It looks like the times have been pretty tough for the last few years, especially with the roommates, but now it seems like things are starting to turn around. It looks like I am starting to feel pretty happy about myself and it seems like my self esteem has not been that high for a long time.
There might be some reasons why there are some improvement with mood and overall morale in the past few months or so. The first thing might be the medication. Now I am on 100% Straterra, which is an antidepressant and it makes me see things "for the way they are". Maybe what is actually happening is not really that bad and I should worry about what is truly important in life for my age. I should be worrying about the big things such as the economy and stuff like everyone else instead of the little things in life such as some small snit or rejection or teen angst that I should of outgrown by now.
The next thing is more freedom - it seems like I am driving to Wal Mart myself for the first time which makes me feel just as cool as the other people. The more freedom means the more happiness and honor.
I am also having a good idea of what I should be doing too and not really in a diffused idenity - now I am starting to get a pretty good plan and a pretty screwed on path for now instead of not just going nowwhere.
I am also starting to get more educated. It seems like a lot of my whining is taking place about a few bad days in high school that stand out but I should remember everyone has a few bad days in high school. I should count my blessings - high school really was not that bad. Compared to the average teenager at that time, I had high school pretty good. I have been living in a stable family environment with no divorces or stepparents, my parents have been pretty economically stable even though they do not spend that much money, and I was not involved with the law. I only had a few minor incidences that involved mainly social networking harassment which is very common for a lot of teenagers.
I did not drink or smoke, and I was 100% virgin. I did not even kiss a girl in high school and I was single the entire time. I only had crushes on girls but it seems like the girls I had crushes on did not like me back or notice me, or are taking by somebody else. My mom had told me that girls did like me, but I was too busy chasing after some hot blonde just to look popular that could care less about me than actually going after the girls (which were probably brunettes and redheads) that actually did care for me at the time. It seems like the cool thing at that time was to do the naughty stuff and my high school life was pretty Disney esque. Maybe too Disney esque.
Teenagers usually want to rebel and I did my rebelling as well, but it looked like I followed the rules pretty well. It seemed like I rebelled the most with technology and that was the simple digital divide. My parents did not agree with what I did on the internet but I went on the internet and did stuff already. I seemed to be disclipined pretty harshly of what I have done on the internet so I know I should not act like a fool om the internet.
High school did have some of its happy times and it seemed like the happiest times in my high school years is the time when I was going against the norms and listened to the music I want to listen to. While everyone was listening to rap and emo or screamo, I was listening to music such as Aly & AJ and Hannah Montana which was for younger kids in their opinion. I did not want to admit I was liking Hannah Montana because it was too clean for a teenager and teenagers wanted to rebel, but I am realizing I am no oddball but there are a whole bunch of teenagers just like me coming in the future. They are the overprotective Disney teenager Mouseketeers of Generation Z.
My parents seemed to be pretty overprotective and they had high standards on my behavior. They wanted a person who was well adjusted outside of high school instead of in high school. My parents and grandparents were not in the "rah rah" of high school of other parents; they wanted me to focus on career and life outside of high school than in high school. They wanted a good kid and I may be too mature and goody goody for high school for that time, which the students in my class were left over Gen Yers.
It looked like there was a choice to be made. I was trying to fit in with my peers and older students, but my parents did see through me and see what I was actually like. They rather have me be friends with more of a Hannah Montana high school buddies than Beavis and Butthead. Even though I did regret some of this in high school, I would like to thank my parents and God for getting my through high school and continuing in college. I may not be the "coolest person" at that time, but I sure no "geek" or "nerd". I was sort of a trendsetter and a good role model for younger teenagers, and that was starting to come in when I was about a junior and senior in high school. The younger students took to me a lot better than the older and I can see this trend is starting to come in college.
Now I do have sympathy for high school students that don't seem to fit in. They may not be the coolest but they are always cool in front of their parents and most importantly, God. You gotta remember - all you need to please is yourself and God. The be yourself thing is cliche but it works out all the time - it takes a lot of work being someone that God did not want you to be. God had created your imperfections for a reason and they are not imperfections in the eyes of the Lord.
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