The last 3 years

The last 3 years of my life was not one of my favorite times of my life, but it was a time of growing up.  I had changed a lot in the last 3 years - my attitudes towards life has changed and even my values has changed.  About 3 years ago, I was going nowhere and I had to start from one.  I was in a mess - I was going into a dead end degree that I didn't want to go into, and I had people that were stealing my stuff, along with drugs and other violent behavior.  I also was very nervous and tense, and there was a lot to be done.  It was a long process and it seems like it is the same pattern, but a little bit different each year.

I had a hard time realizing the truth of many things that I need to shape up.  It looked like I didn't wanted to accept the fact I was on my own and I had to face responsibility.  It seems like there were so many obstacles I had to go through.  There were many things that I did out of laziness - it looks like I didn't want to accept the fact that I was cooking or cleaning, or the idea I need to get a job, and to stand up to myself.  I probably just wanted this nice cozy lifestyle probably based on having a girlfriend and whatnot, or I don't know, maybe being this rapper guy or Hannah Montana.

The first week of college was the idea I was on my own and I had to make decisions and to face responsibility.  Or this was the idea that was going through high school - I had to make decision, face responsibility, and to stand up for myself.

There is a childhood and there is an adulthood, and the idea that I was getting older and more mature did not phase me.

There are some good things about not being a kid again - you have a lot more freedom than being a child and you are respected a lot more, but it seems like the innocence and simplicity goes away when I am getting older.  Or maybe I should bring the innocence and simplicity of childhood on an adult level.   I should start thinking about things in simpler terms like a child - I seem to enjoy life for the way it is when I was younger and everything gets more complex and abstract when I get older.  I think I should simplify things - everything has it's process and it's purpose.

There are some simple things about life - the idea that you work to get money and to have something to do.  A function and the idea you love someone - Love and work.  That makes a lot of things simple.

There might no be much change when you are in high school - high school seems so complex compared to the real world.  The social rules of being cool, the clique system, and a world controlled by the administration, and if you don't follow the rules of the administration, you get punished. There are so many different types of people.  But when you enter the real world - everything has it's function.  You have food, entertainment, banking, housing, religion, education, recreation - you name it.  Everything has it's function.

I had learned a lot and I would of not blogged about this when I am done.  I have a very good education about human behavior and what makes them tick - I can understand a lot of things and they seem to make sense.  This college education is a great way to get me to understand the world so I can understand what is truly going on.

I had changed a lot from the last 3 years and I hope the next 3 years will be better.  I think I had mastered the idea that "I can do it" and I am ready to be on my own - just like accepting being a teen in high school.