I had finally looked at myself in the mirror - okay, I am a nice looking guy but I am sort of a "boring guy". I think I have been sitting in front of the internet too much and looking up too much
"weird stuff", and wrinkling up my nose to what your typical male usually likes. I am almost 22 years old and I have interests in things such as news and politics, which could be accessed of the internet, and music, which could be accessed off the internet. I have been spending way too much time on the internet looking at stuff that is too weird.
The internet is an interesting place - you can look at lots of stuff but I need to start "manning up" a little bit. Come on! There is a world that is outside of me than this little box. I got the Hulu and the Netflix, which is more structured internet entertainment, but I think I need to start having a hobby that is not completely involved a computer.
Of course, we are in a technological society but I have been using this web as a social crutch or might be a crutch in general. I got started at a computer at a very critical age - age 10 I started to have a computer at home, where generally a lot of guys start getting interested in other things such as hunting, fishing, motorcycles, cars, etc. I had turned into this computer geek and there are a lot of guys that are computer geeks, but it looks like it is causing me to have a hard time getting a girlfriend.
I have been told I am more of a deep thinker and philosophical - I am just simply a person that is using the internet as an extension of my brain. I should start looking up something more normal like "cars" and "motorcycles", sports, that most guys like. Politics is a good start but I should start getting a balance.
I think it is not too late to start - I got a whole new world to get exposed to. Even cars and motorcycles are starting to become more technology friendly now, and a lot of my computer geek stuff can be used with cars and motorcycles. Cars are like the male fashion items and I am interested into fads and stuff, and maybe something I should get interested in. There is a world out there and I should get started.
This is a no brainer but I think this might definitely increase my chances of finding a girlfriend - they will get me! What will a girl do on a date with me? Not sit around on the internet looking at boring YouTube videos on some jibbery jabbery - Netflix is a start but it is time to "get with the program."
I used Netflix and iTunes, and I shouldn't become a dorky gamer - maybe it is time to start getting a more conventional interest.
The internet is full of this stuff - YouTube is full of it. I should start browsing that than weird stuff.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
Why does it has to be?
Of course, I am a young guy and such, and I never had a girlfriend, and I am openly looking for a girlfriend, but why does it has to be this way? There is an obsession with sex and hooking up - this has been going on for a long time and I think people are starting to lose the real value of love and relationships.
Of course, sex could be fun, and I never had sex, but it is a wonderful experience. But there are many things with sex that could cause problems such as STDs and unwanted babies. I don't want to be stuck raising a child. I am not ready for this and this is not going to be caused by a good night 9 months ago. We have condoms and such, but it is a hassle to deal with raising a child that you are stuck with and don't care about. The child is going to be neglected and abused; the child is not loved and a lot of problems happen that way. There is more to sex than a pleasurable experience - babies could be made and I am not ready for BABIES yet.
People don't seem to get that sex is all about creating new life - it is the transformation of genes and for some reason it is supposed to be a pleasurable experience. Sex is a big money maker, especially in the movie and music industry, and a few other industries, and it is glamorized out of proportion along with food. Food and sex could be wonderful things - they are biological functions but there are some major consequences - life changing.
I am a virgin and of course I probably have a bad reputation because of this. Really, it is not in the long run. I have some sense.
Then I value something more - I don't want to screw and dump, I want to actually get to know a girl as a HUMAN BEING, not an object. I want to get to know a girl as a person.
Every guy has the urge and even the most cleanest, religious moral guys have the urge, but this energy should be used with other things and with the right person. I don't want to screw around with some random slob - I have standards and I am picky for a reason. I don't just like ANYONE - I rather have a quality relationship than just a sexual screw and go encounter.
Of course, sex could be fun, and I never had sex, but it is a wonderful experience. But there are many things with sex that could cause problems such as STDs and unwanted babies. I don't want to be stuck raising a child. I am not ready for this and this is not going to be caused by a good night 9 months ago. We have condoms and such, but it is a hassle to deal with raising a child that you are stuck with and don't care about. The child is going to be neglected and abused; the child is not loved and a lot of problems happen that way. There is more to sex than a pleasurable experience - babies could be made and I am not ready for BABIES yet.
People don't seem to get that sex is all about creating new life - it is the transformation of genes and for some reason it is supposed to be a pleasurable experience. Sex is a big money maker, especially in the movie and music industry, and a few other industries, and it is glamorized out of proportion along with food. Food and sex could be wonderful things - they are biological functions but there are some major consequences - life changing.
I am a virgin and of course I probably have a bad reputation because of this. Really, it is not in the long run. I have some sense.
Then I value something more - I don't want to screw and dump, I want to actually get to know a girl as a HUMAN BEING, not an object. I want to get to know a girl as a person.
Every guy has the urge and even the most cleanest, religious moral guys have the urge, but this energy should be used with other things and with the right person. I don't want to screw around with some random slob - I have standards and I am picky for a reason. I don't just like ANYONE - I rather have a quality relationship than just a sexual screw and go encounter.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
My grandpa is going and a new era is going to begin
My grandpa, right now as I speak, is in his deathbed and he is almost ready to pass on to see the Lord. He has been sick for the last few weeks and he has been in intense pain and depression. It started out as a broken hip then it turned into a spell of pneumonia and then eventually he is going to die. I heard lately he is starting to go through the stages of death and he is starting to pass through another world. I don't know where he is going but Lord I hope he is going to be just fine.
I remember grandpa a lot and I had grew up with him - there was a lot of times with him and now it is time for me to move on. He taught me many things, such as the value of responsibility. We used to do little "projects" such as fill the humidifier along with till the garden, etc. He used to take me for rides on the tractor when I was a little kid and he plumped me in front of the TV for an afternoon lineup of shows such as Sesame Street.
I used to stay over night with him and he used to tell me stories, and then in the morning, we had bacon and eggs, in his own special way, that tasted very good. I learned his recipe and then I added my own little twist to it. A lot of my childhood was spent seeing grandpa and a lot of memories were with him.
Grandpa was the guy who gave me "the talk" when I was in 7th grade. I wanted to know what was "rape" and he told me it was a horrible thing, and that eventually lead to "the talk." He explained to me that I needed to keep my pants zipped in order to stay out of trouble and it was the simplest I had it - no explanations or questions.
He had helped me go through the tough times in elementary and high school, and he had gave me a good talk of wisdom when I needed the wisdom. It was a little tougher than my other grandparents, where I was more spoiled and let me do whatever I want to do. They were more modern and on the stick than the older grandparents, but the traditional things and the traditional stories that my grandparents had will stay.
Now he is going to leave and he had lived a long and good life - he has done it all and my life hasn't really begun again. Now I am in the stage of education and I got my first job as a Walmart employee, and he was very happy about that. I was about to have him go to Walmart but I guess this is never going to happen.
It looks like I have a long life ahead of me and God knows what is going to happen. But I am pretty sure I want to start a family and have my own kids, but I don't really know who I am going to start a family with. Eventually I am going to be able to find a girl for me - there is probably someone that will eat me out of my hand and it looks like I never found that person.
OK I am eventually going to be free of grandparents and that means another era is done, and another era is going to begin.
I remember grandpa a lot and I had grew up with him - there was a lot of times with him and now it is time for me to move on. He taught me many things, such as the value of responsibility. We used to do little "projects" such as fill the humidifier along with till the garden, etc. He used to take me for rides on the tractor when I was a little kid and he plumped me in front of the TV for an afternoon lineup of shows such as Sesame Street.
I used to stay over night with him and he used to tell me stories, and then in the morning, we had bacon and eggs, in his own special way, that tasted very good. I learned his recipe and then I added my own little twist to it. A lot of my childhood was spent seeing grandpa and a lot of memories were with him.
Grandpa was the guy who gave me "the talk" when I was in 7th grade. I wanted to know what was "rape" and he told me it was a horrible thing, and that eventually lead to "the talk." He explained to me that I needed to keep my pants zipped in order to stay out of trouble and it was the simplest I had it - no explanations or questions.
He had helped me go through the tough times in elementary and high school, and he had gave me a good talk of wisdom when I needed the wisdom. It was a little tougher than my other grandparents, where I was more spoiled and let me do whatever I want to do. They were more modern and on the stick than the older grandparents, but the traditional things and the traditional stories that my grandparents had will stay.
Now he is going to leave and he had lived a long and good life - he has done it all and my life hasn't really begun again. Now I am in the stage of education and I got my first job as a Walmart employee, and he was very happy about that. I was about to have him go to Walmart but I guess this is never going to happen.
It looks like I have a long life ahead of me and God knows what is going to happen. But I am pretty sure I want to start a family and have my own kids, but I don't really know who I am going to start a family with. Eventually I am going to be able to find a girl for me - there is probably someone that will eat me out of my hand and it looks like I never found that person.
OK I am eventually going to be free of grandparents and that means another era is done, and another era is going to begin.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
A different life is coming towards me
It looks like there is a different life is starting to emerge - it seems like I am starting to enter a new chapter in my life and another chapter is starting to close. After about a month, I'll be done with my courses with CLC and I'll only have about a year left of Scholastica to complete, then I will transition and venture out in the real world.
When I first entered college, I had a totally different path and a totally different plan in mind. I wanted to go in the graphic design program and I thought it would be fun to fool around with Photoshop all day and get paid for it. But I needed some background in the technology field and I was taking classes in computers - it wasn't bad but I was fratting my way through it - I was more interested in the liberal arts subjects I had to take such as the communication classes and audio recording, which shows me that I am a different person.
The last 3 years was a creation of a totally different person and I am starting to become this different person. I never expected myself to be this way about 3-4 years ago - I was some guy that didn't really seem to care about money or anything like that, and wanted a job just for fun. I know I wanted to start a family and have children, but I was walking around with my head up my butt. I wasn't really thinking far into the future and I was having some obscure ideas of what I was going to be in the future, and I never thought about the path that I was going in.
The first glimpse of the path I was going into roots about the 9th-10th grade - I was interested in stores and shopping at that time, but lots of teenagers like it, but I was interested in how things were marketed, such as how MTV and Disney are marketing their TV shows. Over the summer months, I had a interest in target markets and I seem to have a sense of what type of person likes this thing and what type of person likes that things. I am always trying to predict fads and trends in music, TV, etc.
There are the first signs of this person in the high school ages but it was a very fuzzy image. This image usually comes out during the quiet times of summer vacation of when I have nothing to do.
I had taken psychology classes in college - a lot of psychology and it seems like I have an interest in human behavior. I especially started getting interested in human behavior when I had been exposed to roommates and I want to understand what makes them tick. I was also going through tumultuous times myself especially in high school and college, and psychology was used on myself. It looks like things are starting to become more and more narrowed down, and I had developed into this totally different person.
Okay, it looks like there was a major time of change but the next thing is to develop the new person that I had changed into. For about the last 3 years, there was a transition from this old persona to the new persona and it looks like it was a lonely time, but in the next few years, this persona is starting to blossom and there is going to be a new me.
I was probably not the same guy as I was in 8th grade and I am definitely not the same guy when I was in the 4th grade, but I can see roots of the same guy as I was in elementary school, but it is starting to develop into a person that I am now.
Maybe this guy might not be bad - I am a lot more traditional than I was in high school - of course, maybe I was always deep down pretty conservative but I was trying to "fit in" with the crowd. I was pretty traditional with things such as you don't do drugs, I rather date than hook up, and I am sucking on to teen idols. I was living sort of a 1950s style high school by going to McDonalds, hanging out at the library, and going to school dances and sporting events - I was pretty conformist for the first part in high school and wanted to go with the jones. But I haven't really completed the package - I was mixing this 1950s high school conformist fitting in kid with the prom and the whole bit but want to have the gangsta, street attitude. It doesn't work. I was too wussy to actually even say the F word and I never even touched a cigarette - it doesn't match up. But now I am trying to conform to the 1950s style lifestyle in college and I am getting stuck with these roommates that are like the "thug life" that I asked for in high school. Maybe I realized that the 1950s path will work out good.
Now I am starting to realize - deep down I want the cleaner, 1950, 1980s 1990s path and I might as well fit the package. I probably want the simple lifestyle of having a family and raising kids, and I would like to find a girl that will go along with my traditional values. Of course, it was hard to stick to this attitude because I was trying to act cool but there were times where I didn't really act like a phony and I will be fitting in just fine.
I think I am developing into this person that I was sneering at in high school or I was always that way. Maybe it is time to let this personality, this identity all out and someone will find me. I am starting to get with the program and I am most likely going to fit in just
I fine.
I think it is time to show it instead of just rambling ideas - I know what I want but it looks like I am not acting the part. Maybe it is time to start acting to part and see what happens.
When I first entered college, I had a totally different path and a totally different plan in mind. I wanted to go in the graphic design program and I thought it would be fun to fool around with Photoshop all day and get paid for it. But I needed some background in the technology field and I was taking classes in computers - it wasn't bad but I was fratting my way through it - I was more interested in the liberal arts subjects I had to take such as the communication classes and audio recording, which shows me that I am a different person.
The last 3 years was a creation of a totally different person and I am starting to become this different person. I never expected myself to be this way about 3-4 years ago - I was some guy that didn't really seem to care about money or anything like that, and wanted a job just for fun. I know I wanted to start a family and have children, but I was walking around with my head up my butt. I wasn't really thinking far into the future and I was having some obscure ideas of what I was going to be in the future, and I never thought about the path that I was going in.
The first glimpse of the path I was going into roots about the 9th-10th grade - I was interested in stores and shopping at that time, but lots of teenagers like it, but I was interested in how things were marketed, such as how MTV and Disney are marketing their TV shows. Over the summer months, I had a interest in target markets and I seem to have a sense of what type of person likes this thing and what type of person likes that things. I am always trying to predict fads and trends in music, TV, etc.
There are the first signs of this person in the high school ages but it was a very fuzzy image. This image usually comes out during the quiet times of summer vacation of when I have nothing to do.
I had taken psychology classes in college - a lot of psychology and it seems like I have an interest in human behavior. I especially started getting interested in human behavior when I had been exposed to roommates and I want to understand what makes them tick. I was also going through tumultuous times myself especially in high school and college, and psychology was used on myself. It looks like things are starting to become more and more narrowed down, and I had developed into this totally different person.
Okay, it looks like there was a major time of change but the next thing is to develop the new person that I had changed into. For about the last 3 years, there was a transition from this old persona to the new persona and it looks like it was a lonely time, but in the next few years, this persona is starting to blossom and there is going to be a new me.
I was probably not the same guy as I was in 8th grade and I am definitely not the same guy when I was in the 4th grade, but I can see roots of the same guy as I was in elementary school, but it is starting to develop into a person that I am now.
Maybe this guy might not be bad - I am a lot more traditional than I was in high school - of course, maybe I was always deep down pretty conservative but I was trying to "fit in" with the crowd. I was pretty traditional with things such as you don't do drugs, I rather date than hook up, and I am sucking on to teen idols. I was living sort of a 1950s style high school by going to McDonalds, hanging out at the library, and going to school dances and sporting events - I was pretty conformist for the first part in high school and wanted to go with the jones. But I haven't really completed the package - I was mixing this 1950s high school conformist fitting in kid with the prom and the whole bit but want to have the gangsta, street attitude. It doesn't work. I was too wussy to actually even say the F word and I never even touched a cigarette - it doesn't match up. But now I am trying to conform to the 1950s style lifestyle in college and I am getting stuck with these roommates that are like the "thug life" that I asked for in high school. Maybe I realized that the 1950s path will work out good.
Now I am starting to realize - deep down I want the cleaner, 1950, 1980s 1990s path and I might as well fit the package. I probably want the simple lifestyle of having a family and raising kids, and I would like to find a girl that will go along with my traditional values. Of course, it was hard to stick to this attitude because I was trying to act cool but there were times where I didn't really act like a phony and I will be fitting in just fine.
I think I am developing into this person that I was sneering at in high school or I was always that way. Maybe it is time to let this personality, this identity all out and someone will find me. I am starting to get with the program and I am most likely going to fit in just
I fine.
I think it is time to show it instead of just rambling ideas - I know what I want but it looks like I am not acting the part. Maybe it is time to start acting to part and see what happens.
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