It has been almost a month since the last time I seen my grandpa and it is starting to be like a different world. It has this different feeling of not being able to see my grandparents anymore and they won't be here to guide me. Memorial Day is one of these holidays that you honor the people that died before you and this year actually might of been a more depressing Memorial Days than others. This is when I don't have any grandparents - they have been all dead for a month and it has a different feeling.
It takes time for adjusting but it looks like it is time for me to grow up. There are lots of things to makes me venture off on my own and live my own life.
I am starting to feel awkward even sitting at home - everyone I know had went off in their own direction and I am starting to feel more and more left behind. Of course I am going to school but it is time for me to start my own life and be my own person, and it is hard to figure out what person I am going to be.
It looks like it has been a pretty lonely period in my life - I made new friends, but I didn't made new friends. It looks like I am getting stuck with a bunch of people I don't know and I don't want to know, and I want to be somewhere else. I have been having these roommates and their friends, and some of them are not the coolest. But at least I got rid of these roommates and I am going to make some progress. I have some fear about being this lonely person when I enter the "real world." I am trying to find out where I fit but I don't know where I fit. Lord please help me find where I fit and who I fit into. I like to fit into younger people, but I have the intellectual capacity to actually fit with older people. Relationships and friendships are very important to me because I am naturally a pretty social person.
I think I need to get the ball rolling. It looks like it is like a mass move - all the people I knew are gone and it feels like is a totally different world. A different life. It is hard to accept me moving on but hopefully things are going to be better.
I hope I find a good path and this path might be a good start. I don't know where I fit and who I am going to fit with - it looks like I am trying to redefine myself.
Maybe I should go back to the simplicity of childhood where I don't think about things. It looks like life has been a lot simpler as a child than an young adult - gasp - young adult like me. I am going through denial that I am getting older and I haven't really gone anywhere - but it looks like I had grown up a lot. It looks like I am not the same person as I was when I was even 16 or 18 - I had changed a lot.
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