The last year

This is not going to be my last year in life but it is going to be the last year of my college ages.  You never know, I am most likely going to be going back to college in the future and I am going to be going into non-traditional status, and I am most likely going to have a different attitude about college.  I always thought the non-traditional adult students were "not cool" and in the way, but actually they might be the louder and more fun people in college than the "traditional" college students who are worried about fitting in and partying, and not serious about going there.

But it looks like my time in college is starting to wind down and it looks like I am starting to look back in the past, close the book, and try to move forward.  It took a while, but it looks like I am starting to get with the "core" of the problem of why many things in my life are getting screwed up and not getting all the things I want.

I had made progress but I had not made progress. My personality has changed a lot and I had stayed the same.  I am naturally starting to be more intelligent and more mature; of course after about 4-5 years of college, you are going to be more intelligent and mature, and I am going to start to become ready to take on the world.

This year is going to be the nitty gritty, finally the meat and potatoes for college and finally going to learn something for a career.  I had not become career minded since career means I have to grow up, but I do want to grow up in some ways.  I must be this guy that wants a girlfriend and all the cool growing up things without going through the meat and potatoes of growing up - I want the easy way out. Now I am starting to realize I need to start getting to the core - I am 22 years old and it is time to get moving.

Relationships and dating interest me; it is about time and it was something I valued I high school but I never seem to have a girlfriend.  I can't seem to figure out why but I think it might be just not growing up and taking responsibility.  There is a lot of responsibility with dating and relationships, and I think I need to become a more grown up man, and not some whiny kid that hasn't grown past 14. It takes a while to face responsibility and it might be the things that are keeping me from getting girls.  I have to dress decent, act decent - simply grow up.  I could be sentimental and sometimes want to go back to my childhood but I think it is about time for me to get my act together.  Women are more than a sex object and I know that.

There are girls all over the place and it looks like I don't have the confidence to ask any of them out.  Maybe I don't have the time and I am not sure if they are taken or not.  A lot of girls are taken and I do have this fear of rejection.  But I am starting to take some important steps to actually being on the road to getting girls.  It looks like the girls and the relationships might be something that motivate me to grow up, and I like to get good girls; not the ugly girls.

I think I might actually have some hope some day and Lord I hope I get some hope.  I don't want to be this dud loser guy that can't get any girls - I want to be a different person and there are many opportunities but it looks like I never take them.