buried in the past after each grandparent died. My grandpa did die in 2007 and that was the "more involved" me started to come through. I was starting to dress more mature, get my drivers license, and be part of more activities such as track. It looks like it was a death of the "slacker" kid and more of a kid that is getting somewhere, probably preparing for college and the adult world. About 2010, when my grandma died, it was a pretty much a death of the "ditziness" and the "inattentiveness". I need to get something fixed and I did get it fixed. Then about 2012 it was time for more "social me" again - a socially with it, cool, self confident guy that has a job and probably have the self confidence to ask that special girl out. I am very close to dating some girl right now and there are many to choose from.
That is probably going to happen in the future but you never know, there might be some other things creeping out. I think there is another transitional, growing up phase but it looks like I might be going back to about 2007, but moving forward instead of the regression in 2008. It was pushing towards a job and doing what I should be doing.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Nothing has changed since the 1990s
I notice that nothing has really changed that much since about 1995 or so. I was just a little kid, so I don't have much memory of the pop culture, but it looks like we are living the same life since the mid 1990s. The music don't sound much different - we have the same genres of music and even the dance music has changed since the 1990s. We still have boy bands, we still have rap music, and you still have this "emo" music, which has been going since the 1990s. The teen angst such as goth and emo has been going on since the "grunge" era of the 1990s.
It looks like even now, it is very hard to have a "pop culture." There is nothing really distinctive since about the 1990s - it looks like it is just a continuation of the 1990s. You still have the The Simpsons and Family Guy, video games are cool, people still dress like slobs, rap music is common, and even "emo" is pretty common, which is something that came out from the 1990s. You can't really be nostalgic about the 1990s because it is pretty much the same thing as now.
The 2000s decade was basically the 1990s on jolt - the internet became faster and rap music gotten way more popular and glamorized. There is not much original about the 2000s with the exception of reality TV and maybe the iPod, which is just MP3 players of the late 1990s being evolved into something more marketable and corporate.
I am hoping that the 2010s is going to get a pop culture - it looks like we are trying our best to finally to have a distinctive pop culture that says "hey we are the '10s" instead of "looky here, it is the 90s part 3."
But we have this pattern before - the 1950s was pretty distinctive and the 1960s was pretty distinctive for their time, but even the '60s is just a continuation of the '50s but more emphasis on the beatnick and rock and roll. The '60s and '70s are about the same decade - the 70s was just the '60s on jolt and the same thing with the 2000s. That is just the 1990s on jolt. But it looks like we are looking for a distinctive decade in the '10s. I don't know what the culture is but I can see some snippits - it looks like country music is popular so we might be going back to something very old. The internet is starting to get some pretty good pop culture clips, such as Justin Beiber and Shane Dawson...it might be a pretty cool decade when things pop up.
The 2010s is when the internet is pretty much established and all the things of the '90s are started to get dated and old - it is time for something new. The iPad is something that is "screaming 2010s" because it is making things such as laptop and yawn desktops outdated. Probably some day there is going to be something that makes the 2010s as screaming "70s" as disco and bellbottoms.
It looks like even now, it is very hard to have a "pop culture." There is nothing really distinctive since about the 1990s - it looks like it is just a continuation of the 1990s. You still have the The Simpsons and Family Guy, video games are cool, people still dress like slobs, rap music is common, and even "emo" is pretty common, which is something that came out from the 1990s. You can't really be nostalgic about the 1990s because it is pretty much the same thing as now.
The 2000s decade was basically the 1990s on jolt - the internet became faster and rap music gotten way more popular and glamorized. There is not much original about the 2000s with the exception of reality TV and maybe the iPod, which is just MP3 players of the late 1990s being evolved into something more marketable and corporate.
I am hoping that the 2010s is going to get a pop culture - it looks like we are trying our best to finally to have a distinctive pop culture that says "hey we are the '10s" instead of "looky here, it is the 90s part 3."
But we have this pattern before - the 1950s was pretty distinctive and the 1960s was pretty distinctive for their time, but even the '60s is just a continuation of the '50s but more emphasis on the beatnick and rock and roll. The '60s and '70s are about the same decade - the 70s was just the '60s on jolt and the same thing with the 2000s. That is just the 1990s on jolt. But it looks like we are looking for a distinctive decade in the '10s. I don't know what the culture is but I can see some snippits - it looks like country music is popular so we might be going back to something very old. The internet is starting to get some pretty good pop culture clips, such as Justin Beiber and Shane Dawson...it might be a pretty cool decade when things pop up.
The 2010s is when the internet is pretty much established and all the things of the '90s are started to get dated and old - it is time for something new. The iPad is something that is "screaming 2010s" because it is making things such as laptop and yawn desktops outdated. Probably some day there is going to be something that makes the 2010s as screaming "70s" as disco and bellbottoms.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
How I am going to change
I am constantly changing all the time and I have a feeling this funeral is going to be a transition into a new era. I can see the other transition happen when my grandma died and when my grandpa died, and the same thing is going to happen when this grandma died. This grandparent I was not as close to as the ones on my moms side, but it was pretty special to have a trip to grandmas. Her food was delicious and she was very relaxed about what I did, and was a very supportive person. She was a grandma that let me get by with almost anything and she let me watch all the TV I want, and had the food I like. She was very loose, but I notice she is a stickler for money and routine.
I heard from the eulogy she was a nut about time management and there were things I never knew about grandma - she was obsessed as a young child about coming to school on time and she had to lay awake in the morning worrying about coming to school on time. She wanted to be the first one there and this might be genetic with my dad too.
But I don't know how this is going to change me but the message is going to come through. Maybe I am going to be a more organized person, etc.
I have a feeling that pretty much I am going to improve a lot more on basic things such as personal apperance, etc. I shouldn't be as sloppy and half fast, and I am going to be a lot more neater. I also have a feeling that I need to have more self esteem and try to fit in more with the crowd, instead of being one of these people that mope around and whine. I think relationships, both friendship and possibly romantic are going to be a lot better - I am actually going to ask a girl on a date and I have some girls on my mind. I got into the job but there might be other things I should do. I think I should work on not as being as self centered and less introverted - of course, introverted is fine but I think it is causing a crutch. There are lots of things that I am missing out in life and I should just get involved and get out a bit - I'm not going to be as boring.
I don't think I am ever going to see her again on Earth but I might see her in heaven if I go here, but I think she did all I can do with me, and maybe I might learn something out of her. I think it might be organization or time management, or just having better relationships - something is going to come out.
I heard from the eulogy she was a nut about time management and there were things I never knew about grandma - she was obsessed as a young child about coming to school on time and she had to lay awake in the morning worrying about coming to school on time. She wanted to be the first one there and this might be genetic with my dad too.
But I don't know how this is going to change me but the message is going to come through. Maybe I am going to be a more organized person, etc.
I have a feeling that pretty much I am going to improve a lot more on basic things such as personal apperance, etc. I shouldn't be as sloppy and half fast, and I am going to be a lot more neater. I also have a feeling that I need to have more self esteem and try to fit in more with the crowd, instead of being one of these people that mope around and whine. I think relationships, both friendship and possibly romantic are going to be a lot better - I am actually going to ask a girl on a date and I have some girls on my mind. I got into the job but there might be other things I should do. I think I should work on not as being as self centered and less introverted - of course, introverted is fine but I think it is causing a crutch. There are lots of things that I am missing out in life and I should just get involved and get out a bit - I'm not going to be as boring.
I don't think I am ever going to see her again on Earth but I might see her in heaven if I go here, but I think she did all I can do with me, and maybe I might learn something out of her. I think it might be organization or time management, or just having better relationships - something is going to come out.
Friday, September 14, 2012
iPod touch review
I know people like the iPods and I do have a pretty good review of the iPod touch. I was just fidding around with these things and they are pretty addicting- it is not just a portable media player but it is something where you can have access to the internet wherever you are going. But I see some flaws with it and rather use the computer.
The iPod is pretty good as the function as a music player and all the apps you can add to the iPod are pretty cool - the apps are the things that make it addicting and it turns into some portable whatchamacallit, but I don't think it has the potential of replacing the computer. Computers are pretty advanced and I still can access the internet on the computer, and the computer is way better for writing blogs, but the iPod touch could be great for study breaks and sleepless night. I stimulate myself on the computer which makes it hard to go to sleep but with the iPod, I can just relax without the light of the computer screen. I do like the access to YouTube and other things for music, but when I want a quick access to the web, the iPod touch will be pretty good.
I am still going to use my computer but this might be a good wind down or a quick access thing. The internet is not accessible outside and I shouldn't be using the Web outside - it is the great wilderness that I need to encounter with low technology and this iPod in the great wilderness is going to ruin everything. I haven't had a good time with the great wilderness but the world of low tech might be pretty fun and it could be intellectually stimulating.
The internet is cool and it could be used for a lot of things, but I need to not be as reliant on the internet and to start using my head. Music can spread throughout my head and it could be great to whistle a little tune once in a while instead of relying on the web for everything.
I am in the nuts stage of the iPod but eventually I am going to gradually creep back to the computer. I actually think the computer is better in the evening, but I am going to experience real life as well.
The iPod is pretty good as the function as a music player and all the apps you can add to the iPod are pretty cool - the apps are the things that make it addicting and it turns into some portable whatchamacallit, but I don't think it has the potential of replacing the computer. Computers are pretty advanced and I still can access the internet on the computer, and the computer is way better for writing blogs, but the iPod touch could be great for study breaks and sleepless night. I stimulate myself on the computer which makes it hard to go to sleep but with the iPod, I can just relax without the light of the computer screen. I do like the access to YouTube and other things for music, but when I want a quick access to the web, the iPod touch will be pretty good.
I am still going to use my computer but this might be a good wind down or a quick access thing. The internet is not accessible outside and I shouldn't be using the Web outside - it is the great wilderness that I need to encounter with low technology and this iPod in the great wilderness is going to ruin everything. I haven't had a good time with the great wilderness but the world of low tech might be pretty fun and it could be intellectually stimulating.
The internet is cool and it could be used for a lot of things, but I need to not be as reliant on the internet and to start using my head. Music can spread throughout my head and it could be great to whistle a little tune once in a while instead of relying on the web for everything.
I am in the nuts stage of the iPod but eventually I am going to gradually creep back to the computer. I actually think the computer is better in the evening, but I am going to experience real life as well.
The spirit of my grandma might be passing through
I have a feeling when a person you love or are very close to, such as family member dies, there is some afteraffect that spreads around, and I can see this with my grandma. There is a lot of stress dealing with death and finding about the news of death just came out of the blue. Right when I started school, I found out my grandma had difficulty breathing and then a few days later, she is dead.
This was something my mom and my parents were expecting. She had Alzheimers for many years and she had lung cancer - finally you are just laying around, waiting for yourself to pass into the heavens or whever she is going.
But I have a feeling there is a spiritual thing that goes on after you die and that happens with all of my grandparents, my grandpa and my grandma, and I have a feeling this is going to happen with this grandma.
Back in 2007 when my grandpa died, I had changed a little bit. I realized that I have to dress nice and to blend in with the crowd. I should get the cool mainstream clothes like everyone else and to fit in. This started the "clothes burning" of 2007 and I was also inspired to have a clothes burning while I was helping in the church. I seen people, such as adults, and adults I admire dress nicely, so I should dress nice too. Maybe it is the idea that I am getting close to age and intelligence, so I should look like that too.
I also probably seen a subconscious pendulum swing coming and you had a divide. You had the old stuff that has been going on since the 1990s and you had something new coming in the horizon. Maybe I was starting to realize a lot of the "act" I was putting on was old from the 1990s.
The next death, my grandma, had a similar change. It looks like it was the time to realize I had a problem for a long time and the "act" I was putting on was based on something biological or psychological. I haven't realized it was something that was ADD and that needed to be treated. My immunity to caffeine was a dead give away along with not picking up on what is truly cool or not. Another thing is I probably can't really sit and listen to an iPod without jumping around - that is a dead give away too. I did get some treatment and I had some drastic improvement.
These 2 deaths could be some "symbolic deaths" of some old ways and it is time to finally start listening to my grandparents out of touch wisdom that I never payed attention too. I don't know my grandpas wisdom but I known my grandmas wisdom and they all want me to get my butt in gear.
This death might be a symbolic death as the other symbolic deaths take place. I had my head up my butt but I had progressed massively in a year and it looks like the "old me" might be something old - it is "dead" and "buried." I got a job right now and I can buzz around like crazy. I got some decent clothes. I am attending school for something practical for once - I have a feeling the good times are going to roll. A lot of the stuff has been "dead and buried " and I probably never want to go back. I am better than I ever was before - I am responsible and I earn my own money. I might as well reward myself with something special - an iPod.
The iPod - I think that raised my confidence and made me cool. I had an iPod nano but this time I am going to get a iPod with my own sweat and blood, and I am going to actually download music with my own sweat and blood. The iPod is really me - it is the thing that makes me cool, makes me awesome. It just an iPod but it is more of an identify piece with me. I thinking about an iPhone but the plans are out of this world and I have a feeling that I might not have coverage around my area. Smartphones are things I wanted to have like the AT&T BlackJack but that has been transformed into the iPhone.
I am transforming into something new and I want to be a better person. The old person will fade out into the new person - unless I am transforming into something that is really old.
This was something my mom and my parents were expecting. She had Alzheimers for many years and she had lung cancer - finally you are just laying around, waiting for yourself to pass into the heavens or whever she is going.
But I have a feeling there is a spiritual thing that goes on after you die and that happens with all of my grandparents, my grandpa and my grandma, and I have a feeling this is going to happen with this grandma.
Back in 2007 when my grandpa died, I had changed a little bit. I realized that I have to dress nice and to blend in with the crowd. I should get the cool mainstream clothes like everyone else and to fit in. This started the "clothes burning" of 2007 and I was also inspired to have a clothes burning while I was helping in the church. I seen people, such as adults, and adults I admire dress nicely, so I should dress nice too. Maybe it is the idea that I am getting close to age and intelligence, so I should look like that too.
I also probably seen a subconscious pendulum swing coming and you had a divide. You had the old stuff that has been going on since the 1990s and you had something new coming in the horizon. Maybe I was starting to realize a lot of the "act" I was putting on was old from the 1990s.
The next death, my grandma, had a similar change. It looks like it was the time to realize I had a problem for a long time and the "act" I was putting on was based on something biological or psychological. I haven't realized it was something that was ADD and that needed to be treated. My immunity to caffeine was a dead give away along with not picking up on what is truly cool or not. Another thing is I probably can't really sit and listen to an iPod without jumping around - that is a dead give away too. I did get some treatment and I had some drastic improvement.
These 2 deaths could be some "symbolic deaths" of some old ways and it is time to finally start listening to my grandparents out of touch wisdom that I never payed attention too. I don't know my grandpas wisdom but I known my grandmas wisdom and they all want me to get my butt in gear.
This death might be a symbolic death as the other symbolic deaths take place. I had my head up my butt but I had progressed massively in a year and it looks like the "old me" might be something old - it is "dead" and "buried." I got a job right now and I can buzz around like crazy. I got some decent clothes. I am attending school for something practical for once - I have a feeling the good times are going to roll. A lot of the stuff has been "dead and buried " and I probably never want to go back. I am better than I ever was before - I am responsible and I earn my own money. I might as well reward myself with something special - an iPod.
The iPod - I think that raised my confidence and made me cool. I had an iPod nano but this time I am going to get a iPod with my own sweat and blood, and I am going to actually download music with my own sweat and blood. The iPod is really me - it is the thing that makes me cool, makes me awesome. It just an iPod but it is more of an identify piece with me. I thinking about an iPhone but the plans are out of this world and I have a feeling that I might not have coverage around my area. Smartphones are things I wanted to have like the AT&T BlackJack but that has been transformed into the iPhone.
I am transforming into something new and I want to be a better person. The old person will fade out into the new person - unless I am transforming into something that is really old.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Things I am getting sick of on Facebook and the internet in general
Facebook has become the "evil empire" of the internet and I am getting sick and tired of some of the things that are on Facebook. Facebook was fine back then, about 2-3 years ago when Farmville was around and when you actually saw what your friends are up to, but now it has turned into a whole mess of advertisments and annoying garbage. There are many things on the web - not just Facebook I am getting SICK of and wish it should cut down.
1. Baby photos - I am getting sick and tired of baby pictures. I know babies are cute, but it is the natural biological thing that every animal, not just human does. Babies are now being exposed to the web even before they are born in ultrasound pictures and you see every baby picture on the internet. The worse thing is that baby photos are born by some that are not even married, and that shows how much of a mess you are in. You should not brag about your baby - it's a baby. Every has been one and it was not that great. The puke, the poop, the pee, they fuss...why put it on the internet.
2. Advertisments on the news feeds - Facebook has turned into advertising and it has been a new form of social advertising, but it's getting annoying. You "like" something on the internet and you have another boring advertisement. I am getting sick of the ads on there - I want to see what my "friends" are up to, not ads.
3. Older people - I have nothing against older people but grandma has finally figured out how to use a computer - they get annoying with pictures of their grandkids and status updates about their ailments. Grandma on Facebook might be cool to hear what the good ol' days but they are boring when you hear all about the "old people" gossip and have them gripe about everything. Old people are the ones that made YouTube better - you see some old TV show or commercial, and it is fun to hear the memories spit out in the comments section. The old makes the internet interesting with the experience and wisdom that the young people don't have.
4. Relatives - Older relatives and and if I am related to them - who cares. I should show the world I have more of a social life than hanging out with relatives.
It looks like a lot of my griping is probably about not accepting the adult world. The adult world is all about raising children and working - they don't have any fun. They don't have any time for theirselves, which makes them very crusty. It looks like the college years are the only true years where you don't have any time for yourself before you have to go in the crusty world on the adult world. I have a sample of it when I am at my Wal Mart job - you rarely see any peers or anything like that, but you see just a collection of humanity. The college world looks very surreal compared to the adult world or the real world. It is nice to have a bunch of people the same age and it is very nice to find a date, but it looks like there is too much drama.
I am in this transitional state from the school world to the adult world, and I am not sure if I am ready for this. It seems like I am thrown a little bit in the adult, real world during the summer vacation and I start to act different. People don't care what other people think of you, but when you get in a school setting, everything gets all uptight and you have to follow a lot of social rules. In the adult world or the real world, you are just another person, but in school, you have to be with a certain group, etc. I am actually going to learn about this in college and it might be pretty interesting.
But I thought the interest is sort of my escape but really it is not. I wonder if the internet might be an escape from the school world or the real world. The internet is pretty real world and it looks like Facebook has gotten to be pretty stodgy. It must be the general population finally starting to get adjusted to mass technology that was dominated mainly by teenagers and young adults, or teenagers and young adults are not important any more because of the "self esteem" movement. For a while, it was children are to be seen AND heard, but now it has turned into the children are to be seen NOT heard, and that might apply on the internet. I think I might have to adjust to the internet or just life in general - I have been of importance too much in school but now I am just some random blogger in cyberspace that nobody cares to read about because I am only 21!
1. Baby photos - I am getting sick and tired of baby pictures. I know babies are cute, but it is the natural biological thing that every animal, not just human does. Babies are now being exposed to the web even before they are born in ultrasound pictures and you see every baby picture on the internet. The worse thing is that baby photos are born by some that are not even married, and that shows how much of a mess you are in. You should not brag about your baby - it's a baby. Every has been one and it was not that great. The puke, the poop, the pee, they fuss...why put it on the internet.
2. Advertisments on the news feeds - Facebook has turned into advertising and it has been a new form of social advertising, but it's getting annoying. You "like" something on the internet and you have another boring advertisement. I am getting sick of the ads on there - I want to see what my "friends" are up to, not ads.
3. Older people - I have nothing against older people but grandma has finally figured out how to use a computer - they get annoying with pictures of their grandkids and status updates about their ailments. Grandma on Facebook might be cool to hear what the good ol' days but they are boring when you hear all about the "old people" gossip and have them gripe about everything. Old people are the ones that made YouTube better - you see some old TV show or commercial, and it is fun to hear the memories spit out in the comments section. The old makes the internet interesting with the experience and wisdom that the young people don't have.
4. Relatives - Older relatives and and if I am related to them - who cares. I should show the world I have more of a social life than hanging out with relatives.
It looks like a lot of my griping is probably about not accepting the adult world. The adult world is all about raising children and working - they don't have any fun. They don't have any time for theirselves, which makes them very crusty. It looks like the college years are the only true years where you don't have any time for yourself before you have to go in the crusty world on the adult world. I have a sample of it when I am at my Wal Mart job - you rarely see any peers or anything like that, but you see just a collection of humanity. The college world looks very surreal compared to the adult world or the real world. It is nice to have a bunch of people the same age and it is very nice to find a date, but it looks like there is too much drama.
I am in this transitional state from the school world to the adult world, and I am not sure if I am ready for this. It seems like I am thrown a little bit in the adult, real world during the summer vacation and I start to act different. People don't care what other people think of you, but when you get in a school setting, everything gets all uptight and you have to follow a lot of social rules. In the adult world or the real world, you are just another person, but in school, you have to be with a certain group, etc. I am actually going to learn about this in college and it might be pretty interesting.
But I thought the interest is sort of my escape but really it is not. I wonder if the internet might be an escape from the school world or the real world. The internet is pretty real world and it looks like Facebook has gotten to be pretty stodgy. It must be the general population finally starting to get adjusted to mass technology that was dominated mainly by teenagers and young adults, or teenagers and young adults are not important any more because of the "self esteem" movement. For a while, it was children are to be seen AND heard, but now it has turned into the children are to be seen NOT heard, and that might apply on the internet. I think I might have to adjust to the internet or just life in general - I have been of importance too much in school but now I am just some random blogger in cyberspace that nobody cares to read about because I am only 21!
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